Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Robert "The Omega" Main · (12-22-2017)

::An Apex Story::

Listen I’ve always heard if it's freezing outside and you stick your tongue to a metal pole it will stick!

Yeah I’ve heard the same thing! I just don’t know who in their right mind would do such a thing!

Drew speaks up

You two jokesters are full of bologna! You’re full of it! Both of you!

Oh yeah?

Yup!

Robert glances at Drew for a split second then Jim

Okay then hot shot! Here is a light pole go for it! I double dare ya!

You kiddin me, Jimbo? Stick my tongue to that light pole? That's ridiculous!

Bro you’re just saying that because you know it will stick to the freaking thing! I’m right let’s just move on man!

Oh yea?

Yeah, and I double dog dare you!

Robert raises one eyebrow noticing Jimmy just used the double dog dare. Things were getting serious. The only thing Jim had left was the triple dog dare ya! Robert smirks with enjoyment!

Jimmy this is the dumbest thing in the history of ever!

Jim smiles looking over his shoulder in Robert’s direction! Robert shook his head knowing what was next!

I triple dog dare ya!

Drew and Roberts’s jaws drop both now gawking at Jim who has a smug smile draped across his face! Jim wasted little time going right for the throat!

Fine, fine! If it will make you two asshats happy I'll do it.

Drew takes a few steps forward towards the pole Drew sticks his tongue out when Robert breaks his silence!

Drew, this is a bad idea! Let’s just go in the mall!

Bobby, what kind of a man do you take me for? Jimbo here called me out, with a triple dog dare no less! I’ve got this situation under full control! It won’t stick! You're wrong!

Drew, I’m telling you don’t do this! I’ll leave your ass out here to freeze!

Can it big shot Bob I’m going in!

Drew’s back tightened as his eyes winced in a defiant sneer!

Well come on smart ass!

Drew leans in sticking his tongue to the light pole in the parking lot of the mall! Robert and Jim both cross their arms watching as Drew tries pulling away but is frozen in place! In the grip of speechless silence panic suddenly set in! Drew became wild-eyed as his pupils dilated! Robert and Jim watched as Drew’s heart began racing, his brain on fire! Drew began flapping his arms around wildly! The look on Drew’s face was one of uncertainty, like a cluster bomb exploding in his brain, turning his brains into a mental soup of conflicting directions, his brain frosted over locked in place! Jim shrugs laughing out loud!

We fuckin told you!

Drew speaks but is muffled

Ha, Ha, Ha, guys really funny! Now get me the heck off of here before some kids come by and start hitting me with snowballs like in that movie...

Sure thing man! We’ve just got to go inside! We’ll be right back!

Jimbo, Bobby! Wait! Hey, guys wait!

What?

Hey get me some Ovaltine!

Da heck is Ovaltine?

Hey we will be right back! Hang in there would ya?

Jim and Robert begin walking towards the mall

Wait a second!

Jim what you....? Oh, no..... That's classic!

Jim depants Drew as Robert shakes his head laughing! Drew tries to pull his pants up but cannot reach them because of his tongue attached to the pole.

Now we can go in!

They're not coming back, are they?

::One Hour Later::

You think Drew is pissed off at us man?

He’s just going to try and get even! That is where we both should be worried!

We tried to tell the guy!...... Why in the hell are we in line for Santa?

Uh…..Well….. Drew kind of believes in him still!

Your serious?

Jimmy, have I ever lied to you about anything?

No!

Just play it cool when he gets in here! I mean fuck with him some!

Oh, you know I will!

He wants a Red Rider BB Gun!

He will shoot his eye out day freaking one!

I said the same thing, man! Jim, honest question here!

Okay shoot!

What’s your honest opinion on our match at War Games? I really want you to look at that camera right there that Floyd is holding and hold nothing back! Tell Robbie Bourbon what you think of him! Tell that scum warrior BWB! That's bearded war bitch folks, what you think he is really capable of in the ring! Hit Engy with everything you got. Tell these clowns Jim!

Engy Trying To Get His Point Across
[Image: giphy.gif]

Shit bro, I'm always honest. Takes balls to be honest. In fact...let's talk about honesty and courage in context with the Mothercuckers, shall we?

Let's talk about how Robbie Bourbon devolved from an actual fat body man of the people who never had need of dishonesty to the lower life form of a nutless, talentless coward who realizes he's now so far out of his league...as UNIVERSAL CHAMPION...all he can do between his average 8 meals a day is lie through his fuckin' teeth through spray and pray pussy tactics and invent fake news to mudsling. Let's discuss the reality of this "racism" situation which actually kicked off between the two of us in a locker room debate when I started having second thoughts about being a part of that revolving door o' douchebags, something I fully expected Robbie to drop on my ass at some point during this hype cycle. Something there is NO way to prove as no cameras were present at the time, my own accusing him of lies via quoting a decade and a half old joke belonging to Chris Rock, a black man, which he saw as racist because I'm a white guy saying it. Reverse racist rotund

. Let's delve a bit further into how Robbie then decided to levy the racism label at you, brother, and Drew...with absolutely zero precedent behind it...then let's go ahead and point out how Robbie believes himself to be devoid of racism despite the fact the only black man he can truly stand having around him is Cyberjaw, clearly a guy with some mental slowdown most likely borne from heavy drug use, a black man who not only in no way defines "threatening" as Robbie's suburban bitch ass knows the word but is easily manipulated, bossed around and passively insulted through Robbie's smartass glances and lopsided smiles into the lens alluding to his lack of respect for his token black friend and his words in man cave Bourbon family basement promo. Let's take into account that if Robbie truly enjoyed and embraced black culture he wouldn't utilize Cyberjaw like a fuckin' sideshow freak to make all the whiteboys laugh, racist scumbag sack o' shit. Rob, you haven't the first clue what it means to be devoid of racism as a white man you pathetic plump pussy. I grew up and spent 32 years in Long Beach among 3 sizeable crip cliques, spent every damn day kickin it with them, we all came up together, worked liccs together, got faded and drunk together, nailed hoodrat snatch together. Notice how my wigganess bleeds through my personality. Ain't no one else on this roster an example of white and black America combined like I am. That's because I genuinely adore them and their culture, cocksucker...and you? You treat them like you do everyone else...as tools to be used to further your own laughably deflated career. Robbie, not only am I gonna fuck you up in that ring for accusing my brothers of what YOU are sincerely guilty of but I'm gonna knock your fuckin' teeth out for YOUR despicably deplorable TRUTHFUL despising of the African-American.

As for Pig, fuck Pig. Joshua Hatred you're lucky anyone is ever willing to team with you, you're a fucking joke. Ain't shit but a creepy dullard and transitional twat TV champ on top o' bein' an inch away from psycho jarhead rapist and literal

droppin' trou' like a 12-year-old with down syndrome. You're an embarrassment to the XWF, Battle Sow, in every possible way. Takin' your leave whenever you feel the inclination like you're Steve fuckin Austin skipping away with the ball, or Brock Lesnar's feckless neckless diva ass walkin' out at the drop of a bruised ego...but you ain't either of those names, numbnuts, you're Bearded War Pig, a no one who only succeeds in pissin' off the few fans you have, the brass and the roster by screwin' up line-ups and takin' a dump on convenience. You can't be counted on, you can't be trusted, go fuck yourself. You ain't tough, bitch, you ain't intimidating and nothing you've done or said has meant shit to anyone. Do us all a favor and leave. Don't come back, the XWF DOESN'T NEED a man who treats this all like a fair weather concept, petunia, the XWF needs men and women who can hack it without hackin' it up. A comic book by the way? Is that what you call clever? Forcing everyone watching to SIT IN SILENCE AND READ A COMIC BOOK ON CAMERA!? Jesus Christ, kill yourself piglet, you ain't shit but bad ideas and lack of commitment.

And finally, Engy... Nice to see you haven't changed up,

. Good to know you're the same all-too-Dolly-Waters-like sack o' lies and spineless bitchassery. What was it you said to Drew? "OK, yeah, I accused you of things you never said but I was addressing what was UNSAID."

Both Main and Jim erupt with laughter.

You unbelievably childish pussy, HOW CAN A 37-YEAR-OLD MAN BE SO AFRAID TO OWN HIS OWN FUCKUPS when you LET ME OWN YOU by using MY label for your dishonest cowardly ass!? That's ALL you do, Engy, you REFUSE to listen, to PAY ATTENTION, to RESEARCH and put effort into ACCURACY and you pop off at the mouth with words you inevitably gotta suck back down. You're pathetic. You make me fuckin' sick. No Engy, you weren't addressing what was UNSAID because...Drew ain't a bitch, he says what he wants to say and has no need to sugar coat or deceive. You just fucked up. Period; because that's what you are, a fuck up. A fuck-up who fluked a squash on me, and I shoulda walked the fuck outta here because of it but unlike Dolly Waters and Danny Imperial, I'm a fuckin' true competitor who can take life's shit and keep on kickin'. People fear you here...I ain't one of 'em. In fact, you ain't on my list of opponents that make me nervous, you're on the long list of arrogant dickhead hacks who irritate me and can very much look forward to getting their puckered asses handed back after I've kicked 'em around like the fuckin double-meaning hacky-sacks they are. You ain't no champ, no king of the XWF, you're a fraud. A phony. You ain't shit and neither are your promos or in-ring ability. Fuck what you've done, you know goddamn well I'm better than you, we BOTH know you fear CAEDUS and for good reason...I'm not gonna rest until I've beaten the last drop of will you have to be here outta you,

. You deserve it like you deserve a point-blank shotgun blast in the fuckin' mouth. And by the way...if you're gonna tell someone to try harder after they legit shut one of your partners down with a SINGLE fuckin fake preview...you might wanna live what you preach as opposed to barely showing the fuck up thus far while I've been in nigh every goddamn one o' my brother's promos. As usual...what you say means NOTHING you hypocritical loser.

Robert noticed as they moved closer to Santa the brilliant smell of gingerbread! Robert and Jim could see a table filled to the brim with gingerbread men. The Gingerbread men were lined up by the dozens and every one of them had a very different facial expression. Their limbs had the look of a soft baked cookie rather than the biscuity creations Robert used to make with his family when he was a child!

Excuse me! Pardon me! Got to see that jolly jerkoff Santa!

Shit here comes Drew!

This ought to be good!

Pushes his way through the line stopping at Jim and Robert.

Thanks, guys!

What's wrong? Drew?

Oh I don't know Jim! Two dick heads left me in the parking lot attached to a pole with my pants down! Other than that I'm just peachy!

Drew how in the hell did you get loose?

Drew sneers at Robert then Jim

Well finally after a few tries a lady poured her babies bottle on my tongue releasing me. It was a real blast trying to get someone to help me not thinking I'm an absolute lunatic!

That's halirous!

Don't worry Jimmy! I'll get my payback! Believe that. Anyway, what are you guys doing?

I just hit The Mother Fuckers! Rob, here was about to say something!

I was going to bomb The Mother Fuckers again but why? I'm so sick of the back and forth. If I have to watch another short Robbie Bourbon promo I might just throw up! Or another Engy, cut and paste! To me every time we see Engy cut a promo he's using lines from those old Theo Price promos he did a while back! I might just be me though! That being said though I'm going to take this time to address the other competitors we might be facing in the finals, and we will be in the finals! Graves I'm going to start this off with you! Now I'm not going to come out and attack you! We were formally brothers, I will though be open and honest with you! Here I thought you were retired moving off into the sunset! Now you have yet again blown the dust off your old wrestling boots coming back looking to make a statement! I applaud your courage, I admire your will to compete in the ring! In a weird way, I look up to you! I look at you and I see a legend among men! I see a fighter! I want to wish you only good luck and maybe we will see you in the finals! Seeing how you were the only man smart enough to point out the fact that we APEX will be at a strict disadvantage if we do make it to the finals! We will walk right back into the fire with no time to get healed up or rest! You are very correct, but even though that might be the case we will prevail! We are the best team in War Games and we will win the whole damn thing! Oh, and one last thing, Graves if it for whatever reason comes down to you or a member of APEX I will put you down and out!

Moving on Erik Black?

Robert looks confused

Who the hell is Erik Black?

Uh..... Former Television Champion!

Oh that's right he was! Tough son of a bitch! He was a buzz saw until he ran into the former champion Sinclair! Not worried about him! Let's talk about who else I'm not worried about what so ever! JENNY MYST! Nothing like saying the same damn thing over and over again! Nothing like a woman's touch huh? Please and feel free to never ever touch the Omega! I don't want herpes! You know you telling the world you are a champion in a division with no one else in it and telling us how many times Chris Chaos has been screwed gets old! if it wasn't for the female voice Jenny I would have thought you were Chris Chaos speaking! One would think, if Chris was screwed as many times as the two of you claim, he would have struck oil by now! But then that little promo took a turn you decided to go after me a little bit! Funny! What did I ever do to you darling? I think I remember you calling me unproven! Sure at the time when Jimmy and I hooked up and created that other stable I was unproven! I did, after all, beat Chris Chaos and Gabe Reno damn near single handily! I'm a two time Hart Champion now! Unproven not even close! Then everyone piles on Drew here! Give the man a chance to show what he can do, before all the judgment huh! If you only knew what he was capable of you'd back down right now! Last but least Jenny I did bounce on AX3 but do you or anyone else know why? Has anyone ever really asked that question before?

Everyone just assumes I left! I left because I needed some time to regroup, I needed time to think about everything that was swirling around me! Bu the biggest reason I left for a while because of Chris Chaos! I could not stand him! I still cannot stand him! He is nothing more than a whining bitch always telling the world how he was screwed! 90% of the time Chris wasn't screwed, he just lost the match and was not damn man enough to admit to it! So he made excuses! Same then same now! Being aligned with such an egotistical ass hole just didn't work for me! Jenny the dime store bitch looking for her next free ride! Well, here's a news flash we won't give it to you!

Peter Gilmour! My god man how about you do a little more research in those promos before you go opening your mouth huh? That promo you cut, had more holes in it than a slice of swiss cheese! We are not AX3 dickless wonder we are APEX! You said you wanted The Hart Champion Danny Imperial! He ass hole can you not watch the matches that are on the same card as you? Or can you not read what happened a day later! I'm the Champion now! Robert the Omega Main! What a fucking joke man come on! Get up with the times or get the hell out altogether! Pay attention to what is going on all around you dip shit!

Finn Kühn what's there to say about this kid! I just hope he shows up for the match!

Chris Chaos.... Ugh.... See Jenny Myst! "Some Men Just Want To Watch The World Burn"! Now where in the hell have I heard that before?

[Image: giphy.gif]

Doc awesome! Though you did have a few choice words for us! "Best Intrest Boluvard" that could not be further from the truth right there! By the way, where are the Kings? Dismantled and forgotten!

Michael McBride see Peter Gilmour's ass! Butt buddies until the end!

Neville Sinclair best damn Television Champion of all time!

Phantom Panzer, I like you, not in that way either buddy!

James Raven! G.O.A.T. GREATEST OF ALL TIME!

Now if there is anyone and I mean anyone I didn't mention, it's either because I don't give a shit about you, or you have done nothing at all to gain any of my attention!

Robert looks to Drew who seems excited!

Drew you ready to see Santa?

You know it! I'm asking for a Red Rider BB Gun and some soap. What are you guys asking for?

I'm not asking for anything Drew! You're not going to go up there and sit on his lap, are you?

Uh... Bobby don't you get how this whole thing works! I sit in his lap I ask for my gift boom!

Oh this is going to be amazing! Floyd film everything and don't stop no matter what happens!

Why is this going to be amazing Jimmy?

What if I told you Santa wasn't real Drew?

Jim come on man, we both know that isn't true!

Drew I want you to look into the camera and tell our opponents just what they are in store for come War Games hurry because there are only a few people in front of us in line!

Pain.

That it?

Disappointment.

Are you just fucking with me because of that pole thing?

Maybe. Look what do you want me to say that I haven't said a hundred times already? Bearded War Pig is going to keep taking the hits for Robbie Bourbon and try and make everything dick and fart jokes. Throw in some comments about violence and blowing his load all over our faces. It's basically the same thing with Pig every single time he opens his mouth. The guy is a one trick pony if there ever was one. And once the match is over and Robbie tells him to go back into his hole until he's needed again he'll go and take out his frustrations by screaming at a bunch of children while getting his ass handed to him in Call of Duty.

Ever since that James Raven guy, whoever the fuck he is, showed up you can see that it threw Robbie for a loop. He was already starting to break under the weight of it all. You could see it in his eyes and with his labored breathing that the gravity of the situation was starting to weigh on him. Every time he opened his mouth something undermining to his cause would come out. He would try and stand up there at his podium and preach how he and his crew are the darkness in the light. The voice of the voiceless, the champion of the people and then one by one his buddies would cut promos doing the very things he would accuse us of. Word to the wise there Rob, it really helps if you get all your guys on the same page and present a united front before you all go out there and start showing your individualized agendas. Honestly, Robbie have you been paying attention at all to what your guys have been saying? It's actually amusing to watch you and your team light yourselves on fire each and every day. But you know what they say, people just can't turn away from a train wreck. They have innate need to see the disaster and boy are we seeing just that. With each passing promo, the Motherfuckers bury themselves deeper and deeper in the muck.

Which brings me to Engy, not even a few hours after Robbie Bourbon talks about how the fix is in, in the Motherfuckers favor that is here comes Engy to drop a nuclear bomb right on Robbie's whole narrative. Look it's real simple Engy when you are a selfish dickhead like Robbie Bourbon you are going to make some enemies along the way and one of those enemies is James Raven. Now apparently James has decided to insert himself into this match. He has an axe to grind and I guess Robbie's head is on the chopping block. Unfortunate for you but I suppose that works in our favor. But here's the thing that Engy doesn't seem to understand. As hard as he tries to make the world seem like it's black and white, good versus evil. The world is very much gray. And that's where Apex fits into the grand scheme.

Robbie can keep telling anyone he will listen that he's a good guy, that the fans love him and his band of brothers but as they say actions speak louder than words. His actions and that of the Motherfuckers have never been of the altruistic variety. Hell Robbie can't even protect his own people like Engy. Where were the Mother Fuckers at when The Kings took Engy's crown and embarrassed him on national television? The Kings were out there for a while. Plenty of time for Robbie to waddle his fat ass down to the ring with Pig in toe to try and save their friend but instead they hung him out to dry.

And where were Robbie and Pig when I supposedly "cheap shooted" Engy a few weeks back? Typically they were absent. So while Engy continues to sell his loyalty and to a degree his soul to Robbie, Robbie offers nothing in return except some hollow words and scraps at the pre-show buffet. It's not our fault that Robbie has burned bridges with people and now the crows are coming home to roost. Sure we could appeal to James softer side and tell him that we would rather do this on our own, which we would by the way. And who knows, we may still, but I am also not one to stop a guy from extracting his revenge if he so wishes to do so. That's not my job. My job is to go out there and win a wrestling match. If Robbie's own words and actions come back to bite him in the ass well then that's on him. Engy and Pig should take that up with him. He put them in this situation. Not us. Whether we capitalize on that or not is a different story entirely.

Hey man we're up! Go on and tell Santa what you want for Christmas!

Jim and Robert share a laugh as Drew walks down the aisle past a few elves and takes a seat on an unsuspecting Santa's lap.

Well hello there young man. You seem a little old to be sitting on Santa's lap.

Is that age discrimination I hear?

No of course night young man. Tell Santa, have you been a good boy this year?

Well I was in prison for most of the year so you know how that goes but I've been out a few weeks and on my best behavior if that counts for anything.

Prison? Are you having a laugh with me son?

Whoa old man! I don't know who my father is but I'm pretty sure you ain't him!

Ok ok. I have a long line as you can see so how about you tell Santa what it is you want for Christmas.

A Red Rider BB Gun. And some soap. Specifically Dial. That off-brand shit gives me a rash.

A Red Rider BB Gun and some Dial Soup. Well, the one I can give you right now, the other you'll have to check under your tree for on Christmas morning.

Sounds good Santa. You know where I live right? In a box under the bridge in Chicago? Lot 511. It's the box with the big A taped to it.

You're homeless?

Hey I got a home! It's a beautiful double wide box.

I understand. Well if you head on over there to Mrs. Claus she will hand you a Red Rider BB Gun. Thank you for coming to see me, son!

Drew climbs off Santa's lap and heads over to the portly Mrs. Claus who is already standing there with the requested BB Gun in hand. As Drew takes hold of the gun Jim and Robert make their way past the line and meet Drew on the other side as Drew starts inspecting every inch of the gun.

You think this thing is loaded?

Drew asks as he starts shaking it up and down trying to hear if there are any BB's inside. Drew inadvertently points the gun towards the crowd of people while he looks down the gun's scope.

You can't point that thing at people man!

Jim says as he slaps the gun.

PING!!!

SCREAMS!!!

CHAOS!!!!

Santa Claus is down on the ground grabbing at his eye as Mrs. Claus rushes to her husband's side.

Oh shit!

We better get the fuck outta here!

He just shot Santa in the face!!

The three members of Apex all bolt towards the exit. They get about halfway there when Drew realizes that in the panic he dropped the BB gun on the ground. He attempts to go back for it but Jim and Robert grab him by the arms and drag him towards the door.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode A Apex Story
Author	Message