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Kendall Savannah Sawyer · (08-15-2014)

Why, hello.

In case some of you have forgotten the sound of my voice, my name is Kendall Sawyer and on Warfare, I'm set to go up against Azrael Erebus in what's being called a Parking Lot Brawl. Now, unlike my opponent, I'm not going to spend time going on about the match, and how ridiculous/idiotic the Warfare Management team is because that's pretty much common knowledge at this point.

Nor am I going to talk about another match on the card.

Because really, what would that prove? That I have time to waste, rambling on about irrelevant affairs? That I have such a narcissistic desire to hear my own voice that I'll interject my thought, no matter how unneeded they are?

Those are all rhetorical questions, for the record. No need to respond.

So, in lieu of falling into the same pitfalls that Azrael did, allow me to swing the topic of this discussion from the things he talked about to him. Good ol' Azrael! Let's talk about his words, and how he really demonstrated a fantastic, fantastic talent of his to perfection.

That being talking quite a bit, yet saying absolutely nothing.

Come on Azrael, what's the matter? Cat got your tongue?

Or are you too busy looking me over and drooling like a waterlogged mastiff? Honestly, I don't know whether to be flattered, or making sure I locked my doors about three times over.

Moving on from that, we have all his compliments about me. How I'm "literally the embodiment of the sport of wrestling". Right, because when people think professional wrestling, they think of a five foot seven, one hundred twenty pound girl. Totally. There's a fine line between a compliment and utter nonsense.

Thankfully, that comes nowhere remotely close to that line and is locked in the fucking mental asylum of the nonsensical comments that must've made so much sense in the speaker's head. Thing is, there's a huge problem here. There's a huge problem with everything Azrael's said, something that I've noticed for quite a bit actually.

He can get away with saying stupid things like that because no one's willing to call him out for it. They're all scared of him, when he can't even produce a compliment that makes sense! What's he going to do? You think he'll scrounge up an insult that'll make you rethink your existence and contemplate suicide when he thinks that women are what people think when they think wrestling. Now, I may be a little idealistic that one day gender will be irrelevant but right now in this day and age that isn't the case.

Then, he comes in with the swerve. The shock. He builds me up, showering on this confusing, scatterbrained praise right before backhanding me right in the face just to prove a point about how even when I'm all of this, he's better and he's gonna prove it. Or, at least that's what I'd say if he actually accomplished that. What he gave me was a smack of some kind, yes. But not what he was going for.

He didn't hit me in the face at all.

He hit me in the ass. A light, open palmed tap on the ass that he thought was enough to make me quake. Or want to sleep with him.

That might be the most offensive thing about his whole promo. The fact that he thought that'd work on me. Psh, as if!

He's "what the best dreams of being".

Only if the best were fucking braindead. Which would make them not the best. He's what the XWF wants to be, because the XWF is kinda screwed in the head a little bit. He's deluded enough to think his failures were on his own accord, even though he'd be the first person to chuck stones at that defense out of anyone else.

Let's look at that defense closer, shall we?

He let Morbid Angel win so that he could take the title back at a later date and crush him further. Right. Okay, I'm following. Why? To see if he'd deny that loss too? That's the part I don't get. He wouldn't be able to deny it either way, and that's implying he really does deny his losses in any believable manner anyway. Maybe you weren't even going for believably at all. Okay, so what would stop him from denying it? The fact that he doesn't have the belt anymore?

You could have also made sure he never had it in the first place.

Right, see how that works?

But to answer your little inquiry before it "happens," yes he will still deny it. He will deny it because he's about as deluded as you are. He'll say he's still the Universal Champion because he's Morbid Angel and he's an idiot. I see this, why can't you?

Hmm, wait. I think I got it!

He's so infatuated with me that he's talking all kinds of stupid, trying to impress me. That's what gives with all the weird, logic breaking compliments, the "despite that, I'm gonna win" comments that lacked any kind of real venom to speak of, his distancing himself from his failures. He doesn't wanna look weak in front of his crush!

Oh, that's kinda cute. In the kinda pathetic sort of way but cute nonetheless.

But, seriously Azrael.

I know I'm pretty goddamn great and all, but I don't need you telling me just how great I am. Then again, I didn't think I could make someone normally so intelligent lose all of their sense. Thanks for proving that to be true. Really, it's kind of an ego boost.

Though, if I may make a request. If you're gonna keep coming onto me like this, please come on a little stronger.

I mean, if all you're gonna do is smack me in the ass, could you at least make it sting a bit?

Oh, and as for your hopes that I don't take "my loss" too personally, I don't think you'll have to worry about it.

Because I'm not gonna lose when my opponent's too busy checking me out to do anything else!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Let's dance. No, seriously. We could do a waltz or something.
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