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Centurion · (07-28-2021)

(He was flying over there to watch The Olympics.

With Thursday Anarchy behind him and a lengthy break from the UGWC upcoming, followed by the fact that he was not booked to participate in this year’s War Games pay per view, Centurion decided to take Ruby and fly over to Japan for a few days in order to witness the best athletes in the world participate. While the Games were closed to normal spectators, anyone with IOC credentials was allowed to attend, provided they followed the standard COVID-19 protocols. Centurion, with connections in many countries around the world, was easily able to obtain a set of credentials. Given that the place was on lockdown and access to Athlete Village is restricted, Centurion was looking forward to just enjoying a trip with the two of them, and no other distractions.

Of course, in today’s world, there’s no such thing as “enjoyment”. Everything is pain.

We open up in Tokyo at the Olympic Skatepark. Inside the “park” are several skateboarders in various uniforms for various countries testing out the ramps and poles before the competition is set to begin. Just outside, behind a metal barricade, are members of the press, as well as coaches, who are screaming various things at their athletes, though no one seems to listen. In the audience area itself, where the crowd would normally be, there are very few seats actually taken up. Other athletes and journalists sit, dotted around the area, all sort of split off into their own sections. Sitting a little further up, isolated on their own, are Centurion and Ruby. Centurion is wearing a Team USA shirt, but other than that, he isn’t wearing much in terms of “patriotic apparel”. By contrast, Ruby is wearing a Team Canada shirt, with a red hat with a maple leaf on it. She also has Team Canada pants, and is holding a Canadian flag out int front of her.)

Ruby: (In a low, growling voice) LET’S GOOOOO!!!!

(Not only does Ruby’s excitedness catch Centurion off guard, but it also catches the attention of some of the athletes, who glance up at her with confused looks on their faces.)

Centurion: You know, you turn into a whole different person when sports are involved.

Ruby: Of course! It’s fun to cheer for something.

(Centurion just kind of shrugs at that very simple, yet very illuminating, view into the human experience. Centurion turns back towards the park as Ruby waves her flag in front of her and the announcer kicks off the competition.)

Announcer: Allllllright, it’s now time to begin Heat 1! First up, representing Spain, Andrea Benitez!

Voice: Mr. Cortinovis?

(Before Centurion can get into the action, a voice calls out from behind him. He turns his head to see a Korean man, wearing official Olympic IOC badges and accreditations, standing over him. Centurion just sighs as he shakes his head.)

Centurion: Look, for the last time, we have credentials, alright? I am a member of the Hellenic Olympic Committee, and I’m getting pretty tired of constantly having to prove this.

Man: You are mistaken, Mr. Cortinovis. I am not here because of your credentials. I am here as a representative of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

(Centurion arches his eyebrows and mouths the words the Korean man just said.)

Centurion: Democratic People’s...you’re from North Korea?

Man: We prefer the name Democratic People’s Rep...

Centurion: (interrupting) What are you doing here? I thought you guys skipped the Olympics? Some bullshit about how North Korea doesn’t “have any COVID cases” and you didn’t want to “bring the disease back to the country”?

Man: I assure you, Mr. Cortinovis, that this is not “bullshit”. The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has not had a single case of COVID-19, thanks to our dear leader and the expert medical staff that assist him.

Centurion: Yes, of course, whatever. Still doesn’t answer my question. Why are you here?

Man: First, allow me to introduce myself. I am Chang Ung, Vice President Of The Dem...

(Centurion puts his hand up and stops Chang. He looks off to the side, as if he is recollecting something, before turning back to face the older Korean man.)

Centurion: Vice-Chairman of the DPRKOC. Sports administrator. Former president of the International Taekwon-Do Federation. You were essentially Kim Jong-il's sports minister in the late 90’s and early 2000’s.

(Chang smiles as he steps next to Centurion and sits down beside him. As all this is going on, Ruby continues to watch the skateboarding action, completely oblivious to the fascist sympathizer that has sat down next to her boyfriend.)

Chang: Glad to know my reputation extends beyond the peninsula.

Centurion: Your appointment as the chair of the ITF completely fractured the sport. Almost got it taken off the Olympic rota. You and I also attended the same dinner in Athens in 2004.

Chang: I was wondering if you remembered that or not.

Centurion: So, Kimmy sends his 80 year old, top sports advisor, to Japan during a pandemic, to attend a sporting event that the country isn’t involved in. I am DYING to hear what this is all about.

Ruby: YEAH CANADA!!!!

(Centurion and Chang break their conversation and glance over at Ruby, who is cheering on a Canadian skateboarder, who is about to begin her run. Ruby has completely forgotten that Centurion is even there, and has fully invested herself into what is happening inside the skate park. Centurion and Chang turn back to each other and continue their conversation.)

Chang: I am here for you. The Supreme Leader sent me to personally speak with you about something that might be of great interest to you.

Centurion: Oh, really? Tell the Supreme Leader I’m not interested, and he can kiss my ass.

Chang: Do not be so quick to dismiss me. I know your Western sensibilities won’t allow you to consider any offer made by a country that doesn’t bow to corporate masters, but you may want to hear this one out. It has to do with War Games.

(Centurion takes a deep breath as he sits back in his chair, somewhat more relaxed, willing to hear what the man is about to say.)

Centurion: Alright. Chat me up.

Chang: As you may know, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has a vested interest in the proceedings at War Games. One of our own has taken the reigns as captain for a team, and a victory would bring great honor to the country.

Centurion: Yes, because nothing says “honorable” like “North Korean War Criminal”.

Chang: That is only his English name. In Korea, we call him “Nodong-gyegeub-ui yongsaija oegug yowon-eulobuteo jogug-ui myeong-yeleul jikineun aegugja.”

(Centurion squints his eyes as he takes in the name. His previous marriage to a woman from South Korea gave him some working knowledge of the Korean language, and he uses that to help translate what Chang just said.)

Centurion: Warrior of the working class and a patriot who defended his country's reputation from foreign agents?

Chang: That is a rough translation, yes.

Centurion: Seems rather lengthy.

Chang: We have faith in our comrade that he can fight off the challenge of multiple wrestlers, including those he is facing next week; however, we do not have faith in the team that was assembled for him. Particularly, we do not believe the man known as Morbid Angel is trustworthy, and he may hinder the performance of our patriot.

Centurion: I don’t blame you. Morbid kinda sucks. But what does this have to do with me?

Chang: Dear Leader wants you to replace him.

(Centurion glares at Chang for a second before bursting into laughter.)

Centurion: Well, you tell Kimmy that while I appreciate the ass kissing, he needs to watch more wrestling. It doesn’t just work that way.

Chang: Despite what you may have read on the internet, the Supreme Leader is not stupid. We know a wrestler can not be replaced in the War Games match unless they are unable to wrestle, and I am telling you right now – Morbid Angel will be unable to wrestle.

(Centurion’s laughter turns serious very quick as he looks at Chang, knowing full well what he means. Still, Centurion shakes his head and resists.)

Centurion: Nope, sorry. Even if Morbid doesn’t make it, I refuse to work for dictators. Tell Kim he can ask me for my services once he steps down as leader and your country stops imprisoning and executing political dissidents.

(Chang sighs as he stands up from his seat and looks down at Centurion.)

Chang: That is a shame. I guess we will have to call Mr. DeSantis and ask him if he wishes to do the job for us.

Centurion: Woah, woah, woah!

(Centurion stands up and puts his hand out in front of Chang, stopping him from going anywhere.)

Centurion: Ok, hold on. I am not saying “yes” to this by any means...however, if I WERE, what would my next step be?

(Chang gives a wry smile as he pulls out a file folder from his jacket, where everyone seems to keep file folders because Distler assumes everyone is from a 1950’s noir film.)

Chang: Our patriot has already made contact with one of the members of the team. At the moment, the other member of the team is waiting to be picked up by Morbid Angel…except, Morbid Angel is not going to arrive. You are.

(Centurion glances down at the folder and opens it. Inside are a set of directions, some notes about North Korea War Criminal’s tag partners at War Games, and a picture of the teammate Centurion is supposed to pick up – the Universal Champion, Alias. Centurion closes the folder and looks back up at Chang.)

Centurion: He’s not going to be happy about this.

Chang: He will come around to the idea. He might find you to be a bit of an annoying worm, like we all do…

Centurion: Hey!

Chang: But he also knows you bring more to the table than his other potential teammate. Everyone knows that. Oh, and you will also need this.

(Chang reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small book, with the flag of North Korea on it, and hands it over to Centurion. Centurion looks it over before glancing back up at Chang.)

Centurion: What is this?

Chang: It’s a passport. After our comrade brings home the victory for the Republic at War Games, there is going to be a massive celebration in Pyongyang in his honor, and you’re going to be invited. You’ll want to be there, too. You will have never seen a celebration as grand as this will be. Welcome to the employ of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. The Supreme Leader thanks you for your contribution to a just and equitable society.

(Before Centurion can say anything else, Chang turns and walks away from him. Centurion glances back down at the passport he was given before he slides it into the file folder and tucks it underneath his arm. He walks back over to Ruby and sits back down. Ruby quickly glances over at Centurion.)

Ruby: Everything alright?

Centurion: Yeah…but I’m afraid this trip may be cut a little short.

------Calling Up The Reserves------

Well, well, well, what do we have here? All that talk about my career floundering, and how I’m no longer relevant in the XWF, and all the other bullshit you all come up with, and yet, the moment a wrestler mysteriously goes missing, who is getting the phone call?

That’s right, baby! The legend! The icon! The reigning Anarchy champion, and one of the best God damn wrestlers to ever lace up a pair of boots in this or any other professional wrestling company.

Of course, you’re not going to hear anyone, whether it be on my team or the opposing team, say that. Corey and Alias are way too proud, and they would never give me the slightest of compliments. And North Korean War Criminal, I’m not sure if he even speaks English, but I can tell just by looking at him that I don’t like him, and I’m sure he isn’t going to get along with a “capitalist pig” like me.

And as far as my opponents go? Yeah, good luck getting and of them to say anything positive about anyone other than themselves.

I actually shouldn’t say that, given Thad Duke is on that team, he is willing to at least compliment you…if you’re on his good side that particular week. If I was Duke’s teammate, he would find some decent things to say about me; however, I’m not, so he’s going to completely tear into me. That’s fine. Thad Duke isn’t going to say anything I haven’t already heard before…and that isn’t a reference to me being old. It’s a reference to the fact that Thad Duke hasn’t come up with a new insult in three years.

And Chris Chaos – sorry, “Corporate Chaos” – has become such an afterthought in this place that I legitimately didn’t know he had returned. Seriously, I saw his name on the card and I went “oh, Chaos decided to come back?” Turns out, he’s been back…for a little while now. And he’s aligned with Theo Pryce, which says more about Theo’s decision making than it does anything else. There’s going to be a lot of people calling me the “weak link” of my team, but I’ve beaten Chris Chaos every time I’ve gotten into the ring with him, so if I’m the weak link, what the hell does that make him?

It makes him the first eliminated, is what it makes him. And unfortunately for Thad and his team, they can’t just replace Chaos at this point, though maybe if they ask REAL nicely.

Of course, you can’t have a match with eight people in it without somehow including a member of BOB, though they’re definitely not sending their “best and brightest” into this contest. Sure, Andre Dixon is a tough son of a bitch, and he’s shown flashes, but he’s just not…talented.

Sure, he can take a few punches to the face. It’s impressive, no doubt. But he gets winded. He runs out of steam. And War Games is a long, grueling contest. There’s no way Dixon can go the distance. The dude is going to get gassed within 20 minutes. Luckily for him, Chaos isn’t going to last that long, so Dixon avoids the humiliation of being eliminated first.

Of course, I have to leave the biggest name for last. Dawk. King Doc. Doctor D’Ville. Big Dawktus Among Us. Perhaps the strangest member on the roster.

Since Doc has been back in the XWF, which has not been a very long time, he has undergone four different personality changes. He was a therapist. He was some kind of strange psycho killer. He was a king. He was…on fire? Or, like, some sort of fire monster? Fuck, I don’t know, I really haven’t paid attention that hard, but I do know it’s been really strange.

Strange or not, Doc is an absolute menace, and he’s so tough that anything short of blowing him up isn’t going to stop him in this match. And that’s a problem. Not because I don’t think me and my team can’t handle him, but because of the way this event is set up. The survivors of each team move on to the main event. The quicker you win a match, the better, and if we’re expelling energy trying to beat the unholy hell out of Doc, then we’re putting ourselves at a disadvantage for the main event.

Luckily, we have someone on our team that is known for beating the King Doctor Demon, and that is the Universal Champion, Alias. In fact, you can trace Doc’s fall from grace directly to one match – his X-Treme Title match against Alias. Until that point, Doc was unbeatable. He wasn’t seen as a King – He was seen as a GOD. No one could bring him down…until Alias did. And when that happened, all the shine and alure fell right off him.

I know there’s going to be a lot of people who say I can not beat Doc. In fact, they think Doc could kill me in the ring. Therefore…I’m not going to beat Doc. I don’t need to. I just need Alias to beat Doc. Work smarter, not harder. Every member of my team has something great to offer for this match. Alias is the Universal Champion, the top wrestler in the federation, and the man who has beaten back every challenge imaginable. Corey Smith is the next challenger to the belt, the young up and comer who has absolutely no fear, and who sees no one as his equal. North Korean War Criminal…he’s a wrestler, too. Everyone else is going to try to be a hero. I don’t need to be a hero. I need to be a support player, which is something I can absolutely do.

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