=======€@£|)Ų$=======














CAEDUS REWIND: A montage chronicling Jim's late December 2016 arrival and 2017 exploits in the XWF plays out. We're reminded of Jim's former psychological issues (manifesting in the form of a voice in his head) stemming from his traumatic personal life and revealed in promo over the course of several months.

We watch Jim capture the Television Title and defend it weekly on Savage while competing in the Lethal Lottery IV Tourney on Warfare, barely managing to snatch victory (a 24/7 briefcase) from the jaws of defeat against Dolly Waters and Trax.

The montage continues, including the forming and evolution of Ax3, the apparent disappearance of the voice in Jim's head at finding friendship and brotherhood, Jim cashing in on G[no one cares] R[ditto] to snag the Uni Title, the collapse of Ax3 and the loss of the Uni strap.

We see Jim snagging his second 24/7 briefcase at Leap of Faith 2017, Jim shedding his villainous skin and the formation of APEX with whom would become his closest friends and brothers in Robert Main and Drew Archyle and their first successful run, the short-lived Championship teaming with Engy and Jim's sudden departure in 2018, allegedly murdered by Chris Chaos.

We see his return to APEX and the XWF in February 2019, his seeking of vengeance against Chaos and the resulting Warfare match on March 13th in New Zealand. Following a heavily one-sided scrap in Jim's favor...

The ref is raising the hand of Chris Chaos who for the first time in his career has defeated Jim Caedus, albeit because Jim Caedus simply gave up and let Chaos win. As a result Chaos has earned himself a Universal Title shot against Robert Main at XWF's March Madness. After being helped to his feet a very beaten and tired Chaos leans over to the ropes, a perplexed look on his face as he stares at Caedus who is halfway up the ramp his arms folded in front of his chest. Chaos continues to stare at him for a few seconds before a massive shit eating grin comes across his face. And that's when it happens.... Caedus rushes down the ramp and slides into the ring as Chaos quickly backs up. Caedus tackles Chaos, pummeling him with repeated punches to Chaos's face. The ref tries to break the two up by grabbing at the back of Caedus but Caedus just shoves him off and then continues the barrage of punches to Chaos, busting the man open above the left eye. Caedus looks down at his now crimson covered hand and smiles. He then rolls off Chaos, picks the man up by his blonde hair and tosses him out of the ring where Chaos crashes onto the mat outside of the ring with a loud thud. Caedus quickly rolls out of the ring and once on the floor lifts up the ring apron and pulls out a some goodies, trash can, a kendo stick and a metal chair. Caedus grabs Chaos again by the head and slams his whole body into the ring steps, not once but twice and then stands over the broken man just as the crowd pops. Jim Caedus turns his attention to the entry ramp where his Apex brothers Robert Main and Drew Archyle are making their way down. It only takes a few seconds for them to get face to face with their friend. Jim what the hell? I know it's Chaos but this isn't who we are. We are better than this. You are better than this. What he said. In between labored breathing Caedus exchanges looks at the two men standing across from him. He puts his arm on Main's shoulder and nods his head in agreement as the crowd cheers again however the cheers quickly turn to boos as Caedus grabs Main by the head and slams him into the ring post. Archyle looks on completely stunned at first and then runs at Caedus only to be met with a knee to the mid section and then a devastating clothesline that flattens the man. Jim Caedus has just turned on APEX!!!! Archyle is down, Main is down. Jim walks over to the side of the ring and picks up the kendo stick that he had previously taken from under the ring and just starts unloading on Archyle. SHOT TO HEAD!!! SHOT TO THE CHEST!!! SHOT TO THE LEG!!! ANOTHER SHOT TO THE HEAD!!! Caedus has truly snapped this time. The kendo stick is now splintered in half so Caedus tosses it aside and instead moves on to the chair and to the other member of Apex, Universal Champion Robert Main. Caedus lifts up Main and tosses him into the ring along with the metal chair. Jim takes another look at Drew and see’s that he is still down as is Chaos. Jim slides into the ring and stands tall over Main. I never WANTED this. I was HAPPY, alone. YOU and DREW talked me into this. Reap what you sow Robert. Caedus lifts Main up by his throat… NAIL DRIVER(Half-nelson Wheelbarrow Driver) ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!!! Somehow, someway Main get's up, his legs shaking underneath him...Caedus grabs him by the throat... A SECOND NAIL DRIVER!!! AND A THIRD!!! Archyle is now up and flying into the ring. He starts leaving blows to Caedus but it does little good as Caedus in a full rage just tosses Drew aside like nothing. He picks up the bent metal chair and just as Drew turns around…. BRAINED!!! Archyle goes down in a heap his unconscious and possibly lifeless body now laying next to Main’s. Caedus throws the chair down on the ring floor, picks up Archyle and delivers a NAIL DRIVER right on top of the chair to the other member of Apex Caedus rips off his Apex t-shirt and places it overtop of Main’s still body before rolling out of the ring and heading up the entry ramp to a chorus of boos. Fuck_This_Place!! I QUIT!! Caedus disappears behind the curtain as the show goes off air.

Jim blows past the various XWF employees and officials occupying gorilla position.

Forget them. Archyle, Main...they don't like you. They don't need you. No one likes you. No one needs you. They all want you to fail. Punish them. Jim bends the corner, heading aimlessly through the arena's innards. Moments later, Steve Sayors and a cameraman jog up from behind.

Jim! Jim! What in God's name is going o-


Jim spins- Purgatory Punch -knocking Steve cold followed up with a Wrexus Plexus to the cameraman who drops the camera and is taken off his feet, sent crashing to the floor in a heap.


That's right, punish them. Punish them all!

Jim winces in cranial pain and staggers, dropping to one knee as two more camerapersons (a male and a female) arrive. Three members of security can be spotted much further away running towards the scene.
Get. Your. Ass. Up. ...NOW! Jim drops his other knee, palms both sides of his head and squints his eyes, mouth open in a silent scream. Get the FUCK up!     RIGHT NOW!! ......killer.


His eyes snap open cold, emotionless. He slightly rises from his knees and launches from the squat position like a frog, spearing the cameraman to the floor, raining down a flurry of punches with the intent to injure... The man bludgeoned to unconciousness, Jim once more rises to his feet and turns to the camerawoman. She raises a hand palm out in his direction, the other keeping the lens trained on Jim as she slowly backs away.

He advances like a predator.


HOLD IT RIGHT THERE ASSHOLE!


The first member of security to reach the scene is grabbed and launched with a belly to belly overhead release suplex into a rolling rack of unused monitors. The second wraps his arm around Jim's neck from behind. Jim flings him over his shoulder and twists the man's hand, breaking his wrist. The third arrives just in time to receive a Point Blank headbutt. He drops.


You ain't finished yet. ....Chest heaving, Jim turns slowly back to the camerawoman. She finds herself backing into the wall. Jim closes the distance between them, raising his right hand ever so slowly and wrapping his fingers around her throat. 

What the fuck Jim? We pay you to kick the shit out of wrestlers not security and our camera crew. Why don't you go back out to the ring and put this aggression into Chris Chaos, you know, the guy you were wrestling a few minutes ago.

Yeah dude. This isn't cool at all Jim.

Jim turns away from the camerawoman, keeping his hand around her throat, to level his gaze at the XWF's Principle owners in Theo Pryce and Vinnie Lane. Jim doesn't respond. 

Seriously Jim let her go before we have security break out the stun guns.

Why wait?, Theo says as he motions over to two more security guards who appear on the scene and start reaching for the stun guns attached to their utility belt. 

They all want you to fail. They're trying to sabotage you. And Lane and Theo are behind it all. I'm trying to help you. I'm the only one who cares. I'm the only one you need. Do what you have to do...then take THEM out!


Ignoring Theo, Vinnie and the duo of security guards, Jim turns back to the camerawoman and squeezes. She instinctively smashes him over the head with the camera and dashes to safety.

Jim lies motionless.


☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆


Flashes.

Snippets.

Recent memories.

Happenings executed, experienced as if out of body, replayed and served in a doped up dream-like haze.

Resisting arrest.

A beating.

The flight for extradition.

Booking.

An outburst.

A beating.

Holding.

A hearing.

An outburst.

A beating.

A syringe...

And darkness..................


---APRIL 2019---


......Voices......


Are we awake Mr. O'Connor? ...Hello? Whispering. ...Is he awake?

Also whispering. He should be comin' to any minute now Doc.

How many times have I asked you not to bring them in whilst under the effects of sedation? Why must you toy with their already fragile state of mind?

Defensively. I'm a sucka for a good POV refocus reveal gag.

An over-utilized concept. Take a little pride in your work Leon.

I ain't the one writin' this bullshit.

We hear movement, groaning. Ah, are you with us now Mr. O'Connor?

...I can't see.

You have hibernation sickness.

Where am I?

Shhhh. Jabba's Palace.

That will be quite enough of that, see if you're needed back on the ward.

Who're you?

Mimicking a woman's voice. Someone who loves you.

Goodbye Leon. Seconds later we hear a door close followed by a sigh and the shuffling of papers...... James Tiberius O'Connor.

Uh, I still can't see.

The blindfold, of course. I apologize. Please, allow me... We hear the creaking of a chair and footsteps approach on carpet.

Nervous tone. Blindfold? The fuck..."

Well, it was either that and tranquilize you or continue to put my staff and anyone else around you at risk Mr. O'Connor. As with any wild animal, take no chances.

Doing his best to keep his cool. "Wild animal"? I assume that's also why I'm restrained?

Indeed. ...There you are...give your eyes a moment to adjust. Footsteps heading away. The chair creaks.


Our POV switches from total darkness to horizontal slits of light which slowly widen apart;  eyes opening. Everything is a blur but gradually becomes clearer, coming into focus...

















Strapped in a straitjacket and leg restraints. Sup.

I'm over here.















Sup. Looks back to-

Proudly. Ah yes, sorry, that's my autographed Doc D'Ville photo. I had it enlarged that I might look upon it when inspiration is needed. He visits from time to time you know, we're all huge fans of his here.

Rolling his eyes. Well that's convenient isn't it. That why you're doin' his voice ya creepy old fuck?

Looking over the rim of his glasses with a sly smile. Pretty good huh? ::chuckles:: All that aside, I'm Doctor Dunnem, I'm the administrator of this hospital.

Brows furrow in concern. I'm sorry, hospital? Like...psychiatric hospital??

Turning his attention to the file in his hands. Well...yes. Where else would you be wearing a straitjacket?

Staring at Dr. Dunnem. ......WHY am I in a FUCKING nut-hut!?

Meeting Jim's dread-filled gaze. You tell me Mr. O'Connor.

How the fuck should I know!? Oh what, because I went caveman on Chris Chaos in a WRESTLING match!? The fuck kinda shit is that!? I should be REWARDED not locked away in an asylum!

...Be honest please.

Eyes widening in anger. Fuck you mean "be honest"!? I'm ALWAYS honest goddammit!

Studying Jim's facial expression. Are you? Is that truly all you remember?

YES!!

Who won the match, you or Chris Chaos?

Jim's anger fades as he looks off into space, searching his memory. We see confusion setting in. He returns his gaze to Dr. Dunnem. ...Well don't just stare at me, remind me.

You lost. You had your opponent beaten but you chose to leave the ring and receive a count out instead.

Jim frowns, his mouth opens to deny it...then he washes over in realization, shakes his head and laughs. Can you tell me why you think you did that? Why you left the match?

Relief. I just hit my head too hard, that's all. That diving Point Blank headbutt I hit her with broke her nose and apparently knocked me for a loop. That had to have been what happened. I mean, this is Chris Chaos we're talkin' about, my absolute favorite cumslut. You know how many times mama spread for me and let me wreck that? Chris Chaos is one of the most generous women I know and for me to walk after bottoming-out her amazing pink gape on my cock in that ring but not give her the courtesy of shootin' a salty L onto that face or at least down her throat is NOT my style. I'm not crazy, I was temporarily knocked stupid. You can let me out now with a doctor's note explaining for the boss men. Oh and make another one out for Chris Chaos and send her some flowers and one of those little cards. Have it read: "It's not you babe, it's me. You still turn me on."

Are you finished?

"Love, Jim. P.S. Let's fuck again soon. No one stretches you out like daddy do." There's room for all that on a card right? ...Better tell 'em make it a Hallmark card.

If you are quite finished, I want you to take a look at something I have here. I want you to pay close attention and take it all in. Dr. Dunnem turns to his pc and cues a video. He presses play then twists the monitor around for Jim.

The post Caedus/Chaos match footage plays out. Jim's smile vanishes, his face contorts in horror by the time he sees himself attack Main and Archyle. Horror switches to anger. The fuck is this shit? No- no, no, no, no, no, no, NO. NO! What the FUCK is happening!? Stop the video, this is fake ass mindfuck HORSESHIT!

Calm the fuck down and stop being such a pussy.

I'm sorry, no. This is the footage broadcast on March 13th, Mr. O'Connor.

Jaw drops at the words he hears himself speak on camera. You're full of absolute SHIT, "Doc", this NEVER happened! I would NEV- Did you just HEAR that? I would never fuckin' say what I just fuckin' said! I would never QUIT! I would never attack my fuckin' BROTHERS!

But you did. Didn't you. You did and said those things. It's right there on the screen.

Shaking head in disbelief. ...

They don't need you. When you first left in 2018 they did fine without you. They don't need you and you don't need them. You don't need the XWF and it doesn't need you. You did what was best for everyone.

The backstage footage hits. By the time he's seen himself drop both Steve Sayors and a cameraman, Jim's gaze drops. He whispers, Goddammit...

Sayors was gonna make fun of you. He was gonna judge you. Sabotage you. They ALL sabotage you. And that asshole with the lens was gonna get it all on camera for the world to see and laugh at. You did the right thing.

Eventually the voices of both Vincent Lane and Theo Pryce can be heard. Jim's gaze snaps back to the screen, his eyes wide with horror once again. Oh Jesus FUCKING CHRIST!

Who do you think is responsible for your sabotage? Them. They call the shots don't they?

The scene continues to unfold until at last Jim watches the camerawoman knock him unconscious with a liberal application of camera to the skull. The video ends, Dr. Dunnem twists the monitor back around. I'm fired. I am fuckin' fired. And Drew and Bob-O will never speak to me again...

So you remember now?

Irritation. No...but unless this is a work, I just saw it happen.

What can you tell me about it? What would make you do something like that Mr. O'Connor?

Exasperation. I don't fuckin' know.

Ok, well this is why you've been remanded into our custody. We're to evaluate you for a period of time-

How long??

A period of time- let me finish please... -to see if you are a disturbed individual and a danger not only to yourself but those around you. And according to the court you very much are, whether disturbed or not.

Bullshit. I ain't no threat to anyone.

Well that remains to be seen. You definitely have your work cut out for you.

Let's get the fuck on with it then, this brilliant exposition is prob'ly puttin' our fine audience to sleep.

Psh. "Brilliant"?

Kill yourself.


****************************************







Leon and another orderly guide Jim, hopping along all the way in his leg restraints, down a hallway past rows of empty rooms.


Let's go, Caedus.

What, every asshole on the staff here follow the XWF, Leon?

Got no choice, bruh. Dr. Dunnem keep a constant flow of XWF shit playin'. Always livestreamin' XWF24/7 and every broadcast show. Muthafucka even order the pay per views. Anytime anyone in this institution turn on a TV, that's all you see. The patients you gonna be stayin' with never miss out.

Sweet, can't wait to watch and hear every last interested party in the fed collectively rain down shit on me for the next few weeks.

Scoffs. It ain't like you ain't earn it muthafucka.

...

You did nothing wrong.


The trio reaches a security door.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZ


The door unlocks and swings open with a metallic creak. The orderlies resume leading Jim forward. This all seems so familiar... And it smells like burnt toast.

As they pass the nurses' station and enter the activities room we see five patients seated around a card table starting a game. The orderlies prod Jim, still hopping, in that direction. Let's go meet your fellow inmates. As they approach-


Tingle, ting-le, tang-le toes, she's a good fisherman, catches hens, puts 'em inna pens-

Not that stupid rhyme again.

-wire blier, limber lock, three geese in a flock-

One flew east, one flew west-

One flew over the cuckoo's nest!

Dealing. Alright yuh pack uh maniacs, shut the hell up and let's play some cards. Now youse all know the rules, the lowest hand loses a piece uh clothing. First man naked wins.

I'm out.

Big surprise. Who needs yuh.

I don't understand. If the lowest hand loses, how is the loser the winner?

Okay, yuh got me. I wanna make a jackass outta one uh yuh. Either that or I'm Chris Chaos.

Afternoon boys, say whuttup to your new bunkie, Jim Caedus.

All but one of the five men turn to regard Jim, the one with his back to us remains faced away. Sup. None of them say a word.

...don't be shy y'all. ...silence... Aight, I'll do it. Motioning to each man in turn. Jim this is-








-Mr. Pezwick-


Standing. I'm heir to the Pez fortune.

You ain't shit, sit yo' ass down Pezzy. And this is-


-Mr. Appletini-


-Mr. Fredrickson-


-Mr. Hardy, he's a dick-

So blow me Leon. The men laugh.

-and last we have crazy ol' Mr. Taber. Turn around Mr. Taber.

Turning in his chair. That's Brown-










-Doctor Emmett Brown.

Face lights up in recognition. Heeeeeeeeeeeeey! What the fuck??

For one thing, as gimmicky as it may or may not be, it's nigh obligatory for the viewers and fans of the Forman film we all know you're dry-humping right now. For another, dismiss the mind numbing "how"s of it all; this is actually happening, we're committed, no pun intended, so let's leave it at that.

How'd you get here??

You had one job.

Doc Brown whacks Jim over the head with a rolled-up newspaper he conveniently keeps stashed on his person at all times for just such an uninvited inquiry. He then un-rolls and reveals said newspaper as the answer to Jim's question.










Alternate timeline from the second film, remember?

Hold up... 🤔

This is precisely why I told you not to ask. I've been in this institution since May of 1983 and I'm at a loss as to why the timeline hasn't been corrected already considering this is twenty-nineteen and the events that took place following old 2015 Biff's gifting of that damn sports almanac to his younger self in 1955 have already been resolved...but I am here nonetheless. Perhaps this is a timespace paradox, the likes of which I've warned Marty of time and time again or perhaps the recent conspiracy theories are correct and the earth has passed into an alternate universe, an alternate reality in which fantasy and life itself have apparently merged like in the film Who Framed Roger Rabbit starring Christopher Lloyd...and perhaps in the process, for some reason my once celluloid story was severed from the body of work that spawned me, stranding me here to wither and eventually succumb to the ravages of reality, age and the very nature of time itself. I can sum it all up in only two words.

Great scott?

Holy shit.

But...you're a brilliant scientist and well versed in time travel. You can't figure this out or at least take a crack at it? Maybe you could figure a way for us both to jump back in time, fix our respective messes and then get me back to the future!

I was a brilliant scientist. I've been in this place now for nearly 38 years and I've gone quite insane as a result. Speaking of which... His long white mane inexplicably gives way to a lonely patch of yellow hair atop his crown, his voice changing as well, becoming shrill. REMEMBER ME, EDDIE?? WHEN I KILLED YOUR BROTHER?? I TALKED JUST...LIKE...THIIIIIS!!![/b] The Doc's eyes inexplicably extend from their sockets in the form of animated daggers.

FUCKIN' DAGGER EYES!! Flinches away forgetting he's restrained, loses his balance and falls to his back.

Awwww shit, we got a live one y'all!

A team of large orderlies descends upon Taber or Doc Brown or Judge Doom or whoever the fuck he is at the moment and begin beating him with curiously familiar foot long purple rubber dildos they wield with the same effort and ferocity as guys who look like Mortis or Kevin Bacon would. Don't you DARE kill 'im! I NEED 'im!

Mr. Hardy tosses his cards on the table before the beating flips the table over and sends the others darting away. I guess the game is over. Huh. Like my career, my marriage and my hopes of ever gettin' any respect.

Theeeee fuck is goin' on?

Excusing himself from the beatdown to help Jim up from the floor. So anyway, these the muthafuckas you gonna be livin' with. Oh yeah and over there, fat boy pushin' the broom, that's our resident 500 pound deaf and dumb Samoan. Everyone calls him The Beef.














'Ey Beef, stop pushin' Mr. Broom! He's our only white orderly gotdammit! To Jim. We're equal opportunity.

Wait a second...isn't that- Couldn't be. ...That looks just like- Is that Yoko-

Steering Jim away from the area towards the nurses' station. Ok, ok... I ain't got all day fo' this crazy ass cameo shit. Asses to wipe, patients to beat. I'ma go ahead and turn you over to the head nurse. Arriving at the nurses' station, we see a woman clad in uniform behind an open sliding glass window and counter. She turns on cue.

















Good afternoon Mr. O'Connor. It's a pleasure to have you on our ward. I'm Nurse Ratched.

Fuck me!




















I'm sorry, that was probably vague. What I meant to say was, let's fuck. 😁





************************************


"Open Fire"






Well, well, well... talk about havin' my work cut out for me. This is an unbelievably impressive lineup, potential MOTY through and through. I can't imagine a better scenario to get me any more fired the fuck up. A triple level space station Leap of Faith with zero G third floor and fake cases scattered about?

Bitchin'.

Boss Lane, you've been nothing but an encouragement since I first arrived in December 2016 and you've no idea how honored I am to be your handpicked entrant. I give you my word, Theo's dickhead duo will have one helluvan obstacle to overcome in Jim Caedus. Speakin' 'a which...

Ahhhhhh Chris Chaos. You EVER on all fours, cheek-spreadin' sexy slut. Jim can't prevent a grin from slicing across his face. Round and round we go, huh babe? The ferrous nature of my iron cock just CANNOT resist the magnetism of that cozy cooze. You gotta be pissin' that thong right about now. I promise, before I've finished with you you won't have a dry pair 'a leggings left lady.

I want everyone to understand somethin' here; Chris and I, we have a long standing history in the XWF. Unless my count is off, in a way this match technically represents Caedus/Chaos VI, though in no way will I be lettin' my focus in the match lean towards vendetta, and in fact as far as the Leap of Faith is concerned, this is the SECOND time we've clashed over a 24/7 Briefcase. Remember what happened the first time Chris?

I dropped you like a 12 inch long dump and left you coiled on the floor far below.

Shit girl, I've pinned you, I've made you submit, I kicked your cunt off the 'Case the last time and claimed it... I mean, yeah, we both won Doc's Lake of Fire Shove-It and yes, you do have really the most weightless of victories over me from the last time we squared off but honestly, you and I both know I gifted you that win.

G
I
F
T
E
D

You're welcome woman.

I damn near killed you Chris, definitely broke your nose, and if it hadn't been for me snapping you'd be 0-1-4 against me right now, and that's me being generous seein' as we BOTH won that Shove-It. So if I hear one unjustifiably braggart word slip outta that ultra suction cum-catcher you call a mouth- and it truly is a marvel for the record, you could suck a pair of testicles straight out the urethra -you know goddamn well I will SLAM the shit outta you for sayin' it. Matter of fact, if you come out claimin' and predictin' ol' Jimbo here is gonna hit you with the same avenue of attack he always does, like you did the last time and I'm pretty sure the time before that, I'd ask you to pull your head outta that cavern of confusion you call a colon and seem ever the victim of and take a moment to recall...when has it ever failed with you and when have you ever given justification to switch it up, ya static sumbitch? No one knows you INSIDE and out like I do. No one. And the fact Boss Lane answered the Theo "threat" of Corporate Chaos with Killer Caedus- Jim explodes with laughter.


















...laughing...





















...laughing...




















...still laughing...




















...takes a swig of dark chocolate almond milk, (thank you Drewski)...resumes laughing...




















-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Staring at Jim, holding her notepad. Is he going to place his order or what?

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Drew speaks up. Jim.

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Jim.

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Jim.

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Main slams his fist on the tabletop. JIM!! Drew and I are hungry dammit!!

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Perusing the menu. Jim will have the rocky mountain oysters, as rare as possible please, and the beef pizzle. Preferably the largest in the kitchen.

Reaching across the table, grabbing Drew by the shirt front in an otherwise threatening manner. -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

It's true, he enjoys a beefy wang. Cow penises provide Jim the vitamins and nutrients an aging prick needs.

Cocking back his free fist. -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-






















...giggling in his sleep...

























...Jim jacking off in a very confined space...

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

...pausing to drop laughy tears into his hand. Resuming masturbation...

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Through the partition. JESUS fucking CHRIST- what the HELL is your confession my son!?

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
























We are gathered here today-

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Clears throat. We are gathered here today-

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO MOURN THE PASSING OF JEFFREY JOHNSON! TEACHER, VOLUNTEER, VETERAN-

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

-CHARITABLE WORKER FOR THE MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION-

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Giggling begins to spread among the bereaved.

-AND WIDOWED FATHER OF FIVE!

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

The giggling evolves to a madhouse of hilarity.

BEREAVED: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

BEREAVED: -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

PASTOR: -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

---AN HOUR LATER---

Shoveling dirt into Mr. Johnson's grave because he's helpful and a class act. -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

A duo of approaching grave diggers regard the scene, exchange looks, shrug and walk away.

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

An old woman angrily storms over from services nearby, dabbing at tears.

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

OCTOGENARIAN: Excuse me sir, but your laughter is incredibly disrespectf-

Jim hands her his card. -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Forgive my laughter; I have a condition. More on back

She flips it over.

It's a medical condition causing sudden, frequent and uncontrollable laughter when absolutely appropriate such as in the case of a clusterfuck like Chaos who legit JUST came back all smart and sassy then has to IMMEDIATELY face the guy who fucks him every. Damn. Time. #clitblock

OCTOGENARIAN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Promotional assassination of Corporate Chaos paid for by the following officially licensed APEX Brand product.

...aaaaaaand wiping tears.

-goooooooooooodamn, you are the UNLUCKIEST bitch in the XWF. This has GOT to be frustrating as fuck amiright? Like buying an Armani suit you got to wear for five minutes before shitting said suit into $1400 asswipe the instant Boss Lane dropped the J-Bomb. "Corporate" Chaos by the way? Isn't that kind of a contradiction in terms? You know, like True Lies, Happily Married or Mister Christopher Jackson?

This is why I love you so much candy-clit, no matter what you do it's the same way you act with me in promo or in the ring: ass up face down.

You say you've essentially reinvented yourself? Time to get serious? You mean like the last time I came back in 2019 when you'd been off poutin' in some dark corner for months then came crawlin' out wearin' that ass mask sayin' shit's gonna be different this time? Aaaaaaaalrighty, let's go ahead and compare then to now shall we? I came back, again you were off poutin' in some dark corner, again you came crawlin' out, again with a change in appearance, and you're sayin' shit's gonna be different this time.

Hey Chris?





NOTHING HAS FUCKING CHANGED. Lord alMIGHTY madam, is there no end to your uniform self-buttfuckery? Still as ironically chaotic as ever, 'ey Chaos? You sayin' you've changed is like you sayin' you've changed is like you sayin' you've changed, you ever-deja-vu'ing dickless looping lunatic. It'll take more than a change of clothes and goin' Gilly on your girlfriend for you to pull it off, it requires you to stop fuckin' up like you ALREADY HAVE. For Godsake girl, if that was just a segment on Savage, I can't WAIT to see your first promo. In fact...if you're still this much of a mess, I can't wait to watch you follow suit in the match. Unless you forgot, sweet-slit, Jim Caedus ain't the one to fuck up around. I catch, counter and capitalize with prejudice.

It seems everything is in order with Chaos as per usual, I can see this is gonna be as enjoyable as it always is. I hope Sil realizes what his child's penis has been impossibly thrust into here, he certainly doesn't seem the type to wanna carry somebody's dead weight but we'll see won't we. And on the subject of Sil...

Sup Frigida.



Fuck you doin', slammin' HGH or just bitin' the heads off kids who can't outrun you? Mother 'a Christ I'd call you a titan of a thoroughbred but studs have giant horse cocks and as a bodybuilder who obviously enjoys juicin' you undoubtedly have a joint as miniscule as the chances of Chaos not comically givin' 'imself a Looney Tunes buckshot facial every time he raises the mic to his lips.

Nevertheless, you are indeed quite the physical specimen, much respect for the dedication. Unfortunately I have to impart that almost everyone in this business is bigger than I am, it ain't nothin' new to me to be steppin' inta battle with a behemoth and as impressive as you are, you ain't intimidatin' shit. Massive or not, if you attempt to prevent me from claimin' the true 24/7 'Case I'll yank your spine out and fuck you with it still-attached-skull first. There resides a strength in me far beyond what any but those who've personally experienced it ever expect to face...and you defining an oversized muscle-bound giddy greaseball with a stomach packed fulla preteen pituitary glands ain't gonna cut it. There's a reason Big Bossman Lane personally picked this pulverizing prick; aside of the obvious intent to provide a little equilibrium to the corporate injection of you and Miss Chaos, I may not win every match, I may not be able to boast the accolades of those like Dock, The Kings, James Raven, Bob-O Main (you remember him, he's the one who won that Battle Royal you lost), a score of others and the Loverboy himself but I'm every bit as dangerous. And when I'm on my game and at my best...I slay. Ask your client Chris, he'll tell you exactly how colorfully killer Caedus can be. In context with the Leap of Faith, you better believe I aim to do just that and capture the legit 24/7 'Case at any cost, so stay outta my way you bulgin' Bologna bitch. Business is business. Makin' it personal with me, that's a whole 'nother Caedus cock colonic altogether.

Wait, what?

You know, 'cause I'd fuck the shit out of 'im.

Doi, Drew.

Wouldn't that push his poop in further?

Well no, see because after gapin' 'im then it would all just fall out freely.

Doi Drew.

I'm supposed to know what this psycho is talking about at any given moment? I mean aside of the fact he frequently threatens to fuck men of course.

It's a domination thing.

I've been out to sea alone for quite awhile with nothing but the fish, a parrot and a racist octopus to chop it up with and I'm still not nuts enough to translate his gibberish. ...Or Jimberish if you will.

Nice.

That was pretty good Drew.

Movin' on to Demos.

Trigger Warning ya lil' limp dick.

I wanna like you so much bro but as of late you've done nothing to warrant that kinda response. Well, other than admittedly gettin' me to laugh from time to time I mean. Ya wanna know what has me currently on this side 'a the fuck you fence though?

First of all that whole Demos, Dimes, Nickels thing is fun but it's just too pussy. How's a guy claimin' he has 3 nuts have NO balls? What you're expressing is you're not good enough to adapt and that's pathetic for a man of your talent. You treat competition here like a videogame you can only master if you could just switch your character mid way through. Pick a Mick lane and stick with it you Brucette Blingsteen-ing (ask an older name on the roster) weakling, you're still the same jag-off with or without the costume carousel.

Second, you took what I heard and was made to believe was Demos rampin'-up to stardom and instead decided to squander your momentum in favor of hoggin' hours on end and almost all the Xtreme Title attempts against a proven über aware Alias, dronin' on and on with your diatribes of "how could he" let the domestic terrorism of BoB and the stranglehold Chris Page has on the Uni Title continue.

Then there's that Dictator Lane shit...why, because you're far too fuckin' stupid to check the fine printing posted on the 24/7 Freestyle Title Hall wall you colossal dumbass? Unless I'm mistaken, did you even ever walk that back and apologize like a man or did you literally do what I think you did and childishly refuse to own up while continuing to call the man Dictator for havin' to inform you of shit you should already know?

Jackass.

But that ain't all, far from it. As if all that wasted energy against Alias and your aforementioned jackassery wasn't enough, you decided it'd be prudent to make an even bigger ass outta yourself by makin' advances at Ariel and Atty and Ariel.

Are you fuckin' kiddin' me right now?

You hit on Relly Rel like a college kid who ain't gotten his dick wet more than once and actually receive a positive response! What do you do next Demos? You spazz the fuck out in defense of Atty, with subtext as subtle as a sledgehammer spelling out swoon, and spray the poor girl down with your seed-of-intent in the process-

which led nowhere, L-O-L

-then you switch right back to Rel and commence courtship like a complete

D
O
U
C
H
E
B
A
G

.

Nothin' makes a chick feel special like bein' a consolation prize, casanova.

But that still ain't all. Your NEXT move is to

D
U
M
P

A

M
A
T
C
H

to Rel.

What good does INVITING A LOSS do in context with toppling Chris Page and BoB? Does dumpin' a match to that obviously fire femme-fatale get you closer to the goal you've been shriekin' at Alias about for weeks? Or does it get you closer to a potential nut with Ariel, you backed-up sperm brain.

Don't even try to spin that shit either, your actions have already been taken and are established. At this point your words mean nothin' by comparison, even if you are apparently feelin' so adorably rain cloud over Rel doin' the right thing (that being answering your offer, made during the buildup to a MATCH with 'er, by kickin' your ass for a W on 'er tally.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Sucker) to suddenly switch it up on 'er and hilariously start actin' all "hard to get" and judgmental now towards 'er, you "subtext: sobbin'" doughy ball 'a butthurt.

And ya know what bro? That STILL ain't all. Because somewhere in there you also lost to Money fuckin' Oswald and that's why he's in. You let BoB infiltrate this match. You piss and moan about Page and BoB at great length then you hold the goddamn door open for them. That's what they need, a 24/7 Briefcase. BoB needs a FUCKIN' 24/7 BRIEFCASE. What the HELL is the matter with you ya Blingsteen-Shufflin' shithead!?

Which segues into the next numbskull apparently pavin' the way for bwo supremacy...

Corey Smith...

Fuck am I lookin' at here? Jesus, I drop off for 3 years and you're who I come home too? THIS is the culmination, the mystery behind Engy; some scrawny squawkin' kid? For Christsake, last thing the fed needed was another Thaddeus Duke, despite how thrilled he must be havin' a second young horse's ass around. Two arrogant little pricks sharin' sexual tension and padded bank accounts; Feldman and Haim Round Two, someone skip to one 'a you drops dead and the other's flat broke. Fuck off with that shit.

Gimme Engy.

Yeah, I know perfectly well you're talented (and you are) and you've accrued success (fuck Continuum by the way, most ironic "face" stable in ages; two egotistical twats and a dick Doc devil) and all respect due, I don't discount it, but you ain't Engy. I hate to agree with 'im but Theo is right, you're also a fuckin' bore. You're the breather between crush sessions so a dick can towel off, grab some Koolaid and get back to smashin' and you're pissin' everybody off with your giddy little pissy cock-block bitch routine. We were thirsty, now we're thirsty. We wanna see the asshole that is Engy get penetrated by this motherfucker 'cause we already saw the pussy, Corey Smith, get his elasticity fucked to oblivion by Them No Good Bastards. Engy and I have unfinished business that's been stewin' since 2018 and I see no better time to kinda resume that business than at Leap of Faith. I mean, as long as we're there right? It ain't like you two don't share the same body and this is an irrelevant point or order. It ain't like he apparently hasn't made a play for freedom recently. It ain't like you can't understand and obey my demands by talkin' to legit any viewer or person in the XWF about it or pullin' up your own past promo footage and witnessing everything I'm referencing that you've "forgotten".

That's some real seamless thinkin' there by the way Iggy, you fuckin' idiot. Talk about a glaring botch in logic. Why wait for you to do the research, Corey, I know you "don't know this" with your amnesia or whatthefuckever, but your aforementioned memory loss, which you are aware of so don't get cute you little weasel, is the cause of an entity or repressed personality or somethin' named Iggy who lives in your brain or some kinda metaphysical peyote trip horseshit like that. Meanwhile, there's this entity Lux, who is this total James Cameron rip-off assassin from the future who ALSO lives in your brain (I know, it's as overly complex and convoluted as it can get, especially when you add a time-traveling Engy into the picture, but cut me some slack, I'm just the messenger here not some sci-fi cumshot fanboy author), was dueling I'm assuming for control over you again, because as I've been saying and you've been showing: Corey Smith just ain't good enough on 'is own.

Anyhow, back to the spoiler (bite me Iggy); so Iggy is stickin' his undoubtedly Dr. Seussian black and white striped corkscrew sheep's dick in the memory center of your brain and fuckin' you outta traumatic recollections and Lux takes exception to that and is dueling for control over the cuckold that houses her. That would be you, Cuckey. But then...suddenly...someone came up behind Lux in mid-duel catchin' 'er unawares with a blade to 'er throat and said this unforgettably cool and clever cliffhangery one liner, I forget what it was, but essentially The Eng' is emerging just in time for Leap of Faith...unless your whore of a brain conveniently becomes the target of yet another invasive sit-in.

I'm callin' a supreme deity this time who lays waste to the other three with a wave of It's mighty ego and Super Sayans you up to "Corey Perfect" or you actually BECOME God and flat out fuckin' devour the entire universe, shit it all back out, we all look like you now and we all answer to the name Corey but we also all worship you because you're Corey and we do so via the sacrificing of Coreys (Coreys being the only thing worthy of sacrifice to Corey and also everything is now Corey anyway so fuck off) and celebrate in massive piles of ritual orgies, or "Cor-gies", that cover the land as far as the eye can see, shootin' our Corey cum hither and thither while you, Corey (I haven't lost you have I?), remake or really just rename the universe The Coreyverse and make Coreality up as you, Corey, see fit. Because Corey is inCoreydible and as Corey Coreyupts- uh, I mean IMPROVES, please don't eat me Lord -Coreyverything and Coreyverything beCoreys Corey, Corey Corey Corey CorCorey Cor. Corey Corey Corey, Corey Corey Cor Corey?

C
O
R
E
Y
!

Sound good Corey? Do you like that Corey? Any 'a that tickle your titanic self-centered fancy Corey?

Urp...the room is spinning...

Yeah I don't feel so hot either.

Yep, that's the effect young Corey and his menagerie of fucktards with backstories more labyrinthine than an ant farm and more volumes than the origin of Chris Page has chapters does to the biology of most. I'm more or less unaffected because I'm more batshit Helwig than man.

...How's it feel though Corey, to have your own Coreyness amplified and aimed back atcha? Did you enjoy that death of a thousand details? The fuck am I talkin' about, of course you enjoyed that, you're a megalomaniac and every detail was Corey and devolved to All Work and No Play and ya prob'ly made a few more future "what happened here?" stiff spot stains on the carpet over there in your fuckin' mansion during the whole thing.

The point of all that, other than the obvious pissin' on of your Shang Tsungness, was that you're a hack and it ain't like you and I'll be able to avoid one another in the match, so it may as well be Engy I come inta contact with while I do everything in my power to nab that oh so beautiful TRUE 24/7 briefcase in that space station on or near or nowhere near the moon.

The moon though. Maybe.

The fuckin' moon...maybe.

The place I'd normally threaten to boot an opponent's ass to, don't make me remove you from the match by bootin' your bunghole back to Earth, which is doable. ...Hold up, I think I'm onto somethin' here...who wouldn't pay to see Corey Smith reenter the atmosphere as a flamin' streak and burn up, or even better, rocket intact to the surface like a fried flesh missile and explode into charred fragments at some poor unsuspecting bastard's backyard barbecue... or Disneyland? Holy SHIT that would be specTACULAR! HAPPIEST place on earth by far, let's do it Corey! God, I am rock hard right now just thinkin' about it. Stiff as every strike and maneuver I'll be delivering to anyone standing or floating between me and becoming Mr. 24/7 for the third time, presenting a perfect opportunity to remove gold from around the collective waist of BoB. But alas, we all know you're far too selfish to ever give of yourself to the people, your peers and the brass to that extent, even if it WOULD be the greatest, most legendary moment in your career.

No worries.

Ass.

Let's be honest, I could care less what you may or may not claim to the contrary, you and I BOTH know everyone wants Eng' not only to resurface but take firm control of the vapid vessel that is Corey and kick that cuck to the curb for keeps. See, even though my "ol' pal" Dexter Brite and I never really saw eye to eye, and he irritates the hell outta me, and I still owe him for that one magical squash way back when...

Engy is epic.

You're a cunt.

You're an insufferably waspy little cunt.

I mean fuck me, I've never seen an alleged good guy rub so many people the wrong fuckin' way. You are thoroughly disliked, to like...a backroom dealings degree (miss a few days sleep ruminating on that one, lil' lady), and it ain't hard to see why; you're a self-absorbed sociopath who always has to force himself in there and toss in his two cents. You rape A and B conversations like the Cocksucker you are. Own it or deny it, I don't give a shit. In the short time I've been back and able to watch the day to day interactions with the now much larger XWF family I've seen enough to know you feel compelled to walk up to a situation with no provocation and insult somebody with your condescending smartass attitude, just waltz over and talk shit with the intent to hurt feelings and discourage.

There's a word for that.

Bully.

I hate bullies.

Fuck kinda "face" and positive influence prances around puttin' people down when it ain't during a promo cycle? You're supposed to be the dude makin' up for Engy's crimes, remember? You're expected to set a good example.

Well, you ain't a good example or a "good guy" Corey, you ain't even a nice guy. You're a fuckin' fraud and a bully. The worst kinda bully who thinks his "oh woe is me" backstory gives him license to treat others like dogshit and has the gall to operate under the flag of "face".

Fuckin' pathetic.

Corey Smith. What an asset to the promotion's community you are.

Corey Smith.

The unbelievably arrogant asshat who has the nerve to proclaim four names he thinks are the sole potential threat to victory in his future and drops wet shit on everyone else, including my bro Main, in the process.

Corey Smith.

The fuckup who takes offense to that muppet Centurion NAILING him on the fact he needs to learn a bit of humility then brags about his charity work in the same breath like a douchebag always does. Fuck your commune (and I hope that shit with RL pans out to be Real Life with the c4 demo), it's called cult grounds you God-complex defined dickhead. It was so generous of you to provide Coreytopia (🙄 you're such a fuckin' tool) to offer a setting for competition show off the fact you have it all while most of the world is still stuck tryna make ends meet. Y'know, facing evictions, the loss of small businesses, jobs, the loss of FAMILY... What a hero. The hell would we do without you?

Corey. Smith.

Fuck you.

I half walk back what I said earlier, people prob'ly wanna see me flatten your fuckin' head as much as Engy's.

What really pisses me off is the fact there's enough havoc and evil playin' out in the XWF over BoB without you causin' riots in the halls like you did the other day SIMPLY because a piece 'a shit heel like Chris Page was sellin' bein' a piece 'a shit heel like Chris Page. Correct me if I'm wrong but ain't that his JOB jag-off? Triggery lil' titty baby, you ain't helpin', you're a hindrance. Get the fuck outta the way, no one other than your ultra chipper cheering section wants you around.

Robert was right; you argue with Page but don't have the sac to challenge him to a match. Instead you mask your lack of spine by claiming it would be denied. Did you challenge and prove that theory or did you bitch out like a coward and keep flappin' those dick suckin' lips?

Yeah.

Exactly.

Gutless loser.

Nutless lame.

This is why APEX is back. We'll put our necks on the line, we'll do the heavy lifting for the good 'a the company, while patronizing pussies like you Corey are satisfied just talkin' shit. For now, if you, Lux, Engy, whomever the hell you are at the time, get in my way in the Leap of Faith match, I'll launch you into the void and watch you expand to parade float status, approximately the size 'a your fuckin' head, before you freeze solid. Better believe post match we'll all be playin' shatter the shitbird shootin' quarters out the airlock.

At least RL Edgar had the podunk piss & vinegar gumption to take it to Page and gave it 110% like a champ. I mean holy shit, Edgar was full-steam ahead and ready to kill!

Right before he decided almost enough was good enough, downshifted and ultimately dropped the ball in the Uni match but hey, it ain't his fault; he is associated with the surname Waters. The hint of a smile tugs at the corners of Jim's eyes and lips.

Oh no he di'in't!

He sho' 'nuff did!

O-kaaaaaaay

🤦‍♂️ I ain't ever gonna hear the end 'a that one, I just know it.

I'm just callin' it likes I sees it, Eddie. Psychology and psychological warfare are both very important aspects of what we do here in context with competing (actually, in ALL forms of combat), equally if not more important than the bare bones physicality of it all. What did you- what did EVERYONE -notice when you went hard on Page during the promo cycle? It taxed the hell out of 'im. You had him on the ropes mentally before the match ever started. You HAD 'im...and you REFUSED to pull the killshot trigger on anything except YOUR chance to become the XWF Universal Champion for the first time. If you had kept on the pressure I sincerely believe he would've walked into the match further weakened and exposed, mentally drained and unsure to the point the 3 count would have been yours. All you had to do was try that much harder, and I don't think anyone would have been surprised to see you walk away with the most prestigious strap in this business. Christ, you came SO close in that ring...

Don't get me wrong, as far as Chris Page is concerned I want nothin' more than for The Omega Mainaic to dole out vengeance for what he and his fam had to suffer and if he were to reclaim the Uni title, that's simply justice. ...But it would have been hilarious had you pulled it off. And like Page recently stated: no one has come closer in recent history.

That should be eatin' you up inside...

Maybe I'm mistaken, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Maybe my belief was misplaced.

Maybe you just aren't strong enough in every sense 'a the word and that ain't a shot, that's just me droppin' what I see radiatin' offa you. I've always been sensitive to that typa shit.

Anyone in this business can opine on whatever he or she wants regarding what does or doesn't matter in the ring but what we say and do, the tells we do or do not display durin' the ever important promotional cycle aka the wicked war of words...to dismiss that as a factor is an error of epic proportions.

When I was a kid, "sticks and stones" was the general consensus in society. I never bought into it but it was what I'd have slapped across my face by authority in response to me ever exploding on another over words. Fast forward to 2021 and we're well into an era on the opposite end of the spectrum where society pushes censure, sensitivity and cancel culture to avoid triggering.

Why? Pay attention to this too Corey, ya prick...

Because words hurt. Words scar. Words are the foundation to some of the greatest acts of greatness or evil our world has ever seen. Words and the psychological effect they have on us can and do motivate us towards both positive and negative actions and reactions. Tear a person down enough, their very way of thinking and behaving can be altered. Verbally assault a man or woman who is already feeling the crushing weight of the world, that person can crumble and just the thought of fighting back or fighting back enough can seem a chore too demanding to even attempt. So both words and the mind play heavily into victory...and failure.

Edgar, you'd broken Page down with words and by the end of the promo cycle his offense had whittled down to little more than goin' through the motions. You had an obligation to finish him, not calm down. Ultimately, the place YOU were at mentally was your undoing. You didn't possess the killer instinct when it mattered most and that seems to be an overall constant with you.

Your psychology betrays that you very well may have a fear of greater success and the work, dedication and responsibility required in context to RETAIN that success. It shows in your history and you fuckin' know it. It could very well be learned or an inherited trait...hence my words on the Waters name and your association in kind with Misty Waters.

After all...

...when have you or a Waters ever amounted to anything other than second best AT best and IF that? When have you or a Waters ever stuck around long enough to do whatever necessary to MAKE it happen? You, Edgar, as well as they can attempt to flip that and list the titles and/or accolades you've all held as proof of ever bein' THE best at something here...but you all know me well enough to acknowledge it'd all be torn down the second I responded.

Accolades are not the Universal Championship and those straps, as prestigious as each may very well be, are not the XWF Universal Title; they're all stepping stones on the path to the Uni Title and are by definition secondary...at best.

Now, the XWF 24/7 Briefcase...that's stuck definitively between the Uni and everything else. The golden ticket. An almost guaranteed reception of the Universe if properly utilized. I don't recall either you Edgar or any Waters ever ownin' one of the 24/7s and if any of you have, you damn sure didn't succeed at using 'em to achieve true greatness.

This is the point.

I've held the Uni AND the 24/7 'Case, twice in fact for the latter, albeit my disappearance in 2018 seems to have lapsed that second 'Case inactive, but still...I have that killer instinct, that Finish Him/Her impulse that you Edgar specifically, fuck a Waters, don't possess. I'm proven. And as much as I don't despise or dislike you...if I'm so proven to succeed in this sorta task even against opponents who DO posses that same instinct, just how far do you think you're gonna get against me without it?

OR with it...

And on the subject of psychology and psychological warfare...

::GREATLY over-exaggerated look of surprise complete with hands thrown up::

Docksy!?? ......Docksy DEVILLE!!??? HA! You thought I was dead, I thought YOU were dead!








WE













ALL













DID.






Are you still burning by the way? What are you a fuckin' tire?

Why the shit are half 'a you reinventing yourselves and/or are a change-up threat at the same damn time? I mean SAME damn time. And it-

Hold up...

Sunuvabitch......

You girls have been roomin' together haven't you.

Wonderful, four gloomy gals with the monthlies and not ONE of 'em is Ariel Dixon. Man, that sadistic though seemingly self-esteemless dame just started and she's more solid than all 'a ya. And fuck you all for makin' me say it.

Ok, to be fair I guess in your case Dock it'd be more apt to say you are the mystical end result, the cosmic chemical reaction if you will, of not only Doc but THE Doc...KING. DOC. catchin' fire when he's in 'is Happy Place havin' good clean fun accepting gifts from attempted murderers and knighting said attempted murderers with frequent feedings of grapes from court-whores to break up all the jackin' of eachother off...




..............you crispy up and add a K.




Why?

Why would you do that, DocK?

So I can say things like-

If you get in my way in the Leap of Faith in Space Mr. Dock, you better expect tribble; bend over for Dock-ing procedures, from Hell's heart I stab at thee?

Goddammit Dock, you're such a fuckin' Trekkie nerdlinger.

Or-

Flame-on ya balding bear, I always knew you were Sittin' On The Dock Of The Gay?

C'mooooon, you know I can't help myself with the lowbrow you dusty phantom fart. It's like Chaos skipping by a Ticket Master sellin' backstage passes to 6 Dicks 3 Holes, of COURSE he's gonna pounce on it. I mean, I'm only human, I don't have an arsenal fulla spells and potions like you do ya cheatin' old Fairy Potter.

Speakin' of arsenals...

Theeeeee FUCK is up with your potbelly underling Sir Teekay tryna serve me up the ol' JFK Surprise SPlatter? Dock...did you put 'im up to this?

Shaking head in disappointment. Heartbreak even. Docksy...how could you? After ALL the very few things we've been through, you're gonna let one 'a your knights pink-mist my melon? And before we even get to Leap of Faith...

People will say we're in love Dock's afraid of Jim Caedus......




Are you?




It's ok Dockers, I know that even after a pride-bruisin' rare loss you would never sink so low as to rob the people of seein' the two of us face off at some point in the match, the latter of which there is no doubt in my mind. You'll deny it, or perhaps own up to it now that I've said it but it was obvious that loss to Alias hurt.

And I ain't talkin' the immolation.

I ain't gonna say what others in or outta this match might jump on, Dock; I'm not gonna laugh at you for losin' to that scatterbrained Michael Jordan-grade ball-hog and I'm not gonna accuse you of hittin' the wall or bein' past your prime.

I know who you are.

I knew what kinda obstacle I'd have in claimin' the true 'Case the moment you hit Savage.

What I'm talkin' about is the fact you were walkin' on air- well, your poofin' Merlin ass is always pullin' shit like that literally but I mean you were ridin' high like Corey on his Sybian throne. -following being crowned King of the XWF. Becomin' the overseer of every show, those ladies of the night hand feeding you grapes, you bein' presented with Docscaliber and giddily knighting the members of BoB Elite. Bro...you KNOW you were havin' the time 'a your life rockin' that fuckin' robe and crown, loungin' around soakin' in the adoration and/or at the very least the respect and/or fear from the roster and the XWF Universe. Everyone knows the name Doc(k) but for Dock to be lauded in such a fashion, to become the center of attention like that, continuously, all eyes on you at the height of Unfuckwithable...that was Heaven in Hell on Earth for the King of Darkness.

Then it all came to a halt following that positively epic battle with Alias.

You burned...

...and as far as the XWF is concerned, you vanished. Or more appropriately? You withdrew. A loss of control, an emotional response from the nigh emotionless Legend among Legends.

It was noticeable.

And yeah, go ahead assumed wise-ass, I know, you were all burns up and either I wasn't far off with my snide remark earlier about you bein' a tire fire or you fucked off inta Odinsleep for healing or metamorphosis right? That's why you vanished and also why you're still smoldering, right? And despite the question of how a devil like you, a devil that APEX themselves have faced down before essentially IN HELL, is somehow inexplicably affected by fire...

...your seeming excuse for disappearance still ties up rather nicely, I admit.

But it's horseshit.

All it takes to sideline THE Dock is to set him on fire? So any pyrocurious kid can just waltz up with a can 'a hairspray and a lighter and take out Dock? That's what you want us all to believe? You'll never get a chance to compete again if the people on THIS roster KNOW they can remove you from the equation that easily. And don't say it wouldn't be, you were right in front 'a me on Warfare, any one of us coulda lit you up. Ain't no wrigglin' free by claimin' you'd poof away in the nick 'a time either, if you had it like that not only would you never lose a match but no one would've ever even lain a finger on you this entire time and, well, none 'a that's the case.

The immolation isn't the culprit behind the very visible and active King of the XWF temporarily disappearing.

You're the culprit.

You chose to stay away Dock. Chose to. That loss to Alias was too much for you to bear somethin' as simple as resuming court as usual and not DISAPPOINTING a whole lotta payin' customers...or people around here who look up to you.

Call it depression, embarrassment, sadness. Call it your own shame and doubt in yourself. Call it Dock havin' to huddle under the covers with Hell's finest liquors and a box 'a Kleenex to keep the mascara from runnin'...it all points to a chink in the armor. It all points to weakness...

...and vulnerability.

Alias has no idea what he provided with his heavy lifting in the match, with his victory; a window of opportunity for those of us capable of exploiting vulnerability in a beast like you Dock. The two times I faced you in the past, my ring weariness at the time aside, I saw no discernible weaknesses and it presented a mental precedent I couldn't overcome. I walked into those matches assured I'd be limpin' out the loser and I did. There's somethin' to be said, and I've been sayin' it, about the importance psychology plays in competition.

Now I know Dock isn't impervious. Now I know Dock is a surmountable obstacle and for Jim Caedus...that's all I need.

You can make obligatory claims that Caedus never was nor is capable NOW of emerging victorious in a match with your name on the marquee, which is a load 'a Luciferian shit F-T-R, but you'd be overlookin' the detail that I don't need to pin you in this match. All I need do is avoid you and if necessary REMOVE you from my path to the true 24/7 Briefcase. And where in the past there would have been even a moment's hesitation in comin' face to face with you- more than enough for you to capitalize on -you'll find there no longer exists any such hesitation when we in fact do collide.

I neither fear you nor will I allow you to stop me Dock. Not only for myself but for Boss Lane, for APEX, for the XWF...and for the fact you would entertain and enable the bwo to ravage the landscape of this promotion with your wildly inconsistent acts of first aiding the "heroes" in Continuum then fluffin' the cancer that would spell the DEATH of this company. A company that's treated you like ROYALTY with or WITHOUT the crown you cocksucker.

Traitor.

The once seen as nigh Godly Dock has now been exposed as more human and fallible than ever presumed. Falling victim to temptations of the flesh, pride, flattery, HUMILIATION, self doubt, even sympathy displayed the ONE time you ordered a halt to a BoB assault...Dock, you may be well practiced in the art of puttin' on a confident face but you're a mess of emotion and inner conflict. And NOW you even have somethin' to prove. And you do. As would ANYONE, ESPECIALLY THE Dock, comin' off a loss the level you experienced and CRAWLED AWAY from.

You ARE a definitive threat. Always. But the existence of those flaws, flaws that are inherent with the rest of us because we. Are. HUMAN., presented by an entity established as anything BUT the combination of said, paints you as out of control and that's exploitable.

Again...that's all I need to give me the edge against you specifically and in general to accomplish what Big Bossman Lane hired me to do. Indeed, he specified the prevention of Theo's hired goons from attainin' the 'Case but there ain't a more concrete way 'a carryin' that out than claimin' the true 24/7 Briefcase myself and I ain't lettin' no overcooked administrative demon dickhead with a wounded pride and pathetic desire to save face and show out stop me from accomplishing what I've now set out to do.

And WHEN you get in my way Dock, you're gonna hafta experience what I'm capable of, what I have gained a reputation for. My record for havin' the focus, determination and heart required to achieve victory alone in conflicts involving multiple opponents speaks for itself.

There's far too much at stake for the XWF in this match to allow any of you to stand, float or fuckin' fly in my way. Alias, as personally stated, has no intention of doin' any derailin' with the Brotherhood of Baddies and 'is briefcase shall be nothing more than a means to his own selfish ends. I can't have the second case fall into the wrong hands. Corey, all you and Continuum care about is yourselves. Even worse, Dock before the K, though still NOT a "good guy", was associated with your stable and he was ENABLING the Brotherhood with all the King Doc circle-jerkery. You FAILED to keep the Tag Titles outta the hands of BoB's Bastards, failed to prevent the spread of their cancer, you let 'em go metastatic. Not to mention, I don't give a shit how talented you are Corey, you've never faced Jim Caedus other than in sugar free fashion on Warfare and just for the taste of it I already showed you how easy it is for me to slip on in for the win. Yeah, you've gained esteem and I'll reiterate that you do possess tremendous skill, skill I fully acknowledge as very capable of defeating me...but I possess tremendous skill fully capable of defeating you as well, more so in a match like this than any other. RL, you may seem to have the correct bearings about you but you, like Corey, like Demos, failed to stop the bwo when you had the chance. Your proven inability to deliver when necessary will present an obstacle only YOU can conquer and if history is any indication, which it sure as fuck is, you haven't the strength to do so, especially with this match on the near horizon and 9 opponents of the caliber you're facing there to distract you and make the process further ineffectual. Chaos, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- Sil, wrong place, wrong time, wrong partner. Havin' your ass assigned to Chaos- in a LEAP OF FAITH MATCH with these names -in and of itself puts you at a major disadvantage. Demos, you're more concerned with handing over victories in exchange for pussy than anything else. And you failed to stop BoB. Twice. Idiot. Rel, good luck. Thrax, good luck. Oswald, you're goin' home from the match to your pack 'a C.H.U.D.s empty handed and still the laughing stock of BoB. Dock...fuck a phoenix. Your failure to mask that maelstrom of emotions betrays distraction and weakness I'm gonna gape with the subtly and restraint of a post puncher.

This is me knockin' off the rust and simply the startin' salvo sisters.

Say somethin'.




Not you Chaos.

Don't even switch your fuckin' mic on.


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~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
~Efed Podcast Top 100 - #74 w/no Twitter (all credit to you, fam, 🙏 <3)
~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF XTREME CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX x2 - 3x 
~XWF 24/7 Briefcase - 3x
~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 5x (TV/Fedr, Uni/Trio, Tag/24/7, X/24/7 & Uni/Tag)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
~XWF July 2021 QOTM!! - line from "Took It All"
~XWF October 2021 RP of the Month!! - "This Just In" audio
~XWF November 2021 Star of the Month!! (3rd time!!!!!!)
~XWF Match of the Year 2021 w/Bourbsy!! - X-Treme, Flynn's Audio Shove-It


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