Dear Sarah Lacklan,

How's it going, girl? Let me start out by saying I ain't got too much experience in this type of thing. The boring formalities of life and such. But I hope you'll appreciate knowing that the inspiring my writing this cover letter to my resume came just a matter of moments after we first met backstage at Madison Square Garden.

Putting it ever so mildly; you've inspired me in way that I ain't never felt before! I watched a couple of your promos from this past week, and jeez, they were a level of fresh that the XWF has been begging for!

The way you brilliantly deconstructed the absolute 'BLEH' Blackwater demi-god gobbledygook. I must say, at a time when I was looking for every reason to walk right back out of the XWF due to it's current state of snore-worthy predictability, you have left me feeling rather reinvigorated.

This is exactly why I think I would be a perfect fit for joining your ranks. I too have long seen through the prototypical slop of how playing the pretentious "I'm an all knowing, conveniently handsome alien god guy with powers who wrestles." is so tremendously lame and done-to-fucking-death. Just watching guys like the Blackwaters in their poorly produced, timeworn episodes, makes me want to hurt people. Even when they try to spin their dry satire, they can't help but looking like a cast from any of the dozens of vomit inducing Teen-emo Netflix series. Vampire Diaries Season who-gives-a-fuck, right?

See, I'm facing off against Donnie's little brother on Warfare. He's getting a shot at my Hart Title. Why? Beats the hell outta me. He won a match against some guy who really didn't even show up, a guy whos name is literally Job-ber. But what difference does it make?

These guys can't even be bothered to make separate profiles on the website, that's how generic each one of them are, no individuality. No. For fucks sake they even all sound exactly alike when they speak, and use the same type of sentence structuring. It's really, odd.

That's what makes it even more fun though. Because Blackwater Brother number three started making fun of Drezdin, another guy I'm facing off against, oh that's right- it's a fatal four way. But anyway, he started blathering on about Drezdin being a failure, which had to have been the least thought out line of attack I'd ever heard.

Until of course he pointed out that he knew nothing about the mysterious masked man wrestler, El Principe, also involved in this shit show. Like DUH! No shit genius! No one in the XWF knows about El Principe. He's a masked fucking wrestler for crying out loud! And to think, this guy parades around like he's supposed to be, wait, what was that fitting and feebly self-imposed stigma again? Oh yeah. All knowing, all powerful alien blah, blah, blah. Give me a break! If these guys were really what they TRY portraying, you would think they wouldn't bore everyone to death with their garbage.

But just when I thought it couldn't get more embarrassing for the poor fucker. Just when I thought he couldn't possibly be more generic than cutting a promo in wrestling ring post work-out, Baby Blackwater thought out his most genius and cunning line of attack against yours truly to wrap up his banal bullshit. He's going to beat me because I'm a young female. OH! But he couldn't offer up any way as to how or why, just that he's fast and I'm a teenaged girl. It turned into platitude city. It didn't matter what I said. He's giving it everything he's got... wow.

Well, Mrs. Lacklan, I'll have you know that I fully plan on retaining my title at Warfare. And again, it's you who has inspired me to continue trudging through the dull crap that's been littered all over the XWF. People think that just because we're females that we can't kick ass. You damn near define entertainment and that's what this place has been lacking for a long time.

That's what I'm ready to work to inspire in others as well. Entertainment. Lord knows we're not getting anything resembling it from the Boring Brothers, and they're being booked to death.

So anyway, I know I rambled there for a bit, but all of the above and what I'm about to do at Wednesday Warfare is why you should bring me into The Legion.

I would greatly appreciate your consideration.

With Warm Regards,
Dolly Waters