"WE WERE ROBBED AT SNOW JOB!"

We join Gravy midway through dying his... oops! HER hair, as evidenced by the purple goop leaking out of the plastic Food-Lion bag that's tied around her head. 

Spread out across the FIVE-STAR HOTEL BEDS; Gravy and Barney's strung out luggage. 

"By who?" Asks Barney.

"How the fuck do I know!?" Gravy snaps.

"Good point! So, what did they take?"

"They took our Goddamned championships!" Gravy exclaims as cartoon tears streams like waterfalls from her eyes!

"We didn't win at Snow Job. How could someone steal what we do not have?"

GRAVY WITH THAT SIDE EYE!!!

"The fuck you on, Barn!? I'm talking about our XWF WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS! You know, the ones we brought along with us so that we could celebrate as dual former World Champions and now forever Tag Team Champions, remember!?!" Desperate shrugs and eyebrows high; Gravy awaits a reply.

"Oh. Yeah. I do remember. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that exact thing!"

Puzzled Gravy remains as such!

"You did!?"

"INDEED!" Barney says with a sly grin. "I was thinking that the only thing that we really had in common was those championships. Now, with them gone, I really see no point in us continuing this little Xtreme Xperiment of ours, is there?"

I suppose this is the part were the action finally does slow down in the XWF so that we can take a moment to fully analyze the scene before us and what it means for our heroine, Gravy! See, unless you live under a rock or hate garbage wrestling, then you'd obviously realize that something is off with Barney. His speech, his mannerisms, his undying devotion to the people that he calls friend. It all seems to be missing in this cold and heartless moment. To most, this would be a HUGE red flag that something were amiss, but Gravy being the self centered and ultra conceited sociopath that she is, maybe doesn't have close enough of a connection with The Green Machine to fully grasp the many tells.

So, it just hurts her feels!

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, END THE EXPERIMENT!?!"

"I mean The Xtreme Alliance is over! No more Green Gravy! Now hit the road, jack-off!"

Gravy can't believe it! She's in tears and looking soft as fuck! In the midst of this mental breakdown, she goes full Jenny and begins licking 9 volts as some sort of self electroshock therapy!

Goddamnit!



















SOME TIME LATER!



Dark, cold, rainy; these are among the adjectives that would be used to by a better script writer in order to describe the lonely city streets that a sopping wet and totally saddened to the core Micheal Graves now finds herself slowly plodding down, but it seems that the script writer for this promo thought it best to leave it at "Gravys walking down some wet ass raining streets. Oh, and she's freezing her feminine balls off too!" Well, that seems about right.

"Stupid fucking Barney! Tossing me to the side like yesterday's boot soup! The nerve of that guy! I almost told him I loved him! What a wash!"

It was in this moment that the spirit of Darren Dangerous appeared to Gravy.

"Micheal!? What in the fuck are you doing, dude!?"

"Darren!?" A stunned Gravy asks!

"Yeah, it's me! I died on the shitter, but EMTs are on the way to zap me and I did a fuckload of blow, so I don't have much time. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN!!!"

Gravy takes this VERY SERIOUSLY!

"OKAY! What's up!?!"

"You! What are you doing!?"

"Freezing my balls off! Didn't you hear the narrator!?"

"STOP GOOFING! THIS IS SERIOUS! YOU NEED TO FIND BARNEY!"

"WHA!?! Find Barney!? I know exactly where his ass is! He just disbanded the team!"

"I would say good, since I fucking hate your stupid ass, but this isn't about us! It's about Barn, and whoever that was that shut down Team X-Treme WASN'T him!"

Thinking cap Gravy is hard at work!

"A robot!?!"

"Evil clone, actually, but it doesn't matter! You need to find him and force him to take you to Barney. Otherwise Team Xtreme WILL be over!"

Oh noes!

"OH NOES!"

"Oh yeah, and one more thing! Someone named Penny called for you. Oh shit! They're zapping me back to life! Later Graves, ya faaaaaa"

Penny? I haven't heard that name in a minute!"

FLASHBACK

(08-30-2022, 12:50 PM)(Gravy_Xtreme_5000) Said: Gravy sits there for a long good while and contemplates Preesh's words. 


47 minutes later...


"Maybe he's right about the cat fishing..."


Gravy pulls out his burner phone and deletes his Tinder pic.





"Goodbye old friend..."


Before taking a new pic on the spot.





Gravy uploads the pic and spends some more time admiring his mug.


9 minutes later...


"Aw hell yeah! Preesh WAS right! This is a MUCH sexier showcasing of my more sensitive side! I'm sure to get all the bitches now!" (This man is 50)


Gravy begins swiping right on every girl that comes across his screen.


Oh wait, no wait, he didn't do what I just think he did, did he? 


Yep, Gravy swiped right on a hammer. 


Now why would there be a hammer on Tinder?

FLASHFORWARD!

To Gravy continuing to weather the storm as she dials back this Penny who called her.

"Micheal?"

"Hi, Penny. What's up?"

"I needed to warn you!"

"Warn me about what!?"

"Kris! He's snapped! He's gone completely off the deep end!"

"Slow down! Tell me what happened!"

"I... I don't know! I just know that I overheard him and Mastermind speaking. They're planning on doing something terrible to your friend Barney!"

"Darren's ghost just told me that Barney was in trouble!"

"He is, and it's up to you to save him!"

"Do you know where they're keeping him, by chance!?"

"I do not!"

Gravy stomps the streets! "Goddamnit! That just means more work on my part! I was hoping you knew! GOD! I REALLY didn't want to have to go tackle that fucking robot Barney!"

"Robot Barney? What are you talking about? We don't have robots!"

"Sure you do! Darren told me so!" *SIGH* "Okay, fuck it! That robot DID make me cry, so I guess I owe him a murderin! Penny! I swear, I don't know what possessed you to go back to that creep, but I'm glad that you did! You hang tight and keep your head down, okay?"

"Okay, but what are you going to do"

"Find out where they're keeping Barney, and get him back!"

Gravy disconnects without saying goodbye because she hasn't any manners. Good thing is, this isn't the time for good manners. 

A little while later.

Back at the FIVE STAR HOTEL!

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

"Barn! Open up! I forgot something!"

Through the door comes Barn's voice!

"Where and what? I'll pass it though!"

Gravy rolls her eyes. She needs in to take him out!

"Dude! It's my fucking penis pump!" Gravy pauses to observe the odd stares from a few passerbys.

"Fuck... Just let me in for 2 fucking minutes, Barn! Jesus Christ!"

Silence.

*SIGH*

Gravy rests her forehead against the door.

*CLICK*

The sound of a deadbolt disengaging!

"Okay, but in and out! I'm about to take a bubble bath with Sandy and Julian. I paid them lots of cash from my proceeds from Barn Coin. Did you know that Judge Jerry Springer found an obscure law that protected me from prosecution?"

Oh shit! It's becoming more and more like the real Barn! Gravy knows what she must do!

"DIE ROBOT!"

Gravy slashes and stabs wildly at the clone of Barney Green's stomach. Barn deflects as best he can, but his hands and arms suffer many wounds for the effort.

"Gravy, what are you doing!? I'm NOT a robot!"

"BULLSHIT!!!" Gravy exclaims 3x over as she slashes with her knife! "THE REAL BARNEY GREEN NEVER CALLS ME GRAVY!"

How was clone-o Barn-o to know?

"HE ONLY CALLS OUR TEAM GREEN GRAVY!"

Fake Barney is stunned by this truth nugget and Gravy uses the opening to poke him with his 3 inch blade 36 times, all in the belly!

As fake Barney Green lay on the floor coughing up blood and dying, Gravy takes a dominant position over him with the knife blade pressed against Barn's cock.

"Way I see it, your robot ass is running outta juice either way. the only question is, do you wanna die with your manhood intact or not?"

The clone of Barney Green pleads for his weiner in a whiney and broken combination of vocal sounds that in no way resemble actual words of any sort.

"Tell me where they took real people Barney! NOW!"

Gravy presses the tip of the knife through Barney's shorts, wicking blood into the polyester cotton blended khakis.

His words are broken at first, but with his cock on the line, not Barney Green finds a way... To whisper it.

Of course!

Make us wait for part 2!

Oh shit... Barney's dead...

And Gravy cut off his dick anyway. (and put it in her pocket)

"What?" He asks while breaking the fourth wall and staring directly into the camera. "I said I'd let him die with it. Not keep it!"

HAMMER TIME!?!

"Hey, Misfit Dipshits! Why'd you steal Barney!?!"

"Let me guess? Because YOU SUCK!?! Like really suck! Lead by a man whose only claim to fame in the last, what? Year? Two years? Who's keeping track? Seems that guy's on vacation too! Point is, when your superior is a guy whose only remarkable moment in recent memory is shitting the bed against a monkey man with a brain the size of a pebble, you're pretty much left being undeniably the least talented nincompoop in a sea of Misfits."

"Well, except for maybe "The Hunteress", God bless her fucking heart!"

There is a moment of fondness for Scarlet's illiterate ass, but it quickly passes without so much as a single crude comment about her body.

"Hammer! You stupid son of a bitch! I've already stabbed your stupid fucking robot to death! YEAH! You heard me right! That thing was so fucking lifelike! It MUST have cost millions! Ah, fuck! Inflation! BILLIONS! Well, as fucked as your little toy is right now, it ain't nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you once I get my hands on ya! you thought you were in for a world of pain when you drew my name? Ha! You idiots just took this from being about a crown to being about family! Worse yet, you fucked me up hard with that robo Barney dismantling the team! Fuck with my feelings and I fuck with your flesh!"

"Gravy's about to put your ass on another year plus hiatus! Try permanently when they find your ass at the bottom of Lake Houston! Or don't find it, I should say! Cause you'll be in pieces! And most of you will already be fish shit! Fish shit is still better than what you are now, you worthless, pretty faced, lame brained, tight assed, IDIOT!"

"Yeah, I called you idiot twice, because for a guy that claims to only speak up when he has something smart to say, you sure say a lot of stupid shit! Just look back at your promo work against Charlie! So fucking smug, you were! You're a wrestler, a REAL talent, and Charlie's just a burnout loser that can't hold onto his family. You had such a small fucking opinion of Charlie Nickles then, and hey, I agree. The guy stinks, but ain't not doubting the fact that you stink a whole hell of a lot worse!"

"Hey! Fuck that stat guy! I just did the work myself! It's been TWO AND A HALF YEARS since Charlie shoved your bullshit high opinion of yourself back down your throat! What have you done since to make you think you you stand a snowball's chance in hell at winning March Madness? You're still the same lame brained nincompoop sniveling up to Mastermind for whatever scraps he throws your way, which ain't much cause all that bitch has IS scraps and he can't even hold onto them!"

"Von Bon, I don't care if this was all your doing, or Masterminds master plan, or that Jimmy The Jerk fella who exist for some reason! Whoever made the call just spelt the end of all of ya!"

"Now, the way I figure it, y'all all dead either way. The only question is, do ya want to die with your manhood attached?"

"I double dog dare you to harm a single Goddamned hair on Barney Green's head and see what happens..."

The camera zooms out as Gravy, in a leather jacket and a skin tight pink dress that's far too short for this activity, starts and revs a Harley Davidson and blast down the dusty highway to save her friend, flay some dummies, and travel the golden fucking path toward royalty!