Location: Still at the Ryogoku Sumo Hall- Tokyo, Japan- Still 2018

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Previously on:

“The Can-Jap Connection is the Greatest Tag Team in the World, Freddy Fabulous is a pansy.”


We saw Mr. Fikki come in contact with an old friend, Billy B. Blankenship, to scout some new wrestling talent from the Japanese indy-circuits.


It was in Japan that Billy got his first look at Kyodai Monsuta, and Ricky Goldhart. Two up and coming wrestling phenoms. One, an undefeated Sumo prodigy, and another, one of the most gifted pure wrestlers flying under the radar.


Billy was hesitant at first, he knows first hand just how difficult team building can be, and all the sacrifices it takes to be successful. But if Fikki had been calling Billy all the way to Japan just to scout some singles talent, he would have walked away…


Anyone can be a star in singles wrestling, son.


Billy says sitting down next to Kyodai backstage after his grueling no-contest bout with Ricky. Mr. Fikki nods at his most prized sumo student who looks like he’s unsure whether to crush Billy or take him seriously. Billy continues to speak to Kyodai as Fikki translates:


In singles wrestling, you’ll only be as good as the product around you. The wrestling industry is over saturated giant egos, so when you accomplish something by yourself it’s just the same song and dance as the last jackoff who did it.


But as a team…


The door to the locker room swings open


Okay someone invited me here


In walks Ricky Goldhart, prompting Kyodai to stand and sweep up, his nostrils flaring.


Now hold up big boy, don’t get your mawashi in a wad!


He says putting a hand on Kyodai's chest, and looking back at Ricky.


You boys have perfect chemistry in the ring. I’ve never seen anything like it, the perfect foil to one another’s styles. If you two combine those strengths and join forces I give you my word: you’ll eventually become the greatest Tag Team Champions the world has ever seen.


Ricky and Kyodai stare one another down in silence,


...or… you can just spend the rest of your careers beating the shit out of one another like a couple of ego driven primadonnas and never accomplishing anything!


Ricky takes Billy’s words and simmers with them for a moment,


So I’m supposed to just team up with the person I could never defeat? I’m not a quitter! So what’s that supposed to say about Ricky Goldhart?


It says that you were smart enough to pull your head out of your ass and take control of your career. Do you want to be stuck in that mundane cycle of a singles competitor forever? Winning until you don’t, losing until you’re defeated and then trying all over again?


Boys, I’m telling you- that’s all the industry is today. Tag Team Wrestling is a dying art form, but you two… you two could be the catalysts to bring it back to a global audience. Ricky, you’re dedicated, a hard worker who knows the ins and outs of all the technicals and holds. Kyodai, you’re a quiet monster who unforgivably throttles any and everyone when the lights are turn on. The two of you together… unstoppable.


”Let’s say I hear this out and what you’re saying might be true? He and I have made a lot of money working all over Japan. If we tried to come together what can we expect at that pay window because money makes the world go around.


”You let me worry about that because from where I am sitting we are putting the proverbial horse before the race. The true question becomes can, or will the two of you coexist with each other in order to fulfill the potential that Mr. Fikki see’s in you both. He wouldn’t have brought me around the world just to see two random guys that “could” be something special- he brought me here to see two boys that ARE something special.”


Ricky glances over at Monsuta.


”What does he have to say about all of this?


”Monsuta is willing to give it a try if you are. The decision rests in your hands.”


Ricky, I'm telling you that this is a can’t miss opportunity when it comes to the two of you. Your speed, strength and technical abilities mixed with his monstrous power and viciousness we are going to be one of the strongest forces in Tag Team Wrestling since Eaton and Lee. Canada and Japan merging together in one collective notion the will blend your styles while making you more money than you ever thought possible. Take it from someone that knows a thing or two about tag team wrestling.


Billy takes several steps towards Monsuta where he extends his hand. The monster Monsutat steps forward looking Ricky in the eyes before he shakes his hand. Billy and Mr. Fikki look on as we see Billy nudge Mr. Fikki.


The Can-Jap Connection has just been born. These boys are going to do some things. Mark my words.”

---

Hi!


My name is Billy B. Blankenship and this verbal gutfucking you’re all about to witness is brought to in part by The Can-Jap Connection and the fine people at ‘I-FUCKING-TOLD-YA-SO!’


I told everyone in the XWF that I was bringing a Tag Team to their ranks that was going to leave the imposters of this division burying their heads in the sand like a bunch of featherless peacocks.


This is the challenge my boys were meant to face? The former number one contenders to XWF Tag Team gold? A couple of sun beaten leather saddles and a namby-pamby manager whose softer than the fake fur he struggles to wrap around the hotdogs on his neck.


The Shitstains - I can’t remember their stupid names at this point because theyve been too afraid to remind us of what a waste they are- they’re finished! Salted, seared, sautéed and served on a dinner plate to Ricky Goldhart and Kyodai Monsuta. It’s not gourmet by any means, boys, but let’s at least do our best to enjoy these Happy Meals like they were Mama's home-cooking.


Maybe talking about food will get Freddy’s attention, and give us all a big laugh when he decides to finally open that shit-slurping mouth. Do you know why Freddy has been silent? Because he already knows better! He knows his boys are beat! That’s why he was trying to sew derogatory and downright filthy slanders into the conversation around The Can-Jap Connection. Fuck your made up cancel culture! All you do is make it harder for a light to be shown on the real, topical injustices of today’s world. He knew his boys wouldn’t be able to man up in the ring, so he tried deflecting right away, only he hammered that tennis ball into the ground and watched it fly right back up and bust him in his stupid looking face.


The Shitstains aren’t a team, they’re a couple of useless corpses waiting for an undertaker, and Freddy Fabulous is looking like he has a keen fetish for necrophilia they way he’s fucking these two over. I must say, it’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever witnessed, and I’ve been to a Motley Crew concert.


At the end of the day, when the dust settles over Bethel Woods New York and all of these makeshift teams playing Whore Games have fucked one another so vigorously that they finally figure out what REAL teamwork looks like, they’ll all ge looking to The Can Jap Connection and knowing that there is a new day dawning in the Tag Team Division. The dawning of an era dominated by actual teams, instead of sensitive egos.


Thank you, Freddy.


Fuck you, Freddy.


Bye, Freddy.


We see Ricky Goldhart step into frame as he starts to speak.


I can’t say that I am surprised with the silence from The Shitstains because they know ole foo foo Freddy has written a couple of checks that their asses can’t cash. Dave Mustang and Johnny Steel serve about as much of a purpose in professional wrestling as Big Preesh considering if they disappear tomorrow they won’t be missed. These guys are walking around in leather pants under the delusion that the eighties are still a thing. We feel like this is nothing more than a waste of our time and energy especially when you shit stains can’t bother to open your mouths to promote this contest. Not that it would matter because you can only WOO yourselves for so long before it becomes about as as the two of you have made yourselves to be.”


Ricky smirks at Billy before shifting attention back towards the camera.


Why haven’t either of you amounted to anything more than a bottom feeding tag team within the ranks of the XWF? You both look better served as the poster boys for any Health Department, and when you step into that ring with us we are going to remind you that the bottom is exactly where you belong if you elect to remain in this business after we are done humiliating you at War Games. This is our debut and we are looking to make a statement on all fronts, you shit stains are in the wrong place at the wrong time against the wrong opponents.


What you ShitStains need to comprehend when it comes to dealing with my boys you are outmatched and out gunned from every possible perspective. Ricky Goldhart can wipe the mat with either of you at any time while Monsuta will squash you like a couple of cockroaches, which conveniently would do the world a goddamn favor. The Can-Jap Connection isn’t coming to War Games to pussy foot around; they are coming to destroy any and everything in their paths starting with the both of you. But if you’re still not convinced why don’t we have Kyodai and Fikki explain it one last time.


The camera zooms in on Kyodai’s face as Mr. Fikki translates his emperor-esque Japanese into English.





Look into these eyes Johnny and Dave. Stare deeply as you consider what the final moments of your pathetic careers will look like as human dumbbells for Kyodai Monsuta. Or perhaps he shall use the two of you as chopsticks as he gobbles up Freddy Fabulous like a steaming bowl of Ramen.


This was never going to be a contest that was in doubt. The moment Freddy signed your names to the dotted line to face against The CanJap Connection, your fates were sealed, while he tiptoed to the bank to cash in on your combined ignorance.


Look again at Kyodai!!!





尊敬!


[orange]RESPECT!


名誉!


HONOR!


チームワーク!


TEAMWORK!


Something The Shitstains know nothing about. Something that Kyodai and Ricky will put on display for the entire world at War Games. They will become an example of what the true power of comradery and skill combined can achieve as it breaks the wills of weak, sloppy men like The Shitstains.


Freddy Fabulous for the first time in his miserable life has done something smart. He’s kept his mouth shut from baseless attacks on these warriors. If he’s even smarter, he won’t even bring his team to War Games and save himself the humiliation of losing to a team he claimed never existed.


But we all know Freddy isn’t interested in actually helping Johnny and Dave. That bloodsucker won’t miss out on a payday, even if it means getting his clients severely injured.


Which is exactly what will happen at War Games.


Bye, bye, ShitStains!