America, we must talk.

For someone not from your country, it is confusing blin. Your cities, your states - they make no blyating sense! Pencil Veignia? Misery? Road Inland? Do these silly names exist just to confuse Slavs?

And this week, Boris must go to the Great Rapids. This sounds fun. I said "Boris, you fought on boat once, you can fight in rapids." So Boris spent past week in river. Oy blin, it was painful. You ever take trip down rapids comrades? You get in rubber boat, and you get hit with water and rocks until you bleed and pass out. Oppa, it was fun!

I do this for whole week, every day, down the Nitra River until I can no longer stand, and what does Boris find out? Great Rapid is not match type - it is city blin! Boris has been reading the flyer wrong!

This is why many wrestlers do not come to Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers. They make life difficult for those whose English is...not cheeki breeki. Everything written like college level course. Boris does not have time for these things!

Oy, but Boris is ready for fight, and fight he will. This week, I fight Nathan Idhouse. Boris does not know much about this man, except that he attack friend Centurion. Well Nathan, you attack friend Centurion, you make an enemy of Boris! That man is stand up guy. He is not Western spy. He give Boris many beer blin. You give Boris nothing!

Boris will do favor for Federation, even if they do not do favor for me. I will win this match. Why is this favor for Federation? Because who has ever heard of Nathan Idhouse? Not Boris! He is nobody. Yet a win over Boris would make him huge superstar. And we can not let that happen blin.

Anchor is fifth ranked television show in Slovakia right now. Why? Because of Boris, the Slav Superstar, that is why! Without Boris, the Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers does not have ratings in Slav country. They do not have little Gopniks buying Boris posters and cardboard cutouts. Ask Van Lane about merchandise sales. Ask him who is biggest seller of products? And he will say "probably Ruby", and I will say, "Ah, it is not Ruby, it is Boris!"

Now how much merchandise has Nathan Idhouse sold? In Slovakia, none. In States of United America, who knows? Maybe three or four. But it is not to the level of Boris, this is promise.

Have you ever fought a Slav before, Nathan? I bet you have not. Well, you are in for a rough night my friend. You may wish to fight Friend Centurion, but you will not make it. Boris is going to make you feel the power of the cheeki breeki! And when that hardbass hits, and Boris squats on toes next to you in middle of ring, you will think "oy, this Boris, he is strong, and he smell good, too." That is just natural Slav smell - all Gopniks smell like expensive colon and cigarette.

Maybe after this match, Friend Centurion will take Boris out for golf again. Is fun! Until then, stay cheeki breeki comrades.