"Sayors! Look!"

We hear an unidentified voice say as the footage on a fumbling camera begins to roll, moving in and out of focus,

"Look at what?"

Sayors responds,

"It's something to do for once!"

The camera focuses in and we see the lead mail room tech, Ari Silverstien, wearing an extremely tight and silky button down that's exposing way too much of his chest hair walking towards the resident XWF nobody, R.L. Edgar, with some type of envelop in his hand.

"Ah shit, Todd-"

Sayors responds to the cameraman,

"-I barely know who either of those guys are."

Todd Moschitti huffs at Steve Sayors and quips back:

"Listen bub, it's not often that anyone is lazy enough to have us included in a story anymore. We all almost vanished a couple of days ago in a giant shit-storm for crying out loud! That horror has made me start to appreciate little moments of filming generic, directionless characters backstage. You've got to make the most of these opportunities when they come."

"Why are you talking so much? NO ONE EVEN CARES ABOUT YOU, TODD!"

Sayors shouts,

"HEY! HEY! FUCK YOU, STEVE!"

A scuffle breaks out and the camera falls to the ground. Up ahead we see R.L. Edgar finishing up a phonecall as he notices Ari walking his way, neither of them have noticed the brawl that has started to take place a hundred or so feet away.

"-oh, hey, honey? I'll call you back? Okay. Love you more too. Mmm-bye."

R.L. slides his phone into his back pocket, and takes the last drag from his collapsing cigarette filter and flicks it to the ground as Ari approaches,

"Shalom, homeboy! I've got a check for you."

Ari smiles with an awkward turn of his head while handing R.L. the envelope, the curls on his head bouncing ever so slightly,

"You're kidding?"

R.L. says with a delighted tone, looking down and working his finger into the seam of the envelop,

"I was starting to wonder if we ever REALLY get paid anything around here."

R.L. finishes opening the envelop and goes to grab it's contents before noticing there's still a silent awkwardness looming over him. He looks up to see Ari's big face as moved closer, his eyes lighting up and his mouth swung open shaking his head in an agreeing motion. R.L. shoots him a curious look while squinting his eyes

"FUCK WITH ME NOW!"



Ari and R.L. hear the smack and look over to see Steve Sayors smashing into the floor like a sack of potatoes as Todd Moschitti starts to mount him. R.L. starts to run over to break up the fight as Ari cautiously trails just a bit behind, his neck burying into his shoulders while rubbing his hands together.

"Y'all fuckin' stop!"

Edgar says while hooking Todd under his arms pulling him off of Steve,

"Yeah!"

Ari shouts over from a safe distance,

"THIS BITCH!"

Todd shouts towards Steve while being held back,

"HE STARTED IT! Acting like he has something better to do than his FUCKING JOB! We're all lucky to have jobs right now!"

Sensing that Todd is done fighting he lets him go and walks over towards Steve, holding out a hand and helping him to his feet,

"No, TODD! You're the problem. All of the time wanting me to interview some random dumb fuck in some basic and shitty introduction promo-"

Everyone turns and looks towards the camera for a moment before turning to the action,

"-no one even watches the garbage, and then, you know what? 9 times out of 10, they start avoiding me in the hallways. Never using me for their TV spots again... AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

Steve shouts out as he lunges towards Todd again, but R.L. stops him,

"Wait! You were actually going to interview me?"

Edgar asks,

Steve rolls his eyes in disdain,

"Fuck it. Just stop right there. No need to continue 'doing-this-thing' that you're doing."

R.L. looks on confused,

"Right. That's what I thought."

Sayors snaps his fingers and he's suddenly wearing a suit and tie, and a microphone has appeared in his hand,

"Roll the tape, Todd..."

He puts the microphone up to R.L.'s mouth,

"Ladies and gentlemen I'm Steve Sayors. Right now I'm joined by a random XWF wrestler you've never heard of: David 'The Redneck' Schultz-"

"I'm about to slap the shit out of you!"

"Oh I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, I meant to say: R.L. Edgar! R.L., the last time we saw you, you were losing to Chasm for the 11th time? What's been going on lately?"

"Well Steve, I was actually just about to open this check"

Edgar pulls the check out,

"JESUS CHRIST!"

"Who?"

Ari asks out of nowhere,

"Well, how much is the check for?"

"Seventy-five grand!"

"OH! That must be a payment for your Federweight Championship win... god, now I'm interviewing former Federweight Champions."

"You're serious?!"

Sayors sighs,

"But is the champion now, and now that I know this shit, I fully plan on winning that belt back from him at Savage."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! You stupid fuck!"

"Look man I'm getting really tired of you insulting me like this, maybe I should let ol' dude with the camera beat your ass again"

"The official record of the XWF is that the person you referenced does not exist." Sayors looks past the camera and over at Todd, "See what I'm talking about? This is exactly what I'm talking about. Idiots."

"Wait what happened? Who's the Federweight Champion now?"

"Easy there, Sherlock. SHIT hit the fan, that's all I'll say... oh and Tula Kealiʻi is the champion."

"Who?"

Sayors pulls up a picture of Tula on his phone and shows it to Edgar.

"Is that Tulsi Gabbard? What did she do? Beat up some transgendered person?"

"Close enough. It was Vinney Lane."

"Ah. Gotcha'. So, I guess the match on Savage is just between me and Jim Jimson now?"

"Can't get anything by you. Tell us R.L., is there anything you'd like to say about your opponent on Savage?"

"No. He's too complex. But can you point me back towards the Federweight hall? Another easy title win and my family will be having one hell of a Mele Kalikimaka"

Steve Sayors points in some direction as R.L. Edgar exits the scene.

The end.

Former:
1x Hart Champion
1x Federweight Champion
April 2021 RP Of The Month Still Waters Run Deep