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LH Harrison · **01-06-2015, 10:58 PM**

LH’s eyes snap open as he smells burning wood and smoke fill his nostrils. He stands up and feels disoriented. He shakily walks over to a nearby tree and leans against it as he tries to collect himself. He looks into the flames as they engulf his former abode. The look of terror changes to sadness and then to fury within the span of a few seconds. LH bangs his fist into the tree as he watches the inferno tear the place apart. He turns away from the house and begins walking briskly away as he feels his grogginess taking into effect. He begins walking down the street away from the carnage of the house. He realizes that no fire department will be coming anytime soon as no one will be around to take notice of it. LH begins grinding his teeth as he walks away. He gets to the end of the street, breaks the window, and begins hot-wiring the car. No explanation as to how LH Harrison would even know how to do that. He gets it started and begins to drive away. He’s still grinding his teeth.

Oh Peter Gilmour. You’ve picked a hell of a week to step across the ring from me. I just lost my home. The place in which I was living in with my now deceased mother and child. You? What do you have going for you? Oh you beat me once. Congratulations on that, but round two will verify what the world already knows… You got lucky. Who knows? Maybe you paid off the guys who were dressed up as horror movie monsters. Because they seemed a lot more dead-set on dragging me back than you. But anyways, lets move on. I’ve always been one to look to the future, not the past. Wednesday, our paths intertwine and I will regain my dignity as well as teach a

how to take his lumps like a man.

I love how you’re so illiterate with the English language that you contradict yourself throughout your entire promo. Let’s take this instance. Peter literally says “I mean can anybody be more original? I guess not because now there is a new card that has been pulled.” I’m not sure if he’s just that daft or didn’t understand, but he basically just looked like a complete moron. You say I’m not original, but I pull a new card? What? I’m not original, but I did something original? I think you’re just mad because I ripped your family apart. Oops, I mean your little family reunion is what ripped them apart even further. I’m still applauding your excellent work there. You really made yourself look like a moron there. Maybe I’ll just play snippits of your promos and let everyone laugh at your jokes.

But if you want to have your soul resurrected by a piece of shit fake doctor who is desecrating the belt I made relevant

You made relevant? HA! If anything, those were the darkest days of the X-Treme title.

Oh, well I don’t want to have too much Peter on this promo so I’ll just summarize. The next thing Peter did was talk about how something WASN’T his fault. Well here we go again. Whenever something doesn’t go the way that titty-baby Peter wants, it’s not his fault. Peter wouldn’t know how to fess up to something that was his fault if it slapped him in the face. When Soldier and he lost the belts, it was because of them being attacked from behind. Despite the fact that they had a rematch clause in which Peter was too chicken to use. Might as well start clucking, Gilmo. Your feathers are showing.
You then proceeded to say that you held those titles for two months. EEERRTT! Stop right there. Do not pass go and do not collect $200. You held those belts for about two weeks. Vinnie Lane held those titles with no partners for two months. Don’t get it twisted just because you have the math skills of a four-year-old. Speaking of kids, how was getting trashed on the playground by Tommy’s nephew? Was that great or what? Oh wait, did I just play another predictable card? You know, that has to be the sorriest defense. “Someone else once said that.” So? If it is a pressing issue, then learn to combat it. Don’t just say it’s unoriginal. Or original according to Petey since he’s bad at positives and negatives in the language. But back to The Gods of Rock. You said that you could’ve found two better partners? Well way to throw Morbid and Lane under the tires moron. I’m sure both of them were saying the exact same thing as they watched you get your butt pinned to the floor. It wasn’t Lane or Morbid who took that pinfall, no sir. It was Peter Gilmour. The KING OF XTREMEEEEEEE or what other over-compensating nickname you want to give yourself. Much like the SUPERDICK! You’re actually pretty lucky that Morbid sliced that thing off for you. Your original package was about the size of a mole on a mouse’s behind.

You’re going to talk heart and soul with me? Do you know who I am? I’m LH HARRISON. I literally am the emotion that runs through this organization. Going through my life with me is one of the most heart-wrenching experiences you can have. Trust me, I wish my life wasn’t such a roller coaster. I wish it wasn’t. But, by God, don’t you dare say I don’t have heart or determination. This is the man who is changing everything about this game. Including your name. After I decimate you, you shall forever be known as Tickle Me Gilmo. Why? Because you’re such a little softie and it’s funny. Like your credentials. Like your choice in ugly women. What is it with you and girls who look like they would sooner be on the poster for the ‘After’ picture showing what happens to you when taking too many pills. Seriously… This?

[Image: image-1-for-when-kelly-osbourne-stepped-...245453.jpg]

[Image: image-1-for-when-kelly-osbourne-stepped-...245453.jpg]

She looks like a dude trying to disguise himself as a woman… badly. But then again, maybe there was a little package hiding under the covers as Peter realizes he just had a Devil’s Threesome while staying in the bed with the only other man in the room. Hmm… Maria is on the floor while Peter is rubbing the back of a guy. Granted…

[Image: Maria+Brink_48.jpg]

This isn’t a whole lot better. Seriously? You find this attractive, Tickle Me Gilmo? Please tell me this is some sort of rib. Well good for you if it’s not. The ugly ones need love too and what better person to give it to them than Love Handles Gilmour. Oh wait, did I just add two words together with L and H being the first letters in them? How cute.

You then went on to talk about how I LOST to Vinnie Lane at Spooky Shove It? Are you that stupid? Lane attacked me there! He did not beat me. For God’s sake, you beat me there, but you thought Lane beat me? Ugh. Just ugh. Learn to comprehend. Then you proceeded to drop the J-Bomb. Wow. Just when I thought this couldn’t get much more pathetic, you bust that word out. Little did you know that I’ve won as many matches as you in the last three months. Yes, that’s right. So… umm… who’s the J-word again? Not me for sure.

Well it looks like our time is coming to an end. But I would like to thank you for… well whatever that was supposed to be. An offensive diatribe against me? Dream on, Petey. In fact, welcome to the new age. An age where you are constantly dragged into the mud and guys like me step over you with nothing but apathy. You’re done, Peter. This is my time, and you’ll be hog-tied and missing limbs before you even get close to beating me.

Adios, friends. It’s time for the match. Good luck, Gilmo. You’ll need it.

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