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JimCaedus · (12-27-2017)

"Psh... Mmmhm."

"Loud & Clear"

I slam the receiver down on my corded 80s official Disney Mickey Mouse phone...then yank the ancient landline from the wall and pitch the whole damn thing out the window.

::SHATTER::

The closed window.

Dammit.

"Meh, fuck it. Once a sincerely despised fuck up, _always_ a sincerely despised fuck up.

Right fam?

Rhetorical. I see it monthly. Somewhat like Engy's clockwork release of The Shining elevator load o' sloughed uterine walls and vaginal cranberry juice any time he "justifiably" hits me with shit only acceptable because I have the balls to talk about it on camera, then I hit back, in seeming ultra taboo fashion, and become public enemy number 1."

"Indeed. And not a balanced one at that. Show of hands...who here has friends outside AND inside the biz?

...Wow, Jesus, don't even need to count, that's all of you. Ok...

Next, who here has parents still living to enjoy the holidays with?

One...two...three...four...five...si- K, that's enough, don't rub it in.

Next question: who here has OTHER family members who haven't disowned you for attempting to institute CBD oil treatment for your dying mother (you somehow becoming a "drug pushing junkie" over it) to, at the very least, receive cute lil' Christmas cards, or Happy Holiday phone calls from and at BEST enjoy the season with as well?

One...two...three...four...five...six...sev- Ok ok, I get it. Even more. Cool, good for you, fam.

Last question: who here has CHILDREN to enjoy the holiday with; evil, vapid, soulless cheating wives/girlfriends aside? I won't even bother counting, enough o' you do...including ENGY with his newfound son, awwwwww." I unleash an over-the-top-sarcastic open mouth smile. "Guess who has NONE of the above with only aborted fetuses, full-on corpses and unanswered phone calls/texts to play Secret Santa with??" I instantly drop the act. "Yeah, fuck you. And you don't give a shit either, so corkscrew whatever "kind words" you may have said right back down your throats and legit choke to death on 'em, I'm done with the patronizing "support" and contradictory action.

As for the two I KNOW will have nothin' to offer but insults and laughter...Pig and this Mystery opponent #1...

Go ahead Joshua Hatred, hit me with your best shot, fuck a chick in front of a classroom fulla kids and finally, force us all to sit through whatever "is this douche for real?" idea you have for your first vignette. Then I'll hit you back, make you look like an idiot and still get my ass handed to me in the ring.

Another show of fuckin' hands...who here has put in as much effort as they could for hyping a match, definitely ain't no greenhorn who never suffered a squash but...got squashed anyway? Yeah...Benito Angelo, wherever YOU are your hand ain't poppin' up...even though you promo no-showed my debut match you still kicked the shit outta me. I'm the only one here who can raise a hand to this. I did my best with the distractions I had against Engy the first time around yet, oh, imagine that, he completely squashed me. Humiliated me."

"Precisely. And the message is: Jim Caedus is a disrespected, enhancement talent, colossal joke in this business. Every. Single. Accolade. He ever collected previous, has _since_ or ever _WILL_ was PISSED ON by that one squash.

So let's add another. Squash me Pig, like your so very talented, protected and worshipped comrade did.

As for the Mystery Competitor, what are YOU waiting for? Come on out with the same pretentious smartass attitude every Mystery Competitor displays from the position of anonymity like that ain't the biggest pussy maneuver in the game. Then...after Pig and I have made our guesses as to who you are, unveil who you REALLY are and somehow make the victims of your spineless entrapment look "stupid" and effectively "fooled" seeing as you can change anything about who you REALLY are at the drop of an accusation and make us look "dumb".

I'll be waiting. Hell...I got nothin' better to do."

::STATIC FLIP OFF::

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