Backstage at an XWF house show, Maya Mirage, an ambitious, young elfin-featured interviewer is standing next to a fall, powerfully build man wearing a black bodysuit and mask, with a vizor similar to that of a knight of old


Maya Mirage: Alright, alright, first off, big ups to all you girls and guys out there in the Warfare faaaaan nation! There hasn't been much happening in the wrestling world since last Wednesday unless you're a geek that tries to mac on the ladies speaking Klingon or a straight meth-head...so I know you guys are all chomping at the bits for something cool, something fresh to come your way in the wrestling world...and your girl, Maya Mirage, has delivered....aaaaas usual!

This big, hunk of tall, dark and deadliness next to me...



...is and is not who y'all think he is! Remember that recent XWF signee sportin' the luchador mask that turned out t'be a bigger flop than the last Shove It! Saturday Night card....? Well, lets just say the brother's got a brand new bag and a whole new attitude....and lemme tell you, its a baaaaaad attitude!

The all knew and improved....KnightMask!

KnightMask: I'd say thanks for the intro, baby girl, but I'd rather thank you later...but I do have to correct you on one thing. The KnightMask you're looking at now? This ain't the new KnightMask. This is the real KnightMask, coming out to play for the first time. See, Wallace Witless knew that I could be the biggest thing that ever happened to Warfare the moment he saw me...kinda like how you're feeling right now, Maya.

Maya Mirage giggles in agreement.

KnightMask: Yeah, yeah, that was Wallace! Just like that, yo. But the problem is that fool knew that he unleashed me, the real me, the big, bad, butt-kicking, gangster of the ring...well, I just might be too hardcore for his little family-friendly show, you feel me?

Maya Mirage moves her hand around KnightMask's etched abdominal muscles.

Maya Mirage:...oh yeah.

KnightMask: Yeah, I'm rock hard, stone cold, unbreakable. But you know, I talked to Wallace...and I told 'em, you can't hold me down, 'cause then you're holding your show back. And of course, his bodyguard was mad intimidated by me, so they did the song and dance, kept telling me to wait, eventually I said, you know, this Boyscout routine was getting old, time to break the chains. Time for the whole world to know what I already know...that KnightMask is the baddest dog in the yard!

Maya Mirage: Whoah....I can just feel the energy, right now...

KnightMask: Yeah, yeah, I radiate that mess!

Maya Mirage: So does this mean you're still gonna be hiding that cute mug of yours from all the ladies?

KnightMask: Well, you know, you might have the scoop on what lies beneath, babe, but as for my adoring public, they just gonna have to wait. Trust me, these fools don't wanna be lookin' me in the eyes anyway. I got a mean staredown.

Maya Mirage: So, what's up with Mark Flynn, Chris MacBeth, World 1-International...the fellahs you were gonna square off with in the battle royal? Obviously, things is gonna be pretty diff for them fellahs, I'm guessin'?

KnightMask: Man, those guys...I don't even know what I'm doing in a match with them jokers...its only 'cause they been begging me to only show one tenth of what I got that they even think its safe to put those dudes in the same building as me! I mean, Mark Flynn...dude is a joke, straight-up. Straight-up joke. Tries to act all crazy, he ain't crazy! If he's crazy, where'd he get all them skills an' all that muscle? Dude spends all the time in the gym, training, dieting, practicing...and then when the cameras roll he starts drooling and huddling up next to some garbage cans...

Maya Mirage: So Mark Flynn, he's pretty much a poser?

KnightMask: For sure! And then he acts like he's all big and bad...some kind of predator...'cause what? Cause he's made his career feeding on rookies? What kind of predator is that? He's like a house kitten that goes after little mice, you heard? Me, I'm a big ol' lion that messes up anything that even steps into my territory, I don't care if you in my diet or not!

Then he tries to act like he's all hardcore 'cause people have to edit his promos...brother, just come up to the arena, speak your mind live, you know? I got a secret about Flynn. Nobody's editing him...he just doesn't have anything to say...and Wallace Witless, he knows the guy is more bland than Sunday school with Ned Flanders...so they go and splice up his promos that they collaborate on together with this fake editing to make him look like he's some kinda X-Rated hardcore gangster like myself instead of some dude whose softer than the stuff you dump into the toilet after they scarfed a whole buncha Texas chilli, chocolate pudding and Aloe Vera.

I mean, if he was for real, why'd he be submitting every single promo to my man Wallace? And that is some real, real stuff. Dude is like a poodle on a leash, does whatever you want him to. Heck, he even gave up the 24/7 FTW UFO E1999 Championship because he couldn't take the heat it was bringing! I'll whup that tail even Flynn does try to chicken out by handing the belt!

Maya Mirage: Alright, alright...but what about the other two fellas, Chris MacBeth and your boy, World 1-International?

KnightMask: I don't have time for those punks! Maya, can you take care of my light work, girl? No, no, just playing. I mean, World 1-International, the dude needs to stop jumping around the ring and actually throw blows before I can even talk about him...he doesn't fight, he dances around like he's Gabby Douglas, you know? Gabby's my girl, but this dude don't even have a clue. He thinks we're friends...I'm gonna show that little punk just how much I like him. If beating the ugly out of him until he looks in the mirror after the match and thinks he turned into Maya Mirage means I like him, then yeah, he's my boy... And Chris MacBeth...well, if he's MacBeth, I'm MacDuff. I don't even think that's his real last name, 'cause MacBeth was out cold, you know?

Dude dropped people left and right, went down fighting....MacBeth...lets be real.

He says he's an MMA fighter. Says he's a pro-wrestler. Says he's a punk-rocker. Says he's British. Says he from Chicago. Its real simple. He's either another phony poser like Mark Flynn or he got some multiple personality disorder. I guess he might be telling the truth though. Maybe...the dude sucks so he got bounced from Britain...maybe he sucks at MMA so he tried to be a punk-rocker...and maybe he sucks at that...so he's trying to be a beat-up dummy in the XWF....?

Maya Mirage: Wow, wow, wow! You are coming out and coming on strong...from geek to chic overnight...I'm still struggling believe it!

"Don't believe it."



Maya Mirage and the "new" KnightMask whirl to see a familiar figure wearing a black mask and red vizor standing before them and the camera crew.

Maya: Wha--? Two KnightMasks?

"No, Ms. Mirage, just one."

The newly arrived KnightMask spoke the words from a low crouch, his every muscle coiled in twitching anticipation of the moment to spring into battle.

KnightMask: YOU'RE ALMOST RIGHT...THERE'LL BE JUST ONE AFTER I KNOCK YOU OFF!!!!