Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Thomas Nixon · (12-25-2016)

An empty, dark parking lot is illuminated by the headlights of a 2001 Ford Mustang. After turning into the parking lot, the Mustang ominously trekked through the darkness at a slow speed. Behind the wheel, Thomas Nixon peers from side to side, looking for something or someone. Nixon pulls into one of the many empty spots. He turns off his head lights, and he exits the car.

He locks the door, and he turns to face the abandoned warehouse that sits untouched for the last several years. Before another moment could pass, a man emerges from the shadows, wearing a sleek, black Batman suit.

“Why did you invite me here, Guppy?” Nixon askes his fellow stable mate.

“Thomas, we’re friends. You can call me Batman!” Guppy says with giddy.

“Okay, Batman. Why did you take time out of your rapist hunt to see me?” Nixon inquires again.

“I did some investigating, and I thought you’d be interested in some intel I found.” Before Nixon could utter a word, Guppy Parsh extended a manila envelope towards Nixon.

Nixon grabbed the envelope, opened it up, and he removed several sheets of paper. Nixon pulled out his cell phone, using it as a flashlight to see what the papers were about.

“Is this somebody’s Twitter feed? Who the fuck is this?” Nixon asked, looking up from the papers at Guppy.

“You know that Broken Hart isn’t new here. This was the stuff he was saying a couple years back.” Guppy explained.

“Guppy-“

“My name is Batman. Call me Batman. We’re friends.”

“Batman-“

“I’m sorry, Thomas. I need to go back to killing rapists. Good luck at Savage and tell me if you hear about any rapes! :^)”

Before Thomas could ask any further information, Guppy disappeared into the shadows of the abandoned warehouse, returning to his noble hunt, as the scene fades to black.

* * *

I just heard all of Broken Hart’s thoughts, and I’m impressed. Not by his smack talk or his confidence. I’m impressed by his civility. I’m impressed by his respect. He may not believe in my cause, and he doesn’t think I will beat him, but he talked to me with some sense of respect. Well, I guess I’ll walk that back a bit. He called me delusional and implied I’m into furries. That’s not very respectful, but he did tell me that I should fight for my convictions, and I should stick to what I believe in.

Broken Hart, you are a bigger man than I am because I’m not going to give you the same civility that you gave me.

I’m going to be incredibly blunt with you. You are fucking delusional.

Now, before you feel insulted and put your hands over your ears while screaming “LA LA LA, I’M NOT LISTENING, LA LA LA”, hear me out for just a few minutes. Maybe, just maybe, you will internalize the words I say. Then you can understand my conclusions.

For some strange reason, you have this radical belief that there is a ‘buzz’ around your revolution. I think that maybe three people care about the revolution. Kid Kool, Snow, and yourself. I doubt a single XWF fan is patiently awaiting your countdown to conclude.

Why could I possibly think that? Well, at the end of the first night of Wild Card Weekend, you pranced down to the ring like an arrogant jack ass and closed out the show with a speech. I’m pretty sure that was off putting to fans because you’re not a big name, but for some reason you thought that you were important enough to show up after the MAIN EVENT. The main event that they paid to see was over, but you stole five minutes of their life with your moronic babbling, as if you are more important than two established names fighting over a championship.

You made big promises and stated high aspirations. The next night, all the XWF fans watched you lose decisively. Buddy, you lost all of your momentum in the four way match, when I pinned you. Nobody looks at you seriously because you don’t have any credibility. There is no ‘buzz’ because you’re just a fucking loser that failed to deliver on your past promises.

Speaking of past promises, one of my good friends did some detective work behinds the scene, and I learned a hell of a lot of information about your past.

My friend Guppy, I mean Batman, revealed to me that a past wrestler in XWF described himself as revolutionary. The same fellow also is from Nowhere, Oklahoma. Reeve Alexandra Gordon. And I don’t think that’s purely a coincidence.

So I have a stack of papers chronicling some of your old ramblings on Twitter and outlining your previous run here.

So what did I learn?

Well, you called your Twitter account “The Official Twitter Account of the Reevolution”. But then, I found out that you accomplished fucking nothing during this time frame. You managed to irritate everyone around you with your mindless babbling and meaningless hashtags. You always wanted to make a change or an impact, but you never could pull it off.

So Broken Hart, I ask you, what has changed since then?

You have a shitty mask, a new haircut, and you wear different colored contacts. In the XWF, I don’t think those superficial changes are going to get you anywhere.

You can say that you’re a 16 year veteran, but you don’t have a damn thing to show for it. But you do have a great resume to support my theory that you’ll fall short on Saturday. If history repeats itself, then I don’t have anything to worry about.

I want to touch on something truly delusional that you said. I almost fell out of my chair in both shock and laughter when I heard it. You told me that PATROL is a farce, and your revolution is the real deal.

Can we do a quick thought experiment?

There are two groups of people. One has four champions and one of them is an esteemed veteran of XWF that has beat several previous Universal Champions. Within a month of uniting, they had something to show for it. Not only that, but they won their title matches cleanly and decisively.

Then we have another group. Three people with no gold around their waists. One of them briefly held the least important title in XWF, but then almost immediately lost it. The other two haven’t won a match in recent history. These three losers are promising that they will start a revolution at the turn of the year.

I’m pretty sure that Option B, Group 2, sounds like a fucking farce. You may have a warped view of what success looks like, but when every member of PATROL walks out of a Pay-Per-View weekend with gold, I think that is success.

The last cherry on top that truly proves your biased view on life, is the way you talk down to me. You gave me a sweet, verbal pat on the back. You look down on me, and with a condescending tone you told me that I have a future, but you’re just better. But you can’t point to any win or moment in the past to justify how you’re better than me.

See, I can. I can point to that one time, only a couple weeks ago, that I pinned you in the middle of the ring. I personally eliminated you from that match. I pinned everyone in that match. I can point to matches where I beat other people in the last month. Fuck, nobody has pinned me or made me tap out in my time here. There is no reason for me to think you are the better man.

You should face reality and accept that you’re the underdog. You may be the veteran, but you’re the one with something to prove here. I’m the favorite, everyone expects me to wipe the floor with you. And they believe that for good reason. You can rant about your insanity and talk about how nice your friends are, but you have yet to convince anybody that you have talent in the ring.

You’re arrogant. You think that you’re a larger than life figure, the kind of person that kids in the 80s pay money to watch wrestle. You have a view of yourself that could not be further from the truth.

It’s really sad because some of the things you said were amazing. For a second there, I was worried that I underestimated you. You have so much confidence in your words that I had to rethink my strategy and mindset for our match.

Then, I realized that this is the kind of shit you tell yourself and the XWF fans every time you go out to wrestle. But time in and time out, you fail to deliver. That’s why nobody takes you seriously. You fail to follow through, and when you fall flat, we all laugh at you.

You returned and started your countdown, and what did you do? Embarrassed yourself backstage by pinning the wrong wrestler. You came in acting serious but came out looking like a joke.

An eight year old can walk up to me and say “I can kick your ass, you scrawny little fucktard”. That doesn’t change the fact that I could toss a child half the length of a football field.

I’m not trying to call you a liar. You’re simply insane, and not in a good way. Every time you have a match, you try to pretend you’re something that you’re not. Something above what you really are. But you’ll never be a monster in the ring. That isn’t who you are. You aren’t a revolutionary figure. In 16 years, you haven’t changed shit. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can strategize and prepare for your matches in a realistic manner.

If you go into the match believing that you are truly better than me, you’re going to get caught with a swift knee and your lights will be out. You need to understand your shortcomings and work around them. Be more methodical and take me seriously. Because looking at the objective facts, I’m fucking better than you. No matter how you cut it. And if you don’t prepare for our match in that light, you’re going to lose. Plain and simple.

It’s time that you face reality. I know you’re a veteran and it’s hard to change your ways, but it will do you wonders. Self-awareness and common sense will take you a long way in life and XWF.

You’re going to hear this before our match, and you won’t be listening to this advice. So here’s a recommendation. After I beat you again, I want you to listen to this promo again. Maybe, you need hands on education. My victory will be a big reality check for you. And when you evaluate why you lost, you can look back at what I’m saying right now. Because this is the answer to your troubles. You see yourself through rose colored lenses.

You aren’t good. If you can’t accept that, you won’t get any better and your revolution will fail. And so will your next revolution, and the revolution after that.

But what do I know? I’m just the Television Championship and a guy that kicked your ass.

Good luck, Broken Hart. With your mentality, you’re going to need it.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Delusional
Author	Message