For someone with a voice so painfully ear offending, you sure do like to listen to yourself prattle. Clearly you're one of those types, Muddy, that favours quantity over quality when it comes to your promo work.

[color=#FFD700][Yokel Translation: Ya sure do sound like a possum with its balls done caught on some chicken wire. Do us y'all a fayvur and git 'at mouth of yours ta stop flappin.]

What makes you think that the fans or anyone else care about your little stories. Come gather round children, Muddy Charles Dickens Waters has another epic work of fiction to tantalise your cravings. Sit in a circle and listen to another whole chapter where the story progresses only slightly but somewhere along the line there is someone just hanging around waiting to interview him. Let's see where he goes next!

Will it be a house show interruption perhaps? An autograph signing? Or maybe he'll break the status quo and we'll get something that appears much different only for it to turn out much the same.

[Yokel Translation: Us normal folks had just bout 'nuff of your tall tales. We done heard it all befor and they be bout as ent-tur-taining as Momma Sue the mute singing carryokay.]

The running theme this week appears to be around finding a babysitter, right? We are both supposedly trained entertainers and the most creative thing you can come up with is basically around how you want to offload that little mistake of yours. Why don't you just get Steve Sawyers to watch over she who you wished had ended up as a stain on the bed sheets? I only make this suggestion because for some strange reason he always appears to be conveniently hanging around.

Why is that Muddy?

Is there something going on between the two of you that the rest of the XWF don't know about or is it just that you are so creatively challenged that you can't think of any other sort of promo to run?

[Yokel Translation: If all ya guna do is 'av ol' Stevie interview ya every time then us good folks are juss guna stop watchin'. We done seen it all before boy and moved on to more orijunal ideas back when The Alamo was a thing.]

I think it's admirable that you'll do whatever you can to try and make it appear that you're one step ahead of ol' Karl Cross. There's a snowballs chance on a Texas barbecue that you're going to allow me to get the last word this week, isn't there?

The thing is, I won't be drawn the cat and mouse game of who can get the most promos out before Monday. This mental duel won't be won by who can fire off the most shots but instead by the one who lands the most hits. It's true that the person who pulls their trigger the most seems the likeliest to do that. However when you're wielding a spud gun and the distance between my ability and yours is so vast, I'll have no problem taking you out with my sniping skills.

[Yokel Translation: You dun goofed cos Karl's mad now. He guna load up that turkey blaster and come tan your ass boy.]

Has the realisation finally started sinking in yet Muddy? The last time you spoke you sounded a little flat, as if you had run out of top tier slurs. Is it hard trying to come up with redneck lingo when you aren't born naturally to the part? There are really only so many rehashed movie lines you can muster before you start getting bored of your little routine. I bet the frustration keeps growing over just how much time and preparation all your little tirades require.

You're probably needing to invest a little too much tie in to your act aren't you? Its just too hard, isn't it?

How much of your day is being sunk in to trying to come up with a nice Southern sounding insult?

You tried to call me last time on the fact that I'm playing along with you even thought we both know it's all a charade. I've already covered the fact that I'm humouring you for the purposes of keeping myself entertained. I've actually mentioned this twice this week already but you're obviously too pre-occupied trying to overuse that 'hilarious' new term "dick-beaters." That's some grade-A schoolboy comedy right there by the way. Well done you.

My advice is that you need to move on now though. What you should do is forget about that little actress you're dragging around with you, admit this is all a sham and go spend some time with your real family. I'm sure they hate to see your dedication to the lie you're living eating at you like a cancer.

[Yokel Translation: Karl don't think you're a jenuine woman smackin, cow abusing, redneck, Muddy. He just playing along because it's been a-fun up til now.]

Blast, I'm being silly. It's abundantly clear that someone as pig headed as you is going to keep running at this like Pest chasing a school bus.

Not having the realisation that you're going to fail no matter what you try is not brave. It's stupid. A smart man knows when he is headed down a dead alley and takes the chance to turn around. Not you though. You continue on despite the light around you fading and then gain nothing from bludgeoning your head repeatedly against a brick wall.

At least you're consistent if nothing else, Muddy.

Unlike me it would appear! One minute I said this wasn't a game, the next I said it was. A standing ovation for you Mr Waters. Karl Cross will now go and sit in a dark room pretending he is chopping onions as the tears stream from his eyeballs and reality begins to disintegrate around him. The wonderful, the fantastic, Muddy Waters used most of his precious promo time to go over one throwaway line.

Aaaaand... there you go, Muddy. That warm tickly feeling running over your limbs now is embarrassment. That's right, I ask you to come at me with something other that the fact that I'm repetitive and you decide to point out that was small part of my message wasn't repetitive. I give you a huge opportunity to really stick it to me, all you had to do was highlight something of some worth, and you blew it.

[Yokel Translation: Muddy boy went ahead an wet his coveralls thinkin' he ad a gud point. He didunt.]

It's actually a testament to just how desperate you've been this week? You really can't stand the idea that Karl Cross is better than you are and you're prepared to pick at anything to try and make me look weak.

Like a dog in a back yard you just keep dogging for that juicy bone. You're constantly clawing at the dirt just hoping to catch a sniff of that marrow filled treat. The problem is that you've spent most of the day barking up the wrong tree and now you'll end the day howling up at the moon with an empty belly come Tuesday morning.

What I'm getting at is the fact that you actually think you've made a good point somewhere and so now you just keep going at it. The problem is that you're limiting you're scope, your own comfort in what you've already said is preventing you from going further.

[Yokel Translation: Muddy boy be acting like a prairie dog at caught scent of a bitch in heat. He doesn't see at he's the one due to get pumped tho.]

All you can bloody say is that Karl Cross bangs on about how brilliant he is. So what? How does pointing that out so many times make it any less so?

Now you start to catch on! That forehead of yours is now covered in a sticky later of sweat as you realise that your whole plan this week has been to highlight what I've said before which has caused you to completely neglect what I've said now.

If you really want to count up the score this week then lets go for it! Lets actually count the original points that have been made.

Muddy Waters

1. Karl Cross is too consistent in what he says.

2. Karl Cross is too inconsistent in what he says.

That's about it Muddy! What else have you actually said that could possibly bring me down? You're whole attack this week has been based on the fact that I repeat myself only for you to kick a whole in that yourself.

Karl Cross

1. Shows the world that Muddy Waters is a fraud. A man pretending to be something he is not.

2. Explains that Muddy Waters is man who is trying to soar at a height to intense for him to handle.

3. Highlights that Muddy is simply saying what others have but with a bad Southern accent.

4. Shatters the idea that Karl Cross boasts about his ability are a bad thing.

5. Points out that Muddy really struggles with being creative after several cookie cutter, mid nineties, camera crew following him around promos.

I could actually continue on but I'll stop there so it doesn't become too embarrassing for you, Muddy. This is how everyone else will see this week. Karl Cross making refreshingly interesting point that shine light on your real weaknesses while you just flap that cock licker of yours trying to be funny.

[Yokel Translation: Poor Muddy be in as much trouble as 'at one tym when Pop's cow git stuck on-a riverbank. He just keep kickin legs but he ain't goin nowhere.]

What's hilarious is that you won't see it likes this at all which is why defeat will be even more crushing for you. When you think you're somehow ahead mentally, and I know that you do, it makes it hurt all that more when you catch your feet and fall on to your face. You own ears are too close to that stupid mouth of yours which means you're filling your own head with nonsense.

You won't beat me this week Muddy because you're simply not good enough. You might think that you are but you're not.

I am Karl Cross. I am better than you.

[Yokel Translation: Muddy Waters be the deep south - . Karl Cross be the rest o' the damn world - not ]

[align=center]***

The afternoon was drawing to a close as the day slipped in to evening. The Spring sun still hung in the sky despite being cloaked by silverless clouds. In the largest of private rooms within Buckingham Palace, Karl Cross was entertaining Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth. As Karl finished telling another one of his impressive stories, The Queen broke in to a heart laugh which she then attempted to stifle with another mouthful of tea.

[color=#6B8E23]"Oh, Karl! You sure do know how to tell em."

Karl shrugged as if feigning modesty before reaching for the small china pot in the centre of the table.

Queen Elizabeth giggled at his arrogance.

Karl Cross pondered this for a few moments before violently shaking his head.

The Queen tilted he head to the side and lifted the tablecloth. She peered underneath wondering if Steve Sawyers was perhaps hiding under there but he was not.

Karl released a deep sigh and looked towards the ceiling.

Her Majesty choked on another mouthful of tea as she broke in to another fit of hysterics.

Cross pushed himself away from the table and brought himself to his feet.