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~~Sweet Cheapshots~~ · **04-09-2013, 08:33 PM**

{Episode 007}"The one in which our hero meets the press."

[Image: George-Clooney-Arrested-Feature-600x400.jpg]

"Oh, hello again. You sort of caught me at a bad time. Normally I'm at home, but this week I'm up in New York. If you haven't been paying attention to the news there's a big event tomorrow at the Garden. The atmosphere around here is positively electric! It's got the feeling of an old prize fight. Reminds me of when the old man and I used to hop into the cab of his rickety Ford pickup and make the trip down into the city to see all the greats go the distance in the round. Anyway, I'm rambling like I tend to do. This week we find your friend and mine, Sweet Cheapshots, about to do what he does best and that's entertain. So sit back, grab yourself a seat as I think he's about to approach the mic."

Sweet Cheapshots Fun Fact #86:
If Sweet Cheapshots were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.

The location: Hilton Hotel NYC Time: 6:32pm ET

We find ourselves in the back hallway for the conference room the Hilton uses for press conferences for local entertainment events. Before us stands Sweet Cheapshots, dressed in his usual attire of blazer, baby blue v-neck and chucks. He's patting his wet hair down as Natalie gives him the once over.

Natalie Foxx: "Let me preface by saying that I'm only going to say this so you can't say I didn't say it later."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Wow, that just made my head hurt."

Natalie Foxx: "Focus for a sec, would you? Look at me."

Sweets stops what he's doing and stares into Natalie's eyes.

Natalie Foxx: "This is a really big moment for you, for us, you're meeting the mainstream press for the first time. Please, please, PLEASE, don't fCENSORED it up."

Sweet Cheapshots: "C'mon, Nat. Have a little faith in me. I'm a trained professional. I entertain for a living. I never fail to never fail."

Natalie Foxx: "What does that even mean?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "It sounded good in my head."

At that moment the door to the hallway opens and a PA sticks her head out.

PA: "Mr. Cheapshots you're on in five, okay?"

Sweets nods and then turns back to Natalie.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Just out of curiosity, where are the rest of the Warfare guys?"

Natalie Foxx: "Most of them were here this morning, which you were scheduled to be, but someone decided to sleep in."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Can you blame me? I was up half the night trying to get Dikembe to stop crying after he rented a movie off Showtime After Dark."

Natalie Foxx: "That is... I honestly I don't even know what to say to that."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Nothing to say, really."

The door opens again as the PA returns.

PA: "Mr. Cheapshots they're ready for you."

Sweets gives Natalie a peck on the cheek and heads toward the door. He steps out in front of a modest gathering of press. A few flashbulbs go off. Sweets takes a seat in the center of a long table. A XWF/Warfare backdrop hangs behind him.

Beth Susan: "Mr. Cheapshots, Beth Susan from the Post, first question if I can. How do you feel about the change in stipulations for this match? Do you have any mixed martial arts experience?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "I'll be honest I can kill a man with my baby toe if I have to."

A hush and a murmur filters through the small audience of press members.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Totally kidding. I think I know a thing or two about holds. I'm not worried about it."

Reporter #1: "How do you approach a match like this? Three guys in an octagon."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Allow me to be candid if I may. I've been proving people wrong since I walked through the door into this company. I don't know if anyone here is keeping score at home but I went undefeated in the month of March."

Another murmur sifts through the crowd. Some chattering is heard, but is suddenly interrupted by... snoring?

The chattering stops as everyone's attention is directed to the end of the table where KnighMask is seen slumped over, head tilted back, snoring loudly.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Jeeze, looks like Knight Ranger over here had a long evening fighting crime."

Light laughter from the crowd.

Beth Susan: "Cheapshots, Beth Susan again. What are your reactions to Steve Davids' comments?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Who?"

Beth Susan: "Steve Davids??"

Sweet Cheapshots: "No idea who that is. Sounds like the guy who parked my car this morning."

Someone near the front row reaches up and hands Sweets a photo of presumably Steve Davids.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Who is this Conan? Why does he have the same hair do as the Predator?"

A few laughs from the crowd.

Reporter #2: "What do you make of Man Preaching Nothing?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "I seriously need to stop mixing LSD with baby aspirins. What the hell is Man Preaching Nothing? Sounds like a bad Kenny Loggins album. Not that Kenny Loggins had a good album..."

Reporter #2: "What do you have against Kenny Loggins?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Next question?"

A loud CRASH is heard as KnightMask falls out of his chair and onto the floor. Long beat.

Beth Susan: "Cheapshots, there's been some rumors circulating that you have expressed dissatisfaction with your current spot on the card. Any truth to this rumor?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Look, I signed with XWF because they are the best in the biz. I came here to main event. Put on clinics and steal thunder. The fact that Benjamin Crane, a man that I beat, is getting a shot at Count Chocula is redonkulus."

Reporter #3: "Any predictions on the Tyrone and Flynn match?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Tyrone is big, black and very scary. Flynn is also scary, but not as black from the waist down as I'm told so... I think Tyrone?"

Reporter #4: "How do you think you'll adapt to the change in diameter and structure of the octagon? Have you ever wondered how much the octagon weighs?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "What... what kind of question is that? Do I look like I went to Space Camp?"

Reporter #4: "What about wrestling camp?"

Sweets pauses momentarily, he wasn't expecting that question.

Sweet Cheapshots: "No... I went to lacrosse camp and you know, a lot of those skills are universal."

Beth Susan: "Is it true you have a spiritual advisor in your camp? Second question, is it also true he was recently kicked out of a hotel for public nudity?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Yes to both..."

The crowd starts to get animated with follow-up questions.

Sweet Cheapshots: "He's a misunderstood genius, okay? And sure, he has a problem with clothing but we're all hoping it's a phase."

Reporter #3: "Is it fair to say that this event of having XWF talent fight in an octagon is simply a ruse by Wallace to attract viewers since he's slipped in the ratings?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "A ruse? Hey, 1930s called and they want their terminology back.

Reporter #3: "Fine. A publicity stunt. What's Wallace's angle?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "No idea, my man. I'm sure you can check out his blog on his geocities website. It's been fun guys but I need to get going. Also, someone might need to call a cab for Knight Ranger over there."

Sweets stands up as a string of questions continue, but he just smirks and waves goodbye as he steps away.

To be continued...

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