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~~Grande Ricardo~~ · (12-15-2017)

"I know you're probably asking yourselves, why did I pick the teammates I did for War Games? That was all strategic, you see, I'm smart. I know things, I know the best things, I have the best brain. What I know is that, even though I'm pretty awesome I still need help sometimes. This is one of the those times, because I can't handle all of these dudes. Have any of you seen these guys? We've got Unknown Soldier, who I'm pretty sure eats babies. Like, I don't think that's an exaggeration, I am ninety nine percent convinced I saw him doing meth and eating a baby at the offices when Vincent called me in to have a meeting about this Pay per View. I really wish I was joking here, but dude creeps me the fuck out. I actually contacted a priest because I was so afraid. Apparently it's not acceptable to call a Priest at 3 in the morning, and it's also way unacceptable to ask him to describe what he's wearing. Wish someone would have told me that in advance, but that's another story.

And Chris Chaos? That guy has fabulous hair, it's remarkable how glorious his hair is, should be a crime. I think it's magic or something. His hair is actually prettier than Junny Moist, but that's not saying much. Aside from his flawless hair, the man is a former Universal Champion, and he thinks he's a tag team champion. Dude has an impressive career, and an unimpressive girlfriend, but that's not exactly his fault. I mean, he could ditch her, but that wouldn't exactly make her better as a competitor, it would just make him a better person. I assume he's not a good person now, otherwise, he'd probably have left that toad faced Ass puppet, and maybe take her behind the shed, and inject her with some turpentine. That'd clean up the filth stain that is Junny Moist, and make the XWF a better place. We might even view Chris Chaos as a good person again. Won't change his in ring work, that's clearly peaked already.

Then we've got Michael McBride. Do you know anything about Michael McBride? No? Watch Burn Notice, he basically lives that life, except for real, and not stolen from television at all. He kills people, and blows people up, and all kinds of awesome stuff, that's totally not scripted or fake at all. I promise there's no shenanigans and fake in anyway shape or form. I'm super serious guys, he's a super badass, just ignore all of his in ring work, and you can believe it. I promise that he's not a complete joke masquerading as a master criminal, it's for realsies.

And now, let's break down why I picked my team. It's very important that people understand the choices I've mad. Like Erik Black, who on paper, I should hate. He beat me in his debut, after I called him out on being stupider than a bag of condoms filled with shit, but that's the past. It's not important, what is important is that Erik is a ridiculously talented in ring competitor, and deserves to be the Television Champion again. He's top tier, and I was wrong in my assessments about him. He will most assuredly dominate in this match. Let's be perfectly honest with ourselves here, Chasm and Michael McBride could have a handicapped match of those two vs him, and still lose badly.

Danny Imperial is a former Hart Champion, and a former Television Champ. He's a bad motherfucker, no matter how you slice it. Unless you slice it like an Avocado,
that's just weird, and you should be ashamed of yourself. I want you to apologize right now for that mistake. Please, don't slice Danny Imperial like an Avocado,
he's too good for that. Imagine looking yourself in the mirror every day, and realizing you're not Danny Imperial? Because that's what you have to since you're him,
and that's got to suck to be you. And honestly, you should call your mother and demand she apologize for not giving birth to Danny Imperial, and instead giving birth to you. If you're not getting what I'm telling you, it's that you're less than Danny Imperial, and that's just unfair to you.

And then we have the real powerhouse on the team, Mike the Dragon. You know him, by now. He's a super strong team member, and one half of the real tag team champs. He singlehandedly defeated both Peter Gilmour and Danny DeVitto in a tag match. He also won an eating contest against the entire country of Uzbekistan,
it wasn't fair, though. Urban Legends tell us that he once took a shit so big that they made it into a state, and that state is North Dakota. I cannot prove that story isn't true, but I can definitely verify it's not false.

What? Oh, you think I forgot R.L. Edgar? Come on, I didn't forget him, he's just the ultra super secret member of the team. He's such a badass that he once found a village under seize by a dragon, killed the dragon, and became the Dragonborn and saved Skyrim from Alduin. I know, that sounds outlandish and exactly like the plot to Skyrim, but you'd be wrong. Skyrim stole its plot from his life. He also united the Ash people and became the Nerevarine, which is not the plot to Elder Scrolls Morrowind. Edgar is going to be the Universal Champion here when I get bored of holding the title, and pass it on to some loser like Robbie Bourbon, allowing Edgar to beat that punk ass. Matter of fact, I expect that to happen at the next Pay Per View. It's gonna be an awesome match, I hope Vincent decides to book this shit,
and get it going.

What? You want more from me? I'm not going to give you a break down on why my team is so much better than you give them credit for, and then give you an awesome story about me going to Taco Bell, and getting sick diarrhea, and shitting into an entire box of condoms before freezing them to use in buttplay later.

Oh, right, Chasm. Yeah, Chasm matters so little to me that I probably won't even look him in the eyes at the match. I'm likely to just ignore him entirely, maybe until he dies.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Cheese Whiz goes on my penis, and then it goes into my can of pepsi.
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