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Morbid Angel · **11-16-2014, 11:43 PM**

Today is a very auspicious day in television history. Today is the day when Morbid Angel gets his very own Thanksgiving cooking special for the entire family to enjoy.

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Morbid Angel is standing in his studio kitchen in front of multiple pots and pans with an extra large refrigerator standing in all its glory behind him. Morbid Angel is dressed in all black except for the apron with a large inverted cross on the front giving him that ultra friendly feel.

[Image: inverted_cross_bbq_apron.jpg?color=White...&width=460]

[Image: inverted_cross_bbq_apron.jpg?color=White...&width=460]

Camera crews are ready to record.

Director-” OK, Cue the auidence to cheer!”

Morbid Angel’s face turns to a smile as the cheering continues for a few more moments before dying down into a calm tone.

Morbid Angel-”Good after noon, LOS ANGELES! I am very excited to be here to teach everyone some good ol’ Russian cooking!”

[Clapping erupts again]

Morbid Angel-”I was approached to do this cooking show by Gordon Ramsey himself, though initially he didn’t want me to but I threatened him a little and we worked it out to where I get this slot. Either way, I am going to teach some of the very simplistic, everyday cooking that most either ignore or are too lazy to do.”

Morbid reaches under the counter and pulls out a box of Banquet Home style Bakes and shows it to the audience.

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Morbid Angel-” Now, it is a little known fact that these are easy to make and you would have to be a complete fucking moron to screw it up. So, first of all we look at the instructions and determine what we will need.”

Morbid briefly runs through the directions

[i]Morbid Angel-”OK, After reading the instructions I can now deduce that we will need an 8x8 pan, 1 mixing bowl, one cup of water, a can opener and some scissors to complete this little dish.”[/i]

Morbid opens the canned contents and dumps it into a mixing bowl then dumps water onto it. Immediately he realized that he made a mistake. The water was meant for the stuffing mix. He stands for a few quiet seconds before dumping the stuffing in the bowl and starts mixing and playing it off like he was doing it right.

Morbid Angel-”Once it is all mixed you dump it into our cooking dish and put this Jew in the oven! Meal done!”

Morbid tosses it into the oven and tosses the dirty dishes into the fake sink.

Morbid Angel-”Now onto our next dish. We are going to make muffins…some kind….”

Morbid rummages through the cabinets looking for the mix that he just put in a few hour earlier and comes across Blueberry muffin mix and pulls it out.

[Image: krusteaz-blueberry-med.jpg]

Morbid Angel-”Blueberry fucking muffins! Who doesn’t like blueberry muffins?”

One skinny woman in the audience raises her hand and Morbid scowls at her for a few seconds before waving over security to remove her from the building.

Morbid Angel-”One problem down. Now, onto the fucking muffins!”

Morbid Angel slams the box on the counter and pulls out a new mixing bowl, eggs, a measuring cup, purified water and oil. He sets them next to the box and looks at the directions.

Morbid Angel-”It tells us that we need to mix all this shit together and cook it on 400 for about 20 fucking minutes, so we are going to mix it all up and making sure we rinse the blueberries because you know some dirty fucking Mexican jammed a bunch of them in his piss hole because they all secretly hate Americans! You know why? Because they are fucking jealous! Look at them! All poor and shit! America! Country of Cowboys! Anyway.”

Morbid quickly mixes the contents of the packages together and he gets a blue looking dough ready for the oven.

Morbid Angel-”Now, I am a man of my word. I said I would teach traditional Russian dishes that the entire family can enjoy. Here is one I never had before because my mother was a hooker that died and I was abducted by some guy when I was 10 years old and you don’t want to know what I had to eat but I can guarantee that it wasn’t this.

We are going to make Veal Orlov. Which is a veal roast is sliced and layered with fucking onions and mushrooms stuffings, then put the goddamn thing back together in the shape of the roast. Traditionally, it's covered with more stuffing and heavily coated with béchamel. Now, béchamel is made mostly of butter and flower to give it a nice saucy texture. “

Morbid begins to make the Veal Orlov but really has no clue what he is doing.

Morbid Angel-”If anyone would like to help me up here for a second while I am doing this I won’t be upset. Who would like to come up?”

A few scattered women raised their hands and Morbid throws a mushroom at one and waves them up.
She comes up close to Morbid Angel a little shy.

Morbid Angel-”Bitch, what is your name”

Woman-”Donna”

[i]Morbid Angel-”Donna, stir that fucking butter and flower and feel free to ask questions.”
[/i]

A few moments pass before Donna speaks

Donna-”Are you excited about your match with David Mosier?”

Morbid Angel-”Who?”

Donna-”David Mosier, you have a match with him on Monday.”

Morbid Angel-”Never heard of him”

Donna-”Want to talk about him a little?”

Morbid Angel-”No.”

A few more seconds pass.

Donna-”How do you feel about losing”

Morbid Angel-”I don’t lose. I fail to win!”

Morbid Angel was obviously getting upset.

Donna-”And that Theo Pryce. He ju……………”

Morbid takes his knife and with a quick flick of the wrist he cut the front of her tittie off! Blood and milk spill onto the floor at his feet as she screams and scrambles to pick up the missing part of the tittie!

The scene fades to a blood red!

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