Relax.

Relax?

Relax.


Samuels: Annie poo! Why don’t you join us?

Fairchild: I don’t know what you two think is going on, but we have a real problem on our hands. All the hard work, all the preparation... It could all come crashing down this Saturday. We haven’t seen much of Nightmare, but from what I can gather he’s the biggest threat to your European title, and I don’t think you two should be celebrating right now.

Samuels: Celebrating? Who’s celebrating? Paul, is this a celebration?

Heyman: Hell no! This is just a warm up!

Samuels: That’s the spirit! See, Ann, you’re too doom-and-gloom. Why don’t you cheer up some? There’s plenty of time for me to focus on the match Saturday night.

Heyman: Well, she does - maybe - have a point. I hated to have to put you in a match with this guy, but you saw what happened. I had to. I sincerely hope that there are no hard feelings.

Samuels: Are you kidding me? Of course there’s no hard feelings! As far as I’m concerned, you did me one giant favor by putting me into this match. I mean, there’s steel. There’s weapons. There’s a cage for crying out loud! You took the only strength that this Nightmare guy had, and you essentially took it right away from him. The ol’ Samuels-Heyman collaboration strikes again!

Heyman: I don’t follow, but I’m glad to hear it!

Samuels: The only way that giant girl could get his hands on me was by hitting me when my back was turned. Sticking me in a cage with him takes away his ability to do that. He’s finally in my element, and it is going to be one brutal lesson in pain. See, if you would’ve made this match a blindfolded bra and panties match then I would’ve had a problem, because that suits him on so many levels. But no, this cage match will suit me just fine.

Heyman: You know, I’m all for your enthusiasm here, champ... but you gotta realize, this guy is big. Really big. Even if he may have resorted to cowardly little girl tactics before, you have to know that getting hit head-on by him is still going to hurt pretty damn bad.

Samuels: I guess that’s where my ‘arrogance’ comes to play, right chief? Have you heard this nonsense of his? Apparently, I’m arrogant!

Heyman: You? Arrogant!? Get out of dodge! He actually said that!?

Samuels: I know, right? Me. I don’t know if he’s been paying attention to what’s been going on the past few weeks on Madness, but John Samuels is far from arrogant. Sure, I may not be shy to tout my achievements, but when you’re as impressive as I am, you earn that right, wouldn’t you say?

Heyman: Absolutely! There has never been a European champion quite like you, John. And I’m proud to be along for the ride.

Samuels: Well thank you Paul, I wouldn’t be here without your genius leading me in the right direction. And so what if we’re enjoying the high life? We’ve earned it! We took my title belt from that chump Neonero and we haven’t looked back since. Do you realize that I’m about to become the longest reigning European champion in the history of the XWF? Why wouldn’t I make that known to the legions, upon legions of Heyman and Samuels supporters--

Heyman: There’s millions, easily.

Samuels: That I am indeed the greatest champion to walk through the doors of this fine establishment? And with Paul Heyman, the living legend himself, here to watch my back I cannot be stopped. Not by Neonero, not by Crimson Cobra, not by Steve Davids, Mr. Satellite or Mister Mystery and definitely not by Nightmare. It sounds to me like the big girl is just being jealous, as girls frequently are. Can Nightmare say that he’s stood face-to-face with the best the XWF has to offer, and come out on top every single time? No, he can’t even say he’s gone face-to-face with the boy working the pretzel stand outside the arena. He’s nothing. A nobody. He has no legacy, and he has no future. All he has is this one match, this one brutal match that he has no chance of winning. I suppose it’s a good thing he already wears a mask to cover up that face of his, because after I’m done with him he’s certainly going to need something to hide from the shame of calling out the champion of champions, only to have his ass handed to him. He’s got strength on his side, sure, but I’m no slouch myself. I can dish it just as well as he can. But where I really have him beat is up top. Do you think this delusional twit has the comprehension to beat me? Honestly. He still thinks he’s scaring people. What kind of nightmare can only make you laugh? I guarantee you he won’t get with the program, he’ll walk into that arena on Saturday still thinking he’s the monstrous badass he plays on TV. And yet I’m the arrogant one, may I remind you. I may be a lot of things, but at least I don’t strut around pretending to be something that I’m not. I know for a fact that I’m the European champion, I know that I can’t be beaten by anyone on Madness’ roster. There’s no illusions there. But Nightmare still thinking that he’s something new and dangerous? He’s not impressing anybody. I’ve been faced with ‘monsters’ like him before, and what did I do? I beat them, with ease. I’ve gone against the tortured crybabies who think they can right me of my evil ways, and what did I do? Made them fade to obscurity, with ease. And Nightmare just happens to take the worst of both those worlds and wrap them up in a neat, little poetry-laced package. Half the talent, double the pain. I must say, I’m looking forward to this match almost as much as my title bout with Neonero.

Heyman: You’re built for this. With every word you speak I believe you more and more. This is the kind of fire I like to see from my champion. You’re going to need it, you know. In case he lands a lucky shot. A veryyyy lucky shot, I should say. I don’t know if there’s much I can do to help you. Fairchild either for that matter.

Samuels: Where there’s a will there’s a way, Paul. But even so, I don’t need any help with this guy. As soon as that bell rings I’m going to pounce on him and I’m going to pound away at him until he realizes that winning is simply not an option for him. And then I’m going to grab one of those oh-so-nifty weapons hanging from the cage, and I’m going to beat him until he regrets EVER crossing paths with the the XWF’s greatest superstar. And the beauty of it, is that I’m going to keep beating on him until I feel like he’s had enough. The ref isn’t going to stop me. The fans can’t stop me. Nightmare certainly won’t be able to stop me. Only when I feel like he’s been adequately punished for his cheap shots and thievery will I hoist him up and drive him back down to that mat, putting him down for good. I don’t get to break out the Filibuster much, but I think I might use it on Saturday to put him down. I can picture it already. I really do wonder if he’ll have nightmares about John Samuels? If he’s not having them yet, I can bet you a fistful of money that after I beat him on Saturday that I’ll be haunting his dreams for a very, very long time. Maybe I’ll change my name to ‘The Nightmare’ John Samuels. Although, doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, does it?

Heyman: Nah, Nightmare is such a rudimentary name. John Samuels is much too polished and refined for such an unfitting nickname.

Samuels: You know what, Paul? You’re right. Why lower myself to the level that trash is on? It’s bad enough that I have to share a ring with him. I’m sorry, I mean MY ring. And I suppose that being my ring, it’s my job to clear the garbage out of it. Normally, I hire someone from some Mexican border town to take out my garbage, but this time I think I’ll take pleasure in doing it myself.

Heyman: Is his name Rudy? My Mexican trash guy’s name is Rudy.

Samuels: You know... I’ve never asked, to be honest. Quite honestly I couldn’t really care.

1X - GOAT.