Random: Coattails! Coattails!

We find Random in a dark shaft. He is cramped, naked, and covered in dried vomit, blood, feces. He has turned on his cell phone and started to record.

Random: I don't even know what coattails are, who said anything about coattails? No one! The meth is getting to you Cadyrn. Let me tell you something bud I have been drug free for about five minutes now and I feel great, I have a brand new outlook on life. Granted drugs are funs but nothing is as funs a sobriety and abstinence, you see while I was in my drugged state I acquired the ability to suck my own dick. I also spoke to god and I touched the devil, and the devil feels nice, he's got a smooth dick real smooth and he told me if I stop doing drugs he will love me. So good news for you I don't need you anymore, the bad news is you don't get any of this.

Random turns his body to show his butt, he then pulls his butt checks apart exposing his asshole. As he begins talking again he uses his butt as a mouth.

Random: You see that Cadyrn that could have been yours. But no more that's reserved for Beezlebub and his friends. But later today, right below me I will be beating your asshole till in bleeds in that arena. And Cadyrn I wish you the best of luck because no one here deserves a win more than you. Now what I am confused about, you didn't even know I existed until I pointed it out to you, yet you accuse me of coasting off of you. Buddy I have had three matches and literally one victory over Jason Blackguy or John Black whatever his ashy name is. Dude really needed some lotion, his skin was like grabbing sandpaper. Anywho I am not quite sure how that's coasting off you, I mean you've had multiple title shots, I have had none. I only held the Heavy Metalweight title for five fucking minutes before Graves swooped in and fucked my butt. My point is beautiful you have had it easy in this game compared to others, and it's because you have Gravy Davey to put in just the tip for you. Now I would love to keep going on and on about this but I am covered in four different peoples and a squirrels bodily fluids and I want to look prim and proper for our match. Once again good luck to you and I will bring the vaseline for that chapped ass.

Random drops his phone and scoots back into the darkness of the shaft.