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JimCaedus · (05-30-2021)

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CAEDUS REWIND: Back in March of 2019 Jim Caedus walked out on a victory, stabbed his APEX brothers in the back, attacked several employees before the eyes of both Vinnie Lane and Theo Pryce and quit the XWF. Now Jim finds himself (still back in 2019 for story's sake) in an asylum attempting to prove to the doctors, the boss men, his APEX brothers and the XWF Universe itself that he's not crazy...at least not in a bad way. In a fun way. Little does he know he has more of an obstacle than that to overcome: he's failed to recognize the once detrimental voice in his head has made a triumphant return...and if he fails to nip that problem in the bud once and for all, it will destroy everything he worked so hard to achieve not only in the XWF but his personal life as well. Will he do it? CAN he do it?

...Hello?

Get your face outta that tossed salad and answer me Corey, will he do it?

...

::sigh:: You're such a mopey bitch when we fight. Grow up.

(immediately continued from "Turn & Burn...Bridges")
---APRIL 2019---

[Image: gdLTsvl.jpg]

Good afternoon Mr. O'Connor. It's a pleasure to have you on our ward. I'm Nurse Ratched.

Fuck me!

I'm sorry, that was probably vague. What I meant to say was, let's fuck. 😁

Calm, confident, soft tone. I don't think James needs those restraints any longer.

Tha's whassup. We passed like 30 rooms on the way in and every one of 'em was vacant girl.

You sure about this Miss Ratched? Dr. Dunnem thought-

Speaking to Leon but staring at Jim.Mr. O'Connor understands that if he should prove himself a danger to myself, my staff or any of the other patients on this ward, he will not only be sedated and strapped to a bed but we'll have to look into more extreme methods to control him.

Winks and smiles slyly. I didn't hear a no. "Extreme methods" by the way, color me intrigued.

Leon does as he's told. Meanwhile, Nurse Ratched maintains the same slight smile(?) she's had since greeting Jim, never removing her gaze from his. Is it just me or is there some serious sexual tension goin' on here? She neither responds nor flinches.

Jim's leg restraints fall unlocked with a clink to the floor. Can you keep yo hands to yo'self or do you need to keep the 'jacket on bruh?

Mr. O'Connor will keep his hands to himself.

I am yours to command girl, I'm into it. Shaking his head, Leon moves on to the straitjacket. The pants first, let's not waste time.

Fucks wrong wichyou?

I've recently been through a traumatic event and it's made me horny as fuck.

Traumatic for who muthafucka, yo victims?

Laughs nervously but maintains the staring contest with Nurse Ratched. I didn't mean for that to happen, asshole, it was an accident. He was just jokin' girl. I-

Oh I know all about what happened James. I promise you, we'll get to the bottom of it.

Released from the straitjacket. Mmmhm. We'll get to the bottom of somethin', that's for sure.

To Leon. You may return to your duties. Leon hesitates before heading off elsewhere. Making her way out from the nurse's station, Nurse Ratched approaches a stretching and very happy, less confined Jim Caedus. When she reaches him-

I need a shower first cutie, a lady deserves a guy with proper hygiene. So which room do y-

-she backhands him with a closed fist.

Hard.

Harder somehow than the impact of Jim slamming into the wall some twenty-five feet away.

Taking time to recover on the floor. You hit like a girl. Spits a tooth out.

Slowly walking over as the other patients cower, her demeanor and tone of voice as calm and confident as ever, taking her time delivering her words. We have rules on this ward Mr. O'Connor. Rules you must follow. Break a rule...you are punished. Continue to break rules...we will break you. Jim painfully transitions from prone to a seated position, his back against the wall. I told you, we will get to the bottom of it all...and if you refuse to cooperate...you will never leave, I promise you that. Still with that smile. You, James, are here for the long, hard, road out of hell.

Jim wipes the blood running from the corner of his mouth. So that's a no on the fucking? ...But...I love you baby.

Ratched narrows her eyes.

---THREE MONTHS LATER, JULY 2019---

Ha ha haaaa, that's old Petey Pezwick's nards. Giddily plops his own balls onto the card table, short-dicking it 'cause he don't gaf.

Oh, 'ey!

Goofy laugh. Cock and balls. Cock and balls. Cock and balls.

Yuh sound like my wife at a high school swim meet, Appletini.

You didn't have to lose the pants on the first hand, Pezwick.

Shut up Fredrickson. Pezzy, swing that sac over tuh Nurse Pilbow, tell her take two and call yuh in the morning. Huh.

Okie dokie.

Across the activities room, standing beside the caged-off dorm area with Doc Brown, Jim turns away from the ensuing hijinks revolving around testicles. I wonder what Jenny Myst is up to.

Pay attention Jim. You're the one who's been pressuring me to devise a means of escape for the past three months.

Right Doc, sorry.

Far in the background. Nurse Pilbow? Would you by any chance care to take two and- Nurse Pilbow shrieks.

Now, let's go over the plan. Please excuse the absence of a model but my hands aren't what they used to be.

No worries Doc, I know you're a hundred.

No I mean my hands are cartoon buzzsaws now, have been since lunch. It's this damn schizo tick of mine. Scratches his back with a circular saw blade.

Pretty neat the transformations between you and Judge Doom can be single body parts. Gee I hope these references aren't super fuckin' obscure in ~~2021~~ 2019.

I'd be more worried this is all pure garbage.

Oh, easily. Anyway, you were saying somethin' about a plan?

As you know, my proven theories of time travel hinge on accelerating to 88 miles per hour with the proper equipment necessary to amass the 1.21 gigawatts required to achieve said time travel. Unfortunately we don't have my Delorean or any other form of locomotion other than the buses they bring in for day trips and even if we could gain access to those while on the grounds, the buses do not remain on the grounds after hours.

So...

So there is no plan. Zemeckis painted me into a corner; no vehicle, no time travel.

You cheeky ol' bastard...

Raising saw blade hands. Watch it Jim, they may be animated but they work.

Wait, wait, wait...Doc...does it have to be a vehicle? Or is the bottom line acceleration to 88 miles per hour with the "proper equipment" allowing for 1.21 gigawatts? Technically.

The second part about the bottom line. Technically.

Attempting to impress. Well then problem solved...the merry-go-round in the exercise yard. Just rig it up with the flux capacitor and whatnot and add harnesses. All we'd need to do from there is figure a way to tether the merry-go-round to a car or somethin' through the chain link fencing with like a bungee cord and then figure a way to FORCE the driver to speed up to 88 miles per hour! 😃 Huuuuuuuuuh??

To what question is that the answer Jim? How preposterously elaborate can we make our suicides? Have you any idea how many variables- oh fuck it, I'll say it, FLAWS -how many FLAWS there are in that equation that spell disaster?

::shrugs:: 14?

You truly are a stupid, stupid man Jim.

Proudly. Thaddeus Duke once tweeted that I was "The World's Most Lovable Idiot". We're pals y'see. One time he flew me around in a jet and made me vomit all over myself several times. Oh! And one time he joined my first cofounded stable Ax3 and helped it implode before he and my bottom bitch Chris Chaos basically ganged up on me to tryta take away my Uni title at High Stakes II! Hahahahahahahaaaaaa! ::affectionate exhale:: Ahhhhhhhhh, the good ol' days. ......What were we talking about again? Flipping through the script.

You were asking me to construct a spinning nuclear warhead and tie it to a speeding car.

Reading from the script without the acting or emoting. Don't worry Doc, I am the hero in this story. Nothing will go wrong that we won't survive, it is the law of entertainment and main characters. In an ongoing series. The audience will laugh, we will succeed, everybody's happy. Looks to just slightly above our POV. See, I don't like those lines. Why can't I just sum it up with "Hey Doc, Jim Caedus don't die" or "Shut the fuck up cocksucker and make my atomic top"? Yeah...yeah that's the ticket, I like those, I'll do those. Looks to Doc Brown. Hey Doc, Jim Caedus don't die. Now shut the fuck up cocksucker and make my atomic top!

Look, I will do as you ask if you can locate, purchase and have the parts and equipment I need to pull this off delivered.

Jesus Doc, how much that gonna run me?

Including the plutonium you're looking at roughly ten million black market, though I may be able to secure a lower dollar amount. I know a guy.

He's not Libyan is he? I really don't think they'll fall for that twice Doc. And anyway, I ain't got that kinda money.

Why not join the card game? Or better yet, challenge Pezwick to a one-on-one? He really is the heir to the Pez fortune you know...and a multi-millionaire besides. The patients and staff all dismiss his claims because he's in here, never taking the scant seconds required to Google the man during reading hour and find out. It will take months both ordering and trickling the parts and equipment into this hospital and assembling our time machine as fast as we can without arousing too much suspicion, so we need to get started. Pezwick is terrible at cards, he always ends up in his birthday suit. How long would it take you to clean him out Jim? A couple hours at most if you don't trick him into immediately going all in?

Nodding with a crafty grin. Iiii gotcha...Iiii gotcha... Heh heh heh... Jim rises and heads on over to the game in progress.

---SIX MINUTES LATER---

Well that didn't work! I owe Pezwick every last penny 'a the 22 mill in my bank accounts, my grow in Palmdale, the deed to my newly reconstructed house on Naples Island in Long Beach and the rights to my organs for postmortem harvesting, THANKS DOC!

I thought you "ain't got that kinda money"?

Well...I did but I didn't wanna spend my money. NOW what the fuck are we gonna do??

Why are you completely nude?

Oh, the crazy old fruit insisted we keep the strip rules. Y'know... I'm startin' to think Pezzy loses those games on purpose.

That's a distinct possibility, he's in here for fifty-three counts of indecent exposure. However I had no idea he was a card shark Jim, I do apologize. This puts us in quite the predicament.

You? Doc, Pezzy LITERALLY [b]owns my nuts now. Look at 'em. ...I said look at 'em dammit! You look 'em in the eye and tell 'em why daddys gotta surrender 'em to the Pezwick Estate!

Shielding his eyes with a cartoon saw blade hand. Would you mind covering up your enormous genitals?

Blushing. It isn't enormous, it's a modest above average 7 inches with 7 inch circumference.

Saw blade hands to ears. I don't want to hear any more, please!

Twisting hips quickly. ::fap fap fap fap fap:: Hey, the future Mrs. Caedus could be watchin', Doc. Plus the ladies don't get enough not gross male candy in movies, it's usually just stereotypical supermodel level lady T&A and if they're "lucky" some beat comedian pulls out 'is itty bitty punchline. Totally unfair. Well NO MORE, Doc! Jim steps up onto a chair, impassioned. I say it's time for a change! No longer should chicks have to act demure and proper if they don't wanna! No longer should they fear bein' labeled sluts simply because they possess the same healthy appetites as the men who hypocritically condemn them! This is America! A woman should be able to stare hungrily at a slab 'a man meat if so inclined, who the FUCK are we to judge? I'm payin' out reparations for centuries of injustice; from now on, until otherwise taken ('cause cheatin' ain't cool), Jim Caedus and the 7&7 are public domain. Let 'em look, let 'em embrace... Hmmm.

Eyes darting around the room nervously. Jim- JIM...STOP engorging! Erections are against the rules!

I can't help it, I was thinkin' about the embracin' then I started thinkin' 'a my XWF ex Tala Sugay! She legit wouldn't let me sleep, Doc! EVER!

I'll take care of this... He activates his right cartoon saw blade hand and swings across the shaft of Jim's stiff member. Sparks fly as the saw blade bounces off harmlessly.

HEY you fuckin' PSYCHO!! That won't work, I'm like adamantium bro! I have to be not turned on, it's mental!

What should I do you fool!?

Turn me off!

Nurse Ratched will quite literally snap that in half with her bare hands if she sees this!

Turn me OFF I said!

Tala Sugay is an anagram for TALAS A GUY! You may have had relations with a post-op!

It's not working!

Are you bisexual?

No, it's just I'm positive she was all woman and also it's still flattering otherwise! I'm a harmlessly endearing narcissist goddammit!!

You're an excruciatingly obnoxious hypersexual! Uh, Susan Boyle!

All seriousness, stepping down to the floor. Doc I'm ashamed of you, that was just mean. AND cliché. Don't cast me in that kinda light you shallow dick. Susan Boyle is a sweet sweet person and you of all people should know inner beauty and personality outshine whatever some may consider "unattractive". Hell, I'd fuck 'er if she was my wife. Love is love bro, that special connection makes anyone gorgeous.

Your erection is gone isn't it?

Yeah, 'cause all I could see in my mind's eye was Susan Boyle crying you cruel motherfucker. Since when is Doc Brown so heartless?

Nurse Ratched!

Yeah that's it! There ya go......shit, but now we're back to where we started. I'm so THIRSTY, it's been like four months! ...LORD I'd sell my soul for a long hard sweaty fuck right about now. Y'kno-

Nurse Ratched...

-inda long hard sweaty fuck where you kick it off with some stellar head for the lady, make her c-

Nurse Ratched. Jim. Jim.

-ide in gently and get 'er comfortable for a bit before speedin' up the rhythm to the pace she-

::COUGH COUGH COUGH::

-jackhammer gorilla-

::COUGH COUGH COUGH::

-out if you have to but DON'T TOUCH IT...then slide it back in and keep- URK!

Neither nudity nor erections are allowed on the ward James, Nurse Ratched speaks softly in his ear, her right hand around his throat...by which she lifts him into the air. He kicks his legs helplessly while attempting to pry himself free of her somehow iron grip. You are uncooperative, you refuse to participate in group therapy... For three months all you've been is a constant source of harassment for myself and the other nurses. You were warned James. I believe now is the time for more extreme measures. Turning, still not only impossibly holding Jim high but now walking with him as well, she heads for the security gate off the ward, speaking to a duo of orderlies in the process. You two bring along Mr. Pezwick.

By the time Jim and Pezzy (pants still around his ankles) have been escorted to their destination Jim's face is purple and he hangs nearly slack in Nurse Ratched's grip, his hands still futilely pulling at her fingers. She sets him down, gasping for air, upon a bench just outside an open doorway flanked by two large male nurses. The duo with Pezwick pull his pants up and force him down next to Jim then take their leave. Seconds later Pezwick drops his pants again and giggles. Mr. Pezwick first. He's had years to learn the rules...I'm afraid a neurological adjustment is in order.

Horrified look to Nurse Ratched before turning to Jim. Don't let 'em take me Jim! Don't let 'em take me! Yanking at Jim's arm.

::still coughing, gasping::

A second nurse directs the male nurses to pluck Pezwick from the bench, they do so, in tandem lifting him horizontally like a stack of lumber. Pezzy loops an arm around Jim's throat to anchor himself.

URK! Attempting to break the hold.

Help me Jim! Help me! Pleeeeeeeeease!! The nurses pull harder, Pezwick locks it in. Jim's face flushes dark purple as he's dragged across the bench and halfway over the side railing.

Running up. Shit! Pezzy, let 'im go! Grabs Jim's legs and pulls as hard as he can. Jim's arms start flailing wildly.

Jim! JIIIIM! Don't let 'em take me!

'Ey I need some help y'all! The two orderlies who escorted Pezwick dash up. For good measure (and simply because he was in the area sweeping) The Beef saunters up, pushes all three leg orderlies onto Jim's left and grabs his right. Aight, we ready?

Choked, hissing scream. Nooo!

All orderlies affirm vocally. Pull! They all comply. The Beef tilts back on his heels, putting all 500 plus pounds into it. Jim's eyes bug out, his tongue flops free and his face turns a lovely shade of blue. He's about to lose his head.

POP! Nurse Ratched pours herself a glass of wine.

I WON'T GO! I WON'T! I WON'T!

Another five orderlies run up brandishing their issue foot long purple rubber dildos and begin clubbing away at Pezwick's choking arm, bludgeoning Jim's head in the process.

Nurse Ratched drains her glass, tosses it, then downs the rest of the bottle while the beating continues. When she's finished she walks over and-

DINK!!

-clobbers Pezzy in the head with the empty. He relinquishes his hold on Jim who's flung backward and crashes to the floor with the leg team orderlies and The Beef. Team Dildo continues beating away at Pezwick held helplessly in the nurses' arms while everyone else recovers. Nurse Ratched takes a moment to scratch her pelvic region and enters the room.

Eventually Team Legs help Jim, still naked but boner successfully absent, back to the bench and lean him against the far side arm rest before departing. The Beef takes a seat opposite, Jim slides on his powdery smooth bare ass down the now 45° angled surface of the bench to inadvertently snuggle up into Beef's massive blubbery frame. Sup. He reaches behind his lower back and produces a pack of Juicy Fruit he wipes on Beef's clean white asylum jammie bottoms. Gum? Beef peers down at the offering and pulls a stick free with his left hand.

Fa'afetai.

E le afaina. ...Hey wait a minute... Did you just... Holds the pack out and offers a second stick of gum. Beef accepts, adding it to the stick in his left hand. He takes a bite.

Speaking through a mouthful. Ah...Juicy Fruit.

Astonished. Well, no, the gum is in your left hand, that's poop in your right. I'm assuming Pezzy shat during that traumatic debacle and for some reason your first thought was to wrap your fingers around it. Why you're eatin' it is a whole 'nother Shane

letter to Shit Fiend Monthly entirely but that's neither here nor there.. You can TALK Beef?? Beef nods and grins, quite literally of the shit eating variety.

::groaning::

Distracted, looks to Pezwick as Team Dildo departs and the duo of nurses pull Pezwick's pants back up. Boy, I hope Pezzy is gonna be ok. I SHOULDN'T, seein' as he now owns my entire life, but then...I'm not an arrogant, selfishly motivated scumbag operating beneath a nigh translucent veil of babyface and cordiality like some. Buzzing the camera with a knowing gaze.

Pezwick will be ok.

The orderly duo resume dragging Pezzy into the awaiting room-

Maybe not. Takes another bite of shit.

Mortified, staring at the closed door. What the FUCK!?

Chewing. At least the debt is off.

Jim looks to Nurse Ratched as she exits the room wiping her hands on a dark cloth and turns to him, smiling. What. The. FUCK!?

Show Mr. O'Connor his way in please gentlemen. The large male nurse duo spill out of the room into the hallway.

The hell they will! Jim leaps from the bench- Later bitches! -but finds himself dropping to the hard marble floor face first the moment Beef latches onto one of his ankles in mid-leap. Jim groans in pain and rolls onto his side to pin him with an angry glare. The FUCK Beef!?

Pops the last bite of shit into his mouth. Do you have any more gum? Licks his fingers. Jim kicks out of Beef's grip as the nurses yank him to his feet.

Now hold on a goddamn minute, let's discuss this like civilized people! What we have here is a misunderstanding; I lost my clothing fair and square in a card game, it wasn't my intention to wind up naked and...with...a boner...heh... But if someone would be so kind as to fetch me some clothes then I- URK! Nurse Ratched clamps her right hand around Jim's throat again. Jim's hands snap up to her hand and wrist, his eyes full of focused rage, and he struggles......managing to pry her fingers loose!

Nurse Ratched's eyes widen in shock. ENOUGH...with the FUCKING...URKING!

OOF!! She nails Jim in the breadbasket with a hard left blow and he doubles over, the nurses holding him up.

Is that more to your approval Mr. O'Connor? To the orderlies. Get him inside. Flexes and cracks the knuckles of her right hand as they obey.

Jim raises his head in time to see Pezwick's lifeless body being dumped down a hatch in the floor. Below, the hospital's service rancor roars with glee. Sounds like Dimples will enjoy his dinner. Kicks the hatch shut after she enters and closes the door.

Nervously. Does Dimples do dessert? Suddenly notices there are no less than 7 members of the hospital staff in attendance, not including the two male nurses forcing him onto the examination table in the center of the room.

While Jim is being belted down. Oh no Mr. O'Connor, that was what happens after years of failing to disprove nothing short of a lobotomy will change one's behavior. Unfortunately, Mr. Pezwick does not, nor do you, fit the criteria set by the board to approve the cost of surgery and we couldn't very well turn him loose on society or incur any further financial drain on his part. Fortunately for you, this is your first administrative punishment. You will find it much less severe.

Oh thank CHRIST!

I wouldn't.

A nurse scoops a glob of vaseline-like substance with a wooden tongue depressor. What's that?

Conductant, she replies as she passes the depressor near his head-

-and continues walking down to his thighs where she applies the conductant to either side of his sac. Whoa whoa WHOA!! What the HELL!? His further retorts are cut short as a mouth guard is jammed in between his teeth.

The orderlies in attendance suddenly step forward to further physically secure both Jim and his head in place as he attempts to struggle free of his bonds. Are we ready? The nurse retrieves a set of what Jim sees as odd looking little ear muffs and places each lobe to each lubed side of his unfortunate person. His eyes betray his terror. No nudity or erections on the ward Mr. O'Connor. To the man at the switch. Cook him.

*⚡***⚡***⚡***⚡***⚡***⚡***⚡*

A frown plastered across his face, Jim (now in hospital issues) makes his way slowly back over to Doc Brown.

I tried to warn you Jim.

This is bullshit.

Yes, I'm sure a sizzling crotch is quite uncomfortable.

As he waves away the smoke rising from the waistline of his loose fitting bottoms. What, the ball bake? Nah, that was fine, a lot more pleasant than I initially thought it would be. Warm and tingly. I'm referrin' to Nurse Ratched playin' hard to get, especially after seein' me naked- ME. I'm so cute. I mean sure, I can be obnoxious and incorrigible and lothario-istic- ...is that a word? Lothario-istic? Fuck it -but it's all in fun and I have a huge heart. In fact, I-D-K if ya know this Doc but as confident as I come off, I'm actually riddled with self doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

Glances down at Jim's crotch then back up to Jim. Are you?

Yeah, hi, my eyes are up HERE Doc. ......Of COURSE I am. Why wouldn't I be? Nurse Ratched keeps turning me down!

You're not cute enough. Your dick isn't big enough. No one will ever love you. No one cares how strong and sweet and loyal and loving you are. All they care about is the negative they see. Only I care, only I understand. I'm all you have.

No one will ever care about me Doc. I fuck up too much. I'm a fuck up. Just take what happened with me in the XWF for example.

There are a plethora of other fish in the sea Jim, don't get tangled up in your own net. And as far as the wrestling is concerned, I honestly have no idea what you're alluding to. Beyond your meltdown, which I'm sure in time will be understood and resolved, you're considered a big deal in the XWF.

Did you hear that? He doesn't think she likes you either. I told you.

See...I KNEW IT! No one will ever care about me! FUCK! How could she do this to me?? It isn't fair! I- Oh by the way... His rambling inexplicably forgotten, now unable to contain his sudden excitement. Pezwick was fed to the rancor. So we can access my money and get all that shit to build the time machine now!

Excellent news!

Right!? Gimme some!

Doc shoots up from his chair and the two slap five/buzzsaw followed by a manly chest bump and finalized with an overly excited-

-Point Blank headbutt. Doc drops unconscious.

Oh shit, I'm sorry Doc. Goddammit Jimmy... Jim gathers the nonagenarian up and carefully sits him back down.

::BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ::

Jim's attention shifts to the security door...and Nurse Ratched returning to the ward. She gives him a momentary glance and the slightest of rub-it-in smiles before turning her attention to Nurse Pilbow.

Did you see that? She just made a fool out of you in front of EVERYONE! Now everyone thinks you can be tamed! Everyone thinks you're a pussy! She gave you the ol' schoolboy!

Eyes narrowing. Challenge accepted. Oh it's like that, girl? No one learns Jim Caedus a lesson... Not life, not the courts, not Momma Caedus and for DAMN sure not fuckin' Phonics! I. Don't. Learn. Brimming with confidence, or is it insanity akin to the normal day to day thought process of Chaos, Jim makes his way across the ward to stand tall before Pilbow and Ratched, the latter of which with her back to him. Jim sensually, playfully, pulls at one tie-string, the knotted bow unraveling. His bottoms drop.

Pilbow gasps before looking down with wide eyes and a barely contained grin. Thanks babe, that's sweet 'a you.

Ratched turns slowly, avoiding looking down and meeting Jim's already present stare and smile with... Is that? ...It is; Nurse Ratched's upper lip curls in a faint snarl, her eyes burning with rage.

An emotional response.

Pilbow and the nearby patients scatter in fear.

Jim and Ratched's eyes remain fixed......

Silence......

Cue Ennio Morricone's iconic theme......

Cue tumbleweed......

Tumbles T. Weed: Shit crazy, gimme a place to hide!

Beef, entranced, slowly raises a particularly plump poop to his mouth in anticipation...

Ratched's right hand shoots out-

-Jim catches it at the wrist. Firmly.

ALL IN ATTENDANCE: GAAAASP

She immediately curls her left into his gut with the force of a-

-Jim catches her fist solidly with his right-

GAAAAAAAAAAASP

-then slams both arms together and twists to launch her.

ALL: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

::choking - coughing:: Beef hacks up the poo lodged in his windpipe and wishes he'd listened when Big Mammy Beef told him never to gasp with a mouthful of shit.

Ratched rolls in midair and lands on her feet, cratering the floor. Like lightning, not thunder 'cause thunder's lame, she rockets toward Jim like M. Fuckin' Bison.

Jim throws his arms up in an X, absorbing most of the impact which knocks him out of his issue slippers to cooly land on his feet and slide back in his socks a good two meters like Tom Fuckin' Cruise.

Cue the Bob Fuckin' Seger.

In one smooth maneuver, Jim presses down with his right foot on the toe of his left sock, lifts his left leg, pulls the sock free, grabs it with his toes and flings it.

It smacks Ratched horizontally in the face, covering her eyes.

ALL: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

::choking - coughing:: Beef hacks up the poo lodged in his windpipe and wishes he'd listened when Big Mammy Beef told him never to laugh with a mouthful of shit.

Ratched rips the sock from her face-

-just in time to receive a running Wrexus Plexus from Jim which sends her sailing back to CRASH into the wall some twenty-five feet away.

She kips up from the floor. How DARE you defy me! How dare you UPSTAGE me!

Puts his mitts up. Caedus, bitch.

Ratched suddenly vanishes, reappearing beside Jim.

What the F- URK!

Raising Jim by the throat. Sit DOWN. Be HUMBLE! Twisting, she throws and sends him spiraling like a football at the locked ward broom closet door. Jim shields his head the moment before smashing through it like a police battering ram and crashing unseen into the contents.

A tumbleweed rolls out.

Tumbles T. Weed: Hell with this, I'd be safer in the XWF with my cousin Bush and his buddies Taco, 90s VHS Tape and Bucket O' Squirrels! Or was it Barrel O' Squirrels...? Anyway, I sure hope they're all still there!

Ratched stomps on the tumbleweed and kicks it aside.

TUUUUUUMBLEEEEEEEEES!! Jim comes outta the closet, shakes the hand of some pretty boy he's never met before who whispers in his ear- I'm straight but good for you kid. ::sniff:: You smell like hack and burnt toast. -then childishly tantrum stomps his foot, T-1000 liquid morphs into Green Mile's Percy Wetmore and fucks off to smash someone's pet mouse 'cause he's a swollen prick who doesn't take losses well and the kinda guy who makes money on crush porn. Jim levels an intense gaze at Nurse Ratched. First Pezzy, now Tumbles. You'll pay for- She poofs in front of him. -that?

Authoritatively. I told you to sit down! She shoves Jim backward, steps inside and closes the door. Being broken, it floats back slightly ajar.

From inside the broom closet:

You are HOT when you're pissed!

::ENRAGED SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEAM::

The staccato notes of battle echo from the broom closet and throughout the ward.

CRASH!!

SLAM!!

BASH!!

GET OVER HERE!!

You're MINE now!

BANG!!

SMASH!!

CRUSH!!

The patients cautiously but curiously make their way over to the ajar door and peek in-

CRASH!!

Jim clumsily stumbles to the side, pantsless and holding Nurse Ratched, dress pulled up, legs wrapped around his back, in the throes of ~~passion~~ fuck.

--49 MINUTES LATER--

Hitting the last bit of a Marlboro Light with Nurse Ratched's lipstick around the filter. Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyep.

Jim, you don't smoke. Jim instantly begins hacking, the butt flying from his lips.

HACK HACK HACK- Percy Wetmore halts in mid-"I'm a tough motherfucker I swear" march-by and looks Jim dead in the eye. -HACK HACK HACK- Percy morphs back to the random pretty boy, raises his hands to his eyes and sobs, making his running exit stage ~~left~~ wept. -HACK---- ::gaaaasp::

Soooo, I guess this means you've finally won Nurse Ratched over.

Chuckles. Far from it Doc, that was a hate fuck. Guaranteed she still talks shit in public.

Well, at least you were able to get that out of your system Jim. Perhaps now we can focus on building our time machi- Clutches at his chest.

Doc?? Doc what's wrong??

Breaking into a sweat. I...don't know... Starts to turn translucent.

Oh no...no, not now. Why NOW!?

Disappearing. It...seems the timeline...is finally...correcting itself...

Doc NO! I NEED your HELP to get OUTTA here!!

I'm...sorry Jim... You're going to have...to help......yourself...

Doc fades from existence.

DOC!! DOC!! No, no, NO!! You false lead motherFUCKER!! Don't make me face up to my own shit!! Standing to scream to the heavens...or rather the water stain on the ceiling above him. DOOOOOOOC!!

**********************************

"Return Fire"

Music video for the Universe

Lyrics video for the opponents

What did I say Chaos?

Huh?

What the fuck did I say? What did I SPECIFICALLY tell you not to do? Didn't I tell you to keep that cum-summoning wang-washer welded shut? Didn't I? Didn't I tell you, and I quote:

"Not you Chaos. Don't even switch your fuckin' mic on."?

Why don't you ever listen? What in God's name is wrong with you? You KNOW what happens when you try to match wits with me young lady, yet you INSIST on remindin' the XWF Universe you're the frontrunnin'

on the roster.

I mean for Christsake Christopher, I title my promo Open Fire and you title yours Warning Shot? Are you logic dyslexic you assbackwards ball-drainin' dizzy dumb dame? Someone let's loose lead at your head and your first inclination is to fire a "Warning Shot"?

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Kids and roster members too new to know...it's my extreme pleasure to introduce you all to the chronically and iconically ironic Corporate "Chaos". Take a deep bow for the kids Chaos while I lift that skirt and plow that pussy like plantin' season.

Open Fire...Warning Shot.

I know we've always seen ~~eye to eye~~ cock to cunt and no matter how much time passes, you'll always be my ~~soul~~ hole mate...but that was perfection. You just couldn't help yourself, could you? It's like you do this shit on purpose and I swear to GOD you thought you were bein' hardcore and cool doin' it.

Well, you ain't cool Chaos. As hard as you try, you never have been, never will be. Your "punchlines" and "haymakers" are as hilariously limp as that Whopper-eatin' wop Sil you got "watchin' your back". A bodyguard by the way who's apparently been scared off as evidenced by his seemingly doin' what you failed to do in hearin' my words and deciding still breathin' is preferable to publicly chokin' on my keto friendly cock. And it don't matter if he decides to arrive fashionably late to the party like I essentially predicted RL Edgar would...he, again like RL, has solidified he doesn't have what it takes to get the job done when the bell rings.

Like you.

And I'll tell ya what wimp, I really don't even need the "Warning Shot" win (but I'll take it, it's only polite), it's simply the tip 'a the imbecilic iceberg bitch because as usual you left a substantial trail 'a deadcrumbs for me to follow, collect and cram down your throat. Like how you begin tryna criticize Caedus, claimin' I "desperately" try "to identify with the one subculture (I) think has low enough standards to accept (me)".

Chris, when will you stop projecting everything there is to know about yourself onto me with your textbook toxic twat's "psychological" "assault" 101? First off, if one of us plays to a subculture it'd be you playin' to the severely dwindling population 'a pissheads who praise failure and ludicrously keep placin' faith in a femme fuckup who refuses to learn 'er lesson. I'm the guy who came out to a moral majority standin' ovation last Warfare with what was supposed to be a Leap of Faith dry run. I mean w-t-f is wrong with you; completely spacing on the events of OUR last encounter 2 years ago is one thing but this shit JUST happened last week. You literally can't aptly retain the memory of anything other than how to superlatively self sabotage. And for the record, I don't try to identify, I do and say what I do and oftentimes it seems to translate well with the people. I guess you still don't grasp the fact that fans will buy tickets JUST to see a Caedus/Chaos conflict considering it guarantees I'll be hittin' you with a non-stop barrage 'a blisterin' ballistics and you'll be hungrily catchin' every colorful cap in the cornhole like suckin' up suppository slugs is your bread and butter...while you fire off a "WARNING SHOT".

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I was excited to see your name on the card until I realized that this wasn't gonna be like the good old days. This wasn't going to be Jim Caedus versus Chris Chaos like we all know and love.

First of all you weren't excited, no one believes that so S-T-F-U, and yes...yes, this is EXACTLY like the good ol' days of Caedus/Chaos we all know and love. For all intents and purposes it's a fuckin' rerun. Which is why you weren't excited and if you were, you're as into receiving-end abusive relationships as Ariel Dixon is.

"You see Jimbo, after all of this time, you haven't changed, you haven't adapted, you haven't transformed."

There's that self projection again. Chaos, you're so static you're the reason network TV retired the "end to the broadcast day" witching hour white noise. It wasn't the Amber Alert poltergeists, it was you. You do the same thing and get your ass whooped, I do the same thing and whoop your ass. See how that works? Despite my obvious embarkation on a course for change, realization, repair and regrowth in expository flashback- WOOPS -I'll say again what I said in the first round successfully predicting you'd say what you ended up sayin': when you stop offering up the exact same targets to aim at, I'll stop Robby Hooding arrows up that brown bullseye. Our entire outta ring and in-ring relationship is a gif 'a me Finishing You...and yet,

Y
O
U

S
T
I
L
L

R
E
F
U
S
E

T
O

C
H
A
N
G
E

and cease the insanity.

Insanity such as claimin' my career has been playin' second fiddle and sidekick to my brother Bob-O then further establishing you suffer from Alias level amnesia spittin' out when his career went cataclysmic I SCSA'd the fuck out. In fact, that "bomb drop" was the meat 'n potatoes 'a your tirade towards me, leaving me to wonder do you honestly ever:

A. Think
B. Research
C. Pay attention. To anything. Anything at all.

When Main was in Ax3 with me, I was Uni Champ and he and I were freebird Trips Champs. When he and I were in APEX together previously, we were freebird Tag Champs. The second fiddle/sidekick insult applies to Rob and I about as much as testicles apply to you unless they're mine and in your mouth.

You say second fiddle because what you can't fathom is friendship, Chaos, a concept you couldn't possibly grasp because you have no friends. You said it yourself, you alienate everyone around you. Case in point, I let you into Ax3, a heel stable, knowin' you, also a heel, were secretly plotting to destroy it from the inside out seein' as apparently you don't understand how alignments work. A bit of advice... Next time don't tell your secret plot to every member of the stable and think they won't immediately run and tell me. Which they did. It was hilarious. Dumbass. Despite all that, I let you in and gave you a chance to belong. You chose to "sabotage" Ax3 anyway so I kicked your clit to the moon at High Stakes II. You hate me so much Chaos but really the only person you should be hatin' is you. And why not? You're a miserable sack 'a shit that only ever sabotages himself.

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People don't love to hate you Chris, they just hate you.

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Oh and for the record, that bit about me leavin' when Main went Cataclysmic... I left before Cataclysm happened. You say my and Main's relationship soured because, paraphrasing here, Main got tired of me? I'd say it was more PRECISELY the moment I went from hospitalizing you to attacking him and Drew before quitting my job like an asshole. It isn't a secret either, it was broadcast for the world to see on March 13th, 20-fuckin'-19. You do realize that all happened on WARFARE and YOU WERE THERE right?

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You're legit incapable 'a conquering Caedus, Chaos; every last shot you take is as blank as every last shot from a pair 'a fixed nuts.

Yadda yadda Viking yadda yadda nothing to show for all your brute strength.

Nothin' but a tally sheet includin' the TV, Trios, Tag and Uni titles and the number 6 position on the XWF'S Top 50 OAT list. Brilliant deduction dipshit.

K
Y
S

Any further attention paid to you outside of the match, without potential justification, will be a waste of my time. You're straight up as fulla confusion, shit and misinformation as ever. You're broken.

Broken.

You will never learn what you need to defeat me. You will never change what you must to become CAPABLE of defeating me and because of those glaring FACTS, you will never be a match for me, let alone in the Leap of Faith.

This is YOUR "Warning Shot"..."Corporate" Chaos...tryta come between me and the true 24/7 'Case on Space Station X, I'll hit you with a Point Blank so stiff this time it won't just break your nose, it'll

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And speakin' 'a mind-blowin' shit...

Demos.

No words for me in your Round One? You call that raisin' the bar? To what, the top shelf in storage?

Awwwwwwww, what's wrong? Did my words in Open Fire hurt your widdle feelings so much you wanna save up all your big bad butthurt tantrum ammo on me? I bet you're not the only one... You sittin' there right now rubbin' your palms together, widdle weenie gettin' hard thinkin' how awesome it's gonna be when you spring some lame late limp-dickery on me?

L

O

L

Y'think a guy from the wild west "dark ages" of the XWF doesn't recognize the oh so slick spineless strategies you're playin' here? I really hope you're brainstormin' on your own bro 'cause if someone's coachin' you, that ain't a friend tellin' you to tango with me like the old days, that's a Loki settin' you up for a trickster's own amusement and definitely not in your favor Prick Foley.

I ain't the one. And I know what you're tryna pull you fuckin' coward.

If you are comin' up with this shit on your own, I'd like to ask why you're tryin' so hard to be the biggest

P
U
S
S
Y

I've ever seen in the XWF. What, shall I list alphabetically and spell it out?

F. Dimes & Nickles
U. Lost to Oswald
C. uck for Ariel, dumpin' a match then instantly transition into passive aggressive poutin' at 'er
K. illed your own momentum to bitch at Alias and Vinnie

Y. ou lost to Oswald, it deserves twice mentioned
O. h yeah, and the whole Rel - Atty - Rel debacle.
U. Don't have the 3 balls to face me like a real man with 2

All that other shit above the last shit's been covered- and this is the initial point I'm makin' on that last entry there -so I'll go ahead and move on to the fresh meat you provided... because every choice you make gives me more to relevantly target and wear you down mentally for the match.

Don't worry, I ain't gonna run outta shit to say to you ya clown cuck.

You think you're bein' clever ghostin' me directly but all you're doin' is tippin' me and everyone else off that you need to stoop to desperation maneuvers on Jimmy Caedus.

Pussy.

I mean, you can deny it all you want but that broadcast deadline bombing you uploaded sans Caedus slam pretty much speaks for itself. You're like a punkass teenager thinkin' he's gettin' over on his parents when really your mother and I are laughin' and poppa Caedus is coilin' up the belt for some skin breakin'. Of course afterwards I'll be ballin' momma into a leg-shakin' coma but that's just me reiteratin' who your daddy is Demos.

Or is your plan to ignore me completely? ...I don't think you're that foolish. You absolutely will not come outta that kinda misguided mind game with your head NOT torn free and kicked out to the nosebleeds or deep space for Uatu to make the reception and regale you 'til the end of time with tales of what happens when you sit shit out.

You knee-knockin' nutless fucktard, you take such umbrage with the way I war? Get fuckin' used to it; you and anyone else who has a problem with it, ya jealously judgmental petty bitches. This is how I do and it plays heavily into the reasons Big Bossman Lane hired me for the task at hand. Win or lose I take this shit seriously, to the nth degree, a level a curtainjerkin' jag-off like you will never understand. This ain't a hobby for me, this is my livelihood. You won't find me grab-assin' around in the back with the boys, you'll find me takin' care 'a business with my APEX brothers, talkin' strategy with like-minded lifers and properly preppin' for matches. I'm Calaway determined and dedicated. These harsh and incendiary diatribes I loose on you and all serve a psychological purpose I'd HOPED people like you heard me touch on with RL. I ain't tryna poke and play, I'm tryna negatively impact you mentally. And guess what?

Mission afuckin'ccomplished.

Your choice to avoid eye contact with me revealed I shook you up, Demos. Angry or not, you're also afraid 'a me...somethin' I capitalize on in and outta the ring and most assuredly will in the Leap of Faith whether you ignore me or otherwise. I'm not gonna back off nor will I cut you any slack, I'm gonna strike and rip your throat out with my teeth like an APEX predator is born to do.

"Raising the bar". I-D-G-A-F if it was tongue in cheek, you need to listen up.

Draw your attention to two hopefully permanent new additions to the XWFamily in Lycana and frequent 24/7 Freestyle Champion Marf. Marf is a perfect example of "It ain't how many times you drop, it's how many times you hop"...F-T-W B-T-W...and here 'e is facin' Them No Good Bastards who may very well be mutually sworn enemies of APEX but are staggeringly talented, skull-crackingly tough and indisputably proven as Tag Team Champions. Marf knows this. It doesn't shake him. He remains determined. Dedicated. And beside him, ready to pounce, the irrepressible beastmode lady Lycana who's pullin' DOUBLE DICK SNAPPIN' DUTY at Leap of Faith taggin' with Marf AND tanglin' with ALIAS of all fuckin' people for a shot at the same strap ol' Aley just retained against DOC of all fuckin' people and has been pimp slappin' you around over in the 24/7 Halls.

THAT, Demos, fuck sarcasm, is raisin' the bar.

You don't raise the bar, you raise laughter. And it ain't with you, as my long lost blood cousin Jimson (Hi Jimsooooooon! ❤ It's me, Caedus Jim! FUCK porpoises!) so effectively illustrated and is admittedly adept at. You're gonna learn the hard way; unless your name is "Corporate" Chaos, the best offense is a good OFFENSE when it comes to me.

Fuck playin' porpoise.

"Life is what happens while you're makin' plans for it".

And traction's what happens when you strat on me, while you make an ass outta the promotion that's done more for Caedus than you'll ever know- until later in this same video I mean, spoiler -and piss on everything those of us who strive for success here have done and do. Like Chaos, unless you provide any pertinent reason to address you further, I ain't wastin' anymore time on your worthless ass. I already own you like I own Chaos, you ain't distractin' or stoppin' me in the match.

But cross me in the Leap of Faith you smartass snowflake twitchy twat, I'll Purgatory Punch two more gimmick personalities into that head and you can start not winning as the Foley Five.

On the subject of not winning...

Keep them VERY Still Waters stagnant and that Waters flag flyin' Edgar. I fully expect you sooner or later to bring somethin' to the table, I just hope it ain't gonna be as insubstantial as the Lost Boys banquet in Hook. You know...before RL Peter started to believe.

On the subject of insubstantial...

The fuck Sil? You too? Not a dagos by that I don't regret puttin' some stock in you like I did with Demos initially. I'm sure Theo is delighted he hired two huge middle fingers aimed at the respect and effort a man in his position deserves from you and Corpse-dick Chaos. Whatever, makes my job easier in the match. Even if you too try the ultra "sneaky" Demos Bitchflop.

And Rel...I mean, aside 'a the strong theory you're gonna do exactly what Demos does considering you did exactly what Demos did, you were smart enough to pin that flubbery fuckstick you call a significant other...don't start sabotagin' yourself now. I've been polite and concise with you out of respect for chivalry (I am the white fuckin' knight afterall) but that ends before the match. It ends now. I'm not a mark. You experienced firsthand at Warfare what happens when someone like you tries to get over on someone like me with that attempt at a low blow. You're a cunt hair away from experiencing a whole helluva lot worse. You go right ahead and deliver the standard boilerplate basic beeetch barrage if so inclined. But get in my way in the Leap of Faith and the true 24/7 'Case, I'll have no choice but to backhand the foundation off your pretty little face.

And as long as we're spittin' on pretty little faces...

Oswald. Yeah fuck you Corey. As if you're paying close enough attention to notice that anyhow... Hack. And if you are, fuck you.

Oz, I've come to realize you're either a liar or you've suffered more than your fair share of the cruelties life can inflict, a subject on which I can relate but really, who among us can't? Everyone, mostly everyone anyway, has horror stories. What motivates me to say what I'm about to say to you isn't your past suffering, it's the product of said suffering...

You.

It's all too easy to succumb to darkness. It's the path of least resistance. Do you know what I see when I look at you Ozzy? It ain't darkness, I see a traumatized soul who got crushed and instead of givin' in, emerged with his heart intact. That's somethin' to be proud of, somethin' you should nurture, not have stifled in the Brotherhood of Baddies. They use you Ozzy and you know it...but in order to receive really the LEAST amount of "cordiality" and "respect" (fuck the quotes, they don't respect you Oz) from a pack 'a pricks who can't even allow you in the BoB Elite, you're forced to provide funding and join in on their foul festivities. You don't belong with them, Oswald. You don't need them. You're a man who simply wishes to be cared about. Loved. Respected. Look at the kindness you extended to Micheal Graves, allowin' him entrance into the bwo when no other would. You want a family Oswald. You ain't gonna find it in BoB but there are people out there ready and willing to accept a man like you and allow you to belong to somethin' more important.

You deserve it Oswald Septhis.

Unfortunately, for the time being we are competing in the Leap of Faith and you are still a member of my sworn enemies in BoB; so as much as I hope you take my words to heart, I'm afraid if you come between me and the true 24/7 Briefcase I'll respond with extreme prejudice and do whatever's necessary to remove you from my path.

Talkin' on responses...

Gee Corey, it seems you've alREADY been so negatively impacted that you've cranked it up to desperation mode in response to Dock and I havin' gone all-in on this match from the word go. Trololololol... I'm bettin' now you wish you'd done a bit more than dick around with that old-hat douchebag's default multi-opponent tarot gimmick complete with typically pretentious you-think-you-know-it-all rundown on the rest of us. Good God it's delightful to see you scramblin' like the slimy little shit you truly are. You say you've grown outta fuckin' up?

What's more, it's encouraging to know that essentially every predictable criticism and attack in your first round aimed my way falls flat when compared to the truth of the now. Let's go ahead and rip everything you said in your cold start about Caedus apart. And I-D-C if you happened to walk back those tremendous botches in your recently uploaded second shot...I'm exposin' you for the smoke blowin' bitch you truly are.

Shall we begin? Cracks his knuckles.

The Strength card is one of the most straightforward in the deck. No real surprises here. In its upright position it represents courage, confidence, and inner power. Its reverse is self doubt, weakness, and inadequacy. Corey smiles. Hello Jim. My name is Corey Smith. We don't know eachother but-

Alright, can-it. Right off the bat you can go fuck yourself with the smartass sarcastic pleasantries prick. Hi Corey, I'm Jim. We don't know eachother but I seem to be experiencing an overwhelming urge to raise the bar Demos ain't and swingin' it back down repeatedly until I've turned that fat head 'a yours from solid to liquid.

I got your upright position right here Corey and next time, before you arrogantly level a shit-eating grin at someone, make sure what you've said to them is accurate, otherwise you end up lookin' like a complete jackass, which, you very much do.

For example...

Ya say nobody "else in this match represents the duality of the Strength card like (I) do", levying the reverse negative qualities of self doubt, weakness and the big one: inadequacy in my direction. Hey Corey, hate to break it to you...but if anyone in this match thus far reps feelings of inadequacy it'd have to be the punkass pretty boy who was psychologically shaken to such a monumental degree over the incredibly substantial cold starts Dock and I rolled out that he just HAD to jump desperately into a second promo rivaling the Bible in length. And it can't be said that Dock and I did the same. No, we started this way Corey because we both had the confidence to do so. You're the one who recognized how INADEQUATE your bait efforts had proven to be, thus you were forced to overcompensate to keep up.

Strike 🖕

Ya say you've seen both sides to Jim Caedus? You claim you've witnessed what happens when my "confidence ebbs"? You mean like how you just displayed feelings of inadequacy and a lack of confidence in context with your flaccid first round by spastically doubling down on the runtime? Oops. Can you tell me when it was I last displayed an ebb in confidence? It sure a-f wasn't the last time I competed in March of 2019, I slaughtered Chaos in promo alone with utter confidence then segued into nearly legit murderin' 'er in the ring. It damn sure wasn't my last match before that one back in 2018 against Engy either. In fact...the only time I ever felt a drain in confidence was when I faced The Kings with Ax3 and Doc and Raven with Chaos shortly thereafter. The problem with THAT is, I never outwardly exhibited anything other than burn out...4 fuckin' years ago. I kept my feelings to myself and only JUST admitted the INTERIOR conflict in my cold start which, unfortunately, means you never saw my confidence ebb Corey. Ever. There ain't a name on the roster familiar with me and what I've done here that would ever be stupid enough to say Caedus EVER defined a LACK of confidence. That kinda crap is monopolized by guys like Demos with the whole Nickles and Dimes thing, Bruce Blingsteen with the gender switch mid promo cycle and...why bless my soul, Corey Smith with such feelings of inadequacy and a lack of confidence that he had to squat and drop a tidal wave of loose shit by comparison to the nugget 'a nothin' he started with. I mean, really the only other person around here I would say shows just how lacking in confidence he is would be the pussy known for backstage begging his opponents to take it easy on 'im since he realizes just how inadequate he is alongside the competition. You familiar with HIM Corey? Jim smiles. Shit. Eating. Grin.

Strike 🖕🖕

I'll give you one thing, my demons HAD crept back in at the end of my match with Chaos. Of course, those absent for years prior demons didn't scream lack of confidence in competition did they? Definitely not when they led me to my first successful run in the XWF in 2017. Assuredly not when they led me to destroy Chaos and attack Drew and Main in 2019. Hell, I'd say the LAST thing YOU want to happen are demons invadin' my thoughts Corey...'cause it means I'll pull you apart like a Bloomin' fuckin' Onion without regard for the few people who would attempt to talk me down. Luckily for you my demons have already been conquered in light of the fact I'M BACK and my expository content is quite obviously leading to that conclusion.

How's it feel fuckin' up like Chaos, Corey?

You say my promos get more defensive? Uh...isn't that point you hack and a half? Isn't that what we do with the wicked war of words? We go on the defensive in response to the accusations our opponents hit us with, ESPECIALLY when those accusations are horseshit or more aptly applied to the idiot who made 'em.

You say I..."disappear"? Where's Lux, Corey? Where's Engy? Where are YOU Corey when YOUR glorified demons Lux or Engy are present? Everything you say to me is a message tied to a stone you heave my way from within the confines of your own holier than thou cathedral 'a glass. I recall disappearing in early 2018 but can I be blamed for choosin' to live as opposed to gettin' whacked by the mafia had I denied their offer I couldn't refuse? And this latest "disappearance" wasn't a disappearance at all was it; it was me QUITTING. That ain't disappearing, Corey, that's announcing departure. And unlike the events that took place backstage following that announced departure, those events were available for you to research... I thought you said you DID that Corey since you never met me before. How do you research yet MISS literally the most recent exploits of Jim Caedus?

Young master Corey Chaos.

Strike. Fuckin'. 🖕🖕🖕

You're out.

Out.

But I'll tell ya what...let's move on to the next inning and seein' as I can't help but swat shit out the park, let's give you another chance at bat.

Ya wanna condemn me by sayin' the thing that gets in the way of Jim Caedus is Jim Caedus? Dumbass, like the stab on gettin' more defensive, you're "hittin'" me with an accusation that not only applies to everyone on the roster but applies in general to every. Single. Man and woman who ever existed. That's what makes us human. You admitted to fallin' victim to your own shortcomings Corey, right before ironically claimin' you've grown out of PhD fuckin' up while you allowed your arrogance to cloud your judgment and FUCKED UP anyway. Corey Smith, Dr. Botch.

Strike 🖕 again.

Have I "discovered my strength" you ask? I never lost track of my strength Corey, that's why my initial action in the promo cycle was so grandiose, I play to my strengths. Always. Clearly you haven't lost track of yours either since your strength lies in makin' mistakes and you flex that shit like a motherfucker.

Case in point, how you question my investment in this match.

"Number one", compare my cold start to your own. Who's more invested here? I went all out, you didn't. You need a reason for me to explain why I didn't immediately jump on board for the Leap of Faith match like you did? Ask Dock. Did y'see him doin' what you did? Or did he, like myself, allow for some amount of shock value for the benefit of the fans? Whether Big Bossman Lane had given me a call or not, I'd have made my request for entry and everyone knows it. The fact Vin Vin DID handpick me for the match only amplifies my investment in said match and I've made that quite clear. Am I invested? Far more than you've shown yourself to be.

Strike 🖕🖕 again.

Convenient transition to:

"Number two", in which you continue to cast doubt in my dedication to claim the TRUE 24/7 Briefcase in light of the fact my bro Bob-O is personally feuding with Page, the Uni Title is in the mix and oh no, what am I gonna do if I end up with the 'Case and The Omega Mainiac ends up with the Uni in the same night.

Really? An amateur attempt to sow seeds of assumed future discord between Main and I? This is sincerely the haymaker of your weak attack?

It ain't surprising to me that the mind of Corey Smith would tend towards thoughts of betrayal and animosity and whatnot...because that's exactly how COREY SMITH would feel if he had the title and Thadly had a Briefcase. Corey Smith would take Thaddeus Duke cashin' in as a sign of disrespect and betrayal seein' as how Corey Smith is God and if anyone he considered a friend were to piss on his pride parade he'd bitch and moan and lash out like the self-absorbed preteen twat personality he is. And has shown. Like in your cold start on that spacecraft Thadly was nice enough to pilot for your ungrateful ass and all you could do was passive aggressive moody the fuck out on your friends...and that's without the Uni title bit thrown in.

Yeah, of course I want the Uni Title again. What the hell is anyone in this promotion for if that isn't their ultimate goal? If Bob-O had it and I theoretically had my now THIRD 24/7 Briefcase AND if I so desired, I wouldn't cash in on him. I'd ask him for a straight up match and he'd accept. If the roles were reversed, he'd do the same and I would accept. If we lost, we'd congratulate the other and move on. If we won, we'd now have a 24/7 Briefcase to recoup the loss of the title to someone else.

What you fail to grasp Corey is I'm not a greedy douchebag like you. If either Robert or Drew had the Uni title I wouldn't be salivatin' over the thought of fuckin' 'em over and potentially sinkin' the stable for it. The thought wouldn't enter my mind. I ain't goin' anywhere and neither is that Universal strap, not to mention, I actually value and love the men who've been able thus far to overlook and forgive my actions in March of 2019 enough to allow me the chance to redeem myself. I valued and loved my brothers long before my invasive thoughts made a return and affected my actions.

You wanna know what I'll do if I win the Leap of Faith and claim the 'Case? I'll probably use it to cash-in on Alias whom I and everyone else is safely assuming will cash-in on the winner of Main/Page. And we assume this because Alias has, for all intents and purposes, pretty much spelled it out.

But really Corey, what's the point of theorizin' what the future will bring? The here and now is what matters. The here and now is Corey Smith inadvertently showin' Jim Caedus to define Strength in the erect position- how masculine is that -and consequently how he, Corey Smith, defines the adorably baby dick reverse.

"Which" Jim Caedus is it you see Corey? Is there any question remainin' in that overpopulated brain 'a yours? Do you see the confident, courageous Caedus pulsing with inner power? Or do you see the weakness shown in your ALL-important first move and the following self doubt and inadequacy leadin' into your "gotta make up for lost ground" second move?

That's strike 🖕🖕🖕 yet again. And again yet again, you're out.

Wowzers! I can't WAIT to see how you'll avoid fuckin' up in the match since you paint the picture so perfectly Bob Ross woulda shot happy little cum clouds on the canvas. You're gonna have one helluva time tryna stop me from claimin' the true 24/7 'Case kid. I just filleted your brilliant beginner bullshit. Just wait 'til I take on your second sloppy attempt.

Oh and by the way Corey, you're a hack. 😁

Not at all like ol' Docksy...

...or is 'e?

Dock...you truly disappointed me with your opening salvo. I mean like, SEVERELY disappointed me. Maybe I just overestimated you. I thought the major threat in this match would swing a much better mental game than you did but all you really pulled was pathetically tryna get in my head usin' shit that either don't affect me or flat out don't apply to me...with a devastatin' sprinklin' of HOOOOOLY SHIT...DOCK FUCKED UP. More on that later.

First...

Is Vinnie "playin' (me) HARD" Dock? That what's happenin' here? Lemme clue you in on somethin' ya gas-lightin' lich 'a limp lefts and rights:

I already said this since comin' back but the very first person to put ANY amount 'a stock in Jim Caedus was Vinnie Lane. I'd go ahead and cite the very first thing he said to me in front of the entire roster- includin' YOU Dock -was essentially "very few people will be able to stop you from achieving success here" but that happened in a federation business meeting behind closed doors and despite the fact I know Vinnie and Paul Heyman- the second man to put stock in Jim Caedus -as well as others recall and would attest to that event, I'll move on to citing that Boss Lane has publicly encouraged and supported me long before pickin' me for this match and has consistently displayed faith in Jim Caedus.

Vincent Lane encourages me Dock. It works. My tally sheet shows it. And I'm grateful to him for every ounce of positivity and support he offers me. You think I take 'im choosin' me as 'is answer to Theo's play as anything other than an honor? I owe Boss Lane. I'm more than happy to kick the same ass I'd be kickin' ANYWAY in Corporate Chaos like I did the LAST time he and I were in a Leap of Faith match. And while it's true Boss Lane verbatim stated my job was to stop Chaos from winnin'- here again a point I already made in Open Fire -that job can be accomplished by claimin' the true 24/7 'Case myself and I intend to do just that. Do you hear the legendary Loverboy screamin' at me- do you hear him ASKIN' me -to stop doin' what I'm doin'? No. D'you know why? I'm doin' what he hired me to do and he doesn't give a shit how I get it done. He enjoys watchin' me fuck my way to victory just as much as I enjoy fuckin' my way through every snatch 'n asshole in my path.

You can call it gettin' played Dock. That's your chosen obligatory perception as an opponent.

I'll call it playin' the game I'm so goddamn good at. I'll call it gassin' me up for a colossal comeback. I'll call it what it's been from the beginnin'...encouragement. And to be perfectly honest, if I'm bein' played, what's it matter to me? Is it stoppin' me from smackin' you around in promo? Is it gonna stop me from fuckin' you up in the match? Dock...if I were you I woulda kept that lame play to myself...'cause if I win the Leap of Faith, you, the current KING, will have lost to whom you went on the line to call a PAWN. And I think after that loss to Alias, it might get a bit harder for the almighty Dock to proceed with much credibility here. Afterall, I'm the new Gilly right? I'd say losin' to Gilly is far worse than losin' to CHRIS CHAOS, a gal who couldn't beat me without me literally ALLOWING it, like you already did Dock. You're BOTH different though now, right? You ain't sleepin' on ME like you did on HER at all.

Right?

Seems to me I found a ~~Rock 'n Sock~~ Cock 'n Dock Connection similar to my very PENETRATIVE relationship with Christine Chaos. How delightful.

Callin' me Gilly by the way...yeah that was truly as Teekay put it, a "sick burn Dock" 🙄. 'Cause I exhibit so many of the characteristics Gilly does right? What was it you said?

"Long winded, rambling, talentless, scruffy, scrub."

Long winded. From the dumb fuckin' fossil who just uploaded an hours long epic first salvo promo like I did. 😂 Dock...shut the fuck up ya hypocritical cocksucker. I'm gonna "Dock Punch" you in the Leap of Faith for that one, like the time Gilly nailed you with his dick in that match (THAT, people unaware, is the origin of the Super Dick bein' sold first by Gilly himself and so hilariously by Micheal Graves now) and you floated to the heavens every bit the victim of Gilly, remember? A man you're currently comparin' me to. He knocked you into the air with his fuckin' cock. 😂 Dock...shut the fuck up you silly sack 'a Satanic self-sabotage.

Rambling. That's how I would define that tirade on Gilly/Caedus comparatives considering you clearly wasted your time. It's also how I would define your amusing rundown of my alleged death and aaaaaaaall the fun little theories involved. It was funny, I admit. Unfortunately for you Dock, like Chaos and Corey before you, you apparently missed the moment I quit and walked out. On Warfare. March 13th 2019. Two years too far back to recall old man? A guy quits his job- QUITS -meanin' he doesn't wanna be there...and your logical conclusion to that guy not comin' back is he died? You said it yourself-

"Now, I wasn’t lying on Warfare when I thought Jimmy Caedus had passed on. That was the one going through the rumor mill at the time."

Wow. THE Dock proves my point made in Open Fire about how hilariously human 'e's become, how VULNERABLE he's become, now displayed in fallin' victim to somethin' as silly and baseless as rumor and gossip. Enough so that he went on the record to say it and he wasn't lyin' about buyin' into it. More flaws in the "armor" to exploit, 'ey Dock? How 'bout this one still provided by the comparison to Gilly-

Talentless. Scrub. Yet in the SAME promo...

"I mean, don’t get me wrong. Jimmy has his fair share of accolades… Achievements… All the bells and whistles that spell out a great XWF superstar."

😂 Dock...shut the fuck up ya confused and contradictory cuntastic competitor. Jesus, if I didn't feel the obligation to shine a light on how an ACTUAL XWF Legend is presenting such an easy target to overcome in promo and thereby logically how much less capable he'd be in the Leap of Faith match as such a fumblin' buffoon, I'd legit just sit back and watch you kill yourself Dock. You're every bit as good as Corey and Chaos.

"Scruffy"?

You're just jealous and you're mad you're bald, idiot. 😂 Shut the fuck up Dock. It's time for me to deliver the coup de grace.

"Jimmy Caedus is going by memories from about four years ago. I am not the same as I was then. Anything Jim’s retained from all of that time ago, he may as well throw in the garbage now and start taking new notes. I’m out for blood this time, my foes. And blood I will get."

You've changed have you Dock? Like Chaos? Correct me if I'm wrong but in the two times we've competed against eachother- and we have, whether or not we actually physically touched in those matches you amateur-hour trap-settin' "sneaky" supercock-punched peabrain -the first was The Kings (Theo Pryce, Doc, John Madison, John Samuels) vs Ax3 to take away our Trios Titles and unify them with the Tags, which really just meant kill the Trios Titles and the opportunity they presented for Ax3 to shine (where is that kinda "fuck you" towards BoB heel hoggin' all the glory I ask), and the second time was you and Raven vs Chaos and I to put the final nail in the Ax3 coffin. Am I right? I mean, it's the 4 years ago you're claimin' I'm goin' by and you're claimin' you're no longer anything like, so you would know right? Dock, you were cahootin' with arrogant pricks who put one helluvan emphasis on killin' Ax3. And I say cahootin'...you were probably leadin' the charge. It's the consistent goal you set for yourself, a spoiler. You wanted to stop Chaos. You wanted to stop Ax3. You wanted to stop Alias before he could get the 24/7 Briefcase. You wanted to stop a slew of others throughout your career here, I really don't need to pad for time and name them all because THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE KNOWN FOR DOCK. And pray tell, what reason have you given for entering the Leap of Faith match?

"I’m walking into this thing with a mission, too, and it’s to ensure nine people don’t win."

Hold up...

"Jimmy Caedus is going by memories from about four years ago. I am not the same as I was then."

...

"I’m walking into this thing with a mission, too, and it’s to ensure nine people don’t win."

You are EXACTLY THE SAME DOCK YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN, all you've done to change is add a K and flip-flop to a fantastic fuck up who can't not hang 'imself in promo alone. This is what I was targeting in Open Fire. You've become vulnerable. Conquerable. You've become exactly what I excel at overcoming...an opponent who WILL make mistakes in a match that I WILL capitalize on. And it's you. The greatest obstacle between me and the true 24/7 Briefcase.

So you're out for blood and blood is what you're going to get?

Blood is what you've received Dock. A slit throat gushin' blood you're chokin' on right now. Get in my way in the Leap of Faith, I'll chop your head completely off and see how many stomps it takes to launch what's inside...Docket Man.

The TRUE spoiler is here ladies and gentlemen.

It's what Vinnie Lane hired me for.

It's what I'm fuckin' doin'.

To be concluded.

XXXSXPXOXIXLXEXRXXXAXLXEXRXTXXX

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