To: HottRoxxxy69@gmail.com
From: TheDudeYourGirlReallyWants@hotmail.com

Roxy –

I don’t know why, but I felt the need to talk to you while I was away. I know, I know, it’s 2015 (Happy New Year! says everyone, everywhere) I could just whip out my cell phone like I’m whipping out my dick on the street to take a piss, then tap the sexy little picture of you and call you. Five seconds, maybe less.

The thing is, when I hear your voice all I can think of is how beautiful you are, how much I adore you, how much I want you. I forget what I was trying to say, you know? I’m not blaming you or anything, don’t get me wrong. It’s my fault for being so easily distracted. Sometimes I just feel like spilling my guts to you without having the thought of bending you over the kitchen counter cross my mind every two minutes.

Crap, there it is again.

Okay, seriously, I just want to get something off my chest. I know I’m being stupid, but maybe you can get my head straight the way you always do. Then we can go back to the kitchen counter fucking.

Shit. Sorry.

The thing is… what if Gator’s right about me? Hear me out. I know he isn’t right about me not being physically capable of competing at a high level. I’ve beaten some of the best, and I’ve done it recently. You know I work out constantly, scout my opponents, etc. I’m a peak physical specimen, even if that fucker thinks I’m “too skinny” – like skinny people are rippling with toned muscles, right? Anyway.

He got to me a little bit, I guess is what I’m saying. What if my head really isn’t in the game to be a champion right now? All I think about every day is you and me, where we’re going, what our future could be, if we’re going to make a family. I don’t go home and think about getting in the ring, I get in the ring and think about going home. To you.

Gator’s focused. Gator took his little vacation for being sad or sick or tired or whatever, but he came back tougher than ever, you know? Winning the TV belt back was barely an issue for him, man. All it took was him saying he wanted it. Heartsford is a tough kid but he didn’t stand a chance in there with him. Now, granted, I’m on a whole other level, but Gator knows that too. He’s ready. I can tell he’s ready.

What if I’m not?

What if it’s time for me to step away from the spotlight and do things the right way with you instead of dragging you on the road every week and putting you in harm’s way because of assholes like Pest and Frodo? Taking you to see my mom made me think about all the regular things we give up to live this crazy life, you know? A different city every day and the only friends we really have are the other dudes in the locker room. Half of those guys hate us anyway.

This is like the first time I’ve ever felt jealous of the nerds who sit at home every night playing PC games and falling asleep on the couch together. All they have, all they need, is right there in front of them every day.

So do I just stop? Do I walk away? Is it enough that I got to where I’ve gotten?

Help me know the answers like you always do, baby.

XOXO
TMOYD





To: TheDudeYourGirlReallyWants@hotmail.com
From: HottRoxxxy69@gmail.com

Baby,

You aren’t like those boys who spend every night on the couch. You aren’t like the boys who are satisfied with going to bed early, waking up early, working 9 to 5 and coming home to a regular girl and a regular dinner and a regular life.

Baby, you’re a star.

You were born to ride the lightning and chase the comets through the sky. You’re like an untamed wild animal trying to run through the streets of a small town and not get caught by the tired old folks with no lights in their eyes.

When I look at you I see the best things there are to see in a human being. I see life. I see laughter. I see compassion. I see love.

You did something very few people ever have the courage to do when you packed up your comfortable life in suburbia and ran off to “join the circus” of pro wrestling. You made a decision based on the passion of your heart, and you should never, ever regret that. It’s that passion that pulls air into your lungs. It’s that passion that keeps up stuck together like static electricity.

Don’t you dare walk away from your dreams. That isn’t who you are. You have the blood of a champion pumped by the heart of a fucking god. Someday, when we’re older and have done everything we wanted to do and run all over the world, then we can fall asleep on the couch.

Monday, I want to watch you dance to that ring and remind the world that you’re the megastar you claim to be. Remind Gator that friends are friends and business is business. You need to spread your wings and fly, baby.

You remember my favorite poem, don’t you?

“there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.


there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?”

I can’t wait to see you in that TV belt and nothing else, baby. I’m back in L.A. now. Wallace keeps calling me, he says he had a dream. Whatever.

See you soon, babe.

Rox






2005

“Nikki, do you think I can make it in this business? Tell me the truth.”

“CFW? You already made it, Vin.”

“Not CFW. CFW is small time. No one cares about the wrestling scene in Central Florida. I’m talking about the big leagues. I’m thinking of going to Japan.”

“Japan? What the fuck?”

“It’s good for experience. A lot of guys go to J-Pro on their way to places like WG.WF… even XWF. Could you imagine me in XWF? I’d be a celebrity! I’d be a star!”

“Hmmm… more like a megastar.”

“A megastar. I like that.”

“You know I can’t go with you. I don’t want you to leave me.”

“But baby, it’s for my career. You’d love it there.”

“I’m not going.”

“This isn’t fair, Nikki. Don’t make me go without you. It will break my heart.”

“Well, aren’t you quite the loverboy all of a sudden?”

“Loverboy. Cute. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Leaving your girl behind to chase your selfish dreams like some asshole. We’ll see about that.”

“It’s not like that, Nik, come on. I’ll be back, you know?”

“Vinnie. You can’t go.”

“What? Why?”

“Because. I’m pregnant.”




2015

“Hello?”

“Who are you, really?”

“Vinnie. I told you. It’s Nikki.”

“Bullshit. Nikki’s dead. I watched her die right in front of me. Who are you?”

“It’s me, I swear. Do you remember the night you told me you wanted to go to Japan? When I told you about the baby?”

“It’s… not possible.”

“Vin. It was my mother. She didn’t want you and me together. She never did. She had someone tell you I was dead.”

“I saw you. Her. I saw Nikki and she wasn’t breathing. She was cold.”

“It was a close call, but I made it through. We both did.”

“What?”

“Vinnie, you need to come to Tampa. We need to talk.”

“About what? Who are ‘we?’ I have a fiancée now, a life. Responsibilities.”

“You need to get here.”

“Why?”

“To meet your son.”