“He was supposed to be here 30 minutes ago. Where is he?”

Steve Sayors looks mildly anxious as he talks into his cell phone. He is standing outside of a
large mansion in the middle of a forest. The veteran interviewer is scheduled to have a chat with
the recently returning Nico LaVey, but it seems that Nico is fashionably late. As Sayors paces
back and forth, he pulls a small book out of his pocket. It’s a day planner.

8:00 Drop kids off.
9:00 Reach airport.
10:30 Board Plane.
12:45 Reach San Francisco.
1:30 Reach LaVey estate.
2:30 Interview Nico LaVey.
3:30 Finish interview.
5:30 Leave for airport.
6:45 Arrive Home.
8:00 Julie’s recital.

Steve’s entire day is revolving around that last time. He told Shane repeatedly that today wasn’t
good and that he couldn’t miss the recital, but Nico himself insisted on exactly this time on this
day. Yet, despite Nico’s insistence of this time, place, and day, he’s late.

“Wait, I see him. I’ll call you back, Shane."

A red 1978 Cadillac Coupe de Ville rolls through the gate, and out of back walks Nico and his
wife, Ophelia. Without saying a word, Nico hugs Sayors. With his hands still on Steve’s upper
arms, Nico speaks.

“It’s so great to finally meet you! Welcome to my estate.”

Sayors is pleasantly surprised at Nico’s kindness. He was expecting a much worse treatment
from a man known in the XWF for attacking anyone he wants to. Ophelia then walks up to
Sayors and kisses his hand, leaving behind her black lipstick.

“My thoughts as well.” says Ophelia, her usual seductive nature showing.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you too, Mr. and Mrs. LaVey! Now let’s get this interview started!”

“Please, Steve. Mr. LaVey was my father. And you know how much I dislike him. Call me Nico.”

“I prefer Mrs. LaVey.” Ophelia chirps.

“My apologies.” Sayors says, an almost embarrassed look on his face.

Nico leads Steve into his home. It’s rather woodsy and rugged, the stone walls covered with
mounted heads, the fireplace ablaze, and on the floor lays a bearskin rug, head still attached.

“Did you hunt all of these yourself?”

Nico turns around.

"Let's say that I hunted the legal animals.” Nico laughs.

Sayors looks back and notices a framed bald eagle.

“Sit! Would you care for a drink?” Nico asks as Ophelia pours two glasses of brandy.

“Oh, no. I’m okay. I prefer to be fully sober when interviewing.” Sayors comes over and sits down on a large leather couch.

“Aww, but it’s no fun that way! Gordon Solie was often drunker than a sad wino when he was on
commentary.” Nico and Ophelia sit together on a larger couch, this one being made of some sort of fur.

“Yes, I’m aware of that. It just isn’t my style.”

“Suit yourself.” Nico and Ophelia toast.

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, why did you insist on the interview being done here?”

Nico swallows a sip of brandy and puts his glass down.

“I’m much more comfortable doing my interviews here. I feel relaxed here, while at my work, I
have almost a feeling of stage fright.”

“Well, that is understandable. But, you also insisted on a time as well. Yet you showed up 30
minutes late.”

“Oh, that was just…”

Nico thinks back to 10 minutes ago, when he was wildly making love to Ophelia.

“...traffic.”

“Fair enough. Now, onto the more relevant questions. Why did you leave the XWF for such a
long hiatus?”

Ophelia finishes her glass and leaves the room. Nico looks the smallest bit annoyed at Sayors’
question.

“Steve, I am a busy man. I have a church to run, legacy to uphold, and a public image to keep
intact. If I have to leave the XWF for a few months to take care of business, I will. I’m not here to
please the fans. I’m here to please myself. They’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“Are you planning on staying with the company for a longer time now?”

Nico looks unamused.

“Like I said before, if I have to take care of business, I will. Even if that means leaving the
company for a while.”

“Okay. Now, in your first match back, you are facing Luca Arzegotti, a man you have never
competed against. What is your plan going into this match?”

Nico laughs heartily. He wipes away a tear before speaking.

“A plan? Against Luca Arzegotti? That nobody? I need a plan for him? Who do you take me for?
I will barely even have to lift a finger. He’s the opposite of a threat. Continue.”

“Okay. The match is an Inferno match, in which you have to light your opponen-”

“Yes, i’m familiar with the rules of an Inferno match. I’m not a rookie, Steve. I’ve watched
wrestling all my life. I remember the first one fondly.”

“So you aren’t worried about it?”

Nico sneers at Sayors.

“If i’m not worried about Luca, exactly why would I be worried about the stipulation? The
stipulation doesn’t matter when you can beat your opponent as quickly as I can beat Luca.
Continue.”

“Do you have any plans of going after a title?”

Nico smirks.

“No, Sayors. Of course I don’t want the one thing that every wrestler in the XWF is working
towards. Why would you think such a silly thing?”

“What matches do you have planned for the future?”

“Did you not listen to my answer to the third question? Continue.”

“Finally, do you have anything to say to Luca?”

“I do, but I’m going to say it later. Thank you for coming out here.”

“Thanks for your time.”

Nico opens the door for Sayors and slams it shut behind him. He rolls his eyes as he leaves.

“Who does he think you are?” asks Ophelia as Nico walks into their bedroom. She’s taken her
leather heels off and has unzipped the back of her dress.

“Apparently some sort of idiot rookie who needs to stoop to the same level as the rest of the
morons in that wretched company.”

“You know that you aren’t. He just doesn’t know it. He’s used to dealing with mentally
handicapped like Luca and Shane.”

“Still, it bothers me. I guess I’ll just need to show him and the rest of the XWF what I can do.”

Nico gets a notification on his phone.

“Want to bash this with me?”

He shows her the phone. Luca uploaded a new promo. Ophelia smirks.

"Of course I do."



The scene opens from Nico's webcam. In it, we see Nico and his lovely wife Ophelia.

Hello XWF Galaxy! Luca is up to his usual tricks, and we're here to make him look around 5 times as as he actually is. Ophelia's here to chime in when she wants.

Ophelia blows a kiss to the camera with a sultry expression in her eyes.

Now, onto the bullshit!

Quote:I'm going to dunk my nuts on Nico LeVay's face.

...and already with the gay jokes! What more do you expect from a man who calls himself the Meme Queen?

Ophelia smiles while looking confused.

He calls himself the Meme Queen? He knows that Queens are women, right? How can he dunk his nuts on your face if he's a woman?

Well, at least he's honest.

Quote:Why wouldn't I? It isn't like I signed up to fight the fuccboi because I wanted to have a legitimate test of skill. It's not like I respect Nico as a competitor.

Of course you didn't! You don't even have the brain capacity to realize the mistake you just made! How on Earth would I expect anything else from you?

Quote: He's another generic, cookie cutter ass #weakboi with a dark and demented persona hastily thrown together to be edgy as fuck. Like Sebastian Duke. Yeah, Nico is Sebastian Duke. Only, you know, without any of the success.

Yes, I'm generic. I'm so generic that it doesn't even matter that you are just another comedy jobber doomed to fail. And edgy? Only the self-proclaimed Queen of Memes would care about being edgy.

Does being a Meme Queen make him a certified Meme Machine?

It would if he was even a real Queen. He's more like a newfag who skimmed through KYM and then proceeded to shitpost like a motherfucker.

Quote:Nico LeVay is as boring as watching paint dry. Like, I don't even find any fun in bringing up his past failures (see, living, breathing, not being dead) and running him down like I would with any garden variety fuccboi. No, it's just kind of sad really.

Only you would find not being dead a failure. Doesn't that imply that I'm at least doing something right? Like, you're trying to say that I suck at everything, but you include a positive. You can't even insult me correctly.

Also, don't even try to say I'm a failure at life. I have everything I've ever wanted and more. You're obviously too short-sighted to do any research on me before you trade remarks with me. Oh wait, you "don't care enough." How professional. At least it's a good indicator of what to expect in our match.

Quote:No memes. No jokes.

*gasps* What?! No memes from the Meme Queen? Whatever shall we do without our dank, spicy memes?!

Quote: Ain't nobody paying any money to see him talk shit in place of wrestlers doing shit.

They would pay for that over paying to see you fight.

Oh, damn! Nice one! *fistbump*

Quote: Put my ass in power if you want a boss to talk shit at you. At least then the shit talking will be from a place of actual superiority and not nerd rage.

I would pay good money to see that. 4x Dumber Luca Stromboli trying to run a wrestling company. Watch in amazement as he struggles to hold a pen properly! Gaze in astonishment as he drools all over his laptop! Marvel in wonder as he books the worst matches ever to be aired on television! Critics are saying "Can I please go home", "This is worse than The Holocaust", and "Do you have any cyanide?"

Quote:
And eat a dick Nico.

Not mine though. You don't have enough badges to suck deez nuts.

I am not worthy of the Meme Queen's almighty tranny schlong! But seriously, all you did here was show that this match will be a piece of cake.

First, you went the exact same route as every other nobody in the XWF and made gay jokes. That may make your short bus buddies laugh and clap like seals with Cerebral Palsy, but it doesn't hurt me in the slightest.

Second, halfway into the promo, you started talking about the new management. You have the attention span of a Goldfish. Not the animal, the cracker. Not even a fresh one, either. One that a baby put into his mouth for five seconds and then threw across the room, landing behind a couch, and left there forever to collect mold.

Third and most disadvantageous to you, you didn't do any research on me. Really, dumbass? You didn't think "Hey, maybe this guy is more of a threat than my lobotomized brain can comprehend on it's own! Maybe I should see what he's done in the past!" Instead, you just picked more lead paint chips off the wall and then spent a few hours counting your fingers. Don't worry, Luca. I'm sure you can get it right before I knock it out of your brain again.

Overall Record: 2-8-1.

1x Federweight Champion.

Shitlist: Izzy Ravenwolf, Nate Higgers.

“We have never heard the devil's side of the story, God wrote all the book.”
― Anatole France