Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (12-29-2015)

Long time no see, eh XWF?

It really has been a while, hasn't it? What, closing in on seven whole months? Shit man, that's like a hundred years in this business. That was a one off, too. A main event against Peter Gilmour. You heard me right. I carried Peter Gilmour to a fuckin' main event last time I was here. I had four matches total in twenty-fifteen. This little trip down memory lane does have a point, bear with me.

Four matches. Total. Then, I show up once again as I usually do; high, belligerent, irreverent, then get my ass booked in a match for again, the first time in seven months and where does that match land?

Oh, of course.

The fuckin' co-main event.

God listeners, I hate to sound ungrateful but my back sure does hurt.

It's inevitable though. Hell I could be thumb-wrestling a quadriplegic and I'd still be the top draw.

Because my face is a license to print money. Because my name on the card is enough to get wrestling fans and non wrestling fans alike to tune in, to show up, to put down their hard-earned money on a Pay-Per-View they would've otherwise illegally streamed on the internet. Because when my music hits and I turn the fuckin' swag on harder than my heart beats after a couple lines of dat good powdered sugar, the crowd goes absolutely F-U-C-K-I-N-G insane.

But, all of this, isn't for the fans.

It never was, don't be surprised.

You know what it is about?

It's about me.

Because the kicker is they do all this, they show up to the arena, they buy the merchandise, they go nuts when my name's mentioned/my music hits/I take a fuckin' breath, all because they want to see me get my fucking clock cleaned.

Do they care who does it?

No.

Do they remember when someone does it?

No.

Does it even happen?

Fuck no.

Even when I get knocked off my perch temporarily, it's never enough to keep me on my ass for long. Shit, one time I won two titles in one night with a broken ankle! Most of these cucklords stumble through their insignificant careers without ever getting a taste of that gold and there I was, drowning in the gold like my nigga Theo Pryce drowns in his cash money and I wasn't even at one hundred percent.

Was the XWF on my level then?

No.

Is it now?

Not a fuckin' chance.

I could keep on going about how fuckin' awesome I am, trust me I can, but I do have a match to talk about and I'd be remiss if I didn't say something about it.

Let's start with my partner, Austin Fernando. AKA Luca Arzegotti mk. 2 up in this bitch. AKA my partner in crime and in rhyme. AKA the Superior One and that ain't no cutesy nickname bitches that's the cold hard truth.

What?

You think I'd spit the hot fire at my boy? Nah man, I look at the landscape of the XWF right now and I recognize Austin is the next big thing. Shit, I recognized that glint in his eyes a long ass time ago, and he's been here, steady killing bitches and slappin' hos ever since.

See, everyone wants to doubt him since he ain't afraid of talkin' shit and thinks he can't back it up.

Then they get knocked the fuck out.

You can't fuck with this kid either. You put him on his ass, he gets right back up and smiles at ya while he does it cuz he knows that even when you think you got the upper hand, he's gonna win the fuckin' war.

Straight up, on one team you got, and make no doubts about this, the BEST period TEAM period ALIVE period and then you look at who they got us up against, and shit man you gotta feel a little sorry for 'em.

Alexis Riot and Justice Drake.

Yeah, that's right folks, Justice Drake is actually here, and not back where he desperately needs to be; wrestling school. Or a coffin. Or an urn. Or tied to cinder-blocks at the bottom of a river.

But I'm betting that head of his is deeply dug into the sand. I'm sure he still thinks he's actually a threat to anyone who isn't the hypothetical quadriplegic I could thumb-wrestle and still place higher up on the card than a Maverick/Gilmour title match. Fuck me, I doubt he could even beat the shit out of Janice. Yeah that's right, I named the hypothetical quadriplegic. Fight me.

Seriously though, has Justice Drake done literally anything to establish himself as even remotely competent, let alone a threat to the CCWF?

The answer to that question is a resounding no.

Oh, don't give me that horse shit about not giving up and always fighting on. Heart is a shitty power.

Heart doesn't get the fuckin' job done.

Heart doesn't pay the bills.

Heart is just being too fucking blind or too fucking stupid to read the writing on the wall.

"Surrendering is for the weak?"

Then get down on your knees right now Justice, and grovel to me. Beg me not to stomp the shit out of you, you fucking spastic. Beg me to bring my gun out to the ring on Wednesday and put you out of your fucking misery.

Shit, don't even do that.

Just look at the goddamn flowers.

And then we got Alexis Riot.

X-Treme Champion Alexis Riot.

My offer for lunch still stands, by the way.

But I gotta ask what was going through your head when you decided Justice Drake was the opportune person to throw your chips in with? What, did he come crying to you, hoping that by appealing to your rebellious streak he'd be able to woo you onto his side? Yeah, I gotta guess he came to you with it because if you have one functioning brain cell you wouldn't approach his ass.

How much ass kissing did ol' Justice do? While he was kissing your ass, did he slip the fuckin' tongue or what? I'm just really fucking curious as to how this little alliance came to be. Does he have some dirt on you or somethin'? Is this blackmail?

Shit, is this even real life?

Is this the future?

If it is, the future is shitty. I hate it.

But enough of justifiably critiquing your choice in partners, let's talk about you.

I mean, shit, you are the X-Treme champion. You gotta be doing something right, even if that something is winning a title in an unsanctioned match.

Here's the part where you say "but Luca you tried to pin for that title in an unsanctioned match too!"

I know I did.

I'm a hypocrite. I'm the most upfront hypocrite you'll ever meet. Get used to me doing that shit.

But, enough of you, let's talk about me again.

See, this is your first sanctioned match and this is my first match back in months on end.

We're starting fresh.

But not really. You're walking in a champ after all.

And me?

I'm walking in a former two time TV champion, a former two time European champion (who also has the most consecutive days as European champ by the by), a former X-Treme champion, current reigning and defending Brown Pride co-champion (only a co-champ since I was nice and gave some brown pride to TJ Wallace), first man to face my good friend John Madison for the King of the XWF title, and current reigning and defending Douchebag of the Century.

In short, I'm a fucking legend.

And I only just turned twenty-five.

I haven't even begun to peak.

Meanwhile, I can't even focus on your title win because, here's the kicker; that isn't the defining moment of your career so far.

Wanna know what is?

It's picking Justice Drake as your partner.

It's staging this "uprising" against the CCWF.

It's asking the guy you took the X-Treme title from to be the guest enforcer like he isn't gonna hold a grudge.

It's however Donald Trump became the referee.

It's established you pretty well alright.

Alexis Riot, the wannabe chessmaster who hasn't realized she's been playing checkers this whole time.

And if you wanna play that game, King Me, sweetheart.

Oh, and one more thing.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode 'Commander Cocaine' - Hit 'em Wit' Dat Old School Flow
Author	Message