Unknown Soldier has since released a scathing promo, detailing the political process, as if it weren't unattractive enough already with all the people past sixty that participate in it. Meanwhile, Robbie finally met the one and only Arby Beef, his partner and one half of the Tag Team Champions.

A PLACE CALLED LIMERICK

We open and see what is meant
Robbie Bourbon, American President
With Vice President Joe
And wouldn't you know
Smashdyface McFace and Diamondback were present.

The foursome, as it would seem
Were cruising and picking up steam
In the President's van
They detailed a plan
To correct and brighten the American Dream

My opponents, their faces they've shown
Evil Doc and the Soldier, Unknown
They strive for some weird order
Joe Biden pulls out a recorder
And I think that my mind is certainly blown

What do you mean, cracked Diamondback
They're just prepping and set to attack
Smashdyface, he replied
(Inaudible noise, it's a miracle since he nearly died)
Aw c'mon, dude, you're saying that 'cause I'm black.

Now now, fellas, Bourbon was cool and collected
These clowns are just as I detected
Doc's full of shit to the brim
Soldier's a wannabe Dim
Like they're protected and C.Diff infected

Looming about in some goofy skyscraper
Thinking they're about to hatch some wild caper
But they keep too slow a pace
'Cause that Motherfucker Bourbon's on the case
Of that used tire salesman and ficus tree raper

But Robbie, who do you mean?
Joe Biden was shown on the screen
Which sells sorry retreads?
Who takes plants to their beds?
Though if you're going to rape, at least he goes green.

Who thinks Firestone's still bona fide
And who's cock smells like Spectracide?
I'd say the jury's still out
But I have no doubt
Because I'll let the people decide

Biden shrugged, and played us a tune
Dude, they think you're just some buffoon
What you say, they don't care
They claim you're full of hot air
And bloated, like some weather balloon

Like that shit has any impact on me
Bourbon Beef on a championship spree!
Robbie sticks up his thumb
Don't sweat Doc Tweedledum
Or his sweetheart on meth, Tweedledee.

In the words of Charlie Brown, good grief!
All hail the Commander in Chief
My partner will step in
(Like my secret weapon)
And they'll fall to the mighty Bourbon Beef!

Arby, who had yet been unseen and sleeping in the back of the van, sits upright
It's not a thing, don't get uptight
There's no need to shill
We can, thus we will
Now I'm going back to bed, good night.

Robbie turns to Biden, and gives him a Shush!
Stop playing that thing and just hush
Well that was kinda rash
What, we have a debate to crash
And political opponents to crush

Smashdyface started to clap
What do you mean, what is this crap?
You wild reprobate
You're crashing the debate?
I thought we were getting pizza, but this is a trap!

Now now, Diamondback, your role is key
Once we breech the debate you will see
Smashdyface knows the score
He'll help handle the floor
As we bring our message to the land of the free

That sounds like they're being attacked!
Smashdyface nodded, thinking it a terrorist fact
No! Bad Smashdyface, Bad!
Smashdyface looked all sad.
I have voters I need to attract!

My numbers are down in the dump
I'm the President, not some silly chump
Hill treats the public like sheeple
But I'm here for the people
I'm better than her or that old grump Trump

It's the Presidency, not some holy anointing
And both of them are really disappointing
They stand by their mudslinging
And the shit they are flinging
Just a stupid game of finger pointing

Neither have any clear resolution
But I know that I have the solution
To unemployment, the economy, and health care
Education, international policy, and welfare
The threat of terror, and even pollution

Robbie Motherfucking Bourbon knows just what to do
And the American people will surely do too
So their votes I will coax
And expose this election as hoax
With me and my Bourbon Men crew

I'm glad that I work for you now
Said Biden, while raising his brow
Not to sound like a jerk
Are you sure this will work?
Will you uphold your end of your vow?

It's nice to have you around too, Biden
A political pro who I know I can confide in
I meant what I said, and I said what I meant
That's what separates the Vice from the President
As we zoom out to see the van that they all ride in.

We see the debate, in all it's splendor
In Hi-definition, or streaming the best your screen can render
Hillary in a red dress that won't yeild
Trump dressed like Rodney Dangerfield
Beating all of our eardrums sore and tender

When suddenly, bursting in through the wall
(Like Kool-Aid man, oh yeah, that's the call)
We see Robbie Bourbon
A debate he's disturbin'
Who else in the world has the gall?

Robbie leaps from the van in an instant
And immediately kisses an infant
He's looking quite sharp
I don't mean to harp
But both of you sound way too distant!

He puts Trump in a solid head lock
Dude, your policies are all a huge crock!
Robbie winds up his fist
'Till Trump's skull it had kissed
And even Hillary looked on in shock.

Now I'm a gentleman, I won't hit a lady
But god damn, you are super fucking shady
I will bolster my camp
Like a god damned champ!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Tom Brady!

Diamondback twists and plays with a dial
Backstage, all in the meanwhile
As he munches a snack
Turns into a Super Bowl quarterback
And struts out on the stage with some style.

I support the President, go New England!
The crowd in the place reacted all bland
That's not all, guys
Another surprise
Greg Allman from the Allman Brothers band!

Diamondback ran back in the back
And he looked like he'd have a heart attack
With a twist of the tool
He looked really old school
And Greg Allman walked out but still sounded black

People, my endorsements are just coming in
Who else wears the Vote Robbie pin?
You all know it's no jive
One of the sexiest men alive
George Clooney, come show us that grin!

And the machine went off without hitch
To stop dead that Hillary witch
Clooney, then Bush senior
With his dour demeanor
All with a flick of Diamondback's switch.

Smashdyface looked on with a dropped jaw
The political process had left him in awe
As Joe Biden played his recorder well
Hail to the Chief, it sounded quite swell
As Bourbon brought out celebrities and campaigned without flaw

Hillary shrugged, and knew she was beat
And had grace in her utter defeat
Trump got up and stood
And agreed this was good
And howled "Vote Bourbon!" then took a seat.

As the debate wound up to a close
Who won it, everyone knows
Mister President Bourbon had to bow
The election's his now
And he shook hands with all in a pose

Now if you think all of that was real slick,
Just wait until we hit Limerick!
Robbie held up his belt
Arby ran in and knew how he felt
And they both stood united and looked pretty strong.

That didn't rhyme.

Fuck, can we do another take?