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Mini Morbid · (03-29-2019)

In the distance, there is a rumble. Animals grazing in the grass raise their heads, sensing danger. Birds take off as one, flying quickly away in formation as the low hum becomes a growl, and then a roar, and finally a thunder.

The EARTH rips! It is torn in TWAIN as if Gaia herself were subjected to a celestial EPISIOTOMY, shredding her LIFE GIVING PERINEUM like CHEESE CLOTH!

Erupting from the chasm of Mother Earth's WOMB is none other than MORBIDCITO! THE DIMINUTIVE WARRIOR-GOD OF THE LAND OF MINI MORBIDONIA! THE CHAMPION OF THE MINIS! THE HOLDER OF THE ETERNAL CARDBOARD CHAMPIONSHIP! THE PAPOOSE OF FATHER MORBID ANGEL! FREE FROM THE SHACKLES OF INDENTURED SERVITUDE FROM THE ROBBIE BOURBON, WHO HAS BEEN RUMNORED TO HAVE BEEN DEVORED FROM THE INSIDE BY THE ONE AND ONLY MINI MORBID!!!!

He is angry!

"WHAT IS THIS PATHETIC PLAYGROUND OF DROOLING, SHIT DIAPER CIS-GENDER BDSM FANFICTION????? WHO IN THE ROMANIAN MOUNTAINS OR THE MONGOLIAN DESERTS ARE THESE ALLEGED COMPETITORS??? Have... have I slept this long??? HAS ALL TESTOSTERONE BLED FROM THE XWF????"

Mini weeps. Large, powerful tears that fall from his eyes like FISTS, cracking stones on the ground and nourishing the ACIDIC SOIL with his POWER, IMPREGNATING the crops with MAN MUSCLE!!!!

But not in a GAY WAY.

"Kid Kool! I demand that you fold yourself into a small human ball, ramming your own misshaped cranium INTO YOUR OWN RECTUM TO SAVE ME THE TROUBLE OF DOING SO MYSELF!!! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A DEARTH OF MASCULINITY OF THE SCOPE YOU PRESENT!!!! YOU SOMEHOW STEAL OTHER MENS' Y CHROMOSOMES AND ADD THEM TO YOUR COLLECTION!!!! You are NAUGHT more than a BLACK HOLE of estrogen! REMOVE THYSELF FROM THE HOMO SAPIENS GENE POOL BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!!"

Mini adjusts the spandex barely maintaining his ROYAL MEAT in place. He raises a gloved fist to his WIZENED CHIN.

"NED KAYE! You have the hair of someone who needs to speak to a manager RIGHT NOW! Only a bottle of cheap peroxide stands in the way of your dream of becoming an overweight middle aged white woman who only dates black men! YOUR SEARCH FOR THE MANDINGO IS ALMOST OVER!!!! How DARE you soil my company and my environment with your LOW T!!!!! PURCHASE SOME HORNY GOAT WEED PILLS AT YOUR LOCAL APOTHECARY AND TRY AGAIN, NEDWARD!!!! ALSO YOU ARE GAY!!!"

Pleased, Mini nods his head. The muscles of his pint sized body tremble with EXCELLENCE.

"ERRATIK! MORE LIKE HOMOEROTIC!!!! I demand REPARATIONS for the minutes I have been enslaved to the knowledge that your lungs draw breath! FORTY ACRES AND A MULE AKA YOUR DISGUSTING MOTHER!!! SHE OWES THE WORLD FOR FAILING TO FINISH THE LATE TERM ABORTION SHE BEGAN!!!! Your posture is that of one who suffers from SPINA BIFIDA and ENJOYS IT! BEGONE FROM THE WORLD OF MEN WITH VERTABRAE, YOU DISGUSTING WATER BEAR!!!!!!"

The erection is truly at its peak! Mini's tights, though woven from the finest MINI MORBIDONIAN IRONSILK, begin to stretch!

"JUSTIN SAYN SMELLS LIKE ONE WHOSE ONLY COLOGNE IS RUBBED ON FROM SAMPLES WITHIN THE PAGES OF LADIES' UNDERWEAR ADVERTISEMENTS!!!!"

Miles away, and unknown to him, all of Justin Sayn's remaining sperm population wilt and die. Simultaneously, a woman is spontaneously impregnated with Mini.

"THAT FETUS WILL BE A GOD!!!!"

The fetus raises its fist, killing the mother. It begins the long process of devouring her for sustenance.

"JOHN ROGAN!!!! Why do you inflict upon the innocent your visage, WHICH IS THAT OF A BALLSACK???? I have CLEANED DRIBBLES OF SEMEN from my mighty MORBIDCOCK using ONE PLY GAS STATION TOILET PAPER that was STRONGER and more THREATENING than YOU!!!! RETIRE AND THEN UNRETIRE AND THEN DIE OR I WILL MURDER YOU THROUGH THE PROCESS OF ADOSCULATION, as you clearly hide A VULVA!!!!"

Is Mini finished? Is he pleased? Is he merely distracted by the circling of his wyverns high above, as they chase down and consume the remaining birds which failed to escape? Yes.

"KUDA! YOU HAVE NOT YET EVOLVED!!! Draw a CAVE PAINTING OF BISON and then SUCK ON MY GOD-KING ANUS!!!! SUP FROM MY DIGESTED MEALS AND GROW A CEREBRAL CORTEX BEFORE I ARRIVE AT MARCH MADNESS!!!! I will confound you with such technology as A WHEEL or FIRE and you will BELONG TO ME!!!! YOU SHALL BE MY STABLEHAND!!!! When I am travelling or filling the uteri of my female citizens WHICH IS QUITE OFTEN you will feed and maintain my herd of SABRETOOTHED GARGOYLES!!!! They are my BABIES! Their names are Fluffy, Snowflake, Lil' Tiger, and FUCK YOU IN THE EARHOLE!!!!!!"

Satisfied with his impending victory, Mini calls to the wyverns in their native tongue, then disappears into the bloody sunset!!!!

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