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The best kept secret in the business of professional wrestling has always been the exact location of XWF HQ and for good reason, in light of (for ONE example) Boss Lane's past with the Yakuza and their attempts to take the promotion off his hands as evidenced in promo way back during Lethal Lottery 4. What you don't know is that XWF HQ resides smack dab in the center of an even more mysterious metropolis, an entire colossal community completely intertwined with and dependent on the promotion for employment. This is where many XWF brass and superstars' out of the ring businesses are located including, it's rumored, Danny Imperial's tropical resort (you're welcome, Danny).

Now, while this may sound like the coolest damn place in the world to live (and for some, it IS), the metropolis of "Xville" is no different than any other and possesses it's own share of rich and poor with its wealthy uptown and downtown areas, its suburbs and its ghettos. It's within the borders of one of these ghettos where our story takes place...


Tim Cratchit, paraplegic and ten years of age, has never known the splendors of the lower-middle class, nor any increment above for that matter. He comes from a family unable to rub two coppers together (fuck nickels) and lives in a roach-filled hovel in a neighborhood full of the same.

Tim's father Bob has been working 2 full-time minimum wage jobs presided over by certain dickheads on the XWF roster in Xville so Tim rarely sees him and when he does, he's usually catching up on sleep. All of the money Bob makes flies right back out of his pockets to pay for the overwhelming bills as well as whatever food and clothing he can afford, ensuring the Cratchits will more than likely NEVER find a way out.

Tim's mother won't be of any help; she's out of the picture, deciding one day out of the blue, at least in the comprehension of a ten year old boy, to leave and thus far has never returned nor been heard from since. One day, unfortunately, Tim will figure out his mom cheated on his dad and belongs to a new breed of staggeringly selfish women becoming more and more prevalent in this country, who not only end their marriages but drop their own children over new dick, essentially wiping clean the slate of their lives with no regard for any lives disrupted and/or, yes, even decimated in the process. For now however, Tim remains ignorant and his father, a good man, has chosen not to burden the mind of his child with the truth; Tim has enough to worry about stuck in his wheelchair all day every day. In fact, Tim's dad has done everything he can to distract Tim from his problems, encouraging the boy to "play" outside and make friends with the neighborhood kids during daylight hours then allowing him full run of the television when he's stuck indoors at night, naturally XWF programming being the chosen weekly priority.

Now, as far as human interaction had been concerned, the neighborhood children had proven less kind and empathetic than Bob had hoped but Tim HAD scored a friend for his efforts and for awhile everything was, all things considered, "okay". That is, until The Motherfuckers rose to power and influence both in the XWF and Xville.

For starters, Robbie Bourbon's (though in the interest of avoiding legal issues we'll call him what the children call him in context with his hair, hermaphroditism and working milk-filled mammaries: Ruby) newfound expanded sphere of Universal Championship influence in combination with his already existing racism, greed, arrogance and self-serving nature saw him clean house free of non-Caucasian employees in the interest of a "higher quality dining experience", the bigoted fat Nazi fuck, within the walls of his shitty restaurant "The Slop Trough" (coincidentally War Pig's favorite haunts for sustenance when he's not jacking off into his own mouth and feeding off the protein contained in his balls) and Bob Cratchit had been among those pink slipped. Not only that...Tim's only friend had been among those children hired to act in Bourbon's unwisely devised early War Games promos and had fallen victim to Robbie's Ruby's GENUINE disdain for the safety of the world's youth, been given a knife before filming and had accidentally, though fatally, stabbed himself when Ruby's prized heffer Blue lost her hooving exiting the Bourbon trailer, fell and struck the surrounding area with a 7.1 on the richter scale, a tragedy magnified to further horrific levels when Bourbon himself decided eating the evidence to be the most efficient escape from justice and devoured the boy's corpse.

When the parents of the eaten fought back anyway, the porcine pissant in power over Xville's private police force, Joshua "Jowls" Hatred (better known as Bearded War Pig) had seen to it that his Special Security quite literally buried the witnesses and remaining evidence. As if that wasn't enough, the landlord owning and presiding over the Xville slums, The Engineer (better known by his tenants as Engineezer Splooge), had not only threatened to raise rent in retaliation but had fired those parents embroiled in the legal battle, including Tim's father, and just like that...the fascist swine known as The Motherfuckers had gotten away with murder as well as the destruction of many many innocent lives. However...

Tim just happens to be among the "mark" support behind Apex and communicates regularly with the stable through their official online fan/charity site (the heroes that they are). He recently sent an email that caught Jim Caedus's attention and now, in the interest of ending the exposition...shit's about to hit the fan. Apex don't stand for villainous douchebaggery...



"Splooge"



--Splooge LLC/Secret Motherfuckers HQ•Evening--


"Bahahahahahahaha! My SS puts the Las Angeles PD to shame when it comes to corruption. Those hoodrat mongrels got shut the fuck down!"


Ruby Bourbon cackles at the words of Joshua Jowls before aiming his right titty at his own open mouth like a bladder canteen and milking himself for a drink which he gluttonously gulps down. Fat mutant freak.


"Yep, broskis, life is good for The Motherfuckers. Business is booming, the downtrodden and exploited have been effectively silenced and we've got War Games aaaaaall under control what with our endless supply of half-assed hype videos drowning out the competition in a tidal wave of mediocrity and, of course, we all know that'll translate well to the ring up against three men who outclass us in every way including teamwork. I propose a toast to the illusion of effort!"


The trio drink in celebration; Jowls from his own dick, Ruby with another shot from his tit teat and Engineezer Splooge, as always, from the slit throat of a human infant. Engy IS a deceitful, evil sumbitch afterall but he's also a massive pussy who doesn't wanna deal with the much more squirrelly pain in the ass struggling sacrificial toddlers, so he always opts for newborn prey. He also has no patience for or fondess of his own pawns Ruby and Jowls, as evidenced by his refusal to take part beyond the minimum level in their promos lately, so he quickly loses interest in the festivities and barks-


"Ok, shut up now BITCHES, SLAVES, TOOLS...I grow weary of this circle-jerk and now ORDER you two fucktards to go to bed! Doing very little for this team and shooting three clearly-I-haven't-had-the-time-heart-or-balls-to-bring-it hype videos has now sapped my energy. Engy needs nappies. Be GONE worms I pretend to befriend, lest you feel my laughable wrath!"


At that, both Ruby and Jowls trip over their own feet in self-emasculation skedaddling the fuck on out of there like the underlings they are, heading for their own rooms located on the Splooge HQ premises.

Engineezer scoffs and rolls his eyes musing, "how is it so easy to fool everyone into thinking I'm intimidating? Idiots. Oh well, off to bed I go without fear of any sort of comeuppance at War Games or, randomly off the top of my pinhead, any type of life lesson theoretically delivered via spectral providence during this, the holiday season known for such events. Fuck Christmas Carols", and off to his princessly frilled and fluffy bed he heads like the diva he is.


--Later that night following ludicrous planning and impossible setting up of equipment silently and efficiently because Apex are pimps and swing it like that...--

--Ruby Bourbon's Room--


Ruby, sleeping on two kingsize mattresses metallically reinforced and welded together securely (yet still bowing in the middle), the hefty hermie himself still somehow spilling over either side, surrounded by a plethora of half eaten child carcasses, empty junk food wrappers and puddles of his own sloppily shot breast milk, doesn't wake when the window opens and, for all intents and purposes, a spirit enters.

The glowing spectre gazes down upon the dozing blob beneath him as he hovers overhead, oddly swaying slightly in midair.


Awake, Ruby Bourbon, I am the ghost of XWF Pa-AAAAAH!!


Without warning, Robert Main is suddenly swung past Bourbon's beds and face first into the wall.


FUCK! What in the hell are you two jackasses doing out there?


Outside the bedroom window, Drew Archyle smacks Jim Caedus in the back of the head with Stooge-Leader Moe-like energy.


You numbskull!


Jim regains control of the pulley system he's at the helm of.


"Bro, _accident_. Christ almighty..."


Meanwhile, the hubbub has proven cacophonous enough to stir Bourbon from his slumber and spirit Main finds himself locking eyes with his target as he hovers back into position.


"Robert? Is that you? Normally, were there cameras on me, I'd wax unconcerned but right about now, in private, knowing you own me, I'm now shitting myself wondering if you're here to just get it over with and outright end my life."

Yes, it is me but for the purposes of this intrusion you can call me the Ghost of XWF Past!


Robert pauses momentarily lighting a cigar!


There is no need to be afraid though Robbie. I am here tonight to tell you the truth and nothing more! I won’t be ending your career tonight, I’ll wait for War Games to do that! I am here to tell you even though you are currently The Universal Champion, Robbie you are nothing more than a has been! A wrestler stuck in yesteryear living off prior glory! Robbie tell me the last time you impressed anyone other than yourself? I could sit here and wait but we both know the answer bitch! You can’t remember a time and neither can anyone else in the XWF universe! You have sucked for so damn long people just flip the channel! The rumor on the street is you suck! But I can lay those rumors to rest right here and now! There is no rumor to it! You do suck! You have sucked and you always will suck! Those swirling rumors are facts! You at one time would come out wrecking people sure! Nowadays not so much! You believe because you are the bigger man on paper you will walk out of War Games as the victor! You believe because you are this bully you will push Jim and Drew around the ring. I have a bit of news for you! That right there won’t happen! For the first time in your career Robbie you will be met head on by bigger bullies than you! We will bring the fight to you! Let’s see who takes the first step backwards because it will not be us! We will continue to move forward until we are the last men standing inside of that cage moving to the finals! My brothers and I are coming in to prove one thing! Robbie Bourbon never mattered in the first place! You were nothing more than a never was!

This whole thing between you and I Robbie has been coming for a long time! Even though I have beaten you like a drum several times now, you continue to push the narrative that you are the better man in the ring! After each defeat you have become more brash! You always seem to talk vigorously on twitter or behind my back, you wait to talk shit when I’m not around! Big man! But when you and I lock horns, I always seem to come out on top! You shoot me down in your lackluster promos! Each time Robbie Bourbon I come back stronger, making you eat every single word! You’ve tasted humble pie twice at the hands of the Omega! This time will be no different! It amazes me to no end, how a needle dicked crotch captain has the audacity to call me anything at all. Tell me how a trailer trash hillbilly in a mask can make wild claims! Come War Games I’ll do what your crack whore of a mother should have done once she found out she was pregnant with a snowflake! I’ll abort your ass!

Come War Games Robbie Bourbon you will feel the heat rising faster than you have ever experienced in your miserable career! As you look around the cage you will soon realize everything that you built The Mother Fuckers, your great run as champion, your legacy will be on fire! On this night you will get the painful reminder on why you should never cross APEX! No more heroes and villains. Your days as this bully champion are finished. Your already in the toilet War Games we are hitting flush, we will watch the turd champion go down the tubes where he belongs!


Robert puffs his cigar one last time blowing smoke in the direction of Robbie, flipping him off.


Oh... Before I go, here!


Spirit Main tosses a stapled stack of legal documents to Bourbon.


Last page, sign it!


Ruby begins leafing through-


Don't read it, SIGN it! You're relinquishing your Xville restaurant "The Slop Trough" to Apex! Your time fucking with the Xville populace you employ, EAT and terminate is at an end! Now SIGN IT! IMMEDIATELY!


Bourbon does as he's ordered and, trembling, hands the document back.


Damn right you did, pussy! And now, I leave you to the words of another guy who's whipped your ass...


As Spirit Main is "hovered" outta there, an Apex drone remotely piloted by Drew Archyle buzzes on in in his place. Somewhat like- no, fuck it, exactly like R2D2 projecting a holographic space FaceTime voicemail from Obi Wan to then-alive and kicking pre-coke and smoker's voice Princess Leia, including the cool blue hue, the miniscule Apex prototype holoprojector on the underside of the drone casts the 3 dimensional image of none other than Jim Caedus.


"Yeah, I know, I know...you'd hoped I wouldn't put any effort into directly addressing you in my own, collaboration or not, promo and I say that not in theory but out of logic seeing as everyone knows the two of us have bad blood between us (don't bother denying it, asshole) yet you've been focusing more so on my brothers Drew and Main than on me ya rubbery labia lipped Lips Manlis Prick Tracy caricature. Well, the time has come, cocksucker, right here, right now, Jesus Jones, to return fire.

For starters, shut the fuck up about Danny Sex. No one gave a shit then, no one gives a shit now, that was a stupid gimmick and you should feel bad for claiming a man 300 pounds lighter than Robbie Bourbon was actually Robbie Bourbon inexplicably squoze into a costume because he's a cross-dressin' cosplayin' homo at heart. Acting like you were just walking around without the dumbass mask and no one could recognize you despite the fact you regularly de-mask for your lame ass basement promos and we ALL know what your beat face looks like shows how much of an idiot you are. It wasn't that we didn't recognize you, it's that no one cared. Believe that. Moving on...

...to how you ravenously and frantically eat dicks like you're the Jeepers Creeper tryin' to grow back what Blue bit off. You're weak now, wimp, and scared. Scared for a fact because you used to rap all the damn time until I hit Danny Imperial with a REAL diss rap, your cock turtled the fuck up back inside that hundred pound fold we all call Bourbon's front butt and no longer did the XWF hear a rhyme utter from that fat mouth o' yours knowing I'll positively slaughter you in that game as well. Bitch.

By the way...you said Ax3 returns isn't any entertaining, didn't you? ...Isn't any entertaining what, dipshit? What's the matter, does Apex make you so fuckin' nervous you couldn't complete that lame statement? This is what happens when: A. You're afraid. B. You idiots take the time to show "effort" through a cascade o' crap vignettes but can't manage to find the time to edit and polish. That's because you ain't no kinda talent, none o' you. You used to be somewhat golden but now...now, Robbie, Mr. Millionaire with a dojo and a Dunkin Donuts therein...now, you're fucking up. That very much is because you. Are. Afraid. And that's all there is to it. That's why you focus on Main. You ACTUALLY think my bro is the easier target when he's been raking you with more heat than his two teammates have been.

Speaking of Main...I love that you tried to, what, play at my pride by sayin' I'm his puppet? Robbie..." S I G H. "...what about that in-ring segment where I came out ALONE slamming you pricks and dropping you only to be surprise supported by Robert Main to form Apex after the fact makes you think "puppet"? Oh, right, you have no real ammunition so you're firing blanks, my bad. Nice try though, imbecile.

Speaking of that _in-ring_, what about my very clear reasoning and logic behind my jump confused you? You put your ass on the line asking me, BEGGING me to know WHY I did it when I gave my reasons that night. Fuck were you doing during that time and every fucking second after that when you could've reviewed the damn thing and answered your own ignorant questions? Dumbass. Oh and yes, just like you claim, my dropping you 3 duncecaps was in pursuit of the "easy way" since as we all know, a 3 on 2 situation is the easy way, not putting aside my own personal moral and ethical principles to suffer a rapist, a home intruding woman beater and a fat fuck who inevitably betrays literally EVERYONE not a Bourbon Man because, well, ain't it obvious? You have no patience for those you can't push around. I had no idea Drew Archyle would be joining Main and I so for all I knew, it was gonna be 3 on 2. Again, nice attempt at bullshittery you half ton horse's ass.

Suck my balls with your garbage about the people. Apex fights for the people, you fight for Robbie Bourbon, the path of least resistance. The..."easy way"...and you don't bother acting the part of hero, you just claim it while you release inappropriate material exploiting children and your own warped sense of humor you fat fucking nothing. You wanna see what a man of the people means? Feast your eyes on, oh hey, imagine that, BOURBON WHISKEY thanking JIM CAEDUS for his help in making a POSITIVE change."





"GodDAMN that felt good. You enjoy that as much as I did? Is it fun discovering your own chosen legit namesake values Jim Caedus while you simply use the name 'cause you think it's edgy and cool? Your time is at an end, asshat, that strap is only on your shoulder because the better man had had enough of getting booked against his own teammates and you've been too much of a pussy to compete since. I ain't STOPPED competing...not ONCE...in a fucking YEAR. I suggest at this point you forget any further self-sabotage and keep your trap shut. You're done, Bourbon. Done. Kill yourself."


Tears running down his tremendous cheeks, Ruby Bourbon rolls over and sobs, sucking down more tit milk, as the drone buzzes on back outta there...


--War Pig's Waller, Later--


Ol' Jowls ain't trying to catch any Zs like Bourbon's lazy ass, he's in the midst of playing some military-based multiplayer FPS, CURSING to the heavens each time the 7 year old Japanese kids on the other end headshot his inept ass into oblivion. See...Joshua "Jowls" Hatred realizes he uses his military past as an easy-cred cheap heat bit when in reality the only shit he killed overseas were the camel spiders (with his M-16 for the record, not any amount of manhood) unfortunate enough to scurry into the motor pool where Joshua's "gung-ho" bitchass would fuck up an OIL CHANGE on the daily...and these games are the only way he can distract himself from that fact, blasting pixels, not people.

It's for this reason that this G.I. Faux nearly pisses himself in terror when without warning, Spirit Drew spectrally swings in through the waller window...

...meanwhile, outside...


Who swung me into the wall, Jim? Was it YOU??

Hmm...y'know...maybe I should cover my own ass with a lie like Robbie, Pig and Engy do so authoritatively. Yes. Yes, that's the ticket. I'm sure I'll NEVER receive my comeuppance.

"No...it was uh...it was Drew."

Heh, covered _that_ up well.

Oh it was, was it?


Back inside Pig's waller, Spirit Drew finds himself swinging over into the wall like Main had earlier.


Are you fucking SERIOUS with this shit!?

From outside, a less than sincere: Sorry, my bad!


You'd think Pig might find that disarmingly amusing...but alas, he's a pussy and only seems more afraid that two Apex members are in close proximity. Drew catches wind of that and grins knowingly...


Well if it isn't the B to the W to the motherfucken cocksucken P. It is I Drew Archyle the Ghost of Christmas Present and buddy have I got some great news to share with you. Well, the news isn't so great for you, actually it sucks. Especially for you but before we get to the present let me talk to you a little bit about your past. More specifically your lack of one. Sure you literally have a past, you have existed for several years now. Been here and there, served your country supposedly but what do you really have to show for it? Undiagnosed PTSD and a shitty tattoo that lets everyone know that you and your platoon buddies took turns giving each other hummers? Which I am sure was your crowning achievement. But besides that what else do you have of note that you can hang your hat on?

No significant other. No kids. No legacy at all. Your wrestling career? As unimpressive as your little piggy that you like to pretend is slightly above average but we all know truth. And don't even deny it either broheim. Everyone knows that people that talk about their dick as much as you do only do so to try and make themselves feel better about their mini member. It's like the schoolyard bully. Preying on others because deep down inside they are broken. You Pig are broken. Maybe it's from going off to war and seeing your friends get blown up, maybe it was because your dad used to touch you down there and tell you that that was how dad's and son's became best friends. I don't know. But here's what I do know. Your past is bullshit and your present... it's worse.

You are only relevant in the XWF now because you are a huge butt truffle. Your nose is so far up Robbie Bourbon's ass that the next time he takes a shit it's coming out your mouth. Which, I'm willing to bet the purple heart that you were too chicken shit to earn would be something you'd strangely enjoy. I'm going to give it to you straight Pig, not because I like you, or because I respect you. I'll give it to you straight because your whole life you've been told how star spangled awesome you are and it's turned you into a soft little, dare I say it, snowflake. But here's the truth, you only exist in the Motherfuckers and by extension the XWF to do Robbie Bourbon's dirty work. That's it. You might think you two are like peas and carrots but really you are just his tool. And not even a useful one like a screwdriver or a hammer. You're like a Channellock Wrench. Never heard of it? Yeah exactly.

Your past is the prologue to every shitty book ever, your present is basically nothing more than toilet paper and your future, in the can, probably gonna be here sooner than you think.


As Main before him, Drew tosses Pig a contract.


You're now officially handing over your SS to be dismantled by Apex, asshole. Xville needs another Nazi bag of dicks like you like the XWF "needs" you on the roster.


Jowls does as he's told with relish in the notion he'll soon be free of this horrific visitation and hands it back. Spirit Drew then departs with a well flung bird as, again, the Apex drone, this time remotely piloted by Jim himself flies in through the window and unleashes 3 dimensional Caedus.


"Joshua...why are you here? What is it that keeps you around when you are and what is it that inspires you to walk away without warning, I wanna know how to keep this promotion pork free, which means of course also erasing the elephantine tub o' lard and 12 herbs and spices. You know, your _somehow_ even-though-YOU-started-The-Motherfuckers-boss Robbie Bourbon despite the fact Engy clearly calls the shots sending his two pwned pawns out to take the hits while he lies back mostly silently, periodically jacking off on his son's face. Put that in your next comic book, buttfucker.

Hey Joshua, we're all very happy you decided to title 3 promos in a row Bearded Fan Love E2, you uninspired, wet dream perpetratin' jag off jackass. You musta thought the "popularity" of that first portion was due to the fans and your rostermates laughing WITH you. Engy can try defending your dime store Meh Motherfucker's shenanigans as long as he can stomach, it won't change the fact that scene was as believable as Charlize Theron overpowering multiple male professional spooks at a time in "Need to Know" with her aging-all-too-quickly-and-too-horribly cracked-out looking 100 pound meth addict frame. Shit made me embarrassed FOR YOU to watch. Like Situation at the Trump Roast booed off the fuckin' stage, I just wanted you to eat a bullet and end the abortion in progress, killing two birds with one stone. That's beyond you, however, you never make the right decisions. Like you hanging out with a 13 year old after he saw you "fucking" that actor bitch in your second promo. Excellent choice Pig, borderline pedophilia. Don't beg karma TOO fervently for repercussions now. Also, you hang out with Gerald the 13 year old because that's the demographic who might ACTUALLY find what you do and say amusing. Also also, I get that you were simply conveying how you'd regularly walk in on your parents ballin' it out in bed but you left out how you'd always start jackin' off in response, what a gip. You ain't good at this. Shut up Pig."


"War Motherfucking Games. You know that PPV right down the road we are going to destroy and conquer! My cock would be raging right now-"


"No, it was, because you're gay and the thought of all us sweaty guys in the ring has you pointing your dick up at your face as if to ask, "Who's a queer? THIS guuuuuy!". Not that there's anything wrong with that b-t-w. I'm happy you like sucking and taking dick up the ass, soldier. Good for you. Try owning it instead of making the rest of us sick with your bullshit sex scenes that literally spell out how NOT to get laid, loser."


Pig's narration stated: With hype in my voice I almost rip my shirt off my chest.


"Until the awful truth you lack the strength to do so hit you in the gut like your bf's bbc knocks your spleen around in the midst of what you do best, gettin' penetrated. Aw, I'm just joshing ya. No I'm not, I just wanted to say that to illustrate you're such a joke your own name has society standing as definition."


"Fuck me sideways and spit in my butthole-"


"Exactly, THANK YOU for finally admitting it. Let's move on...let's move on to you criticizing Apex for our INCREDIBLY AWESOME epic collaborations and solo promos while you pretend to fuck a bitch in front of a child and legit upload video footage of you turning the fucking pages in a comic book, dumbfuck. Let's talk about Robbie's one-man war on kids and the solid family unit chock full of lies and the worst content he's ever released. Let's not forget Engy acting like he's done anything telling me to try harder and doing nothing more than two drab promos, the weakest of collaborative cameos and a piece o' shit just for shock value straight outta daytime soap opera TV like the honest-to-God bon bon eating, couch-butted Mr. Mom Motherfucker he is. I'm sorry, what now? The content from you three sounds hilariously off-target, unwise and ineffectual in comparison to a REAL team with REAL shit entertaining the folks at home? You're correct, young lady, you 3 suck and we rock at this. Expect the whole team aspect to play a heavy role in the match 'cause I don't give a FUCK if you 3 FINALLY decide to plop something out halfway decent in context, it's already too fucking late. Apex done did it, been doing it, still gonna do it and gonna do it again at War Games and laugh about it later when you trio o' egos finds out team trumps your individual bullshit all damn day and night long."


The drone buzzes back on out the window as Pig begins reevaluating his meaningless life, career and "effort", suddenly wishes to stick his head in the FPS and give the kids a crack at it, DOES SO like an imbecile and smashes his thick head through his own flatscreen.


--Rounding third, heading for home plate...--


Snug beneath the sheets of the sewn together infant circumcision leavings he collects from hospital dumpsters, Engineezer Splooge himself, the true leader of The Motherfuckers, snoozes like a lamb and doesn't notice when Spirit Jim is swooped in-


"Engineezer Splooge, I am the Ghost of XWF Future, here to impart the message that you HAVE no future placing your career in the hands of Bourbon and P-"

-and is flung, SMASHING, into the fucking walls, decimating the place, flattening what we now see to be a set, dropping from his wires and finding himself buried beneath the entire mess.

Outside...

Both Robert AND Drew are laughing their asses off. Obviously Jim's lie about Drew was all too easily discovered...and lying to cover one's own ass doesn't work. Engy.

Back inside...

Jim erupts from the pile of demolished walls, dusting himself off. He looks to "Engy".


"I deserved that. Oh, you can leave...fuck the theatricality of it all anyway."


Jim looks to the lens.


"Engy, beyond my very apt message of you endangering your own future here throwing your lot in with losers and taking on 3 men who will quite literally destroy your stable, beyond that Spirit of XWF Future prediction...you can consider me your personal Angel of Death as well. You got lucky the last time. You know it, I know it and it makes no difference who else can see it, it's the truth. You caught me distracted by my own older brother John Caedus turning his back on me, unable to deliver my usual brand of consistent harshness, and like Danny Imperial did by LYING to me to keep me from unloading on him our first go-round, you took advantage of good ol' Jim and you've been riding the wave of that upset since. Fuck the titles you never truly earned, an Xtreme strap and King of the Ring with Thaddeus Duke and Trax BOTH deciding to head off for greener pastures and HANDING them both to you like my bro Raven blessed Bourbon with the Uni, Engy, you fucking hack fake tough guy piece o' shit. Fuck all that...your one true claim to fame is dominating Jim Caedus in the ring like no else ever has OR WILL AGAIN. Period. And now...I'm gonna take it right back as I did with Danny's mudskipper pearl divin' ass you pathetic poser pissant. Firstly-"


“Maybe I should just fuckin toss your salad right now!"


"That's what your stablemate Pig said to the Cloaked _MAN_, oh wisely aligning anus. Tell him to stop playing at being so hetero when he acts so homo. Christ almighty. Sorry, that had nothing to do with you really, I just wanted to slam Pig again, he makes it too easy. Anyway, YOU said, among very few other things in that first Mothercucker "collab" the word friendo. Friendo. Easy there Javier, we get it, you watched No Country For Old Men right before you all shot that God awful load and you didn't have the class to NOT say it without quotations given the fact that's a very rare variation on the word friend and cannot be considered acceptable free-use slang. Thief. Bitch. Liar. Poser. Always taking from someone else's ideas, huh formerly "Lying Ass Motherfucker"-until-I-called-you-on-it-then-you-changed-it-because-I-own-you-and-you-take-your-cues-from-Caedus-like-Cadryn-did? Rhetorical, the answer's yes, Mr. I'm One Minute then I'm suddenly swinging the silver tongue smartassery like Jim so I can beat him and others. Copycat. Mimic. Hack. Danny Imperial. You got no balls, Engy, no substance, no true identity, cloaked in lies and samples.

That reminds me...you also have no balls because you script that cloaked dipshit saying shit about me you apparently didn't have the balls to say yourself. In fact, I'd wager you hoped I'd be skipping over anything NOT comin' outta your specific shit-cannon craw. No such luck, limp dick. Did I take Theo's COMBINED WITH THE KINGS' efforts into account when I nailed you for attacking the man's wife? Shit, no, I didn't, you're right. Fuck me, we ALL think "I'm gonna beat that man's wife up because he stole from me" as victims of a robbery, you got me there. Point for Engy, woman beater, example set for us all. I guess I'll hafta murder your son now because you stole away some o' my credibility with that squash, thief. Right? That the conclusion you tried so desperately to ARGUE FOR you halfwit mouse dick douchebag? Lemme tell you somethin' cocksucker, you're lucky I'm not Theo. If I was, I would've snuck into your house while you slept and stabbed you a dozen times in the face before using a Boy Scout pocket knife to slowly cut your head off. That's what you deserve , to die like the victim you're BEGGING to be. I guess you're also lucky I'd rather draw out your agony in the ring and snap some bones before I rip your lower mandible off and leave you shuffling around like that poor kid Isaiah Acosta.

By the by...what was your reason for being a bitch and not having the cajones to join in?"


"Terribly sorry to keep you guys waiting with my “sackless silence”. But it's kind of hard to focus on forming coherent statements when it feels like your skin is gaining sentience and trying to rip itself away from your body."


"What a fuckin' shocker, Engy doesn't own up to being lazy, too busy or just plain NOT UP TO SNUFF anymore in favor of a red herring sassy retort, typical lil' bitch shit without the nuts to man up. Pussy."


"I am pleased to report however that my sac is still attached and that I am indeed not “sackless”. Thank you for your concern."


"Okay, A. No, we've now established you have no nuts nor a sack. You can't claim it ain't true. And B. Shut the fuck up you nerdy chattering chump, with your smartass classroom front row four-eyes level retorts. Go chug some Mountain Dew Code Red and stay up all night playin' WOW, feeb, you got no game."


"So, I gotta say guys, bravo. Some entertaining stuff so far. I enjoyed it."


"No one cares to hear your unbelievably arrogant patronizing remarks you use as filler because you have no true ammo beyond lying response, fuckstick. As well, we KNOW our shit's the bomb and we KNOW your shit ain't. Keep it comin' though thot, you're proving my point that you ain't shit spectacularly and absolutely asking for a beat down in poetic justice."


"I mean, it's not gonna stop me-"


"It is, it will, you're delusional. Please, continue..."


"-from running a half awake train on some of your dumber points, but still."


"A sliver of truth accidentally spat out among an attempt at an insult. Half awake. Exactly. But you deserve to win, you deserve those titles and you definitely justify your narcissism with all o' your fake ass flaccid fuckery, don'tcha dickhead. You ain't running a train on shit, Engy, you're done dominating. Done. Your own team can't even keep their shit straight because you couldn't care less about pitchin' in and that's all there is to it. You're every bit as self serving as Bourbon and unreliable as Pig, the worst of both worlds. A flaming flim flam. You're just too goddamn greedy for the lauding to admit it, like you're too greedy to let go of that Xtreme strap I should've stolen away a dozen times by now in the 24/7 halls. You act nonchalant about the whole thing but clearly you're so full of yourself you wouldn't have it any other way. If you were a man with class and honor you woulda dropped it but no, you gotta cling to that shit you barely fought for because all you HAVE are nigh nonexistent straws to grasp at. Come at me bitch."


"Jim, you've always had an undeniable flare for the melodramatic, so it's no surprise you want our battle to some grand morality play."


"And _you've_ always (well, not always, you used to pretend to be you low class prick) had a flair for coherently stating your case...until now of course. "(I) want our battle to some grand morality play." Fuck does that mean as spoken, idiot? And on the topic of what you meant to say, were you not a hack, yeah dumbass, that was the whole point to my dropping your team, difference of opinion and actions. Don't get all butthurt now that I ruined your weak plans of owning the evil as alluded to in that first Fatherfucker collab, just accept it and move on. That ain't how you play though is it? Oh no, not Engy. Engy CAN'T ever be wrong even though he always fucking is and is PROVEN to be so. He's like a little girl, refusing to spill the truth, constant with the twisting and dishonesty, saying the word fallacy in every goddamn solo promo he shoots because he's a snotty, holier-than-thou I-think-I'm-smarter-than-all-of-you disrespectful cunt...and who among you ever stands up to tell him fuck off? S'ok, I'll do it for you, fam. Fuck off Engy, you ain't smarter, better, more creative or anything of the sort. You're just an arrogant thieving lying douche who has a serious ass whipping comin' to 'im. And you better believe the people are gonna LOVE IT.

Kinda like how I love you trying to bash my brothers for what they've both done in the past. Monsters and convicts you called them. Golf clap. Yeah, I used to be heavy in the dark side of life as well Engy but guess what, I made an effort to change, Main redeemed himself and Drew paid for his crimes behind bars. That segues quite nicely into: has ENGY made an effort over time to change, redeemed himself for attacking a woman or paid for his crimes? D. None of the above. So yes, Engy, let's look at the men I choose to support then look at YOU and the men YOU choose to support and, naturally, you may proceed to choke on your own words being a foot-in-mouth dumbfuck who claims he'll be running a train on anyone's points when he can't even keep his own fuckin' point on the tracks. Moron. ...How the FUCK did you beat me?

Oh, right...the shady way you go about shit and taking advantage of dishonorable opportunities. Got it. Shady like you arguing that you didn't ever use the term Lyin Ass Motherfucker like some kinda half ass trap to get me to shoot MYSELF in the foot as you're so oft fond of doin' to yourself, amateur. Boy, you're too sneaky for meeee ain'tcha? Here's the problem, ain't no botch in relaying the already known info that on our very own official site you used that very same handle in pride for weeks after beating me, then changed it after I called you on it and people ALREADY CHECKED TO SEE THE TRUTH BEHIND THAT. What's wrong , thought maybe I'd do something with pictures to prove it like I did against Ally Worsted? Don't need pictures when people witnessed it firsthand. You had the damn thing in use long enough many of us saw it and now...well, now you just look like the completely dishonest piece o' dogshit you are. That's all you've got Engy, accusations easily deflated and lies for every apt point your opponents fling you way. You've got no backbone, no honor, no true skill. You just lie like a kid. Pathetic.

Yeah Engy, I know it's "a crying shame" I didn't stick with you ball-bag draining asshookers, and I know you meant that sincerely that YOU were fuckin' sobbin' after the fact in the knowledge your team no longer had Jim Caedus on your side. Goddamn skippy it's a crying shame for the Motherfuckers but for Apex and Jim Caedus, it means I won't be among you when your pitiful "stable" implodes like I was with Ax3. I think it's amazing all three of you legit admit to tears shed over my absence and THAT...ain't no lie. Great ending line... Again, Engy proves he takes his cues from me lock, stock and barrel. Bitch. Get your own steez, swagger jackin' jag-off. We've all reached the limits of patience with your five finger discount style. If you didn't have anyone to borrow from you'd still be in promo, that was as creative as you could ever be...dumbing it down to a more manageable level. Dubious fuck. All of you.

Motherfuckers, your whole clique is as legit as Drake's Degrassi ass juicin' in from screen to studio sayin' "started from the bottom and we made it to the top". Nah bitches, the 3 o' you each got your prizes second hand from real men, REAL talent, who had LITERALLY lost their heart and were on their way out. May as well have just laid the belts and titles on the mat without suplex one...and you're already DOWN one, ain'tcha? Pig, typical lazy Gunney Hack ever smellin' o' sour feet and unwiped assholes, joke that he is, wasn't shit but a stand-in TV champ keeping the strap warm for Neville Sinclair's return. THAT'S a Television Champ the XWF can be proud of, b-t-w. Robbie, first Uni champ I ever saw crowned over the better man showing mercy. And Engy, rocketing to the top because Thadly and Trax had better things to do at the time. Lame, the lot o' you.

Take a gander at real men, real champs. Drew Archyle, on the fast track to attaining gold. Robert Main, wrested the Hart Title from the coconut juice slickened muddog paws o' Danny Imperial. Jim. Caedus. Mr. 24/7 via the Leap of Faith six man rafter match and 1/2 XWF Tag Team Champion because I outlasted 19 other men in Doc's Lake of Fire Rumble. A real TEAM...actually spending more time collaborating and gelling together like a team MUST if it truly pursues victory, ask The Kings (which you had no part in ushering out, bullshitter)...while you three waste majority time on your own pointless escapades because you're each your own biggest fan and self-fluffer.

Apex has arrived and The Motherfuckers, well, they're done. Of course, for them to truly be done they would've had to truly start and that never happened. Joshua kicked it off, walked off, Robbie hired Cain and Raven, Cain walked off, Robbie betrayed Raven, Robbie hired Engy and Pig sauntered on back like the flake in the wind he is and the three of you are essentially doing your own thing building up to this pay per view. Fuck has your stable done since it's inception other than collect and discard members whilst exhibiting how unimportant you all are to each other? Apex ain't even had their first match yet and already we've shown to be as solid as you never could. This is WAR GAMES ladies, a team sport. And now fat boy has to fight for TWO teams, L-O-L, Lord above and Doc below, The Motherfuckers are

M
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F
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. ROLL _FUCKIN'_ CREDITS!"


::STATIC::

Shout out to Gator/Noah Jackson for this kickass banner





~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
~Efed Podcast Top 100 - #74 w/no Twitter (all credit to you, fam, 🙏 <3)
~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF XTREME CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX x2 - 3x 
~XWF 24/7 Briefcase - 3x
~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 5x (TV/Fedr, Uni/Trio, Tag/24/7, X/24/7 & Uni/Tag)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
~XWF July 2021 QOTM!! - line from "Took It All"
~XWF October 2021 RP of the Month!! - "This Just In" audio
~XWF November 2021 Star of the Month!! (3rd time!!!!!!)
~XWF Match of the Year 2021 w/Bourbsy!! - X-Treme, Flynn's Audio Shove-It


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