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Cadryn Tiberius · **08-15-2017, 09:21 PM**

Habitat For..My Sanity?

POOF!

Suddenly and without warning, The Jester™ Cadryn Tiberius reappears with a second axe in hand! As the smoke begins to clear, Theo Pryce and his beautiful wife Brianna Pryce are understandably speechless. It isn’t the fact that Cadryn appeared out of thin air, they are both used to this. It’s more of the fact that Cadryn made good on his promise and actually returned with a second axe, expecting his best friend Theo Pryce to aid him in the construction of his own, unapproved, guest house. Right smack dab in the middle of the yard behind the Pryce Residence stand three people who are obviously on completely separate pages.

Just so that WE are all on the same page, let’s recap a little, shall we? Let us go back a few minutes in time, and see what transpired prior to Cadryn’s reappearance.

Quote:Ch-thunk! Ker-rack! Thump!!

"What is that?" Bri Pryce, Theo's wife says as she rolls over in bed towards her husband but he doesn't respond.

Ch-thunk! Ker-rack! Thump!!

"Theo!" Bri says, this time a little louder than the time before and this time accompanied by a not so subtle shove to her husband's back. "Theo!!"

Ch-thunk! Ker-rack! Thump!!

"What? What?" Theo replies, clearly still half asleep.

"Something's wrong. There's someone outside. Can't you hear it?"

Ch-thunk! Ker-rack! Thump!!

"What time is it? It's probably the gardener or something." Theo responds as he adjusts his pillow and tries desperately to fall back to sleep.

"No it's not the gardener. He's on vacation this week. I'm telling you something is wrong. Can you please go outside and check?" Bri pleads with her husband.

Realizing that there is no scenario in which his wife will allow him to go back to sleep Theo opens his eyes. The first thing he does is look at the alarm clock on the nightstand next to their bed. 5:57 am. Without saying another word Theo rolls out of bed, grabs a black robe off of one of the bed's posts and walks towards the bank of windows on the far side of the room.

"Mother fucker." Theo says somewhat aggravated at what he sees.

Ch-thunk! Ker-rack! Thump!!

"What? What is it?" Bri asks.

"Punishment for a lifetime of being an asshole I think."

"What?"

"It's nothing. Go back to bed. I'll handle it."

Ch-thunk! Ker-rack! Thump!!

Theo closes the blinds to the room making it instantly dark. He grabs his cell phone off his night stand and then walks out of the master bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him. Once out of the room Theo heads down the hallway towards the back end of the house. Once there Theo unlocks the door before opening it and stepping outside. Allowing the cool, crisp Wyoming air to hit him like a wave.

Ch-thunk! Ker-rack! Thump!!

"What the fuck are you doing?" Theo yells out to the source of the noise.

"Oh hey bestie!" Cadryn Tiberius, Jester to the Kings™ responds.

"Don't hey bestie me! It's not even 6 o'clock in the morning and you are out here chopping wood. Again I ask, what the fuck are you doing?" Theo says this time angrier than the last time.

"Is it really that early? I hadn't even noticed. Anyway best friend, ever since I got fired I've been kinda lost. Wandering around aimlessly trying to figure out what to do with my life and then it hit me..."

"You decided you wanted to work for Habitat for Humanity and you thought what better time and place to start than my property at 5:58 in the morning on a fucking Saturday?"

"Not exactly silly. But close."

Ch-thunk! Ker-rack! Thump!!

"Put the fucking axe down and please for the love of God, before I lose what little patience I still have left, answer my question. What the.fuck. are you doing here?"

"I'm getting there. Anyway as I was saying, ever since Paul Heyman fired me I've been searching for some meaning to my life and yesterday it came to me like a lightning bolt to the scrotum. I'm going to build a house on my besties property so that I can be there for him whenever he needs me. 24-7-365. So here I am. Chopping wood to build a guest house."

"Cadryn..." Theo pauses for a few seconds and then starts pacing back and forth, his fists balling up tighter and tighter until they look like snowballs thanks to all the blood draining from them.

"You ok Theo? Do you need some coffee? Maybe some water? Now that I live here I can get you whatever you need, whenever you need it."

Theo reaches into his pocket, swipes the screen and then taps in a 4 digit code unlocking it's various features. He taps the screen a few more times and then presses the phone to his ear.

"Paul it's Theo. We need to talk. Call me back when you can. Thanks."

Theo places his cell phone back into his pocket and then takes a few steps towards Cad. He grabs the axe from Cadryn's right hand and yanks it away.

"Oh great idea friend. Two people chopping is better than one. I'll go and get another axe."

"If you disap..." Without warning Cadryn Poofs away. "...pear I will lose my shit."

So now that we’re all up to speed, let’s listen in and see exactly where this compelling situation takes us!

I can’t believe you’re this incredibly stupid. I mean, I actually thought that I knew your level of stupidity, but apparently I was wrong.

Cadryn, holding the axe he retrieved for Theo, has a smile on his face that can only be described as “Autistic 8 year old with a new toy”.

I’m only stupid on days that end in Y. So, that’s at least three days a week, right?

Cadryn lets out an obnoxious laugh before grabbing Theo’s right shoulder. After a couple of squeezes, Cadryn lets go as Theo’s face begins to turn a darker shade of red. Anger? Embarrassment? Sunburn? It’s a little hard to tell at this point.

I’m honestly not sure how to feel anymore, Cadryn. This right here, this little house that you’re in the process of building, has me more dumbfounded than you’ve ever had me. Why in God’s name would you think this was a good idea? Why do you think that I want you this close to me and my wife? I just don’t understand you sometimes..

Cadryn still sporting that incredibly autistic smile, lets out a short laugh, followed by a long breathed sigh.

Theo, I’m going to be honest with you. Without you, without the XWF, without The Kings™, I am a nobody. I’m just a guy, who bares a resemblance to a wonderfully talented actor. That’s all I’ve got going for me without you and the boys. You guys mean everything to me, you’re my entire life. I figured if I can’t compete with you, I can still fulfill my role as Jester™, and what a better way to do that than to be close to you every hour of everyday?

Before Theo has a chance to respond, his phone begins to ring. As Theo pulls his phone from his pocket the screen displays a familiar name..

Paul Heyman

Theo slides his thumb across the screen, as he begins to pull the phone to his ear.

Paul, let me cut right to the chase before we even fake pleasantries.

I've been asked why I, as 50% owner of the XWF would allow one of my friends to be fired and to date I have remained silent on the subject.

Not anymore.

I didn't want Cadryn to be fired. I like Cadryn. He's fun, he's a good wrestler and he's a nice guy. A bit fucked up in the head but who among us isn't?

However as much as I like the guy he is a member of the XWF roster. He was the Hart Champion after dispatching former AX3 member Robert Omega in exciting fashion. As such he was required to defend the title on every edition of Wednesday Night Warfare. He did not comply with those requirements, which, that alone does not warrant termination but he mouthed off to Paul and well, we all know that Paul despite being big boned is thin skinned. So terminated he was.

As I have made clear time and time again as one of the owners of the XWF I do believe in standing by XWF Management Staff and doing what is best for business. Even if it pains me personally to do so. I do not play favorites, that much should be abundantly clear by now.

Having said that, Cadryn has something he would like to say to you, so here he is.

Theo hands the phone to Cadryn as that smile turns to a look of seriousness, with a hint of regret.

To my friends, family, and fellow roster members of the XWF. I would like to formally apologise for my actions that resulted in a termination of my contract. I haven't been feeling like myself much lately and due to that I made a rash decision and was clearly disrespectful to Mr. Heyman. As we all know I pride myself on being the bigger man, and with that, Mr. Heyman, I apologize. I should have been the champion I was expected to be, and I wasn't. I am very sorry for my actions, and though they reflect poorly, I would like the opportunity to redeem myself.

Cadryn hands the phone back to Theo.

So there we go. Paul, you made the decision to fire Cadryn, without consulting anyone else, something that in the future I recommend you try to avoid. You and I are friends Paul, and as such I am going to leave this ball in your court. Do the right the thing.

There is a few seconds of silence before Paul Heyman decides to respond.

First and foremost, Theo Pryce, I did not act unilaterally. That fact is undeniable. I showed Cadryn's pink slip to the cameras on Warfare. His termination was signed by Vincent Lane prior to the start of the show as a precautionary measure. While I did not intend to fire Cadryn Tiberius, I did cover my bases. He threatened an elected XWF official and that is why he was terminated.

I don’t really want to talk to him, so I’m going to let you relay this message to Cadryn.

Theo pulls the phone from his ear and turns on the speakerphone function.

You and I have virtually never seen eye to eye. From the very beginning of my time as Commissioner, I've watched you grow from a low card glorified enhancement talent, to a bonafide star and it's made me proud. From me challenging you to impress me, to you shocking the world by defeating Robert "I Don't Wanna Play No More" Main. Since my own return to the Xtreme Wrestling Federation last year, I've taken steps to be a different Paul Heyman. In years past, I would use trickery and abuse my General Manager authority in order to elevate those I liked: See John Samuels. Or I'd abuse my power to squash those I didn't. See: Neonero. Who? Exactly my point. This era of Paul Heyman in the Xtreme Wrestling Federation has been, and will be different. I now let YOUR actions do the speaking, the dictating. Cadryn Tiberius refused to defend his Hart Championship. The meeting on Warfare was intended ONLY to be a come to HaShem moment for Cadryn Tiberius. Cadryn reacted by coming at me in a threatening manner and I felt that I had no choice left in the matter.

Here's the truth of the matter: I never actually sent in Cadryn's termination to HQ.

Was it negligence on my part?

Or was it something more? Perhaps this was completely motivated by me being sick to death of the disrespectful nature of some of this roster toward me, the single greatest General Manager in this history of this company. I came back here to fix the title picture so that we don't have shit champions like Scully that win the coveted Universal championship then go on a 7 month vacation while NOT EVEN ONE single GM, not one owner, said "you know what? that's kinda bullshit.

So here we are. Cadryn Tiberius disrespected me like so many others have. Cadryn Tiberius was fired as a result. And now he's making a plea, attempting to apologize.

Theo, I’m going to do you a one time favor. I’m going to tear the pink slip up.

I am a man of great fairness these days.

Cadryn Tiberius... welcome home.

Now, you’re probably wondering why this seems like deja vu, am I right?

Well, it’s because you’ve already seen most of what has just transpired. It aired on XWF television in a scripted broadcast that was intended to excite the audience and arouse their interests.

What you have just witnessed is the original, non-scripted version of the conversation.

This should have aired immediately following a promotional video by one Theo Pryce, but there was a delay due to a multitude of reasons, and in this day and age, it’s just as easy to blend the entire situation together for the audience.

Make sense?

Probably not.

Oh well.

Anyways, let’s pick back up with Cadryn’s reaction to his reinstated contract.

Cadryn, axe still in hand, begins hopping around, screaming and dancing like a

on bath salts.

THEO YOU ARE AMAZING, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Cadryn obviously overly excited, lunges forward to hug Theo.

In an unexpected turn of events, Cadryn begins to lose his grip on the axe!

Suddenly the blunt end of the axe head connects directly to Theo’s temple with a force that can only be described as “That one time Steven Seagal roundhouse kicked Mickey Mouse so goddamn hard that he shit blood for a friggin’ month.”

Just so we’re clear, that never happened.

Or at least, I don’t think it did. But Steven Seagal has made so many terrible movies, that it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if it had.

Anywho..

As the axe connects, Theo’s eyes roll in the back of his head!

Theo’s body goes limp and lifeless as it falls to the cold, hard ground below!

Cadryn is mortified!

Cadryn drops the axe and falls to his knees beside of his best friend, Theo Pryce.

OH SHIT, OH FUCK, OH ASS, OH PISS..

Cadryn screams out in a very terrified tone.

I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND! I KILLED THE ONLY MAN WHO WILL EVER LOVE ME THE WAY THAT I LOVE OTHER MEN!

Wait..

Uh..

Cadryn pauses for a moment, trying his best to think of a way to cover up that freudian slip.

WE’VE GOT NO TIME TO DEBATE MY SEXUAL PREFERENCE, WE’VE GOTTA GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL!

Cadryn quickly scoops Theo up in his arms, and with a concentrating look about him, POOFS away..

(To Be Continued..)

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