”I’m somewhere deep in the swamplands of Arizona. I’m hot on the trail of the vampire Mitch Asscroft. It seems like days have passed since I first began this mission to find, and kill the unholy creation. I’m tired, I’m hot, and Blade is proving to be less useful than a chocolate teapot.
As I tear through this untamed land, I can’t help but wonder, why is this creature so hard to locate? Wait, I hear a noise! I take a few steps towards the mysterious sound.
It’s just Blade!”
”Bruh, why you narrating yo every move?”
”Shocked and dumbfounded, I stand there motionless as my partner in this holy crusade awaits an answer.”
”Well?"
”I decide that it may be best to share my strategy with my cohort. So I tell him the following. Blade, I speak my actions today because the XWF has sent a camera crew to film for Anarchy. I feel that it is only fair that I fully describe every action that I take, so that them special fans know exactly what is going on in this here video.”
”Special fans? Yo, you mean blind fuckers right!?”
”That’s it, I think to myself. I raise my hand high and bring down the force of God almighty on this foul mouthed fool who stood before me. I said stood because now he is on the ground after getting slapped six ways to Sunday school. He looks up to me with an angered and confused look as he rubs his cheek. I feel it necessarily to explain to him why I had just brought down the wrath of God.”
”Oh please do mutha fucka!”
”Again he allows that foul language to pass through his lips. This time my I decide to introduce his vulgar mouth to my size thirteen boot.”
”Wait, what!?”
”The sound that his face makes when it comes into contact with my boot is a sound that I find to be very satisfying. What was I ever thinking? Why would the good Lord want me to team with a vile creature such as this one? The fact is, he wouldn’t. I misunderstood a Devil's trick as an act of God, and now I just look foolish. Well there is only one way to make this right in the eyes of the Lord. I reach down to my leg and grab a wooden stake. I then kneel down over this evil creature and hold the stake over his heart as I pray to the Lord that this soulless creature may find a little peace in the afterlife. After all, he was human once. Dear Lord, take this vile creature into your arms. Cleanse his soul of the evil that this awful evil has bestowed unto him. Accept him Lord, into your kingdom. May he find peace and happiness in the afterlife. Inyou his name I pray, Amen.
I plunge the wooden stake into his heart!
His eyes open, and he gurgles on blood. Blade reaches out for me. I can’t help but feel that his loose grip around my neck is his way of thanking me for releasing him from this evil curse. Suddenly his body goes limp, the vampire is dead.
I stand up and take a moment for my fallen vampire friend.
Then I turn to the camera, and I share a few words for the other unholy creature that I will be facing. Aitch Mashcraft, you think that you’re slick don’t you? Running around like you’re helping the good ole boys in blue. Do you really think that somehow makes it ok for you to be a spawn of Satan? I’ll tell you what, you could spend your days saving baby mongoose from the jaws of them Killer Whales, and it wouldn’t make a difference. They say that the Devil’s greatest trick, was convincing the world that he doesn’t exist. Well boy, I know that you exist. I done saw your name on the booking sheet, and I pulled up that profile of yours on the XWF website. They done outed you son, says it clear as day...VAMPIRE. There ain't no such thing as a nice vampire, I know that now. There was a time… I look back at the fallen Blade for a moment, then back to the camera. There was a time not too long ago, that I might have been fooled into thinking that you might just be some soldier of God. Some sort of tool placed on this here earth to help mankind, but after mister potty mouth back there, I know realize that my initial instinct was pure and true. You all ain’t nothing but some dirty, sinning, murdering, bad, um, evil things. Well, I’m gonna tell ya right now that I’m Darren Zirado, and it’s my God given mission to drive things like you back into the depths of Hell. Now I may not be able to find you out here in the swamplands, but I know exactly where you gonna be come Anarchy. That’s when I plan on taking out the trash too. Now if you'll excuse me, I’m gonna be heading on out of these here swamplands, and straight to a church. I’m going to eat myself a pizza pie, extra garlic before our match, and I’m gonna wash it down with some sweet tea brewed from only the holiest of water. Ain’t no vampire biting my neck, but I will be driving a stake into that black heart. You can count on that, son!
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
The following 5 users Like DZirado's post:![[Image: bryanclark-axeman3.jpg]](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/cyborg2040/media/bryanclark-axeman3.jpg.html)
