Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Jim "the Jim" Jimson · (12-12-2020)

Jim and Jim are sitting at a parkbench talking to eachother

Jim Jimson: Hey Jim

Jim Jimson: Yea Jim.

Jim Jimson: Do you ever get the feeling that our body is being taken over by an evil shadow-realm Jimson that is determined on making us into something horrible?

Jim Jimson: Nah.

Jim Jimson: Well, you’re just dumb aren’t you?

Jim Jimson: What?

The first Jim puts on some sunglasses

Cool Jimson: Hello Jim. Meet Cool Jimson, and it’s my mission to become the sexual beast, I know we are

Jims rips off the sunglasses

Jim Jimson: What the hell are you talking about? “Cool Jimson” We’re Jim Jimson, we’re physically incapable of being cool!

Jim puts the sunglasses back on

Cool Jimson: Not anymore! Jim Jimson is an underdog going into all his matches! It’s the perfect story every fan wants to see! Coming into the tag match everyone thinks we’re going to get your ass kicked by Atara and Betsy and eat the pin for ol’ nickels, but with me, the times they be changin’! We are going to beat the shooting star title reject and the universal title reject and nobody will see it coming! Not Atara, not Betsy, not Charlie, not a single person in the whole building will see it coming! And when the fans leave they’ll be leaving with a Jim Jimson branded pinecone, each win Jim, you’ve been gaining more and more of a fanbase so the whole XWF will know the name of coolest mother fucker, Jim Jimson as takes on the world with his reality-bending, fast-paced, high flying, fighting style!!

Jim Jimson: What the hell are you talking about? I’m the XWF jobber! That’s who we are! Don’t you dare try and change it! It’s who we are! I will never betray who I am! I did an entire promo on that for god's sake!

Cool Jimson: Oh is that how it is? Then I’ll crush you from the outside!

Jim Jimson: And how are you going to do that?

9 and half hours later

We start the story from Charlie’s humble abode in good ol’ Ohio at 5am.

[Image: dKHoebs.jpg]

The sound of a doorbell wakes up the tired and annoyed Hero of this story

Charlie: Shut up, Narrator, it’s too early you fucking bitched up dumbass!

……

I would have expected Jim to chase you off or some shit

The narrator continues to narrate with no Jimson in-sight!

Charlie walks over to the door and opens the door and opens it to see a lady in jogging wear

umm…. Sorry to alarm you, but…. I was just on my morning jog and…. Well….. There’s a fat bald man sitting in a kiddie pool on the front lawn.

Charlie: Wha….

Charlie looks over at his front lawn and sees Jim Jimson in his front yard

Charlie: Wait, Jim! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!

Cool Jimson: Chill out, Nickels, it’s fine, it’s fine, we’re in summer time now! People go swimmin’ all the time.

Charlie: Maybe in Kangaroo land! WE’RE IN OHIO, IT’S FUCKING WINTER JIM!

Cool Jimson: When you’re as hot as me, the temperature around you is at a solid 32 degree celsius.

Charlie: What? Jim, You seem different?

Cool Jimson: Heh, you see, this is a brand new Jimson.

Charlie: Oh, so you're one of Jim's relatives?

Cool Jimson: Pfft, no. That is something the old me would have said, I’m going over a rebranding you see? Ever since that XWF stooge introduced me to a world of merchandise sales and a fanbase, the void has created a new Jimson, a better Jimson. Gone are the promos of the jobber Jimson, now I’m the cool and awesome Jimson hellbent on being the underdog of all underdogs! At least in the future when I can fully erase the old Jimson for you good.

Jim Jimson: YOU WON’T AND YOU CAN’T!

Cool Jimson: SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING UNCOOL OTHER HALF! But the erasing process hasn’t been able to occur fully yet, I need something to push the coolness levels over the totally radical edge!

Charlie: Huh?

Cool Jimson: I need help getting laid.

Jim Jimson: Wait, what! Why would you get rid of me?

Cool Jimson: After I lose our virginity we’ll become far more cool, wiping away all of your loser, jobber bullcrap, in that way wiping away YOU!

Charlie: What are you talking about?........ Can’t you use that XWF clout to get some easy puss?

Cool Jimson: Hmp, you don’t get it, the type of women, jobbers attract aren’t exactly the best lookers. If you help me with this, we’ll be able to kick those bitches asses and go on to win the tag team titles.

The prospect of becoming a triple champion once again is alluring to Charlie Nickles

Charlie: Alright, I’ll help, the easiest way to get women is to have good looks and since you don’t go that, you gotta use the second easiest way to get women. Money. All we gotta do is throw a few dollar bills at some fine ladies and we’ll be on the road to the tag titles

Cool Jimson: Well there’s just one problem. I only have xbux, I have literally nothing else but xbux

Charlie: Hmmm, maybe we can convince some of the whores running around in the shooting star division. Those bitches get paid jack shit, they gotta be in need of some xbux. I mean, I get it: their division is a joke. It doesn’t move merchandise, it doesn’t get the views, almost everyone is green as grass or past their prime. It might as well be called the “Jenny Myst & Friends division”. Since Jenny took that belt right off of Atara’a anorexic waist it’s been nothing but pure domination over there. Everyone of those girls except Jenny gets paid pennies on the dollar. This should be easy puss!

One 24/7 interaction later

Charlie: Shit, these women have far too much dignity, even after offering 40 thousand xbux none of them wanted to go down on Jims pinecone. I have no idea what to do now, Jim.

Cool Jimson: Really? Is there not a single person you can think of that would willingly let me put my chicken into their deep fryer?

Jim Jimson: HA! You may try all you want to get rid of me, but my reputation is too strongly defined to get rid of so easily!

Cool Jimson: Get out of our head, I’m in control right now and you will fail, I’ll make sure of that, no matter what!

Charlie: You talkin’ to yourself huh, Jim, sorry man, I don’t think there’s a single chick out there whos willing to have sex with you

Suddenly Charlies phone rings, he picks up his phone

Greggo: I heard your looking for a girl to fuck Jimson.

Charlie: Wha… it’s like 5am, we were just talking about it, how did you know?

Greggo: Doesn’t matter how, I got a chick that would do it with Jim for 26xbux, but it needs to happen now and fast!

Charlie: wait, who even is it?

Greggo: Tell Jim to meet her at the gloryhole 2 blocks down from your house

Charlie: Wait there’s a Gloryhole 2 blocks down from my house?

Greggo hangs up

Charlie: Hey, Jim, Greggo’s got a girl for you, the only problem is that it’s someone greggo found, anyone that is even moderately associated with Gerggo is someone to worry about, you gotta be real desperate, like choosing to have sex with Arata, desperate.

Cool Jimson: I’ll take it!

Charlie: Well we’re two blocks away from the Gloryhole… I guess we just go now?

Cool Jimson rushes out of the kiddie pool and manifests a new black blouse and pants into existence, but keeps his sunglasses, I guess he really likes sunglasses or something.

Cool Jimson: Let’s get going now while I'm still in control of the body!

Charlie: Sure. Charlie has been around Jim long enough that he doesn’t question the weird crap Jim says every now and then

Cool Jimson: I’ll follow you, Charlie lead to the way!

Charlie: Ok, he said it’s block down so, I guess we just keep on walking until we find a place where there’s a gloryhole

Cool Jimson proceeds to follow Charlie through the neighbourhood, they pass a mural of a dolphins because, sure why not, why wouldn’t it be there.

Jim Jimson: rrrrr, Nothing makes my blood boil like a dolphin!

Cool Jimson: I need to counter-react his dolphin anger… Dolphins aren’t that bad, the ancient Greeks believed they were a good omen. They were also closely related to Aphrodite the God of love, so that’s nice and all.

Jim Jimson: THAT’S WHY THEY ARE ANCIENT! THEY ARE ALL FUCKING DEAD BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO BUSY GOING “OH WOW IT’S A DOLPHIN MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY” AND THEN BAM! THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS GOT RAPED AND FUCKED DEEP IN THE ARSE BY DOLPHINS! IF YOU SUPPORT DOLPHINS YOU SUPPORT RAPE! NECROPHILIA! NON-CONSENSUAL GANGBANGS! AND SO MANY MORE TERRIBLE THINGS THAT IF I SAID THEM WE’D BE HERE FOR HOURS!!!!

Annoyed neighbour: Shut up! It’s too early to be screaming!!

Jim Jimson: We’ll now your the one screaming!

Annoyed neighbour: Fuck you!

Cool Jimson: Oh you wish, buddy! YOU WISH!!

Charlie: Jim, stop yelling at cool Jim and both of you just agree that it’s a mural of some dolphins

Jim Jimson: NO NO NO NO NO! WE ARE NOT JUST MOVING PAST THIS SO QUICKLY! COOL JIMSON, YOU SAID THAT ANCIENT GREEKS SAW DOLPHINS TO BE A GOOD OMEN, YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THEY WERE A SYMBOL OF APHRODITE, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS A SYMBOL OF APHRODITE? DOVES. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS ACCOSICATED WITH DOVES AND APHRODITE? ATARA THEMIS. IF ATARA HAS 2/3 ACCOSIATIONS ALREADY, IT'S CLEAR SHE'S HIDING THE THIRD! SHE'S A DOLPHIN SUPPORTING BITCH! AND ALL DOLPHIN SUPPORTERS ARE COMMUNIST! ATARA IS TRYING TO SPREAD DOLPHIN PROPAGANDA BECAUSE SHE IS A SIREN OF APHRODITE, SHE MAKES SURE NOBODY KNOWS THE DANGERS OF DOLPHINS AND WA-POW! WE'RE ALL GETTING DOLPHIN DICKED!! FUCK ATARA THAT DOLPHIN LOVING BITCH!

Jim puts his sunglasses back on

Cool Jimson: Listen, I get your not cool and all, but, seriously, you don't want to fuck Atara, in 2019, maybe, but now, she is someone you steer far away from. Atara has a problem with Charlie discrediting her because of her gender, trust me atty, I don't need to do that to discredit you, honey. I remember when you first got here, you were on a roll, you were looking like a contender in the Universal title picture and then on warfare you got that opportunity at a Christmas themed warfare. You put on one hell of a fight in the elimination chamber, but in the end, you lost, just like my tag team partner right here did, but at this point, this is where we started to see the cracks in the immaculate marble statue of the goddess. You bounced back and at the next PPV, Cunt Fest, you faced off against Noah Jackson for the TV title, in a what was pretty much a kiddie pool and you lost. The XWF threw you a bone, well, they threw you a division, a whole ass division was practically given to you and what happened? You lost it! And you didn't even get close to getting it back, Madison and Myst had to step in to resuscitate the division and when Jenny went in and lifted it higher than you ever brought it, you came crawling back and tried to stick your fingers in the pie. Long gone were the days of a universal title run for you Atty, now the best for you was a shooting star division which has a whole of 3 actual contenders close enough to fighting Jenny Myst. Unlike Charlie, when you fell off the hill, you didn't climb back up, as Charlie did, you simply fell further and further down, had a few glimpses of hope with a lack-luster x-treme title run and the shooting star title, but in the end, you just couldn't. You showed us all that the marble statue was just a fake miniature from las vegas.

A gust of wind blows of Jims sunglasses

Jim Jimson: Yea, because you if you try more of this shit, I will have to make my long awaited comeback to the shooting star division and I know all you girls are praying that doesn't happen!

Cool Jimson: I didn’t wanna ask because you were leading me, but what does a gloryhole even look like? I’m still gaining coolness as we speak, I don’t have enough coolness to know what one is yet.

Charlie: A hole. Just focus on finding Greggo we’re 2 blocks down from my house so it should be here somewhere. He notices a public restroom

Cool Jimson: I found it!

Jim is hovering around a small hole in the dirt

Cool Jimson: Guess I gotta stick my dick in it. I am the coolest motherfucker around

Jim starts to unzip his pants out in the open

Charlie: Wait no! That’s not it, it’s probably in the restroom over there

Cool Jimson and Charlie enter the restroom and see 8 stalls and a single sink.

Charlie: Greggo? You here?

There’s a knock on the 3rd stall

Greggo: She’s in here, throw the 29xbux over first, before you can see her

Cool Jimson: Wasn’t it 26xbux?

Greggo: The price went up!

Cool Jimson looks at Charlie

Charlie: What are you looking at me for, huh?

Cool Jimson: A Jimson as cool as me doesn’t pay for stuff, he has other people pay him, because of my overpowering coolness.

Charlie: Yeah, you got no money, the coolness is glowing off you

Cool Jimson: Oh come on! I need you to help me! We would be able to win the tag team titles if I don’t become cool!

Charlie: Urrrrrh. Fine.

Charlie throws over 29xbux, then the door opens….

“Sarah”: Hey Jim, I’m Sarah , Hey Charlie. Long time no see

Charlie looks over at greggo in a wig and a dress.

Cool Jimson: Wait, how do you and Sarah know each other?

Charlie: ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID! THATS-

Cool Jimson: A beautiful woman.

Because of Cool Jimson’s need to always wear sunglasses he can’t fully make out the face of umm…… “Sarah”.

Charlie: Jim. Are you fucking seriously going to down on Gr- ?

Cool Jimson: What’s wrong with Sarah? She looks like…. Something, the sunglasses make it hard to make out the face indoors.

“Sarah”: Just walk into that 4th stall and your virginity will be gone for good

Charlie: Fuck this im leaving, just tell me whenever your…… done.

Charlie walks out of the bathroom as Jim figures out how to stick his dick into the gloyrhole

[Image: XcpeXLX.jpg]

Jim walks out, furiously out of breath

Charlie: What? That wasn’t a long time, that was a few seconds, literally seconds.

Jim Jimson: It was a long time for me!

Cool Jimson: Wait, how are you still here? I killed you off? I lost my virginity. I killed you!

Jim Jimson: Oh you sunglass wearing fuck! You should never wear sunglasses indoors.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Cagrgrgsdrgsdrgsdrfg
Author	Message