Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Cadryn Tiberius · **06-15-2018, 11:09 PM**

Have you ever had the feeling that life purposely sets out to fuck you in every conceivable way? I mean, you probably have. Hell, we all probably have. But, the fact of the matter is, I'm the most self entitled son of a bitch this side of Ghost Tank so it doesn't fucking matter if you feel the same way. It only matters that I do. Why? Because I'm the greatest goddamn thing to happen to the XWF since, well, ever, honestly. Go look at my motherfuckin’ accomplishments. You'll see that I've done it all. Do I have a losing record? Well fuck yeah, bud. You ain't the greatest motherfucker to ever live if you ain't never failed. I've failed, I've cried, I've sucked some dicks, it's all part of God's plan, y'all.
Now, let's be realistic here. I've come and gone from the XWF without warning quite a bit. It is what it is. Before you decide to cry about it and try and use it against me, let me just stop you right here and now. Let's look at the facts. I leave the whole place goes to shit. I come back, the whole place is fucking peachy again. Oh and let's not forget I can come and go and still never lose a match if I choose not to. Hell, the past few times I've shown back up I've won a match or two.
Why? Because I'm the fuckin’ best. This place is nothing without Cadryn Leslie Tiberius leading the roster in the war against the scrubs in the world. I've laid big names down quicker than that time you busted a nut for Uncle Sid in the bathroom at Toys R Us. Wait. Toys were us? They went out of business I think?

I digress.

Fuck you Gilly, that’s my saying.

I'm a winner. The winningest winner since Ricky fuckin’ Bobby. I made Robert Main the fucking monster he is. I fucked on him something awful and that fueled a fire in him the likes of which no one had ever seen. I made Jim Caedus the biggest name in the XWF until he left. I made Finn Kuhn relevant for the first goddamn time ever. I damn near beat Chris Chaos had it not been for Michael Graves interference. Speaking of, I carried his terrible ass to heights he hadn't seen since 1999.

I AM. THE. GREATEST. OF. ALL. TIME.

You are going to argue it, but I don't give two fucks. The statistics speak for themselves and realistically, your shit opinion doesn't fucking matter.

Losing comes just as natural to me as winning, y'all. If I think a person needs a win, I'll lay down and take my loss like a man and smile when my paycheck gets deposited. If I think they need taught a lesson in civility and humility, I'll be the quickest and most efficient teacher y'all have ever seen and and smile as I take their title and my paycheck increases. It's all a fucking game to me, and I'm the fucking dungeon master.

When I step into battle, I hold my own fate in my hands. YOU don't decide on how the situation plays out, I do. I'm the Alpha, The Omega, The Messiah, and the sexiest fucking cowboy since Kevin Bacon played Valentine in the original Tremors movie.

Goddamn Kevin Bacon gets my cock hard.

Anyways, y'all need a serious dose of Vitamin C. No, asspudge, not Orange Juice. You need a strong dose of Vitamin Cadryn. Or as I tend to refer to it “Your weekly dose of Penis-cillin.”

Y'all ain't ready this time. Truly, you're not. Because when the timing is right, I will take every goddamn thing you and and anyone else loves in life and I will destroy it, manipulate it, and fuck it into submission in such a way that it will know that Cadryn Tiberius is the fucking truth..

You may as well call me Reverend Tiberius, cause I'm about to lead one more of these scrubs to salvation once again...

Popeyes Chicken - 1:30 PM - June 16th, 2018

Cadryn enters the establishment wearing his typical faded Wrangler Jeans, White Stetson, and brown worn out cowboy boots. It is a cool and brisk 70 degrees here inside of Popeyes…

Ugh, okay, let's stop right there with that corny, generic, seemingly repetitive description of a location. Lord knows someone probably has that description copyrighted.

Anyways..

As Cadryn begins approaching the counter a familiar face beckons to him.

Aye bro, I’m Louis. What can I get you my nigga?

Cadryn takes a step back while raising an eyebrow at the gentleman behind the counter.

Dude, that was the worst greeting..How the hell are you still employed?

Louis laughs a little and smiles at Cadryn.

Ah, nigga. You know how it goes, affirmative action and shit cuh..

Cadryn looks bewildered and a little upset at his rebuttal.

Jesus Christ, we stopped selling and trading yall, and this is the thanks we get?

Louis looks offended as all get out…

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK, NOT COOL..

[Image: giphy.gif]

Cadryn says as politely as he can muster.

Anyways, you look familiar as fuck. Aren’t you that dude that used to run around with Sammy Mad…

Cadryn stops his sentence dead in its tracks, like it were Scully's career in the XWF!

Oh. My. God. I completely forgot...He’s going to be so fucking pissed!

Cadryn thinks to himself without mustering a single word aloud..

Yeah dawg, Sammy Madison, dats my nigga right there, son. Me and him done fucking rolled over the XWF and shit, ain’t never even lost a match. We the tag champions right now..

Cadryn stands with a look of shock on his face, silent and motionless. Louis waves his hand in front of Cadryns face which seems to snap him out of the trance he had put himself in.

..Uh yeah, that fuckin’ guy, man. Do you have any idea who I am?

Louis smiles and points to Cadryn before jumping around in a small circle and waving his hands wildly as if he were Cadryns biggest fan.

Yeah son, I fuckin’ know you! You’re that one guy!

Louis pauses for a moment, before dawning a facial expression that can only be described as “Unimpressed”.

You’re that racist fuckin’ white boy that walked in here a few minutes ago talkin’ shit. That about right, nigga?

Cadryn smiles and chuckles a bit.

Ah, you fuckin’ funny, guy. I’m The Essence Of Excellence, Cadryn Tiberius. The Messiah, The Reverend, the fuckin’ guy with more nicknames than wins. You know me, I’m the XWF’s greatest creation. Quit acting like you’ve been under a rock for the past few years, son.

Louis cocks his head to the side before responding.

Nigga, you ain’t even no good. Yeah, ok, maybe I heard of you. You a fuckin’ trashcan though, dawg. You ain’t even on mine and Sammy level..

Cadryn points at Louis and begins to break out in hysterical laughter.

LET’S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT “MY NIGGA”..

Cadryn says with air quotations.

Pot meet fuckin’ kettle, bruh. First of all, you ain’t shit, I was on your level when I was losing to Jim Caedus week in and week out. But you know what I didn’t have to do, Louis? I ain’t have to lie to make myself feel better. I admitted my failures and they set me free. You should do the same, pal.

Look motherfucker..

Cadryn is quick to interrupt this time around.

Naw man, save that bullshit for someone who doesn’t have a genius level IQ like myself. I was there, idiot. I saw you take loss after loss. Oh wait, no, you actually beat the So-gay Sisters. Otherwise, ya’ll just one dumpster fire away from burning the whole place down. So don’t chastise me ya fuckin’ cuck, i'm the goddamn greatest. Have some fuckin’ respect, ugly.

Louis is visually angry at this point. He turns around, grabs a chicken leg, and hurls it at Cadryn’s face!

ON MY MOMMA I AIN’T NO FUCKIN’ LIAR, BRO. YOU GET THE FUCK ON WITH THAT SHIT FORE’ I WHIP YOUR COUNTRY BUMPKIN ASS BACK TO THE WOODS WHERE YOUR SISTER WAITING ON THAT BABYDICK IN DA WOODSHED, BOIIIIIIII!

Cadryn raises an eyebrow once again.

Is that the best you’ve got for me, man? No wonder yall aint never won a fuckin’ match, your shit talking game is weak as fuck. You wanna take this outside? I’ve never skirted a challenge, son. So if you feelin’ froggy, go ahead and jump you broke ass Carlton Banks lookin’ motherfucker.

YOU LUCKY DAWG, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH YOU SO FUCKIN’ LUCKY. IF IT WERE TIME FOR MY BREAK I’D WHIP THAT ASS, NIGGA.

Suddenly a voice yells out from the back of the restaurant.

Louis, clock out and go to lunch.

Louis turns around and throws his arms in the air in response to the command he was given. Louis slowly turns around and faces Cadryn once more.

What. Fuckin’. Luck.

..I’ll be outside by my truck.

Cadryn turns and begins walking towards the exit. Out of nowhere Louis jumps over the counter and chases after Cadryn, finally catching up to him before he can exit the restaurant.

Yo man, maybe we got off on the wrong foot, let’s talk this out, cuh..

Louis says as he drapes one arm across the shoulders of Cadryn. Just as he does, both men exit the restaurant together.

Ah, you little bitch. And here I figured I could get a little practice in before my return. Regardless, you don’t take your fuckin’ arm off me, you ain’t fittin’ to have one, ya dig?

Louis quickly removes his arm and places it back at his side.

Ease up man, ain’t no need to be hostile.

Cadryn begins walking towards his truck. Upon arrival he grabs the tailgate handle and lifts up, slowly allowing his tailgate to fall into the open position.

Look man, I just wanted some fuckin’ chicken, I’m sure you can relate being black and all..

Louis is once again offended.

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH, CAN WE LAY OFF THAT RACIST SHIT, FUCK…

Cadryn smiles.

Fine. But just know that I ain’t racist, you’re just the fuckin’ exception, dicktickler.

Louis sits down on the tailgate before Cadryn even sits down himself..

Anyways man..

Cadryn grabs Louis by the arm and whips him forward, propelling him to his feet causing him to stumble forward before coming to a stop.

Nope, sorry, dude. Losers stand.

Louis puts his head down and sighs.

Anyways man, I ain’t mean no disrespect, ya know? I just ain’t been the same without my lil’ nigga around. I feel like I’m missing something. Granted, it wasn’t the racism, cause you done filled that void and I ain’t like it. Dat nigga actually called me just before you walked in, ironically. Talkin’ bout he on some type of nigga search and shit. I ain’t even know what he be bullshittin about, but he on some new shit, that’s real right there.

Cadryn adjusts his position on the tailgate before removing a cigarette from the pack he laid out beside of him. He draws the cigarette to his lips and begins to light it. The lighter, a beautiful silver Zippo. Engraved on one side “The Essence Of Excellence”.

I saw some shit on his Twitter feed. Basically just that big ugly colored guy walking all over that motherfucker. Was funny as all get out, but I imagine it wasn’t supposed to be funny.

Louis begins to pace back and forth in front of Cadryn. Cadryn doesn’t bother to acknowledge the nervousness on display in front of him. Instead, he takes a few more drags off of the cigarette he lit moments ago before flicking it out into the parking lot with the rest of the discarded butts.

I should have never left him, dawg. I shoulda stayed by his side, ya know? But nigga, I got offered all the free chicken I could eat, which happens to be a fuckin’ lot, son, so I just left that lil’ nigga high and dry. Part of me feels bad, but I ain’t even care. Chicken is chicken nigga, shit..

Cadryn smiles before responding.

You left your best friend for some shit tasting chicken? Sounds legit..

Fuck man. How the fuck can I rectify this bullshit? He’s gonna be so fuckin’ pissed at me..Fuck my life..

Aye bro, our chicken fire, dawg. You ain’t even remotely right for dat, bruh.

Honestly, your chicken is shit, I ain’t lie when I said it. But, I digress. What do you plan to do about Sammy and shit? You say he’s your best friend, but do you REALLY know him like you think you do?

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I’m going to have to intervene, I just know it..

Louis looks Cadryn directly in the eye before responding.

I ain’t about to do shit, cuh. You see the size of that debo ass nigga he fuckin’ wit now? Fuck all that. Free chicken ain’t fix a fractured asshole..

Cadryn grabs another cigarette and lights it.

You can’t fracture your asshole, moron. What kinda man pussies out like that, dude? You fittin’ to leave your best friend high and dry, up shit creek, all while you sit around and get fat as fuck on shitken. That’s fucked up, man..

Pot. Meet. Kettle.

You ain’t know me like that man, you ain’t know Sammy like that either..

You’d be pretty fuckin’ surprised at who and what I know at this point, pal.

Look man, something has come up. I need to rollout, be easy, sleazy, porch monkey, lemon squeezie, etc. All that shit your people say when they leave..

Louis just puts his hand to his forehead and sighs louder than ever before..

Man, I ain’t equipped to deal with you, my break about over anyways. I’ll holla..

Louis turns around and begins to walk back towards the main entrance to Popeyes before turning around flipping Cadryn off and sprinting for the door handle!

Cadryn sighs.

Other peoples kids man..

Suddenly Cadryn POOFS out of sight…

The camera begins to fade..

But the cable feed is interrupted by another feed…

As the feed begins to focus, we see Samuel Madison standing alone.

Out of nowhere…

POOF

Cadryn appears directly beside of Sammy!

AHHHH!

Sammy screams out in fear! The ice cream cone he was holding began to fall from his startled hand and quickly falls to the ground!

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU DOIN KAYBRN?!

He says with a mouth full of Rocky Road.

Cadryn awkwardly smiles.

....surprise nigga….?

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The Reverends Redemption I
Author	Message