This is the story of how Ted met Dave... Or did Dave meet Ted? Or is it the same thing entirely. It doesn't matter for this story because the important matter of this story does not boil down to who met who, or who did body shots off of whom. The importances lies soley in the fact that these two legends where thrown together in the strangest way possible. For a duo to form an allegiance to one another, an unbreakable bond, bounded by love for the exact same things, midget porn and weed.

Before the story begins of how these greats collided in a flourish of sweat, sex and drunkenness and how they would one day become the people you know now as Rumble Legends, commentary legends and exclusive interviewers for the hottest team in wrestling, The Union, I as narrator must say that I had a rather large hit on the head in my younger years and do tend to go off topic as my damaged mind wanders to the darkest depths of my subconscious. I only ask to be patient with me as this is a story you do not want to miss, this is a story of hope much like that movie I have heard the kids of today talk about, it's a movie called Star Wars... I think that's it anyway I tried to rent it once but I believe I picked up the wrong Betamax from the store as it seemed nothing like what I had heard the little cherubs talk about in the school playground, despite it being the wrong movie I persevered, despite the friction burns on my hands and managed to get to the end of my new favourite film, Star Whores.

Ummmm pancakes!



Sorry! There I go wandering off again, where was I ?

Oh yes I remember, I was telling you the legendary story of how much like Peter Gilmour I lost my virginity to a vacuum cleaner, at least that is what XWF Tag Team Champion Chris Macbeth told me. He said, [lightblue]"Narrator, don't worry about how you lost the V plates, what is important is that you did lose them. Heck Peter Gilmour the Hart Champion lost them in the exact same way."
This was a relief to me as I had been ridiculed for many years prior about my taste in sexual encounters, I suppose it didn't help that it happened in the middle of my high school prom. I really couldn't help it though, all my friends had already achieved the goal of blowing their load into the girlfriends, teachers and in some cases sisters but I had yet to feel the eminence pleasure that ejaculation brings.

I was walking the hallways of my school on prom night...

When I decided I wanted to be a footballer, I saw the pictures and trophies in the cabinet, all the achievements the players and school teams had been honoured with and I wanted that so I decided I would go for tryouts the very next day, I needed to be on that team.

The other day I went out shopping, I was looking for a new vacuum cleaner as mine had recently broke, Apparently there was some kind of blockage within it somewhere that was un fixable. Anyway I was in the shop looking for a new vacuum when I noticed on the far wall the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. A great urge bestowed me and I new she had to be the one, I approached with caution before finally reaching my target, "could she be the one" was running through my head as I reached out towards the Dyson 4009 bag-less beauty.

In the morning, I'm making waffles.



So there I was, lying concussed on the field when I decided that football was not for me, I was 18 years old and had been recently called up to play for the schools under 12 devision, at this high level football was no longer fun for me, I needed a new career. As my inner monologue talked myself into getting to my feet and off the field that was when it struck me like a dipping your feet into a hot vat of melted cheese... I should be a narrator.

But that's enough about me..

Fast and the furious: Tokyo Drift is a good film.



One day I was sat chillin on my porch when...

Fuck me did I ever tell you the story of Ted and Dave?

You know, how they met?

Disneyland Paris!

Ted and Dave have never been to Disneyland Paris.