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(Gravy_Xtreme_5000) · (02-17-2023)

We fade into the grimey living quarters of Micheal Graves and Darren Dangerous. The sounds of a socket wrench making its final turns.

"IT'S FINISHED"; Exclaims Darren Dangerous!

We follow Gravy as she rushes to marvel at Darren's invention, but Gravy found the sight of his creation to be most unimpressive. "Uh..." Made almost entirely out of scrap pallet wood and spare electrical components pulled from a few red ringed X-Box 360's and other partially broken video game consoles. Gravy rocked the machine with her palm to check the build quality. This thing was barely held together by bent nails and all of the tiny screws from those 360's.

"What the fuck is that supposed to be!?!"

"You wanted a way to guarantee that you made it past Noah. This is that way, you stupid

!"

"HEY! We can't say that F-word anymore! Use a less offensive term like, fucker, or asshole, or cunt!"

"Hold up a damn minute! What do you mean, we can't say

anymore!? This is a free fucking country! I can say whatever I want!"

"Yeah, but we got the FFC and shit crawling up our asses, so we can't say certain words. I don't get it!"

"You don't get it!? Who says I can't call you a

? Is it Lane!? I need to tell him how

that is!"

The live, real time, audible *BEEEEEEP* sends Darren into a tirade! "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!"

"Yeah man, it's odd. Like, HGH can say "Jewboy" a thousand times on air and nobody bats an eyelash. Noah Cunt is named after the most offensive word that you can say to a lady in the states... AND that goes double for someone who is Cunt challenged, such as myself!"

"This whole Sweet Sixteen bullshit ain't going to serve as nothing more than a fucking reminder that my fucking civil liberties are trampled on the daily both in my speech and in my identity, and the entire time, I'm going to have to listen to that silly call me cunt a hundred times over while shitting all over every WELL KNOWN and FULLY DOCUMENTED fuck up in my career and try and use that shit as some sort of Ninja smoke screen to fuck with my head before that bell even rings. Problem is, I know my history, but that shit ain't dictating my future. Maybe the tallest tell the Devil ever told, was that Gravy couldn't remain focused!"

Gravy's voice sounding like Sarah Lacklan there for a second was eye poppingly shocking! "What the Hell!?"

"How'd you do that with your voice!?"

"The fuck if I know! Fucking weird though, right? Too bad Sar lost her focus and got dumped first round! Ouch, gotta hurt! Question: Does that mean that you FINALLY lost the Uni? Is Raion NOW got the Uni? Where does this leave Mr. Snake Oil and his illegitimate play-play Uni!?! WHO CARES!?! The only thing that matters about you now, is just how shit you are at predicting outcomes. Noah Cunt is about to be smothered in Gravy"

"IT'S SO FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT I CAN'T CALL YOU A FA-""CALL ME QUEEN!" Gravy says as she censors Darren with a stiff jab to the nose! "Cause THAT'S what I'm going to be! Now, about this shit you built!"

Gravy continues to inspect the machine.

"What's this thing supposed to do, anyway?"

Darren wipes the blood from his nose and licks it off of the back of his hand.

"Well, you said that you didn't know shit about Noah, so I figured the best way to help you overcome that, would be to transfer your consciousness into someone who would know EVERYTHING about Noah!"

Gravy looks away from the machine and towards Darren in disbelief. "Hold up! This pile of trash is supposed to Freaky Friday me with the "Forever Teen" Valenteen?

"Yeah, of course! Who else!? Vita and Noah dated, right?"

"Yeah, I seem to recall that."

"Well, who else is gonna know more about him than her?"

"Fuzz?"

"Fuzz kicked him to the curb years ago! Besides, that

was, at best, a deadbeat dad, and a worst a self absorbed black hole for love. Meaning: He wouldn't be able to tell us shit about Noah Jackson!"

Gravy seemed mighty confused! "Who!?"

And Darren sighed at her stupidity.

DARREN SIGHED AT HER STUPIDITY!!!

"Noah Cunt... My point is this; The obsessive girlfriend will know far more than the dismissive daddy!"

Gravy has never known love, not true love, but she has grown quite smitten with that sweet mistress known as obsession.

"Okay! Fire this baby up and let's do some body-hopping!"

"Noah Cunt! The Stone Cold killer that squished Little Miss Myst's royal aspirations last week. Too bad about her X-treme slip up on Anarchy. I sure would have loved to collect a fancy new belt to go along with that crown that's going to sit atop my fucking head! Yeah, Noah! Yeah, you heard me right! That crown is as good as mine! Why? I don't know! What would push a woman to achieve more than she ever has before? Can you answer that question, Mr. Cunt? Nah, you can't, cause despite all the big boasting over how hard you supposedly work on the house circuit, the fact of the matter is YOU AIN'T DO SHIT AROUND HERE IN YEARS, you stupid cunt!"

"XWF, where the action never slows down! So long as you're only looking to get your wrestling fix once every two weeks, that is! You can't even live up to THAT! Don't give me that bullshit about working your way back into the company either! Lane locked me in a closet for YEARS! Everytime I escaped, he threw me right back in! You wanna talk oppression!? Look at 99% of my career! I was never given a fair shake! Even in my return, my first TWO championship opportunities were spoiled by members of the management team. Specifically, the at the time Savage and Warfare GM's! They don't like me, and that's just fine, cause I ain't like any of them either! Do I moan? Fuck no! Gravy ain't got time to cry. Seriously! Time's money, and I ain't got none! So either I waste mine on bitching everytime I get dicked down by the upper floors, or I take that shit like a woman and turn it back around on whatever unfortunate soul happens to be across from when when I've had e-fucking-nuff!"

"I can't say I ain't been given the opportunity. Two Uni shots and even a go at the Tags with Barn-O! Me standing here without some fashionable bling around my waist? That just be what it be. Can't change it. Can use it though, and let me tell you; watching those tag team titles slip through our fingers at Snow Job was probably about the moment where old Gravy finally decided that she'd had enough!"

"I don't usually care if I let myself down. Look at me, I've spent the last couple of years chillin with the hobos in California. It was fun! Fresh air! Plenty of vitamin D! All the half ate Cali cruzine you could dig out of the dumpsters! Life sucked, but I endured. Just like I have endured every effort to fire me! Every effort to tuck me into some Z-grade shitshow of a brand and keep me out of sight out of mind! Every attempt to drive me away, to break my spirit, to make it crystal fucking clear that I'm only BARELY tolerated around here, not DEFINITELY NOT wanted! I've endured it all, and once upon a time, I thought that the fact that I had faced and endured all of the adversity that I had, meant that the Heaven's were going to open up and shine a glorious light onto me as angels proclaimed; "Gravy, for all that you have suffered, this is your reward"!

"Then I realised that Mark Flynn ain't nothing but a two-bit con man selling a batch of snake oil that ain't good for nothin' but making you blow your own head out of your asshole!"

"Ain't shit coming for free, but it is coming. That crown, I want it bad, but it ain't even for the reasons any of you might suspect. The reason I'm gunning so hard for that crown is because for the first time in a very long time, maybe Gravy actually has something to prove, and when I do and the crown of XWF sits firmly atop my sexy crown! My first decree as Queen will be to force a rematch between the two bitches that won the Tag Team Championships and the two Xtreme Icons that got fucked because, fucking surprise; Dolly Waters couldn't handle her shit atop that ladder!

"So, go on Noah Cunt, rag on my accomplishments, or lack there of all you want. Tell me how the XWF World title is a relic that's all but forgotten. Tell me how all of my championship runs were short, pointless, and quickly forgotten. Tell me how any team I've been a part of has carried me to any success I've achieved. Please..."

Gravy pauses to snack on a doggie biscuit with a sly grin. The moist crumbles escaping from the gaps in her teeth and powdering her lips and blouse. It's not the most tasty of snacks, but nothing a little Jack can't wash down. Wiping her lips, Gravy continues; "Please Noah, use your gift of gab to give me the motivation I need to reach up deep into your asshole and find the tiny fucking insignificant little prick piloting your dumbass, and stomp'em into the mat like the annoying little fucking pest that he... er.. YOU are!"

Gravy takes another swig of the good stuff with a lip smacking "ahhhh"!

"Because here's the truth, neither of us are worth a fuck as far as consistency. You and I, we suffer from the same disease. When we're good, we can be great, but on a typical Tuesday, we're bored, uninterested, and usually distracted. Bored because you ain't been doing jack shit. Uninterested because your chicken ass didn't want to get ran down again, and distracted because that Sick Cunt ego means that you actually think that you accomplished something by knocking Jenny and her copyright infringing portrayal of my act that ain't no damned act. I did more by breaking "The Hammer" before round one even began! Adversity is only half the key Noah Cunt! What Mark Flynn neglected to share with the class is, that for the adversity to do it's job, you first must have your fill of animosity! Well, my tanks fucking overflowing, so now, I gotta smash you! It sucks, because you ARRRE kinda cute!"

At that very moment, the camera cuts to Barney Green who is off preparing for his big tag team match with Calypso!

"That motherfucker said she was a lesbian!"

Back to Gravy!

"But I'm an Xtreme wrestler, and Xtreme wrestlers... Well, we smash things, but if you're up to it, post match, we could smash in an entirely different sense of the word."

Gravy mimics a phone to his ear and mouths "call me" before turning back to Darren.

"Goddamn, you're slow! Is this fucking thing about ready yet!?"

"Chill the fuck out, asshole!" Darren finishes installing the final heatsink with it's new "Penny spacer". "VOLLA!"

Gravy smiles as she rubs her palms together. "Excellent! All of Noah's deepest secrets and darkest fears will soon be mine to exploit!"

Darren connects all sorts of wires and shit to Gravy before flipping a switch. The flip results in shit tons of electricity being sent through Graves body!

Fade on her pain.

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