The flickering on the screen stabilizes over an image of Danny Imperial, hunched over his iPad, held by Jackson. The squawking of a parrot can be heard faintly over the camera and you can visibly see Danny slowly growing agitated. His huge fists grip the edge of the wooden table, squeezing until his fingertips turn white.
We find ourselves at the Incheon International Airport, Seoul, South Korea. Danny’s Imperial Air, as he jokingly refers to his private jet as required one other stop before this in Hawaii, but Danny had been fast asleep then. Now, that he’s awake, Jackson thought it a good time to show him the second promotional video Scully had released, right after his rap one. This one, with a parrot as it’s main lead, seemed to have quite the effect on Danny.
Danny Imperial
“Who’s this parrot, who trained this bird, where’d it learn how to squuaak like that, I WANT TO KNOW! How dare this green feathered, little beaked, no good psittacine think it can talk about me like that without getting its feathered heiny wooped, ohhh he’s done it now.”
Jackson Turi
“Yes, I thought you might want to see what Scu-“
Danny Imperial
“Forget him! It’s the parrot I want a piece of. Call Heyman, call Vinny. I want a match set up and I want a match set up now! Now now now! That BRITanny can rot in that mental hellhole he’s placed him self in, I want to face The Parrot in the squared circle. I’m going to rip every feather of his little dinosaur body and cook him over a fire! How dare he!
Danny is fuming, he gets to his feet and begins pacing around the VIP Lounge of the airport, fingers interlocked and eyes seemingly scanning the ground. You could almost hear the gears in his head clinking, in their odd, mismatched fashion they must be laid out in. Jackson on the other hand can’t seem to hide his grin, no matter how hard he tries. Danny spots this, jerking his head towards Jackson, stopping it inches away from his face.
Danny Imperial
“Well! What’re you waiting for toothy? Something funny here? Why aren’t you setting up the match like I asked you to, get Vinny on the line now!”
Jackson chuckles as he slides the iPad back into its sleeve and into his laptop bag. He moves off to a couch, settling down and crossing his legs, watching Danny. You get the feeling he’s more than used to Danny’s tantrums, knowing exactly how he should deal with it. Danny sighs exasperatedly as he watches Jackson retreat to the couch, in contrast, he continues his pacing about the room.
Danny Imperial
“I’ve got it. First, I’ll destroy Scully so badly he won’t be able to move his body anymore. He’s irrelevant, just step one really. Unable to move, Scully won’t be able to get him, when he can’t get home, nobody will be there to feed this green monster, and if nobody can feed him, his body will slowly start eating at itself and inadvertently, he’ll die. It’s perfect!”
Jackson Turi
“Well, there’s still Natalie really, she’ll probably feed him, won’t she?”
Danny Imperial
“Drats! You’re right, guess taking out Scully won’t quite seal the coffin on this critter. Hmm…I’ve got it! I’ll go to Pyongyang, find myself a parrot farmer and purchase my own parrot. I’ll carefully pick a rival species, perhaps a female that’ll jingle the loins of our antagonist. I’ll flash him about on social media and bring him to the ring at Lethal Lottery… Yes yes! Our twat of a friend will be unable to resist and follow Scully to the match. There… My new ally and I will crush him! It’s perfect!”
Jackson Turi
“Well, I’ve never quite heard of a parrot farmer, a breeder perhaps. But knowing what I know of North Korea, I don’t think the Grand Toddler will let them pursue such hobbies.”
Danny Imperial
“Phooie! You’re telling me they don’t have parrots in North Korea?”
Jackson Turi
“Well, I think they have a few other pressing issues.”
Danny Imperial
“Hmm… Well good on them! They don’t need the vile creatures spewing profanities anyways! Hmph, serves them parrots right. Be whiny, mean, little beasts and get kicked out of North Korea, hah! Serves them right indeed. But how will I crush this specific failure of evolution?”
Jackson Turi
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll figure something…”
You turn your camera down as you realise Danny isn’t going to figure it out anytime soon, this wasn’t quite what you thought angry Danny would be focusing his frustration on.
The sound of a crowd cheering opens up the scene. The oval door of the jet is pushed open, streaming bright white light into the cabin. Outside, on either side of a red carpet is a stream of performers. Dressed in traditional North Korean hanboks, they dance, waving about streamers of cloth and oriental fans expertly.
Danny steps out first, grinning at the audience that has amassed, unknowing to him, most of them were probably forced to appear here by their dictator of a host. North Korea had a thing for putting up quite the show for their guests, not a single drop of weakness could be shown to any foreigner. However this practiced, well-choreographed façade they through on was in itself a sign of weakness and inauthenticity.
You swing the camera out from the jet to get a better image of the crowd outside. Almost immediately two armed soldiers appear on either side of the steps leading out from the jet. They signal to you, hold a finger to their ear and mutter something inaudible. They signal you to keep the camera focused on the red carpet and nowhere else, sending another armed soldier to escort you specifically. Sheesh, security was tight. Danny however is oblivious to all this, waving his hand in the air calling out to the beautiful women he’d deem Betsys in the crowd. All frustration regarding the parrot seems to have evaporated; I mean really, how long could the musings of a parrot antagonized the mind of anybody?
Danny turns to face you, flashing you a thumbs up and a wide smile.
Danny Imperial
“You getting this Gilly? You getting this welcome they have planned for me? How wonderful is this! I mean, okay, maybe the Betsys could show off a little more skin, but everyone knows I love em’ regardless! These flowy dresses are actually kind of cute aren’t they?
I have a good feeling about this, my friend, I have a very good feeling! The vibes, the music, just the smell of the air… Something about it just screams victory.”
Jackson Turi
“I think you mean poverty, Sir”
Danny Imperial
“Oh hush, you’re always such a downer when it comes to these things. All I want is to enjoy the crisp air on my skin and the swaying hips of these wonderful women. Won’t you let me appreciate the beauty this world is trying to provide me? Trying to provide us? Why don’t you just ease up, smile, and enjoy the attention?”
You keep a safe distance behind Danny, as instructed by hand signs and awkward mumbling from the guard posted to you. You maintain the camera on him as he walks down the carpet, before turning it off as he reaches its end.
Danny hops from side to side, stretching his tense muscles underneath his cotton shirt. He gives his neck a quick crack before stepping into a curtain as “Hail To The King” starts blaring across the stadium’s speakers. You follow him cautiously, first filming his back and then circling to his front as he makes his entrance into the stadium. You pan through the empty stadium, with its lights on and the ring standing in the center of it all. Crew members can be seen walking up and down the ramp, setting up for the big show. The backs of a couple of wrestlers, though unidentified, can be seen in the ring, testing out the ropes and grabbing a feel for the ring. Danny glances around himself, inhaling deeply and failing to control the smile that creeps onto his face.
Danny Imperial
“Well isn’t this just grand? There isn’t a single fan here and my body feels like a loaded spring. The atmosphere is thick and there isn’t a single cheering supporter. I’ve only ever wrestled in the small leagues so far, indies and backyard wrestling. Nothing on this level, not nearly. It’s going to electric stepping out through those curtains tomorrow. I can almost smell the estrogen pulsing in the air with all them Betsy’s ready to tango with Danny.”
You can’t help but smile, it really was quite a grand stadium, seeing it from the center was even more breathtaking. But though Danny plays off his nerves with his comment about the ladies, you can tell he really is pulsing with anticipation.
Danny Imperial
“I can’t help it really, I think I’m ready. Focus on me now, I got some final words for my dear opponent. Hmmmm. Well Scully. I hope you’re at least on your way to Pyongyang, it’s getting late. Your little parrot friend had me real riled up, that he did, yes, yes. I was this close from storming your house and wringing that parrots neck till it was squawking Bloody Mary. I almost called of this match, that bird had dished out more insult in that short amount of airtime than you had all week, I was livid. But then I stopped, I stopped and I thought to myself, no, this isn’t what I promised
Danny Imperial doesn’t just walk out on his promise of painting a beautiful canvas for the fans, oh no! Danny Imperial would never go back on his word like that, not when art was demanded! How could I?! Not because some whining little bird managed to get the better of my emotions for a minute, no siree!
That snapped me out of it quick, helped me reassess the situation, and I couldn’t help but giggle to my little ol’ self. A parrot. You sat this green birdie down, and explained to it that you were a wrestler. It even sounded like it was impressed. Must’ve felt good hm? Hearing that tone in a human voice, coming from a mouth that wasn’t used to swallowing your bull shit, or lips that weren’t still blubbering for full sentences, yes, I’m sure it sent tingles down your spine. Forget Natalie, forget Aston, Parrot Pete has your heart now, am I right or am I right?
Did little Scullypoo really miss being praised and gawked at that much? Did you really need an animal with a brain the size of a peanut to shoot smoke up your heiny? Tsk tsk, I guess wallowing in defeat can do that to a man. I guess it’s a cause for celebration. After your loss at Lethal Lottery, in this wonderful stadium, Natalie won’t be able to look you in the eye again. Heck, she’d probably have her panties dropped for me like every other Betsy in the crowd. Aston will see his father destroyed and bloody in the middle of the ring, a husk of what he sees his father as, and won’t be able to look at you with those bright, hopeful eyes. It’s all good though, because we’ll have Parrot Pete. Yup, Parrot Pete will still squawk and croak at you, exclaim at how his master is a wrestler!
That’ll be great hm? Someone has to cheer in the corner of a loser to, or else he’ll have nothing to live for. What’d be a real riot, is if even Parrot Pete could process the defeat you’ll exemplify.
So Scully. It doesn’t matter how many dicks you claim I’ve sucked, how many bars you might have rapped or how many parrots you have in your corner. On Saturday night, when that bell rings, it’ll just be me, the King of the Jungle, and you, the has been who’ll never be. It’ll start with a squawk from your parrot, and end with your neck broken, like a mockingbird that don’t sing.
Danny turns away from the camera, glancing at his X-Tron video, breathing in deeply as the camera cuts.