Hey you filthy, degenerate, redneck bastard! Where am I? What in the hell is this?

Where is my meth stash? Did you take it? What's that stoopid belt you have there?

You look like the biggest... dumbest... stooooooopidest.... idiiiiiiiiotest, piece of Alabama-hotpocket eating filth I've ever... eeeeeever seen.

Allow me to introduce myself, mangina, my name is Christopher Keith Irvine, yes, the real CKI. The heavy metal music making, former WWF World Championship gold wearing, Kevin Owens as a best friend having, Vicki Gurreroalopolloe on my nuts swallowing, greatest person on this earth ever living!

How about you wipe that ugly look off of your face there, drop to your knees and kiss my ass, fanboy. I am the greatest, and all of the CKI-aholics know it to be true! See the XWF and all of it's Xylophone Wailing on the roster are about to be put on, not just any list, but THEE list... because the gift of CKI keeps on giving, and what I'm going to give you now...

CKI hits Moore with a Codebreaker

Is just a taste of what's to cum in your mouth you stoopid idiot, now take that shit like you love me you homo !

Now drink it iiiiin.... maaaaaan.



1....


2.......

Brandon takes a bite out of CKI's shoulder, sending him off of him for a kick out. Brandon then puts his hand up to his ear to act like he's talking on the phone, switching between his voice and an imitation.

"Hello?

Yes, is this the Gimmick Infringement Police?

It is, what's your emergency?

We've got some schmuck here telling me to drink it in...maaaaan.

Oh dear, we'll be right there to apprehend the fucking tool!

Thank you so much! Better say your prayers, bitch boy. You're going to fucking jail! And by the way, who the fuck do you think I am? Do you have me confused with Ronnie fucking Cage? Hahaha! Oh my fuck, dude. I'm from Nebraska, man! Yeah, most of the fuckers voted for Trump, but we're far from rednecks. I mean, there's corn and college football. That's like...it. Are you sure you're trying to come after me? I mean, you described a completely different fucking person, bro. Maybe have the PoPo check your mental health when they get here, too, yeah?

I can't tell if you're trying too hard or not trying hard enough. I mean, I'd thank you for introducing yourself, but who in the blue hell cares what your name is? You got it right that I'm a fucking degenerate, though. I live for starting fights and burning shit down. It's a perfect life. As for you and your Chad Kroeger Nickelback lookin' ass...just run along, homie. You think I'm giving up this new shiny gold so quick and easy? Wrong! So, what do you say Mr. Redundant? Come on. Stupid idiot? Homo ? Try me. I know you can do better than that, you fucking turd.

CURRENT Federweight Champion

"What's the matter, crotch stuffer? Cat got your tongue? You're just another weird fucker who wants to cum in dudes' mouths and butts and shit. What has that Doctor been diagnosing you dipshits with? Seriously.

Did you finally come to the realization that you're overmatched here? This belt isn't going anywhere. Not just anytime soon, but ever. I don't fucking sleep, man. Twenty-four, seven. I was made for this. All you're going to do is embarrass yourself and your shitty band is going to find a new frontman.

So, run along, 'junior.' That's something you'd say right? I'm just plain better, motherfucker. Than you. Than your dad. Than Bjorn and Snow. Than anyone who has ever held this title and the entire XWF roster. Eat shit, chump."

CURRENT Federweight Champion

Hey! Hey! SHUT UP!

You idiots are all one in the same, do you think I can differentiate some dingle berry loving doofus like you and Johnny Cage apart? Johnny Cage is a fictional character from the Mortal Kombat series who's a famous action movie actor like the Rock, so that shows me how much you know, you stoopid corn-husk eating, diseased dog shit licking man lover!

SO SHUT UP !

SHUT UP, QUEER!

SHUT UP, CUM GUZZLER!

SHUT UP, ST. SODOMY, YOU TOM OSBORNE MASTURBATING-TO NOBODY!

You have officially made the list you soulless remedial ginger dicked, cerebral palsy child breeding, chromosome missing, ape looking, STOOPID IDIOT! How dare you try and walk out on the gift of CKI? Because not only am I great at all of the productive things I do, when I fucking feel like doing them, I'm also great at smoking meth along with a slew of other dangerous drugs and haven't died yet!

I was homeless in a back alley giving your momma the gift that keeps on giving inside of a cardboard box you homo ! All she was telling me was how she wished so badly to have a son worth providing for, someone like CKI, because her real son, "Brandon the bitch likes Moore dick in his ass" was a big stoopid piece of crap and she wished he died in the womb!

Now I'm gunna' give your momma' another gift you prick!

CKI rolls Brandon up,

1...


2...

Vincent's hover board (with him successfully on it this time!) putters by, a trail of vape twisting in the air behind the XWF Owner's face as he looks befuddled.


"Chris, dude, what are you doing? Brandon left hours ago. You been drinking, man?"

Winner and STILL Federweight Champion - Brandon Moore

Putting you on the list, Lane!