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Johnny Legend · (11-05-2020)

roleplay two

"Fucking cold weather!"

The scene opens to Johnny Legend kneeling behind a gate, in front of his apartment building. Squirts and spurts fade into the air as Johnny makes a face as only a pregnant woman giving birth can understand.

"My balls are fucking freezing! HURRY UP BUTT! I think my balls are sticking to the ground." Johnny utters at the end, as he slowly stands a bit to detach his balls from the cold cement. "FUCK!" He yells, as he leaves some nut-skin bits on the ground.

"Oh my god." A poor lady walks by with her hand covering her mouth in shock of an old man bleeding from the balls and leaking shit down his leg.

Not a good sight for Johnny Legend.

Johnny notices her, shrugs and yells, "I LEFT MY KEYS! Heh. Twenty-twenty! AM I RIGHT!?" With his pants on the ground and around his ankles. The lady rushes away as the wind picks up and sends off the Legendary stench into the air.

He looks down at his sorry state, "Just great. I forgot to wear socks." Johnny mentions to himself, as he notices nothing to clean himself up with.

Suddenly, a beam of light shines down upon Johnny Legend. He looks up, his eyes squinting from the bright light. "What the hell!? Did that shit kill me?! I DIDN'T PUSH THAT HARD!"

WOOOOSHHHHHH

Johnny Legend is sent flying up the beam and above- into a strange object in the sky.

The object closes it's hatch and flies off. We cut into a dark room. "Hellooo?" Johnny says with a hint of fright in his tone. "God?"

"Satan?"

"..."

"Alan Rickman?"

ZIIIIPP

Lights click on and reveal a room that is all white... And block shape? Everything. Everything is a block. "What the fuck?" Johnny lifts up a long, blocky spoon. "Alright, they got spoons.. Where's the food?" Johnny starts to lick the spoon.. Because?

"I... I wouldn't lick that, Mr. Leonard." A block shape being, all white with huge block eyes. Think Casper the friendly Ghost, but blocky. You picturing it? The fucker is even floating!

Johnny jumps into the air, driving the spoon into his mouth and almost choking himself in the process. "Huawkkk!" He spits out the block spoon and wipes his mouth. "Wha.. Who? What? Why?"

The blocky Alien floats towards Johnny and grabs the spoon with his block hands. "This goes up your ass." He mentions to Johnny Legend, which makes Johnny's eyes widen with the image of his poops and if they would also become blocky?

The alien sets the spoon back down on the blocky table. "So.. You're Johnny Legend?" With his blocky eyes, the alien stares Johnny up and down.

"Yeah. So what? You gonna rape me!? I JUST DARE YOU!" Johnny says, with his pants still around his ankle from Earth, bends over with shit still streaming down his legs.

"NO!" The alien waves his block arms at Johnny, "Please pull your pants up, Mr. Legend. We just want to ask you a few questions... Then stick that spoon up your ass."

"Oh.. Soo.." Johnny lifts his pants up and tightens his belt, "No rape?"

The alien shakes his block head..

Johnny points and yells, "BLOCKHEAD!"

The alien shakes his blocky head and lifts up a block shape clipboard.

"Wait.. clipboards are already block shaped, right?"

"Excuse me?" The alien looks at Johnny, with the clipboard in hand.

Johnny smiles, "Oh, nothing. Just talking to myself like some blockhead."

"Righhtttt..." The alien replies, writing something down with that's right... A block pen. "Let's get this moving so I can wait for Thunder Knuckles promo. He's our favorite."

Johnny pouts hearing this. "You know, I can be just as badass as Thunder Knuckles!"

The alien laughs in a block tone. "Alight, Mr. Legend. Look, if you want I can just ask you two questions and send you back to Earth?"

Johnny nods, "And you stick that spoon up my ass, right? You said you would!"

The alien rubs his block head. "Uh, yeah. You did see how big that was?"

Johnny nods once again, staring at the spoon. "It's for science, right? And again, I NEED to see if my poop comes out like a block shape. That would be perfect for my next promo! Blockhead! HERE'S SOME BLOCKPOOP! And I chuck it at the screen, making people think I'm crazy or whatever. It'll work." He explains in the dumbest way possible why he wants a spoon up his ass.

"And you wonder why you lose at these human grabbing games?" The alien says while writing down whatever Legend has been ranting about.

"Yeah. I'm great. Also, how can I understand you? Does this ship come with some translating thingy? I want to mention Firefly, but they didn't have one of those..."

"Great show."

"Great show."

"And yeah, we have whatever you said for convenience of the story. Now, first question.. What is your favorite food?"

A puzzling look upon his face, Johnny replies with, "Really? Food? Well, like any normal human man. I enjoy beef jerky with mayo. You dip it in the mayo and suck that juicy white shit off like Jenny Myst in my dreams."

...

"Excuse me." The alien says and throws up a few blocky pieces of puke.

"So much block!" Johnny mentions.

"Thank Zod, and to end this with our last question... Do you think you can beat Thunder Knuckles?"

Johnny shakes his head, "Fuck you."

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"FINE!"

"NO!"

"HE'S GONNA WHOOP MY FAT ASS!" Johnny yells with some spit hitting the alien in the face.

"I have no chance against this guy. Hell, even you guys love him... AND YOU'RE BLOCKHEADS!"

Johnny sighs, "No. I know I have no chance. Thunder Knuckles has the xbux AND the record to overshadow whatever I can accomplish here...EVER!"

"Maybe I could be a blockhead and keep going after the X-treme title!? They say that title is second best here. Something ANYONE can win... Ah fuck it. Who am I kidding? I don't have the patience or willpower to capture that belt, either. This title match on Savage is a joke. Some higher up has a hard-on for Thunder Knuckles and decided to give him someone easy so he can have a longer title reign!"

"Wait..."

Johnny stops for a moment..

"I earned this title shot!" He yells, raising his arms in the air.

"Yeah!"

"Maybe I do have what it takes to beat Thunder Knuckles!? I mean, I beat Andrew Logan so badly that he hasn't even showed his face here! Wait.. has he? I really only keep track of Savage."

"Whatever."

"You're right, Alien guy thingy. I do deserve this!"

"I didn't say that." The Alien corrects Johnny.

"Yes, sir. You're right. You brought hope into this old man's heart. I WILL GIVE IT MY ALL! THUNDER KNUCKLES IT DONE!" Johnny smacks his chest proudly.

"Alright... I'm ready for that rape... Spoon." Johnny says.

"Yeahhhhhh.. I'm just gonna drop you back at Earth. This is boring and we already saw your future... You lose. Goodbye." The Alien pulls a lever and drops Johnny Legend back to Earth.

Johnny flies back to the ground, right into the pile of shit he left before being sucked up into the block UFO. The scene slowly fades with Johnny lifting his face out of the pile of shit. "Puhhh." He spits out a nut and stares into a broken mirror with shit covering his face. "At least I'm not Charlie Nickles." Johnny smiles with chunks of his own poop between his teeth.

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