T: "Okay maybe not beloved, but he's a human being."
"Hahahahaha... Not really. He's another soulless actor. I'm doing the world a favour Todd. Do you really want a Green Lantern two?"
T: "God no."
"Exactly. I'm doing the world, nay, the universe a big fucking favour here pal."
T: "I guess."
"No guessing about it my little Canadian friend. I am a hero! Now. Sit your big ol' butt in this car-"
T: "Big?"
"And honk that horn if there's trouble, I'll leave the gun here just in case."
*Gator pats Todd's beanie and exits the car, carefully closing the door behind him and looking at the elegant large gate in front of him. Gator admires the craftsmanship as he looks ahead, his hands on his hips. From observing the land behind the gate, the lush freshly cut grass and the extravagant fountain in front of the large doors, beside the parked black Mercedes. Gator also spots the small camera attached to the wall beside the gate. He waves at the lens before scaling the fence and hopping to the other side, he then sneaks up the drive*
Gator's internal monologue. Star date... January something. I'm making my way to Reynolds' humble abode, where I plan to sneak in and kill that son of a bitch. I just hope and pray that somehow my thoughts are transitioned in a way to break up the silence from this infiltration.
*Gator makes his way to the front door*
Obviously the front door would be locked. I know, but I'm just making sure... Yup, shit's locked. I make my way past the door and inspect every large window I past... Fuck this dude has a lot of windows.
*Gator scans the windows across the wall of the mansion, nudging on them to see if one has been left open by mistake. Gator goes all around the house, checking each and every window, even the glass doors at the back of the house. Nothing. Gator seems frustrated, stomping around the grounds for an entrance, when he spots a small open window, vines wrapped around a post against the wall leading to it. If this was a cartoon, a light bulb would pop up over Gator's head. Gator grabs the wood and pulls himself up, the wood creaking under his heel as he starts to move up towards the window. He reaches out and grabs the open window frame, pulling himself up and squeezing through the small gap and falling through onto the bathroom floor*
Fuck that hurt.... Are these tiles heated? This dude has it all. Even an ass cleaner, and one of those sick waterfall steam showers... I need to re-decorate the house.
*Gator gets to his feet and dusts himself off, creeping out of the bathroom, the light turning off automatically as he leaves and goes down the dark hall. He tip toes across the soft carpet until he hears a dulled snoring coming from one of the rooms, Gator lightly pats the door to find the handle and gently find the door handle, turning it and quietly opening the door. He creeps on the floor, getting closer to the barely visible bed, the end illuminated by the dull moonlight shining through the blinds. Gator walks closer to the bed, the snoring getting louder as he closes in on his target. THUD Gator's shin smashes the bed frame, nudging it forward. Gator tries to conceal his pain*
GAH mother fucker! That's fucking the worst! .. Uh oh.
*The body moves under the covers and a light beside the bed is turned on, brightening the room and showing none other than Blake Lively, tired eyed, her silk lingerie peeking out as the cover slides off her*
... Reynolds you lucky son of a bitch.
"Ryan? ... Oh, wanna roleplay again huh? Hehe."
Reynolds you lucky son of a bitch!
"Well then Deadpool. Come and take a stab at me."
Must. Resist. Blake. Lively! Think of Scarlett... Goddamnit now I'm hornier and miss her!
"Well? Oh. You want me to start? Okay then."
Whoop that's my dick! Blake Lively is grabbing my dick! ... Okay I can't do this, need to make her stop.... Gator! Stop her!
"Sorry sweetheart, I'm taken."
I'm going to regret that. Sigh.
*Blake recoils, her eyes wide as she covers her chest with the covers. She hesitates*
"R-Ryan?"
"Gator. Sorry. I'm a big fan of your work."
*Horror sets on Blake's face as she screams and runs out of the bedroom covering her body from the intruding Gator, as her screams go down the hall*
"Hey! Can I get your autograph!? .. Shit."
*Gator strolls out of the bedroom, hands in his pockets as he admires the decor. He goes into the hall, a light shining from downstairs. Gator moves down the corridor, towards the stairs and Gator starts to move down the large staircase into the showroom of an entrance. A large glass chandelier hangs from the ceiling, art hangs on the walls, including the masterpiece Gator admires above the open door*
Is that a painting of Ryan Reynolds riding a tiger and wielding a fucking broadsword!? That is so fucking cool. Gives me an idea for Turning Point too.
"I'm taking it."
*Gator jogs down the stairs and moves to the open door, looking at the large painting in the elegant frame. He stretches his arm to the frame and gets a finger on the painting. He jumps and swipes the painting, knocking the painting off it's fixture and falling to Gator's open arms. Gator catches the art and looks at it, a wide smile under his mask. He puts the painting over his shoulder and exits the mansion in search for Mrs. Reynolds. He strolls down the path, towards the now open gate. Gator walks out to see Todd stood next to the Suzuki avoiding the gaze of corVus*
"Hey! What's going on?"
*corVus turns away from Todd and stares at Gator, looking a little aggravated*
"... Woah corVus slow down man, you're going a mile a minute. Where's Scarlett?"
*corVus cocks his head a little*
"You what!?"
...
"Yes, I get it. Back in Boston is the last place they would look, it makes sense on paper but come on man!"
*corVus straightens himself and lowers his brow at Gator*
"I know, I owe you. But please, just look after Scarlett and Better Todd. Please!"
T: "Erm, Gator."
"What!?"
*Gator looks at Todd who shies away, opening the trunk of the rental car and exposing a terrified Blake Lively. Gator's jaw drops as he moves close to look at her*
"... Great! Now we're kidnappers... Oh don't give me that look corVus."
"What are you going to do to me?"
"Fuck if I know. Todd, master kidnapper. What do we do with the lovely Miss Lively here?"
T: "Errr. Hide somewhere upstate? Use her as a bargaining chip to get Reynolds off our backs?"
"... Todd you fucking genius. Sorry ma'am, mind making some room for this masterpiece?"
*Gator shoves the art into the trunk, almost covering the teary eyed Blake. Gator slams the trunk door shut and dusts off his hands*
"Right. CorVus, go back to Boston por favor. Look after my girlfriend and my dog and I'll call you when we're good."
*corVus nods and starts to walk away as Todd enters the passenger's seat, Gator opens the driver's side door but stops as he turns back to corVus*
"OH! And dude if you see Sane, tell him to change his tampon and call me back!"
*corVus continues to walk down the road as Gator enters the car and turns on the engine, and speeds off*
"So, care telling me why you thought sticking her in the boot was a good idea?"
T: "I panicked okay! I heard screaming so I grabbed the gun and jumped out, she saw me, froze and I told her to get in the trunk. Thought I was being helpful."
"Yeah I get it. It was smart man, thank you."
T: "Are you serious?"
"Yes. I'm genuinely grateful. Todd, this could end all of this right now. We give Ryan his wife or whatever back in one piece, he stops this trying to kill us shit. You saved our family, Todd."
*Todd smiles*
T: "Our family?"
"Yeah. Look, I know I give you a hard time but it's just a bit of banter. It's how I treat friends, and it's how they treat me. We're hard on each other, we give each other shit but there's still love there. You're one of my best friends, the younger brother I never had. Like it or not, you're in this dysfunctional psycho ass family."
T: "Haha. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
*Gator takes no notice of a smiling Todd as he grabs a cigarette and places it between his lips, lighting it and concentrating on the road ahead*
A few hours later..
*We go to Ryan Reynolds standing in his dining room, staring out of the window, a glass of whisky in his hand. We hear other rummage as Reynolds doesn't break the eye contact he makes with his reflection as he takes a swig of his whisky. A man in a dark suit comes into view*
"Mr. Reynolds. They took Blake."
*Ryan looks down worried. He exhales deeply*
"And your artwork of you on the tiger wielding a sword, sir."
*Ryan takes another of his whisky and ponders this. His face shows utter rage as he turns and smashes the tumbler of whisky against the man's head. He falls to the floor blood pooling from his head as Ryan kicks the fallen hitman, cursing with every kick*
RYAN REYNOLDS: "Find that mother fucker and fucking murder him! Do you hear me!? I want him fucking dead! If I don't get him first, make sure he suffers!"
*Ryan turns back to the window he picks up something red and crushes it in his hand*
RYAN REYNOLDS: "You want a fucking fight Woods, you've got one.You're not the only one who can play masked psychopath."
*Ryan Reynolds uncurls his hand and he looks down at the crumpled Deadpool mask*
F A D E2BL A CK
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