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Hero Xtreme 7.9 · **06-10-2015, 08:39 PM**

Tuesday June 9th

Hero Xtreme 7.9 is riding his motorcycle in the desert. The moon looked exactly like it did on June 9th, proving that this video was filmed on that day. His invisible friend's voice rings in his head.

NOCMM: Maybe it'd be a good idea not to ride your motorcycle sometimes and get a safe car.

Hero Xtreme 7.9 prefers cool vehicles like motorcycles and tanks. However he didn't notice the xenophobic person tailing him. The same xenophobe who crashed into him all those years ago. Hero Xtreme 7.9 was struck.

Xenophobic Asshole: That's what you get for being an Xtreme American! Fuck you!

Hero Xtreme 7.9's eyes began to close, then he saw a figure.

Hero Xtreme 7.9: Who's there?

???: It's me, I teleported here.

Hero Xtreme 7.9: How can you teleport?

???: I know you.

Hero Xtreme 7.9: Oh! Hero Xtreme Un! Quick take this gorilla, Hero Xtreme Un mask, and this Arik Cannon mask.

God tossed those at things at Hero Xtreme Un.

Hero Xtreme 7.9: Whenever I get hit by a car I lose my ability to wrestle in the human world for 13 years. I need you to change the plan.

Hero Xtreme Un: NOCMM, are you filming this? I think this will make a good promo.

NOCMM: Yeah, I got all of that.

Hero Xtreme Un: What do I do to change the plan?

Hero Xtreme 7.9: You know how you were going to cut yourself? Well put the Hero Xtreme Un mask on the gorilla and teach it to cut himself.

Hero Xtreme Un puts the gorilla in a headlock and forces the mask onto the gorilla.

Hero Xtreme 7.9: When the monkey cuts itself, the rookie GM guy will come out and be like, "I'm gay so that doesn't count" then he's going to try to make me come out and fight the monkey for real, but obviously I'm in no condition to do that. I can't step into any place that is surrounded by three ring ropes until 2028 because of what just happend. I need you to put on the Arik Cannon mask and let the monkey win.

Hero Xtreme Un: Do I have to let him win? I want to win!

Hero Xtreme 7.9: You have to, if a monkey wins a match on a show then it's code for all the old skool fans to stop watching that show forever. I don't want old skool fans to watch it anymore because there's going to be a new thing where half the show is like the shitty rookie show. The old skool fans will see how dumb it is that a monkey won and it will trigger the smart part of their brain to stop watching dumb television.

Hero Xtreme Un: Okay, I guess that's a worthy cause.

Hero Xtreme 7.9: It's a great idea.

Hero Xtreme Un: Wait, you're signed up for the next Warfare after that. Do you want me to wrestle for you?

Hero Xtreme 7.9: Oh yeah, nepotism is going to rape that show, and you're only allowed to do one promo since only new skool fans will be dumb enough to watch Warfare after that monkey thing.

Hero Xtreme Un: Who am I fighting?

Hero Xtreme 7.9: Three rookies. The stipulation is all about me too which is cute.

NOCMM: Oaktree has a crush on you.

Hero Xtreme Un: Are dragon shouts banned?

Hero Xtreme 7.9: No it's some crap about me losing title shots I earned no matter what or something. It won't matter because when I return in 2028 I'll just pretend it never happened. None of the old skool fans will be watching it happen anyway, so they will remember it differently.

Hero Xtreme Un: Okay. Cool.

Hero Xtreme 7.9: I'm fading away...have fun fighting as me on Wednesday...and then on the Wednesday after that...

Hero Xtreme 7.9 goes back to heaven as the scene fades to an Xtreme shade of black.

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