**Circles of Hell Part 2**

The door to the eighth circle of Hell opens and in walks Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon.


That was fucking nuts, Bobby! How the fuck did we pull that off?

Well, you are a descendant of-

What the fuck, Bobby?

What?

You just call me The Disappointments to piss me off?


As Thunder Knuckles is talking, Bobby Bourbon looks around and is puzzled.


This is fraud.

Now you’re calling me a fucking fraud! What fucking give Bobby?


Bobby looks back at Thunder Knuckles with a smile.


No, Thunder Knuckles, this circle of Hell is fraud, not you're a fraud.

Oh, okay that makes sense.

Why do you say that?

Well, look around us, Bobby.

It looks like a bunch of cubicles to me. Just like a normal office back on earth.

Yeah, I learned about this one when I was in that fucking religious cult, man. Notice the ten rows?

Mmhmm.

Each one of these fucking cubicles has desks with a representative posted, right?

Yeah.

Some of them are fucking “IRS agents”, fucking “local police fundraisers”, and the goddamned Trump campaign! I’m sure there are more but Ol’ Thunder Knuckles doesn’t remember everything those wackjobs said but Ol' Thunder Knuckles knows this place fucking sucks. Mostly because Jimmy does all the thinking. Pay attention if you listen carefully they never ask for money straight up. They ask for things like Amazon gift cards, Apple gift cards, and etcetera.

Clever.

I know, right?! Keep your eyes peeled, Bobby, maybe we’ll see Robert Main somewhere here. He’s a fucking fraud and should be dead by now.


Thunder Knuckles looks into the camera and winks.


Do I even want to know?


Thunder Knuckles leans in and whispers something into Bobby Bourbon's ear.


Now that’s classic.

I know! A classic like a fucking 1963 Jaguar S-Type. This circle is way easier to get through than anything we’ve encountered. I wonder why it’s so low?

The seventh circle was filled with murders, thugs, suicide victims, blasphemers, and sodomites. This one is just a bunch of people working behind a desk.

This is a fate far worse than death Bobby. Imagine working for all eternity. That would be fucking miserable.


The men finally make it to the final door. Treachery.


Well, this is the last chance to find, the one and only, Unknown Soldier.


Thunder Knuckles looks down at a watch that has time running out on it.


We have to find him. If we don’t, we lose for sure!

Thunder Knuckles twists the doorknob and it creaks open. Thunder Knuckles sticks his head into the door. Then he looks back at Bobby.


You’re not going to fucking believe this!


Thunder Knuckles swings the door open to reveal a frozen wasteland.

Can’t say I was expecting this.

I thought Hell was all fire pits and demons! Here we are fucking running right through the mother fucker almost un-fuck-checked.

This is where they keep the world's great tractors. You know that, right?


Thunder Knuckles looks around and sees Benedict Arnold, Marcus Junius Brutus, and some more capital riot “protesters”.


I have no fucking clue how these people are.


Bobby Bourbon looks shocked.


You’ve never heard of Benedict Arnold?

Can’t say that I fucking have. No. Why the fuck would Unknown Soldier be here?


This is one question that not even Bobby Bourbon has an answer for.


I have no idea.


Bobby points out a pathway that leads to a giant frozen mountain.


Well, we can always try this way.

Fuck it! Why not! We’re running out of time to make this whole thing fucking work. We might as well go for broke, right?

That the spirit, Thunder Knuckles! All-in! That’s why I wanted to tag with you in the first place. You see a challenge and run to it face forward no matter the consequences!


Thunder Knuckles is touched by this and pat Bobby on the shoulder.


We got this, mother fucker. Together.

Damn right! Now let’s go get that big piece of chicken!


The two men walk the path a few demons try to give them shit but rumors have swirled through Hell about what happened in the seventh circle and they cower at the sight of Them No Good Bastards. At the base of the mountain, Thunder Knuckles notices the back of a throne.


No fucking way, man! Do you think that's?

I’m afraid it is. It’s Satan’s throne!


Thunder Knuckles takes off running up the mountain knowing there isn’t much time left. The clock is ticking.


Come the fuck on, Bobby!


Booby starts running up Hell’s final mountain.


What are you going to do when we get there?

I’m going to make Satan my fucking bitch! Then I'm going to make him tell me where to find Unknown fucking Soldier!

That plan may be too simple.

I’m a fucking simple man! Make XBUX, eat, sleep, fuck, shit, and fucking drink.

Repeat?


Thunder Knuckles stops dead in his tracks and really thinks about it.


Yeah, basically.


Bobby who didn’t stop running yells back to Thunder Knuckles, who is looking down over the mountain’s path.


Yeah. I just feel like something is missing Bobby. I can’t fucking explain it. I feel like-

COME ON!

Okay shit! You act I wasn't the one who dragged you to Hell! Goddamn.


Thunder Knuckles takes off back up the mountain. Our two champions of Jesus Christ finally make it to the top. The back of the throne is too big to see over or around.


This is it.

Goddamn right, it is!


Thunder Knuckles cracks his knuckles and begins talking shit before even getting in front of the throne.


Hey, Satan you fucking little pussy ass bitch!


As Thunder Knuckles gets out the word bitch he notices Satan slumped in a heap.


No fucking way!

Now what?

I… I… Don’t know. I took us to Hell on Peter Gilmour’s word. He said Unknown Soldier was here.

Are you calling Gilly a liar?


The voice echoed out in a thunderous boom followed by a towering inferno of fire before Bobby and Thunder Knuckles’s eyes. Bobby Bourbon knows exactly who voice that is and gets in a fight ready stance.


Where are you, Soldier!

Right, here.


The words come from behind the Almighty’s soldiers of fortune. Thunder Knuckles quickly turns around.


Did you think you were going to come to Hell and take me with you? I killed Satan and now I sit on his throne. What makes you think I’m going to come with you peacefully?

To be honest-


Thunder Knuckles looks down at his watch as it ticks down. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.


I didn’t expect you to.


Thunder Knuckles quickly grabs Unknown Soldier's arm. One. An enormous light fills all of Hell and Them No Good Bastards are transported back to Heaven.

**Preach**

Barf another fucking homophobic piece of shit to roams the hallways of XWF. You should be ashamed of yourselves, seriously, get with the time's mother fuckers. Even if I was sucking Bobby Bourbon’s dick, which I’m not. What exactly would be wrong with it?


Thunder Knuckles smiles because he knows dog shit rasslers like Marf can’t resist getting into a mud-slinging contest.


I’m not going to waste too much time on you. Yes, it’s because you’re not worthy to step in this ring with Ol’ Thunder Knuckles, and yes it’s because you haven’t done fuck all. So that’s something you’re going to have to live with. You’re not that good but your ego is inflated by those “not Satanist” Satanists you fucking hangout with. Oh, I brought up the Satanist cult. Again. Do you know why everyone brings up the Satanist cult shit, bitch fist?


Thunder Knuckles makes an overly dramatic shocked facial expression.


It’s pretty fucking dumb, my guy. That’s why people call it out. As far as your dreams, I don't know any-damn-thing about it. It sounds like a dumb ass story but I bet the Doctor is probably just playing in your head right now. Know what! You should wear a fucking tin foil hat, for sure. I hear all the, what’s highest satanic position? Oh yeah, Maga’s, fucking fitting.


Thunder Knuckles face gives away he thinks the whole concept is stupid.


Anyway, Ol’ Thunder Knuckles heard they were all wearing them!


Thunder Knuckles rolls his eyes knowing now that he has to talk about the biggest waste of potential.


Well, if it isn’t the dark and stormy princess! Do you say you’re not here to take on the best and win? At the expense of the top talent in XWF?


Thunder Knuckles points to the bottom of the screen where Todd inserts the quote.

Geri "Ahh who gives a fuck" Said:“That is where the plan was hatched. We would make our names known at the expense of some of the top stars in XWF.”

Well, fuck me. Jimmy got me learnt about that going up against home-girl, herself.


Thunder Knuckles says with a smile.


Oh come on you know, your good buddy fucking Geri “whatever name suits her”. If she said that's the reason you’re here. Then, which one of you "not satanist" losers is not speaking the fucking truth? My money is on you. Oh, and I love fucking money. I’m also sorry that the insults I hurled at you weren’t original enough. I mean, there's only so much you can do for a basic, cookie-cutter, look like that. My fucking apologies.


Thunder Knuckles makes his signature jerking off motion.


Corey, I’m a fucking lifetime criminal, dawg.


Thunder Knuckles smiles.


When I was a kid we’d use Pig Latin to fucking code what we were saying. Come on, man.


Thunder Knuckles says in perfect Pig Latin.


Ouyay ooklay uckingfay upidstay.


Thunder Knuckles moves on from Corey, faster than you can say, Thaddeus Duke is scared of Chronic Chris Page.


Doc, FINALLY! Now, this is the mother fucker I wanted to see! Not that fucking punk-ass bitch you brought out the gate. For fuck sakes, it took you long enough! Wait... What the fuck...


A blinding bright light shines and Thunder Knuckles, Bobby Bourbon, and Unknown Soldier are in Heaven.

**Heaven Isn't Too Far Away**

Oh, Hello there, Thunder Knuckles.

What up, Jesus! I got, Soldier!


Strangely Unknown Soldier isn’t trying to run and stand side by side with Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon in front of Jesus Christ.

Are you ready to send Bobby, myself, and Unknown Soldier back to our bodies?


Jesus doesn’t answer but as time passes Thunder Knuckles grows impatient and starts to talk.


Du-


Jesus revokes Thunder Knuckles's ability to speak to him and Unknown Soldier smiles with delight.


Well, Thunder Knuckles I would send you back to your body but… Wait. What are you doing? Hey, don’t get any closer!


Thunder Knuckles looks pissed as he walks towards Jesus.


I feel anger in your stream of consciousness. Fear not,


As Jesus says, "fear not", Thunder Knuckles stops dead in his tracks.


my son. I, unfortunately, can’t send you back to your body because you’re already there.

Wait, what?


Thunder Knuckles said, as he says the words, he notices that he said something and looks amazed.


But... You took away my ability to speak. What the actual fuck is going on here?


It's easy Thunder Knuckles. This is all in your head. All you have to do is-


A more than familiar voice can be heard.

**January 11th 2021**

Wake up!


This was the unfortunate truth Jesus wouldn’t tell Thunder Knuckles before going to Hell. The sound of sobbing, and snot being blown into a tissue, can be heard. Thunder Knuckles eyes open.


Where the fuck am I?

Oh my God! Bobby, he's awake! Thunder Knuckles is awake!

Jimmy yells out, more than just a little excited to see that his friend has awakened from a coma. Bobby Bourbon, a nurse who looks like Whitney Collins, is also at his bedside.


Hey, man. You good?


Thunder Knuckles looks over at Bobby Bourbon, who has leaned in.


Yeah, what the fuck happened?

I honestly can’t tell you. You were talking to Barn at the BOB party where Oswald strong-armed his way to power.

What?

Yeah, big mess. I’ll fill you in later.

Do you even know why you’re in the hospital Thunder Knuckles?

Yes, Jimmy! I’m not a fucking idiot! I had Barn shoot me in the skull!


Jimmy looks perplexed.


No.


Thunder Knuckles can’t reach Jimmy at this point but manages to pull out his piss bag and throws it at him. The bag explodes on Jimmy like a water balloon.


Seriously! You showed up to the BOB party all messed up! You were searching for Unknown Soldier and said something to me about you finding his opium den. The toxicology report came back and it looks like you stuck with needles 666 times! They found lethal doses of heroin, LSD, and mushrooms in your bloodstream.

Come on, Jimmy. You can’t inject mushrooms, everyone knows that.

Are you sure you’re going to be good to take care of this Rohypnol job?



Thunder Knuckles looks over to Bobby Bourbon.


Of fucking course I will be, I can’t let down my team Bobby, you know that. It’s fucking strange though Bobby. I had the weirdest fucking dream. You were in it,


Thunder Knuckles places his hand on Bobby's arm which is there. Thunder Knuckles then looks over at the nurse


and you were there-


Jimmy cuts off Thunder Knuckles who has been bedside with Thunder Knuckles since the incident and has never left his side.


What was I doing?


Thunder Knuckles looks over at Jimmy and says,


Come here, Jimmy.


Jimmy gets closer now because he’s jealous of Thunder Knuckles's attention due to Bobby Bourbon being around. Jimmy leans into striking distance and receives a smack to the face.


You weren’t fucking there! It’s Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon, THEM NO GOOD BASTARDS, not with Jimmy the bumbling fucking know it all. Bobby for real, man, we were fucking cutting promos in Hell! Back to back spitting the finest shit and kicking our fucking demons. They were pretty fucking good if you ask me.

I bet you didn’t get your facts right! I wasn't there to correct you and set you on the right path.


Thunder Knuckles’s smile is that of a dickhead, who outplayed the smartest guys in the room.


You fucking know what, Jimmy. That was an issue, I think. Not everything is about being fucking right. It’s about winning over the XWF fans around the world! I could say the fucking sky was goddamn purple and so long as the fans eat it the fuck up. It doesn’t fucking matter. Them No Good Bastards are going to Green Bay and we're going to show the Packers how to fucking win the big one. Fuck the homers. That's what we do off the fucking rip. Doc and Corey might be big and fucking scary but their fucking accomplishments aren't going to be in the fucking ring with them. We are.


Thunder Knuckle's smile hasn’t gone away.


Plus, I got Doc to admit that the body of Corey Smith rocked his ass. It was a fantastic moment. I bet it fucking pained him to say it too.


Thunder Knuckles's smile is shining so bright it could light up a nights sky.


Oh, man, and Corey. Corey thought I’d sell Bobby Bourbon out. He fucking wasted two promos on it, my God it was fucking wonderful. Fucking wonderful!


Thunder Knuckles’s smile recedes finally. He knows the only thing that could have tainted a win at Snow Job would be one of The Descendants taking the pinfall, instead of Corey or Doc.


Somehow the Disappointments got into the match. I don’t even fucking know how that's possible. They haven't had a match together before or proven to be worth a fuck at all.

They have one coming up on Warfare and you never tagged together-


Thunder Knuckles starts to interrupt Jimmy but lets him finish his thought.


-but you have proven yourselves in singles competition, so, that's fair play.


Thunder Knuckles looks at Jimmy annoyed because there is no doubt in his mind that Them No Good Bastards are the hottest team in XWF today without even have tagged together before.


I bet they fucking lose on warfare, Jimmy. It’s kinda they’re fucking thing. Oh, God! They were so long-winded, fucking painful. Sex, gore, and Edgar Allen Poe. Never getting to a real point, and homophobic too! God knows they wouldn’t let some vile trash like that in XWF these days. Not after everything that’s happened recently. No fucking way. But back to my dream. That pussy whipped one fucking knew we were in Hell too. It was so fucking weird.


Bobby Bourbon who is looking at his cell phone eating a bucket of KFC chicken says.


Hey, TK! The card just came out.

Yeah, Bobby.

You’ll never believe this but we have a match for the Tag Titles coming up a Snow Job!


Thunder Knuckles smiles with delight.


Oh yeah, we get a shot at Duke and Doc?

No. That’s weird. It’s Corey and Doc.


Jimmy looks over at Thunder Knuckles.


The Descendants are also in it!

Table, ladders, and chair?

How’d you know?


Thunder Knuckles does exactly what he's learned from a legend, he smiles wickedly.


Just a fucking hunch.


Jimmy, whose eyes haven’t left Thunder Knuckles since his first prediction was right, speaks up.


We have a little over two weeks to get you ready Thunder Knuckles! This is the big leagues now! No slacking off!

Don’t worry, Jimmy! God damn!


Thunder Knuckles looks toward Bobby Bourbon.


Bobby, I’ll go to Hell and back with you, bro. Us, together, these two teams can’t sniff our shit.


Thunder Knuckles high fives Bobby Bourbon and then winks into the camera.


XWF fans around the world want this but they only want this if we work well together. And know this, Them No Good Bastards,


Thunder Knuckles hold out one finger.


Loyal,


Thunder Knuckles hold out two fingers.


Dedicated,


Thunder Knuckles hold out three fingers.


and we spit more fire than fucking flame throwers.


Thunder Knuckles put his arm back down to his sides, still resting in the hospital bed.


That's who the fuck we are. Line’em the fuck up and we’ll run’em the fuck down. It’s what we do. By hook or by crook, we’re walking out of Snow Job not only victorious but hungry.

Very hungry.


Bobby Bourbon grunts and snarls as punches his fist into his other hand. Thunder Knuckles tries to get out of bed and begins removing his IV.


Now, someone give me some help we have to get out of here before I sign any Goddamn paperwork.


Jimmy rushes in to help Thunder Knuckles. When he did Jimmy accidentally ends up hitting the arm that Thunder Knuckles pulled the IV from.


Fuck off, Jimmy! Be careful with that, shit.


Thunder Knuckles stops himself from hitting Jimmy because he asked for help. Maybe, just maybe, he learned something in his hellish coma.


Oh, and Jimmy, after I get done with the job with Bobby and train Barney for Anarchy, I abso-fucking-lutely have to go back to Lima. I’m expecting company. It can’t wait, the future depends on it. Know that thing we took care of?


Jimmy pulls out a pen from his pocket and makes a baseball bat swing. Thunder Knuckles smirks and nods. The scene fades to black as they all do.