Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

JimCaedus · (03-02-2018)

======€@£|)Ų$======
(continued from "Well Fed Beast")

"Pulling the Puppet's Strings" RP subject

"Now, see? See what he did? See how quickly and easily he disregards us!?

No...no, I told myself I wouldn't cry. I REFUSE to cry! I...I..."

::Dexter "Engy" Bright's emancipated wee willy winky begins to bawl, which by dick standards means a whole lotta pee spraying out from his urethra not unlike a lawn sprinkler::

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"Hey, hey, HEY!! You're pissin' all over me goddammit! Fuck is this, a squirt party!?"

"Excuse me, sir, can you please keep your penis's voice down? His wailing is disturbing the other passengers."

Scoffs. "_That_ ain't my penis."

"Be that as it may, keep the little guy quiet please. And by the way, if you intend to stay up here in first class, you'll have to clean up that mess. Take the golden shower show back to economy class where it belongs."

"Wang on a Plane"

As the stewardess departs and he uses his own napkin to clean up as best he can. "Nice work, Tiny. Thanks a lot."

As lefty and righty undulate upwards to wipe his one eye/mouth/nose/ear hole/whatever else when necessary. "I'm sorry Jim, it's just...it hurts to find out we were right all along. Dexter has no need of male genitalia and it stings worse than that time he got nailed anally then used me to reciprocate by penetrating the same tranny's anus, contracted something or other and had me shooting razors for a week until he finally got the penicillin shot down at the free clinic, the filthy bung-slut. I'm glad we dumped that hack into Ken's-crotch status. Now if his butthole will just get over being butthurt that we left, maybe he'll do what we suggested, turn himself inside out and swallow Dexter whole."

"Goodness, _that'd_ be a crappy situation."

"Eh, not really. Dexter is double-jointed and regularly licks his gape-hole clean inside and out like a kitty 'cause he has difficulty differentiating figurative from literal and believes that'll make it so that his "shit don't stink"."

"Difficulty differentiating figurative from literal? Explain."

"What, it isn't obvious? You literally broadcast silent footage of my Dear John letter in your last promo yet that balloonheaded buffoon acted as if it was YOU speaking through ME when really it was the other way around. I mean, how was it not clear as pre-jac? Is he really such an imbecile he took a penis saying "unlike me" in context with rising as some sort of accidental first person reveal flub that it was you all along? Idiot. The concept of having a cock is lost on the dickless. Thank you for that opportunity by the way."

"Oh no sweat, you didn't say anything I wouldn't have said, it was nigh my entire opinion. In fact, it very much IS my opinion on it all...except for the whole dick/pussy spiel. I'm not literally a disembodied wiener."

"Now why couldn't HE comprehend that? This is what I mean by Dexter is a doofus who can't differentiate between figurative and literal. And he uses an absolutely FIGURATIVE diatribe example from a movie to undermine YOU, not me, a literal wee-wee speaking literally, as if you were looking to sneak one past."

"Oh, that's because he was trying to salvage face over me nailing him on using the word "friend-o" during the War Games hype cycle since, unlike Team America, No Country For Old Men ain't even approaching household levels of recognition, much less world-wide. And if he thinks that isn't the case, I'm shocked he's ignorant to the fact that South Park and anything in context is wildly popular/infamous across the globe, even in places like the Middle East where they hate American guts. ...Then again, I'm _not_ at all surprised. Engy tries so hard to overcompensate against my knowledge and consistently fails because he's a basic semi-intelligent white guy who more than likely served on student government like a pretentious asshole, undoubtedly volunteered for some lost cause campaigner as a legal adult, still thinks democracy ain't a smokescreen and should stick to shooting squirrels and dropping oh-so-"entertaining" political skits like the drab douchebag he is. Pretty hilarious it's that easy to pull the wool over that sheep's eyes though, ain't it?"

"I think it's hilarious that moron dances around like a marionette, his puppet's strings pulled, and the only thing he can think of to haymaker with is the tirade of other puppets obviously speaking figuratively when, again, this real rod's words were nothing but literal. Have we bashed him over the head enough with the facts he should've learned in high school do you think?"

"Yeah, I think we covered it in flogging a dead horse fashion but then, Dexter tends to need over-explanation to grasp the finer points of linguistic warfare and even then he has a hard time. Like how unless I say THIS, he'd try to say you calling him a pussy is figurative, overlooking the fact he IS literally a pussy by slang standards."

"Like how he continued to flounder by adding Taco the Pig as if it were some brilliant manuever when really he was just delving deeper into his own inability to fathom the complexity of a not-at-all complex concept?"

"That's right segue- er, Tiny. And I believe he used the word "meta" to describe the Taco idea, which, what man "around the age of 37" (because Dexter doesn't wanna make the same mistakes as Dolly did over not being able to keep track of one's own age as if that's another concept too difficult to tackle) says meta? Isn't meta one of those dumbass youngster words you usually only hear outta the mouths of 20 something year old feminine "here I come, future of unemployment" philosophy majors?"

"Bingo. Just one more reason why Dexter Bright has no use for cock and balls. For the record, you did notice that was him figuratively sucking his own now absent dick like the "I'm so amazing" arrogant gloryhound he is, right?"

"Of course I did, I've always seen Engy for who and what he really is. What I don't get is how can he feel so proud of himself when via my promo content I managed to get him to abandon first his parental assault/robed cult member yarn, then his Joachim/Vice President yarn, then got him to go against his taking a stand against the "typical" point for point debating style and manipulated him into doing EXACTLY THAT in his third vignette. And- Oh wait, now I get it...it's because I fully own 'im and command his every move like the mind-pawn he is."

"That's true, you have had him bouncing all over the place in a panic. What a weak minded maroon, he triggers every trap laid out for him."

"Champagne, sirs?"

"Yes PLEASE."

"No thank you."

::The stewardess plants a cup of champagne before Tiny and moves on. Tiny dunks his head into the liquid and before long has sucked up every drop like a pacyderm's trunk::

Refreshed exhale. "Aaah" Urethra working open and shut with the giggles. "The bubbles are tickling my nose!"

"...Perplexingly weird. What're you tryna do, make Engy's skull pop over the implications?"

"What, like how his cranium can't handle being accused of being a selfish A-hole who uses people because he realizes he was nailed on contradicting himself over painting The Motherfuckers dying off not because of his treachery but as them not trying and is now attempting to deflect?"

"Well, to be accurate, he was pleading off because "most of HUMANITY" doesn't act right as if that's an excuse and doesn't strengthen the fact I _don't_ callously use and toss people aside, as a hero wouldn't." Looking to the lens with a smile. "Thanks for making me look better and the accusations towards you even more so the truth, Engy."

"What about the part he says YOU must've manipulated a girl to get some "strange" (creepiest slang for vagina ever created) in his feeble attempt to trick you into denying it so he can quote you admitting as much in "Cards on the Table"?"

"What, playing into the infamy of Long Beach when I was in _high school_, before ever discovering the virtues of honesty and honor which, F-Y-I, I've been pushing even when I was a "villain" here in the XWF? Look, beyond the fact I stated here long ago that I, like a lover, _hope_ each girl I ever hook up with will become my significant other (not the definition of using and casting aside, as I was aptly accusing that asshat of doing), no, I don't use people to make my own life easier. I struggle. I, the guy who's been raked over trying to make friends, work to build trust and a positive relationship with others, as well as give them my support. Engy seems to "know" nothing about me. Hey, works for me. Just makes him look worse. Like how he admits that he subscribes to the notion of always having ulterior motives for everything and, again, believes that because he can't manage to be a good person it must mean no one else can either. But then...he also thinks everyone else is stupid too, so whaddaya gonna do? He has no redeeming quality, just like he himself admits."

"Hey, he also tried to excuse himself because of all the suffering he's been through."

"Yeah, I've suffered as much as anyone, yet lo and behold, did you see me betraying my own stable to cash-in on either Robbie or Engy during War Games? ...Oops. I guess Dexter Bright is totally cool with proving the claim that he'll say whatever at the time to argue, apparently forgetting that in his own words to Finn Kühn, the only reason I'm not "running the show" is because I have some amount of "decency". Now suddenly I'm as indecent as the rest."

"Wow, that's true. Huh...maybe he should just stop trying to one-up you since all he does is continue to dig his own grave."

"Indeedy-do, Tiny. Kinda like how he thinks the demystifying of his "Starving the Beast" theme somehow means I'm saying promo like me or suck. Correct me if I'm wrong...ain't I KNOWN for telling people to STOP copying my style? Chalk another one up to Engy not paying attention like a dumbass. Screw that, though, that's when he got to my favorite part of his trash talk limpdickery."

"Oh, oh, oooh, you mean when he said you need rage to function?"

Patting Tiny on the head in approval before drawing back his hand. "AH! Fuck am I doing??

But yes, Tiny, that's what I'm referring to. I've never said I need rage to function in promo nor displayed that notion and if he means me absorbing life's shitstorm in the past to empower myself, turning a negative into positive energy to get _zombied up_ well, what I just said preemptively silences that. On a related note, clearly I've been having a blast with the comical and light-hearted so, false, fuck-up, I don't "need rage to function"...but YOU, Engy, definitely can't function without dishonesty."

"That reminds me, who's Bob Ross? He tried to say even that person could get you angry."

"Bob Ross was an amazing, peaceful man and artist I actually used to watch with my father, God rest both their souls. I love Bob Ross. But there again, Engy doing his best to invent as much as he can to keep flapping his gums like he thinks this is a spam competition, the contemptible cad."

"Speaking of contemptible, he accused you of waiting out his first promo to respond to like he waited, what, four days or something to respond to YOU."

"Oh I know he did. Unfortunately, ninety-nine percent of everything I said about him and to him in my first promo was clearly independently worked up prior to his first promo and contained only the barest amounts of a response...so once more, Engy either doesn't pay attention or outright lies. Not to mention, I've been simultaneously enjoying the adventures of my Apex brothers in THEIR promos... Engy, what were YOU doing that whole time leading up to our first round of hype videos NOT helping anyone else because you dropped your team? Oh, right, who the fuck knows, whereas my time has been officially logged as generously busy a-f with matters pertaining to Turning Point. Hey, what can we expect from a proven liar but more lies?"

"He called you a liar too, Jim. Over what you did to Reno and what you did with Engy's own weak mindgames. I mean, it was ME saying what he quoted, whether you feel the same or not, and again he's a fool who doesn't pay attention, but there it is."

"Well, he said "I" was admitting to being dishonest but the thing is, I never lied to either him OR Reno. I never said, hey Reno we're totally BFFs now, nor did I say anything to Engy other than I was excited about and onboard with being tag champs with him. Which I am...because no matter how easy some people have made it on him hype-wise, I know first-hand how stellar of a talent he is in the ring seeing as he got me the first time and I'm pretty good at this sport. All I did was not come right out and say I suspected them of lying to begin with...and you're both WELCOME that I'm a fair person who'd rather gather as much evidence as possible before officially condemning a man when I could've been wrong. It ain't my fault they both charged ahead with THEIR dishonesty afterwhich I made the decision IMMEDIATELY to let them know they hadn't fooled me. Sorry Engy, another misfire. Me giving you the opportunity to come clean and prove me wrong makes me a patient person, not dishonest, and it makes you a definitive scoundrel.

A scoundrel does shit like continue to claim innocence in being pulled from the War Games match, ADMITTING that it was for pill abuse, then, how odd, _completely_ ignored the point made that he was declined participation in one match yet inexplicably allowed to cash-in on Chris Chaos later.

Engy, stop. Just...just stop, it's turning my stomach.

What's next?

The piss test was falsified like it was against Dolly and the whole performance enhancement abuse scandal? Fuck off, bro. Nothing ever makes sense with you and your "explanations" other than you. are. a. liar. Period. And not even a GOOD liar. And stop saying you respect me when your own words contradict that claim. _I_ don't care how often YOU say it, I don't give a shit if you flip flop on it in the next promo because you think you're gonna use some sorta ultra-spineless Blingsteen style swerve to derail me. I'm done debating that moot point. Fuck's the matter with you?

"As I said in the letter, he's a glutton for punishment who insists the best accusations made against him be repeated because he can't help but lie about them. It's so self-emasculating and what use has a proud, though small, johnson and testicles have of a man who refuses to act like one? Maybe now he'll understand why I, his dick, could be so invested in anything he does when so often he's humiliating me. Oh and me being invested in a match? Why wouldn't I be? Is not the low blow a well-known PHYSICAL maneuver causing damage to me and the boys and the more botchy and clumsy you are, the more opportunities are presented to do so? Again...a man who somehow doesn't get what having a dick means, doesn't deserve one.

You know...he did catch you on ONE thing though..."

"Hey, nobody's perfect. What, the cash-in thing? Sure, good job Engy, it's just too bad that theoretical would only apply to after the match though and if I were to lose. That falls under the normal category of jitters in context with wanting to win after losing to you once already, so no, I wouldn't be stressing that during the match without a clear outcome. Very, very, good on the catch but I'm sorry it wasn't the nail you thought it would be.

Oh, and yes, I do still have the ability to cash-in and yes, I've already thought of using it should I fail against you for the second time. Then I figured, what sense would that make? If you just kicked my ass after I started at full-steam it means you were better so cashing in would only guarantee I'd more than likely lose again and lose weary. That kinda bleeds into how convenient it was that you got bounced from your War Games match and were able to take on Chris Chaos with a fresh start. See how the art of owning a mistake and flipping it with _honesty_ works? Try it sometime _without_ the addition of lies to make it sound better.

Lies..." The thousand yard stare.

"You say I've admitted to being a liar and I have...as being a liar nearly a decade ago. It was the death of my father that changed me into the honest man I've been since, said it before, and especially while on this roster. I don't believe I ever claimed to have _never_ lied, however, in case anyone is wondering.

And yes, you are correct, brother, I _have_ failed people...even those closest to me...and it broke my heart every time. Yes, I _have_ let people down, hell, I might just end up letting down every person pulling for me to kick your ass up and down Cairo at Turning Point, who can predict the future in that vein? And yes, I _have_ done some INCREDIBLY awful things in my past. I've...... I've seen and done things that no soul should ever have to experience and I've perpetrated evil against my fellow man in wicked ways and the lines of justification get blurrier the more you take societal and/or theological standards into account. Since I donned my long desired cap of being a hero, however, anything "bad" I've done has been in pursuit of justice and no more "wrong" than the half-fer, half-ag'in in America of the utilization of punishment equal to the crime, or execution, and our judicial system is corrupt enough to vindicate private justice in my opinion as well as that of many others. Still, I've done far more good in my life than evil but for every wrong I've ever been guilty of, I've paid for or am currently working to correct. Because I _am_ rare, incredibly eccentric and unique when compared to most...I _am_ a hero, Dexter, and if you're being sincere with that I thank you and see that perhaps there IS potential for you. That makes me happy. For no matter what, I've shown that I WANT to believe in people and I do very much WANT to believe in you, even if I don't believe YOU right now since you readily owned up to the fact you've been trying to "take the wind out of my sails".

None of that want to believe means I'm going to do any less than I have been for this match though. I can't. I won't. I very much want that Universal Championship back. The homie, my friend, James Raven said it best, any foul play or shadiness aside, you _have_ earned the right to be the Uni Champ. So have I earned the right to be for the second time. The kind of champion the XWF needs and hasn't had for so very long...a true hero. And oh how few we have around here. Helluva lot harder to be a hero...but worth it. And there _is_ no "possibility" of me being one _if_ and after I claim the top strap again...it's already ongoing and proven that it'll merely be a man _continuing_ to do so; honored to do so, at that.

No matter what...I'm going to do the best I can to regain that position of flagship, unfurling my white sails of hope and light, the very sails you admit to seeking to void, with your vacuum of darkness. There shall be no slowing down, no getting softer...there will only be me at full-steam, better than ever...and you at full-tilt, standing at 1 and 0 against me.

Sure...the track record of humanity is that good hardly ever triumphs over evil.

I'm that which qualifies as hardly. The low statistic. The underdog once more.

Will you win?

Will I?

I don't know.

What I do know is this:

I have a nearly spotless track record for successfully hitting back harder the second time around in relation to those who've defeated me in the past. I have a track record for overcoming the odds. I'm doing a lot better against you now in hype than I did previously. But most of all...

With the determination I've displayed since October...this time, you're gonna hafta (and this includes "damn near") do what no one has ever done before, not even you...you're gonna hafta kill me to stop me.

Literally.

Not figuratively."

::TONE::

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to make our descent. We ask that you refasten your safety restraints, return any trays to their upright secured positions and please power off all electronics as well. Thank you."

Turning to Tiny following the announcement. "So that part of mine at the end there, how was i- HURK!! What're you doing!?"

Throbbing boner. "That was so...so POWERFUL, man! That really got the blood flowing!"

"Well _stop it_!"

"I CAN'T, Jim!"

"Dammit, Engy's disembodied stiffy, don't make me hafta smack you around until you're limp!"

Sitting across the way with Robert. "That got very, very gay, very, very quickly."

::Floyd lowers and swings the camera around to switch it off...

...as for the barest of seconds, we catch none other than Carmine of the Pappalardo Family pulling aside the dividing curtain leading to First Class, his face a mask of what one can only describe as less than amused::

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

The Engineer Said:So, I wanted to propose a gentlemans agreement. I did the same thing with Main and a couple other people. Would you be willing to not post anything like 6 hours before the deadline? Obviously I will not either. I think it takes some of the pressure off both of us, plus on a completely transparent note I'm EST so me staying up that late is fucking impossible. I won't hold it against you if you don't want to do this, it's entirely your call.

Well played Engy. Fooled even me. Regardless of words detailing deadline, you specified that it's impossible ultimately for you on the east coast, (with those two jobs you've said you have in ooc posts) to be up 6 hours from midnight my time, since you are right there asking me not to post during that time. Obviously tonight you've proven your ability to be a lie and I was an idiot to believe you. So I concede the match. With you pulling this shady ooc garbage, Bourbon's shady ooc crap, Ben's shady ooc crap, me being hacked conveniently (and for the first time ever) just in time to make things harder for me to RP...yeah, it's no longer fun, no longer worth it. Thank you, however, all those of you among the roster and the brass who made this the best efed experience I've ever had otherwise with the greatest honors I've ever received in this game. I apologize for bowing out but if the game is going to be played in this way, I'm no longer interested in being here. Btw, this needs to be seen and acknowledged, not deleted, otherwise it enables this bullshit. You know damn well how much I love the XWF. This is what drives away a loyal member.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Wang on a Plane
Author	Message