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Jenny Myst · (11-15-2020)

"Nobody is giving me any credit for being a champion. I am not even listed as a champion on the company website, so I have started behind the eightball before I even picked up the cue stick. Nobody wanted me to be a champion here, and I could go as far as to say that nobody even really cared if I was still employed here. As much as I want to look at this accomplishment in a low light, like it was a "shut her up" kind of prize, I did beat Madison Dyson to earn it. I beat one of the best women to ever grace an XWF ring, and Madison, rest her soul, is going to go down in the annuls of XWF history. Now, as much as they hate it, so will I. I have had to sit there for years like a good little girl and listen to Chris desperately cling to his "Top 50 All Time" status like he won a damn gold medal for being just good enough to not be completely forgotten about, all while I widdled away as a nothing more than a delusional ex champions cock holster. All of the big time moments I have been involved in, all of the times when Jenny Myst was the most talked about part of the entire show, they are all swept under the rug as just another chaotic sideshow. I was never respected as a singles competitor, and I was never looked at as one of the valued members of this society. A Mr. Clean look-a-like with an irrational hatred of dolphins and the inability to put together a promo more than three sentences is more valued on this roster than I am. A perverted creep with a foot fetish and a child-like grasp of the English language is more 'valued' here than me. As much as I can hold my head high and scream to the heavens that I am a champion, I am always going to be looked at as nothing more than an annoying bitch who whined her way back into everyone's collective memory. Why do you think I shove this title in everyone's face? Why do you think I am so brash and outlandish with my Queen moniker? A plea for attention? No, a plea for respect I am never going to get from a patriarchal society who wouldn't bat an eyelash if I died in the ring. I didn't do this for them, because they would have never allowed it to happen. Lets be clear here, with the purity of crystal.

I did this for ME.

For far too long I have sat back and watched the XWF world rotate on its axis around me, and haven't done a damn thing about it. All the chaos I have helped cause, all of the matches I have helped to alter, none of it was enough. I was the goddamn General Manager of Savage, and it just wasn't enough. They didn't resepct this title the first time, when it was the "Bombshell" title, and hung it over my head as a bargaining chip to try to take my attention off being anything more. They knew a shiny new toy would catch my attention like a dog seeing a squirrel, and they used as just that, a toy. Hell, by the end of the Bombshell run, men were holding the damn belt. They patted themselves on the back and told the world they were giving more focus on the women's division, when I've seen cancer wards with more spunk and pizzazz than the division had back then. Mind games. And I fell for them. They discarded the title when they could no longer keep up the lie that the women's division mattered to them anymore, threw it away like a broken appliance, and moved on like nothing happened. They didn't care about the women who actually cared what that belt represented, because it didn't fit their narrative anymore. So now they see that there is more than one set of tits on the roster with modicum of talent inside the padding, and the "progressives" in the front office suddenly care about a division they kicked to the curb 3 years ago. They "re-invented" this title when Atara Themis or Madison Dyson could hold it, because they fit the 'reputation' they sought so desperately to uphold, but when Jenny Myst wins this title suddenly it doesn't hold the same luster as when corporate whore and the designated "top female" held it, does it?

Well I beat the top female, and I earned this accolade. But they'll downplay it. Charlie Nickles wins a title with the chemical value of tin foil and he is recognized as the champion in two hours and I have to wait two weeks, go to the office and complain, and get told they'll get around to it. Then I am looked at as the crazy one, as the needy bitch. Just goes to show you the uphill battle I am fighting here, and what little respect I actually have. Good. More motivation for me. More reason to rub it in their face. More reason for me to shove this title down their throats and realize that Jenny Myst IS the top female on this roster, whether they like it or not.

I did this for ME.

Now I am put into a four corners match to defend the gold they don't want me to have, like that's an obstacle that I'd soil my pink thong about. I've never been one to back down to a challenge because my entire life has been a giant one. Nothing they can throw at me can alter my frame of mind, can shake me off my foundation, can make me second guess what I am doing here. They give me Ash Quinn, the girl that looks like if Momo had eye lids, Gerri Vayden, who looks like she has a love-hate and love again relationship with Benadryl, and some bitch named Betsy Granger who looks like she gets paid for sex with Mountain Dew. Good. Fuck' em.

I've beaten Ash Quinn more times than a senators wife, and she keeps coming back for more! Atta girl, love the heart! But lets be real here, if rock bottom had a basement, you'd be in it. The modicum of talent I spoke about before? That didn't refer to you. You've got heart and that's going to drive you, but I have worked too hard and for too long to let my guard down for the bitch who kept Nemo in a tank.

Gerri Vayden decided to rear her ugly head, and Ash in case you were curious, she does have talent. Gerri is a part-timer whose won a couple of matches here and there, and suddenly she's given a title shot. They would absolutely love for Gerri to take this title from me, it would give them giggle fits and they'd probably throw a party. Cake and juice for all. Is Gerri Vayden on my level? Is she even half the woman I am? Has she ever held a title outside of Anarchy and for more than 15 minutes? No. Hell to the no. She lost the Anarchy title the same damn night she won it. But they would be just so thrilled to have Gerri Vayden be their new women's division head, wouldn't they? The talent pool will empty out, the overall morale and quality of the division will plummet like an anvil off a cliff, and they will have an excuse to get rid of the title again due to "lack of interest".

Anyone but Jenny Myst, though, right? Hell, I bet Gerri would be announced as champion the same night and get a nice little plaque on the company's website with her name in bold letters like she actually earned something. Too bad she hasn't, and she won't.

Betsy Granger? How generic of a name is that? This is their ace in the hole? Please tell me why BETSY GRANGER is in the title match and Atara Themis is in the number one contenders match? How does that make any sense? Did Atara refuse to swallow this time? At least her being in the match, with a win over me at Leap of Faith, would make some fucking sense. But no, we have Gerri Vayden, Ash Quinn and the female lone ranger. Hoping the numbers game catches up to me and I fall victim to one of them beating the other and stealing this belt. That is why its not a one on one match, because I can beat any and all of them individually. They are hoping to play the odds game to get this belt off of me. So be it. I have battled the odds my entire life, numbers don't mean anything to me.

I have tried to play nice, really, I have. I have tried to be the bigger person and tell myself not to slip back into the vault of negativity that surrounded my life for the better part of 4 years. I have tried to wipe clean the stench, dirt and grime I have been covered in since I was a lapdog for that snake Chaos, and I still can't shake the vibes. They hate me because they hate him. I am never going to be "their" champion, so the only person left to do this for is myself. I can go to sleep at night knowing that all of my claims are true, that I have been at the forefront of a revolution here in XWF, that I have been a better wrestler, roster member, show contributor and overall better person since the break up.

I DID THIS FOR ME.

So bring it on, ladies. Bring your A games and step into the ring with the Queen. Step into the ring with the most dominant female of 2020, and step into the ring with the one member of this roster that isn't going to sugar coat what is actually going on here. I am the best in the world at what I do and if I have to prove that again, damnit I will. Cage matches, ladder matches, you name it, they've thrown it at me. I survived those and I'll survive this. I will be honest, however. I never thought before that I'd be here. I almost let them win, I almost let them label me. I almost gave into the ever-mounting pressure of being successful here, and left before I could make something of myself. I am not Gerri, I will not retire, run away, and hide from the challenge. I almost did, but I am so glad that I found myself. Years ago, I wanted all of the fame and the limelight that came with being in front of a nationally televised audience every week. Now, I want the fame and the limelight of winning in front of the same audience. I didn't care about winning then because I didn't truly know what it was. I skated by on looks and sex appeal, and I was more than willing to take the easy way out as long as I looked good. Now? I shun the easy way. Easy isn't a word in my vocabulary any longer. I want it to be hard because I want to grow from it, improve from it. I want to be the best not because someone's libido convinced them to say it to me, but because I went out there, despite all odds, and truly proved that I am the best. I want to win for the sake of winning, not win for the sake of exposure. Losing isn't an option to me anymore, when only a short time ago I didn't care about losing because I had it in my mind that I still looked better than they did. I didn't like myself, but then again, nobody likes a loser. Now, I love myself, but they hate everything that I have become. They hate my growth, hate my maturity, hate my success, hate my confidence. Figures, when I hate myself they pushed me through the moon, or tried to. Now that I love what I've become they want to stifle my development. Makes ya wonder just what goes on the the lights go out, doesn't it? Makes ya wonder whose running this game and what their end game truly is. Mine is simple. Don't do it for them, do it despite them. Walk into High Stakes the Personification of Perfection, the Queen of the XWF the Shooting Star Champion..........and walk out all the same. I've spent my entire life doing everything for everyone else...but this...this right here.....

I did this for ME.

"I did it, Daddy.

I did it, and I wasn't even scared. I remember that time we went to the fair, do you remember that? I badgered you for weeks about it, didn't let you get a resting moment alone. The fair, we have to go to the fair! Then we got there, and I was afraid of everything? I didn't want to go on the rides because they were too high, or too fast. I didn't want to play the games because they were too hard. I didn't want to eat the food because was too greasy. I didn't want to talk to anyone because they were too different. I remember how disappointed you were. But I didn't appreciate things back then, Daddy. I didn't want them because I couldn't have them, I wanted them because I could. You never told me no. I appreciated it then, but I wish you would have. I wish you would have made me get onto those rides, play those games, eat that food, talk to those carnies. I wish you made me do anything, but you never did. Jenny got what Jenny wanted, but Jenny never truly learned to appreciate what she had. Never worked for it. I know you weren't perfect, hell my years of trauma therapy will tell you that, but I can't deny the fact that you loved me the best way that you could.

The best way that you knew how.

I didn't know what love was back then. I didn't know it existed outside of movies and books. I said I loved things, but what teenage girl doesn't totally loooove something? Or hate it. I hated a lot of things too. But like love, I didn't truly know what hate was. You showed me what hate was. You made a mistake, I understand that, but you hid the hate under the guise of love to save your own ass and at the time, I would have done the same thing. Those men were truly evil men, and you had a problem, an addiction, and it caught up to you. I know you truly loved me because you're here now, and you're here now because you tried to make it right. Too little, too late, but at least you tried.

I remember that day in the desert. When you had to make a choice. You could have lived, but you chose me. You wanted to show your baby girl something, didn't you? Sure, those men shot you and then violated me, right here on this desert soil, in front of your wide and empty eyes......but they didn't win, did they? Hell, if you would have chosen them, it would have broken my spirit and I would not have had the will to fight out of it, to survive from it. I'd probably be right there next to you, if not still in a brothel in some isolated Nevada town. I would have never known what it was like to have confidence in myself.

Now, I sit here, with High Stakes looming. Last time I fought at High Stakes I went to hell and back. I lost, because back then I didn't know how it felt to truly win. I had a black cloud around me, Daddy, and that black cloud has been lifted now. I am thinking more clearly, but above all else, I finally know how it feels to appreciate something. I have finally earned something. You'd be so proud of me, but for the first time in my life.......I don't care how proud you'd be."

Jenny stands up, clouds of desert dirt swirling from the now stain on her black leggings.

"For the first time, I am not letting anyone's thoughts or feelings control me, even yours. This is that day at the fair all over again, Daddy. The one when you told me on the way home never to ask for anything again, and I rolled my eyes knowing that the next thing I asked for you'd give me. Even the things I didn't ask for........"

She bit her lip, shuddering for a moment to herself as the year of sexual abuse came flooding back into her mind like a broken dam.

"......this is that day all over again. Consider it a re-do, daddy-o. Only this time, I am not scared. This time, I burned the rides to the ground. I flipped over the games and smashed them into little bits on the ground. I poiSONED THE FOOD! I TOOK EACH ONE OF THOSE WEIRD CARNIES AND I CUT OFF THEIR HEADS, DRAGGED THEIR LIFELESS BODIES TO THE CAGES AND FED THEM TO THE ANIMALS! I---"

She realized the was yelling now, her breaths coming in ragged gasps. She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks like raindrops on the windshield.

She took a few more big, ragged, sobbing gasps before inhaling and wiping her nose. She exhaled, calm and collected.

"I did it for me this time, Daddy. I did it for Jenny. And I am never again going to do something for anyone other than me. I am going to win at High Stakes because I want to, forget everyone else. Their impressions of me, their judgements........I am going to roll into Tombstone, Arizona, Daddy, and I am going to burn it to the fucking ground.........for....me."

She stared at the headstone before her. Pulling out her lip gloss, she bent forward. She uncapped it.

REST IN PEACE: Darren Sambuca

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