A quiet yellow house rests at the end of a cul-de-sac in sunny Steubenville, Ohio. A middle-aged brunette woman is pacing back and forth in front of the large living room window. A pair of doves fly onto the driveway and begin picking at leftover circus popcorn. We see the woman pause in front of the window and run her hands through her hair as a red hummer limo pulls up on the curb.

The driver’s door of the hummer opens and we see a relatively muscular man in a black suit and ski mask step out. The driver brushes off his suit before walking the length of the car and opening the back door. A puffy cloud of smoke rises from the car as the door is pulled open- then The Nickleman steps out, with Goldi and all. The peaceful doves fly away as soon as the world’s most vile saber-rattler steps onto the driveway. The woman in the window is becoming increasingly agitated as Charlie walks up to the door of her family home.

When Charlie gets to the front door he doesn’t knock, he simply opens it up and walks on in. When the front door shuts behind The Nickleman, the perspective of the camera switches completely. We see Charlie Nickles and his ex-wife, Connie, standing together in the middle of a normal suburban living room. There is a medium sized TV mounted to the wall with a small black coffee table and a slightly ripped-up leather loveseat sitting in front of it. The walls look to have been painted white decades ago, but years of cigarette smoke have given them a disgusting yellow tint.

Connie looks incredibly disturbed as Charlie approaches her with his arms wide open and his lips puckered for a hug and a kiss.

“No! Nu uh!”

Connie immediately takes a half-dozen steps back as she places her hands up in Charlie’s way. The Nickleman scowls at her before grabbing his Goldi and kissing her instead. Then, he ties his championship belt around his waist. While Charlie manhandles his Goldi Connie tries to hide her fear.

“You don’t need to do this, Charles. Please don’t do this.”

Charlie rolls his eyes in immediate annoyance at Connie’s weak protests. He expected her to do this.

”Shut the fuck up, trick. Our lawyers already figured all this out in court. You’re not even supposed to be talking to me right now, just go get my kids so we all can go on family vacation. “We all” being me, Goldi, and the kids of course!”

Charlie smirks like a douchebag as he rubs the championship belt shining brightly around his waist. Connie begins to sniffle and tear up. She touches the tips of her fingers to the corners of her eyes in an attempt to dry them.

“They aren’t even your lawyers, those are Oswald’s lawyers, you ASSHOLE! You can’t even afford child support, I know you didn’t pay those lawyers!”

“They’re BOB’s lawyers, bitch. The Brotherhood is making millions printing T-shirts with my face on them. I’m pretty sure we are going to make billions when they finally start making that vibrating dildo we molded after my cock! Those lawyers belong to every member of BOB, and shit, I’m probably paying more for them than anyone else!”

Connie crosses her arms and shakes her head while a few tears roll down her cheeks.

“Fuck you, Charles. Fuck you!”

”Oh I know you want too, you stupid little whore.”

Charlie winks at Connie before turning away from her and approaching the wooden staircase attached to the wall.

”But ever since my boy Thunder got his Knuckles all up in ya’, I haven’t been interested. If you want that classic sensation, though, I think we’re going to start selling the NICKLE-COCK dildo for $69.99 next month! You better save up those child support payments so you can afford it!”

Charlie waits at the bottom of the staircase, presumably for his children to come down.

“You haven’t paid child support since you were wrestling in that greasy fucking mask!”

Charlie turns back around to challenge Connie on her BS. He quickly strides back towards her while pointing a raised finger into her face.

”Fuck you trick, that wasn’t me! I’d never pay your dusty ass anything. Why would I give you child support when I can just support my children by taking them to Star Wars Land? You’ll probably just spend the money on your gigolos!”

“I would spend the money on Tyler’s hospital bills, you piece of shit! You know he can’t even go on vacation right now, why are you doing this?! Tyler has needed therapy for months, I’ve been trying to get him to see a therapist every week, but I can’t afford it all on my own, Charles!”

”Well then maybe you’re not fit to be a mother. Maybe I should tell my lawyers that you admit to being incapable of caring for my children. Maybe I shouldn’t bring Emily back here after our vacay…I mean, just look at what you did to Tyler. He hated you so much he supposedly tried to kill himself! The kids might be better off with me.”

Charlie said the words, but he didn’t really mean them- he just wanted to hurt his ex-wife. Charlie would never sacrifice his lifestyle as a pro wrestler to parent his kids. The Nickleman grinned from ear-to-ear as Connie’s composure completely left her. The woman had built up strong defenses to Charlie’s toxicity, but they seem to be falling all around her right now. Charlie turned back towards the staircase as Connie stared down at the carpet dejectedly.

”EMILY! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, WE’RE GOING TO STAR WARS LAND! IF YOU DON’T GET DOWN HERE I’LL LEAVE YOU BEHIND JUST LIKE TYLER!”

We hear the pitter-patter of little feet running across the upstairs flooring in response to the Nickleman’s yelling. Connie tries to hide her crying face and silence her sniffles as her young daughter comes darting down the stairs with a pink child sized duffel bag slung over her shoulder.

“I’m coming daddy, I’m coming! Don’t leave!”

A young girl with blonde hair, no more than 7 or 8 years of age, jumps off the staircase and onto the first-floor landing with a big smile and lots of excitement. She runs up to her dad and gives him a big hug. He only kind of returns the gesture, lazily wrapping one arm around her back.

“This is going to be the most fun I’ve ever had in my life!”

Charlie grinned as his daughter spoke the magic words. He immediately turned to look at his ex-wife, who was now reaching for a box of kleenex.

’Hear that, Connie? This is going to the best thing that’s ever happened to Emily.”

“Are Tyler and Mommy coming?”

Charlie laughs before dropping down onto one knee and looking into his daughter’s eyes.

”Oh no, honey, mommy and Tyler are staying here. Tyler is pretending to be sick, so he doesn’t get to go on vacation. If he wants to act sick, he can just stay in the hospital while we have fun!”

“But what about mommy?”

Emily looks over towards Connie, who is now blowing her nose into a third-consecutive tissue. The woman’s eyes are beet red, but honestly, she’s just thankful they haven’t been beat black and blue.

’Oh, your mommy isn’t coming either. You wouldn’t want her there anyways, she always ruins everything…like our marriage and our family.”

Charlie sideyes his ex-wife before looking back at Emily, who seems genuinely confused by all of this.

”Besides…you have a new, better mommy now.”

Charlie taps the golden plate of his championship belt exactly seven times before cracking a big smile. Connie can no longer contain her sobs, and begins breaking out in emotion. She covers her eyes as she runs up the stairs, fleeing from the living room entirely. Emily raises an eyebrow as her mother runs up the flight of stairs.

”Your new mommy is going to be coming with us, so there isn’t going to be any room for that fat pig! I mean, did you hear how much noise your old mom made going up those stairs? It sounded like a herd of elephants!”

“My…new….what?”

Charlie laughs as he shakes his head from side to side. He ruffles his daughter’s hair before grabbing the pink duffle bag from her and slinging it over his own shoulder. 

”Oh you’ll get used to it soon enough. Everyone else does.”

And with that The Nickleman just started walking towards the front door. As Charlie opened the door and stepped through it his daughter quickly tried to follow his trail.

“Wait up, dad! I have little legs!”

Emily barely squeezes through the door as Charlie closes it from the outside. While Charlie and his youngest daughter leave the house, the audience's perspective remains inside the living room for an almost uncomfortable amount of time. As the minutes pass by we can hear Connie sniffling from the upper floor. Then, we see her finally coming back down the staircase. As she gets closer to the camera we can see that her blouse is stained with tears and her makeup is completely ruined. Connie grabs the homephone and begins dialing some numbers. She holds the phone up to her ear as she continues to cry to herself.

“Al, this is Connie…..I-I-I…I need your help. He…he actually came and took her.”

Connie sounds defeated as she recounts the day’s events over the phone. She waits for the man on the other end of the line to quit speaking before she responds again.

“I-I….I am not sure you need to go that far, but if you have to….just do whatever it takes to get her back to me, please!”

The scene fades to black in the middle of Connie’s desperate call for help.






We fade into a shot of Charlie and his daughter walking around near a crowded luggage carousel. A large white sign hangs overhead reading ‘BAGGAGE CLAIM’. Charlie holds onto Emily’s hand as they push carelessly through the crowd, trying to get to the front of the carousel. After pushing enough people out of the way, Charlie and his daughter stand directly in front of the start of the carousel. All the travelers surrounding them stare at the father-daughter duo with derision, but Charlie doesn’t give a single fuck. He waits patiently with his daughter as the airport’s carousel pulls suitcase after briefcase after duffle bag out from the back. 

Emily starts prancing around in place with clear discomfort on her face. She looks up at her dad after they just pushed through the whole crowd to get to the front.

“Dad…I have to pee!”

Charlie sighs softly as he closes his eyes.

”I just asked you if you had to pee and you said no.”

“But I have to go now!”

Charlie makes an unintelligible sound that clearly signifies his annoyance before he looks down at Emily.

”But we just pushed through all these nice people to get our spot up here. If we leave now, they’ll probably steal our stuff out of retribution!”

“Buuttttt daaaaaaaadddddd…’

Charlie shakes his head from side to side as he groans loudly.

”I knew it was a mistake to let you drink five cartons of orange juice on the flight!”

Charlie sighs before looking straight through the camera. He gestures to the person behind it with one hand while still holding Emily’s hand with his other.

”Why don’t you make yourself useful and take her to the loo.”

A soft voice calls out from behind the camera.

“But Charlie, Vinnie told me to make sure the camera is always on you!”

”Well look here, I’ll handle all that shit. C’mere!”

Charlie lets go of his daughter’s hand as we see him grab the camera and pull it roughly.

“Hey, WAIT!”

It’s too late, the camera has clearly been stolen. A few seconds of random camera angles pass before we finally settle on a shot of a small asian woman in khaki pants and a black XWF polo. She appears to be very frustrated by her job. Then, we hear Charlie’s voice call out from behind the camera.

”If the camera stays on my shoulder, then the camera was on me the whole time! Now go take my little girl to the bathroom, she has to pee!”

Charlie herds his daughter towards the camerawoman, who is not yet ready to acquiesce to the champion’s demands.

“We still have to shoot your trash talk for Warfare!”

”Don’t worry, I can handle that! I’m like, a pro at this! Now c’mon, if you make my daughter piss her pants I’ll seriously fuck you up!”

The camerawoman rolls her eyes before begrudgingly reaching down and grabbing Emily’s hand. She looks at the camera with suspicion, but she relents and quickly walks off into the distance with Emily, looking for a bathroom.

Then we see the camera turn back towards the baggage claim. Sure enough, a pink duffle bag and a black tactical backpack quickly roll out onto the luggage carousel. We see a hand reach down and remove the pink bag. Given the angle of the camera you can make a pretty good guess that the duffle bag is slung over Charlie’s shoulder. Then, he reaches out and grabs the backpack before presumably throwing it around his back.

After getting the luggage Charlie begins to walk back through the crowd. The camera is filled with sour looks from annoyed travelers as The Nickleman forcefully pushes past people with a camera, a duffle bag, and a backpack. Then, the camera is filled with an old Irishman’s face.

“Gobshite! What the bollocks is wrong with you?!”

The old Irishman steps back from the camera and it’s clear his forehead has been cut open by the frame. A river of blood is flowing down the middle of his face. A smaller trickle of blood is running down the right side of the camera lens.

”Go back to England, bitch!”

The Irishman gets extremely offended at the remark and cocks back a punch, but the whole parade of youngin’s with him hold him back and try to calm him down as Charlie walks past with a cackle.

With a trickle of blood staining the lens of the camera, Charlie finally walks into open space and begins looking around for Emily and her escort. Charlie does a full 360 with the camera as he tries to ascertain his daughter’s location, but it’s to no avail. The camera moves up and down momentarily as Charlie shrugs. Then, his voice calls out from behind the camera.

”Whatever, women always take forever in the bathroom. Now see if I can find a good spot for the big spot…”

Charlie starts walking around the airport in search of the perfect backdrop for his self-styled shoot. The camera passes by a gift shop, a couple of airline kiosks, and a rental car agency.

”Nah, none of this is going to work. They like artsy fartsy shit nowadays, now lemme see….oh. Oh yes, that’s perfect.”

The camera is brought down towards the ground and all we can see is Charlie’s beat-up sneakers leaving a trail of mud and dirt along the airport’s linoleum flooring as he walks towards his ideal destination. 









Charlie Nickles stands in front of a woman’s restroom with his championship belt around his waist and a friendly smile across his face. He nods to the various women as they both enter and exit the restroom. None of the women seem to appreciate his presence, except for Goldi of course. Eventually Charlie Nickles taps the golden plate of his championship belt seven times before looking directly into the screen. The stain of blood is still visible on the right side of the camera lens.


The XWF has everything these days, it’s no wonder we’ve become the top federation in pro wrestling. We have THUGZ, we have Space Aliens, we have Super Dear-Os: we have everything you could ever fucking want from a wrestling promotion. Every wannabe wrestler from Ireland to Japan dreams of coming to this fed’ and losing to all-time greats like The Nickleman! And shit, we even have the best match stipulations in pro wrestling, so all these fuckers get to lose to me in the most creative ways possible!

I mean, a lumberjack match where one of the lumberjacks is IN THE RING? AND HE CAN BE PINNED?! Now that’s fucking innovative! I mean sure, at first I was curious why I didn’t have an actual opponent scheduled against me. When the card first got circulated around I was definitely confused, I mean I knew I could pin the lumberjack in the ring to win, but I wasn’t sure who was supposed to try and stop me! But then JB’s better half came around with a yellow sharpie and wrote some gibberish over the card, and I just knew right then and there he was writing Japanese script! He was trying to squeeze it in across from my name at the last minute, and we all know what that means!

A pair of older asian women walk out of the restroom just as Charlie Nickles delivers his clever script. It gives them both a telling wink as they come into the scene, but both women look at him with confusion, because they don’t speak english.

It means Raion Kido is just one week away from getting right back on that road to redemption. But I gotta ask: why did he ever get off it? What has this yellow belly actually accomplished since I brought his hype-train to a screeching halt? Beating up on Jenny Myst doesn’t make you a top dog: but if it did, every male employee at that clinic would have a greater claim than Raion!

Raion Kido is parading around on stolen valor. That boy has only been under contract for a few months, and already his best days are behind him. The Nickleman knocked that boy down a few pegs on Warfare AND on Savage, and he hasn’t done shit but tread water ever since.

Raion beat Centurion…before The Nickleman showed everyone how it’s done.

Raion beat Thaddeus…before The Nickleman clipped his wings right off.

And now?

Raion ain’t nothing but yesterday’s news, today’s sacrifice, and tomorrow’s memory.

A woman with a stroller approaches the restroom, but she stops in her tracks as soon as she sees our ranting and raving renegade. Her eyes go wide and she immediately turns the stroller around, because she wants nothing to do with any of this!

Raion Kido has been all bark and no bite ever since The Nickleman neutered him on live TV. He told the whole wide world he was going to KILL lil’ ol’ me. He told the whole wide world he was going to take my Goldi away. But when it came time to make good on his word, Raion Kido showed the whole wide world that he doesn’t have the balls to follow through.

If Raion Kido wants to run this shit back again he must be suicidal. I knocked his cap back once, I knocked his cap back twice, it won’t take shit for me to knock it back thrice. Is this lil’ pussycat intent on losing all 9 of his lives to The Nickleman or sumn’? But hey, I know that honor is a big thing across the pond- and what honor does Raion have left after I exposed him to be a complete fraud? That boy really might be suicidal, and he really might just want to die after all that embarassment the Bastards have put him through. But again, he just doesn’t have the balls to follow through. He can’t bring himself to walk into the Sea of Trees, so he’s hoping The Nickleman can do the job for him. THAT’S why he begged Johnny B-Ware for his last-minute addition to this lumberjack deathmatch.

Now now, I know what you’re all thinking. It doesn’t say ‘deathmatch’ on the card, but honestly, why does that matter? We’re having a lumberjack match, so you already know I’m bringing my hatchet out and burying it in Raion’s skull next Wednesday night! Any match can be turned into a deathmatch when The Nickleman is on the card, baby!

Raion Kido should know by now that Charlie Nickles ain’t a man you oughta fuck around with. In fact, I’m pretty sure he does know this! For fuck’s sake, I haven’t seen manes or tails of this little lion since I knocked his shit out. He’s been avoiding The Nickleman in the back, he’s stayed silent about my record-setting title reign ever since. Raion hasn’t even been tweeting about me! He’s been making sure he doesn’t do anything to draw my ire again. The absolute truth is that Raion Kido hasn’t DONE SHIT to the man he promised to ‘kill’, except AVOID HIM. What a fucking pussy!

Charlie shakes his head from side to side as he spits a big yellow loogie onto the floor. The woman pouring in and out of the bathroom all look at Nickles in disgust, but it’s unclear if it was his harsh language or coarse manners that offended them.

You know I’m starting to think Raion Kido isn’t suicidal after all. If he really wanted to die, all he ever had to do was step in front of me with a knife and try to make good on his word. All he ever had to do was walk the walk like he talked the talk, but he never tried it, not even once!

BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!

Charlie turns towards one of the random women trying to get out of the bathroom. He screams in her face, causing her to shriek and flee in terror. Charlie chuckles to himself before turning back to the camera and speaking with fake empathy.

Oh poor, poor Raion. The more I think about it the more I realize that this can is being set up for his final crushing. The boy came into this company hot-as-habanero, but I made him lose his footing and he hasn’t had that same spice since. All Bobby Bourbon had to do was follow my gameplan and it was curtains closed for Kido, again.

How many opportunities is Raion Kido expecting to be handed? How much goodwill does he think he’s curried with those fatcats booking the cards? They set that boy up to be their next big thing, their next money-making machine, and he kept falling flat on his ass over and over. The Bastards broke the booker’s new toy and now they’re trying to throw you away, kiddo.


Charlie shakes his head from side to side as he tries to grow a frown, but it’s no use, his devious grin cracks through the facade.

You never left that road to redemption, Raion, and you’re a fool to say otherwise. You’re still on that same destitute traiI I put you on, and if you weren’t, then you’d be on the path towards the Supercontinental championship. But you’re not. You’re walking into the slaughterhouse alongside Michael McChicken. I’m getting fed by the bookers, kiddo, and everyone knows I love sushi!

“Oh, I love sushi too, dad! Can we go get some sushi?!”

Emily bursts out of the bathroom and runs up to her dad before giving him a big fat hug. Right behind her is the XWF camerawoman, who looks annoyed as can be. While Emily runs to The Nickleman, the camerawoman walks off screen before a small hand and a white rag begins cleaning the blood off the lens.

Of course we can go eat some sushi, Emily. Who could stop us? But first, let’s make sure we make it to the Star Wars: Galactic Star Cruiser hotel before it gets too late.

Emily shrugs as she grabs Charlie’s hand.

“Okay, let’s go to Star Wars Land!”

Charlie looks down at Emily with a soft smile before the camera is clicked off.