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Cadryn Tiberius · **03-01-2017, 09:05 AM**

867-5309..

After chasing Scully for an undetermined amount out time, Cadryn realizes that he is hungry and has made his way to Mcdonald’s for a quick lunch.

It's dirty, it's wet, it smells like hell. No, it isn't your ex girlfriend, it's the restroom inside of a McDonald's in Monterrey, Mexico. Here we find our hero, standing alone inside of a stall. For some reason, he didn't bother to close the stall door. So let's catch up with our former Undi..Oh, wait, stipulation. Let's just see what Cadryn is up to, shall we?

Cadryn: Ohhh, what is this?

Cadryn stares intently at a message on the stall wall.

“For a good time, call Jenny. 867-5309”

Cadryn: I love good times!

Cadryn pulls out his phone and begins dialing the number. It's a little unnerving that he still hasn't tucked his misshapen man meat back in his man thong. Either way, the phone rings a few times before being picked up on the other end.

Jenny: It's $50 a gram, no negotiating, pure shake and bake, meet at the corner of 5th and Main, 20 minutes.

Cadryn looks confused, not really understanding the severity of the situation.

Cadryn: Hi. I was just wondering if you could help me have a good time? I see your ad here on the bathroom stall, and nothing screams trustworthy like a poorly etched advertisement on a stall wall.

Jenny: 20 minutes, 5th and Main. Be there.

Cadryn: Will there be party favors? Or balloon animals? Killjoy owes me a balloon animal for being such a poor partner.

The line goes dead from the other end.

Cadryn: Hmm. She must have hung up, oh well. I should probably Google map the address so I can get there in time. I'm not much for being late to the party.

Cadryn hops a bus into the city. About 20 minutes passes before Cadryn gets to the bus stop at the corner of 5th and Main. Here we see Jenny…

Christ, Cadryn. She's trying to sell you Meth. Get out of there before you end up in jail and lose to some scrub like Random.

Cadryn: But Jeff, she has a face you can trust!

... We're reaching that point again, buddy.

Cadryn: What do you mean, Jeff?

That point where I just write “Cadryn Dies” and we call it a day, permanently.

Cadryn: JEFF DON'T YOU DO IT.

Can't make any promises, dude.

Cadryn obviously shaken by what Jeff had to say, creeps off the bus and toward Jenny.

I warned you.

...CADRYN DIES

Cadryn: NO I DON'T, YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Obviously, Jenny can see Cadryn standing in close proximity to her arguing with himself. She quickly shuffles over to him and begins the transaction.

Jenny: 50$ hurry up before people get suspicious.

Cadryn doesn't seem to understand. He sees no party, no balloon animals, no anything. Disappointed, he replies:

Cadryn: Where are all the balloon animals, the party favors, the cake? Where are all of the sugary treats?!

Jenny: $50, let's go. This is the best crystal you'll ever get your hands on, here try some real quick, you'll love it.

Suddenly Jenny shoves a pipe into Cadryn’s mouth, forcing him to in hail by also pinching his nose. The gasp for air consequently forces him to inhale more than he should have. He breaks her grip from his nose and begins coughing as he pushes her and her death pipe away.

Cadryn: AHHHH! WHAT THE HELL, BITCH?!

Cadryn grabs Jenny and hits her with the patented “Pussy Grab N Headbutt"! Jenny falls to the sidewalk clutching her vagina and forehead, simultaneously. It's about this time that the “crystal” starts to take effect inside of our hero.

[Image: 287913F400000578-3074157-Done_The_Follow...925202.jpg]

Cadryn wastes no time and begins running as fast as he can in the general direction of the beach he was on, before he had went to McDonald's for lunch. Cadryn pulls out his phone and begins recording a video.

Cadryn: I feel amazing. I feel like I could run forever. I feel like Forrest Gump! But, anyways, I feel the need to address a few things. I see that Random has finally responded to my initial verbal lashing. First of all, you got crazy Gary Busey talking to a chair and accusing you of making a fool of yourself. Wait, what? You’re making a fool of yourself, and he’s talking to a chair? Interesting. Also, Random, drugs are bad. You shouldn’t do cocaine. It’ll really mess up your life. I would never do drugs, my mother said that if I ever got caught doing drugs, she’d cut off my dink and use it as her personal dildo for all eternity. So I am drug free!

Cadryn, still running, is beginning to twitch and jump all over the place uncontrollably. Probably because of the the shitty shake and bake Meth he ingested.

Cadryn: Point Break isn’t a good movie. Your taste in movies is as poor as your talent in the ring. Gummy Bear? Hunny Bun? Sugar, those name are terrible, stick to your poorly designed roots, and quit trying to poison mine by the overuse of such awful pet names. Of course I “dissed you brew” If you speak to me like that, if you talk like that in general, I will not be a part of your life. Shotgun to the cock? You say dickless and hurt, but how is it my fault you pulled the trigger on the shotgun known as “Stupidity” and ended up dickless? That should be a metaphor for stepping into the ring with me, honestly. It’s nothing but an awful attempt and garnering your no talent ass some attention, and it will, sweetie, it really will. When I lay you down for the second time in a month, maybe you’ll get the idea.

Cadryn drops his phone in a trash can…

Why?

Because Meth.

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