Thunder Knuckles is sitting in his car outside of Baskin Robbins, Cedar Park, Texas. He’s just staring at the front door holding the breaks because the front of the store is on a slight decline from where they are sitting. Jimmy is holding the camera for Thunder Knuckles because he’s the only person that Thunder Knuckles trusts during this whole COVID-19 pandemic. The Time: 10:30 pm. Thunder Knuckles turns down the volume.


Jimmy. I think I just gave Micheal Graves a boner with this song.

What?

Nevermind.

Okay.

I really want some fucking ice cream.

They're closed. I told you we needed to leave sooner. They were open earlier, you know this.


Thunder Knuckles glares at Jimmy.


Plus you're lactose intolerant.

Just because my body doesn't fucking digest milk products very good, doesn't mean I'm fucking intolerant! I have plenty of black friends!

Thun-. Nevermind.


Jimmy said knowing he’d get slapped if he continued and the camera is in his hand. Thunder Knuckles has procrastinated too long on this one and Jimmy knows it.


I’m breaking in!

Thunder Knuckles, don't!

Who’s going to fucking stop me, Jimmy?

Why do you want ice cream so fucking bad anyway?


Thunder Knuckles smiles knowing what he’s about to say sounds stupid as fuck.

Well, I was watching “The Tiger King” on Netflix. Which is only 8.99 for the basic plan? If you don't have goddamn Netflix, you should have goddamn Netflix. Thousands and Thousands of fucking titles to stream whenever the fuck you want!


Jimmy quickly changes the subject because he has a feeling Netflix has sponsored this promo.


YOU ARE LACTOSE INTOLERANT!

If you call me intolerant one more fucking time Jimmy.

I’m saying, you're going to be shitting really bad after you eat it.

Oh yeah, that's true. My body doesn't digest milk products very good.

We’ve been over this.

But I want some Rocky fucking Rodes.

I think that's wrong but okay.

Before you cut me off. I was saying I was watching “The Tiger King” on goddamn Netflix. Then I thought about Baskin Robbins. Because of Carrol Baskins. Anyway, now I want some Rocky fucking Rodes. So we’re going to break in and get some Rocky fucking Rodes.

This is a really bad idea Thunder Knuckles.

You won't be saying that when we have fucking ice cream, Jimmy.


Thunder Knuckles flips off Jimmy.


Alright, now let's do this.


Thunder Knuckles exits the vehicle and Jimmy follows with the camera.


Alright, the first thing I need to do is pick the fucking lock. Pay attention, Jimmy.

You don't have a lock pick.

Fucking amateur! I have a bump key, Jimmy. Just watch.


Thunder Knuckles puts his homemade bump key into the lock and gives it a tap while twisting the “key”.


TA-DA! Open fucking door.

That was actually kind of impressive. In a criminal kind of way.

I know right.


Thunder Knuckles and Jimmy walk into the closed store and jump over the counter. Thunder Knuckles opens the fancy glass freezer that people look down into and choose their favorite ice cream. When anyone whoever walks into an ice cream shop already knows what the fuck they want.


Grab me a cone of Mint Chocolate Chip.


Thunder Knuckles looks over at Jimmy like he’s a fucking idiot.


I'll grab you this big ass tub of fucking Mint Chocolate Chip. I should have grabbed a fucking shopping cart. Jimmy, set the fucking camera down, walk outside, and grab a fucking shopping cart.


Jimmy does exactly as he was told. The camera sits upon the counter without Thunder Knuckles in view but you hear him talking shit to the ice cream.


XWF fans around the world how would you like to see ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles fight Azrael Erebus in a “fans bring the weapons match”? Fucking right, you would!

Azrael Erebus, you better come to fight like a man. A lot of people see you as an alien God just like fucking Superman. Oh yeah, I beat him too.


Thunder Knuckles pops into the frame just to give a thumbs up and back out of frame to get back to work.


Oh shit! Todd now would be a good time to run a Drezdin/Knuckles 2020 campaign ad!



Thunder Knuckles is seen at a desk looking very Vice Presidential.


Our current President, Donald Trump, didn't get a CDC team on the ground in China. Even after knowing about the then epidemic in January 2020 when he first found out about it. Drezdin would have!

President Donald Trump did however put up a travel ban to and from, China. Unfortunately, after signing the bill he still let forty thousand more people into the country from China. That’s not exactly an airtight travel ban, is it? Drezdin would have signed his travel restriction bill and said fuck you to anyone trying to get into the country AND THAT'S what we need!

Twenty-two million people as of this campaign ad are out of work. Now is the time for Drezdin to become President of the United States of America! Drezdin will get Americans back to work again! How? Do you ask?! Easy! Drezdin is going to get everyone N1H1 vaccines and make us all stronger by doing so! Drezdin would NEVER suggest something as stupid as injecting disinfectants tp American, which would kill them! He would also not suggest shoving UV lights into American's throats or up the ass to get them into the bodies. Not even President Trump himself knows how the fuck they’d get the lights into us!

With all that said, please. Please. Vote Drezdin/Knuckles 2020! We’re all fucked anyway!

I’m Thunder Knuckles and I approve this message.

This advertisement has been brought to you by Americans for Drezdin and the We're all fucked anyway Foundation.


I don't know if you are or not. I've seen some shit since I've been here in XWF. For fuck's sake, I beat your half-alien son Donovan and his robot friend Wylie. Anything can happen here in XWF! Need another example? Centurion’s boring ass beat me, ME, in a match. Like that could really fucking happen. Please.


As soon as Thunder Knuckles finishes his sentence Jimmy comes running in with a shopping cart.


I got the shopping cart, Thunder Knuckles!

About fucking time! Let’s load up these giant ass tubs of ice cream into the shopping carts and get the fuck out of here.


Thunder Knuckles and Jimmy load the shopping cart up with the Rocky road, mint chocolate chip, and cookie dough ice cream.

I think that's all we need.

Alright, time to roll out.


Thunder Knuckles and Jimmy turn to walk out of Baskin Robbins with their haul. When suddenly Thunder Knuckles’s vehicle busts through the front of the store and the alarm goes off.


Did you not put the car in park Thunder Knuckles.

Shut the fuck up Jimmy that was on purpose now we don't have to wheel all this ice cream to the car looking suspect.

What the fuck are you talking about?


Thunder Knuckles slaps Jimmy jarring the camera around.


LOAD THE FUCKING CAR AND COME ON!


Thunder Knuckles loads the car with the ice cream they had in the cart.


Jimmy toss me the camera and go grab some more fucking ice cream. It’s not like you have far to walk it to the car.


Jimmy tosses the camera to Thunder Knuckles who catches it and tosses it into the front seat through the window.


Come on, Jimmy! Jesus fucking Christ!


Jimmy runs to the car holding two giant tubs of ice cream.


What kind did you get?


Jimmy looked confused at Thunder Knuckles.


I don't know Cookies and Cream and maybe Vanilla.

You would grab some bunk ass Vanilla fucking ice cream.

What’s wrong with Vanilla?

For one.


Thunder Knuckles starts his car and slams it in reverse, speeding out of Baskin Robbins's lobby.


This was such a stupid idea.

The fuck you talking about, Jimmy? We got the ice cream!


Thunder Knuckles is still speeding through the street until he sees lights ahead and slows down to the speed limit. Three cop cars screamed by so fast that they didn't notice the ice cream in the car.


Fuckin idiots.

Are you going to cut a promo on Azrael or are we wasting time?

Wasting time.

Fine, I'm shutting this off.

No mother fucker, I was just joking. Fuck. What do you want me to say, Jimmy? Everyone knows ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles is going to beat up the spaceman, Mr. Satellite, or whatever. All I know right now is that Fuzz completely whooped upon him for the “in the butt” belt. Anyone who claims to be able to snap their fingers and get whatever the fuck they want wouldn't lose a fucking rassling match to Fuzz, or Shawn, or any fucking body for that matter!

Good point.

Yep, same ‘ol bullshit if you ask me. So, I'm going to take this mortal fucking man and beat him to inches of his life. He’s going to be wishing he never stepped into the ring with ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles. Yep.

That's all you're going to say?

Well, me and Big Dick Donovan have become pretty tight.

That shouldn’t matter, Thunder Knuckles!

It’s not like he was a really good Dad to those three boys. Plus you gave their Dad a fucking title shot. For what? Because you feel like you owe Big Dick Donovan something.

I suppose you're right. Well, in that case! I'm no fucking Cadryn or Tommy Wish. You’re not going to get a lazy fucking pin on me, sir! I for one fulfill all my goddamn obligations in XWF. Wylie can tell you that. I will finish you off and end you like Erik Black should have and have your fucking head lopped off. It’s not like you're not used to losing to Death, right? Maybe my favorite juice head sees your ass on savage and takes out some revenge on your bitch ass. You know for that fucking lighting bolt you put on my man's. I pretty much ran through your entire modern Savage history. Except I excluded your loss in that tornado tag match against Jenny Mist and some fool I've never even heard of, what's his fucking name?

Damon Tyler.

Yeah, that mother fucker. Fuck it! I’m tired of this shit Jimmy and were almost to the hotel room.


Thunder Knuckles pulls up to a Super 8.


What are we going to do?

Well, when we fucking pull up. I'm going to help you unload the goddamn car then ditch this fucking car. It’s not mine.

Who's it?


Jimmy said unsurprisingly to Thunder Knuckles who smiles into the camera.


It's Tommy Wish’s car.

That’s so fucked up, thunder Knuckles.

No, Jimmy, fucked up is this. I want you to leave that busted ass Vanilla ice cream in the back seat. So when they find Tommy Wish's car, they can question Tommy Wish, about the fucking stole ice cream in the back of his fucking car.

I really wish you would give more attention to Azrael tonight.

And I’d really wish for you to shut the fuck up, but we don't always get what we want. Now do we, Jimmy?

I suppose not.

I’m glad we see, eye to fucking eye, on this then. I’m running out of time to ditch this fucking piece of shit car, Jimmy!

You did better than I thought to be honest. GO, GO, GO!


Jimmy gets out of the car and films Thunder Knuckles driving away. The scene fades to black.