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~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · (07-04-2014)

Frodo and Sarah woke up on a beautiful morning in Grayling, Michigan where they had planned to spend time away from the world so Frodo could get over his sorrow at having to face Santos when he clearly wanted to face Red Ninja. Supposed to, but there was a big issue with this. Frodo hated the friggen outdoors, he was a fan of indoors, and technology. He loved computers, and cell phones, and tv. All of the things Sarah thought he needed to get away from were the things he loved the most. Why would Sarah force him away from all of this stuff?

He sat up in the bed and looked as his phone. There was no signal, and it angered him. How could he possibly check his 9gag, or his porn with no signal? And what's worth, there was no WiFi, Sarah didn't like having that stuff at her hideaway. She hated Frodo, that's what it was, she hated Frodo. That was what it is, Sarah hated Frodo. Why did she hate him so? He gave her everything he possibly could. She was the only other person who had unlimited access to his Fancy Feast.

He got out of bed and showered, while eating Fancy Feast. After his shower he had to go chop some wood, since apparently Sarah hated gas stoves, or electric stoves and bitch only had one of them wood burning stoves in her cabin. Not really in, it was outside. Bitch didn't even want a stove in her house, so he had a grill outside. But not a good one, it was more like a fire pit that someone put an oven rack on the top of. Why did this woman hate technology so much? What did it ever do to her? What did the wilderness ever do for people? Frodo angrily began to stack the wood in the center of the "stove", this was absolute shit.

"Look at my big strong sturdy man making a fire so he can make me breakfast. What a gentleman."

Frodo looked up and saw Sarah standing there with a blanket wrapped around her. Though he enjoyed the site it was not enough to assuage his anger at her not having basic modern commodities, the fact that she had a water heater was shocking enough.

"Hey, babe. Why isn't there a stove in the house? Like an electric one or something? This is ridiculous. Who lives like this? They get regular stoves in Guantanamo Bay. Hell, even Auschwitz has real stoves."

"First of all, I don't think the prisoners at Gitmo have stoves. Second of all, that joke is highly offensive. I might be Jewish for all you know."

He looked at her in confusion before pulling his shirt off and pointing to his scar.

"What joke? I was there, I got stabbed in the kitchen. They have real stoves in Auschwitz, seriously. Proper ones. Are you Jewish? I thought you were English, and Gypsy."

She looked at him and scrunched up her nose.

[tab]"I am not a Gypsy. I am not Roma, I am English and Welsh, and German. Where did you get Gypsy?"[/tan]

With the wood stacked Frodo began attempting to light it, with matches.

"Well, you don't have a stove, you don't have a computer, and that ass is too awesome to be tied down."

She chuckled and turned back to go inside.

"I have a lighter in the house for that. Why didn't you grab it? Also, I do have both of those. But not out here. My family only uses this place for little breaks from the world. Did you really think I lived out here?"

She walked inside and came back out a minute later before tossing a lighter to Frodo. He successfully lit the fire.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. I've never been to your place, and you just kind of moved into mine. Plus, you were confused when you saw my stove. I thought it was a new thing for you."

"I was confused because I didn't know you could pile on that much grease and not burn the house down. Now, hurry up and make me eggs. I'm gonna take you fishing."

The cooking, and eating went about as well as you can expect from a situation involving Frodo. He burnt himself a few times, tried to make fried eggs, but somehow squirted hot egg yolk in his eye. You know, the things you'd expect from Frodo, minus him having random sex encounters with the "stove" that didn't happen because fuck that stove, but again not sexually. After breakfast Frodo and Sarah cleaned up the area, put out the fire, and got ready to head down to the water for some fishing. What could possibly go wrong?

Not much, surprisingly, Frodo sat down on a stump and enjoyed fishing for a while, he hadn't caught anything yet, but the day was young and he still had a bunch of Fancy Feast left over, which he was keeping in a tackle box by him. Sarah hadn't caught anything either, but she was having a better time than Frodo was, apparently she was raised by wolf people or something because this all seemed normal to her. This was the kind of stuff homeless people did, not decent civilized folk, like Frodo. No, normal people would work hard, get apartments or houses with electricity and stoves, and they'd eat their goddamn Fancy Feast like a mother fucking adult.

After about 3 hours of fishing, at what Frodo could only assume was close to 2 in the afternoon, he went to get a fresh can of Fancy Feast and the box was empty. That's when Frodo lost it. He reeled his line in and threw the pole on the ground. There was a fish flopping on the hook, but didn't even seem to care.

"WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS SHIT? WHO GOES FISHING? NOT NORMAL PEOPLE! POOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO CATCH THEIR OWN GODDAMN FISH! NORMAL PEOPLE GO TO THE STORE AND BUY WHATEVER FISH THEY WANT, THEN THE SMOTHER THAT FUCKER IN STORE BOUGHT BUTTER. LAND OF THE LAKES, BITCH! WHAT'S NEXT? YOU GONNA MAKE ME CHURN MY OWN BUTTER? WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED? I LOVE TV, I LOVE INTERNET, I LOVE MY PHONE! I LOVER JERKING OFF TO HARDCORE PORN I FOUND ON THE INTERNET."

He had to stop yelling, his throat began to hurt a little.

"I don't even like Fish. I prefer chicken, or Beef, or Pork, or Fancy Feast. I'm not a Bear, Sarah. I'm a human being. Bears eat fish, human's don't. And do you know why Bears eat Fish? Because they're too stupid to eat anything that doesn't go swimming in its own toilet. We're smarter than that, babe. We can eat real people food. We can eat like adults. There's absolutely no need to be living in this hell hole. Why can't we get in your car, drive home and stop for some Taco Bell, or KFC? Fuck, babe, I'd stop for some Wendy's right now. You know how much I hate Wendy's.

Honey, there is no reason we have to live like savages out here. This is insanity. I love you, but this is insanity. We're living worse than Slaves did in the 1800's. Hell, this is worse than jail. At least when I was in jail I got to watch TV."

Sarah pulled her line in, and set it down. She looked at Frodo and teared up.

"What's wrong, Sweetie?"

She walked over and put her arms around him.

"You said you love me. You said it, and you hate everything about this place. Do you mean it?"

He pulled her in for a hug.

"Of course I do. Why else would I be in this hell hole with you, if I didn't love you?"

"And all that other stuff, too? You meant that?"

"Yeah, I don't like fish, I hate fishing, I don't like the wilderness. I love being inside. I thought when you said cabin we'd have all kinds of sex and have food delivered. You know, like we do at my place, but with less of my kids around. I just want that. I want to do Cocaine off your cock, fuck that asshole until you can't stand my dick anymore, fight a red ninja, and watch episodes of Animaniacs, or Perfect Strangers. I want to watch you answer the door for a delivery guy while wearing nothing but a sock on your cock."

She chuckled.

"We'll do that next weekend. This week is all about trying to get you away from the world so you can relax. Besides, we can go inside and have sex until I can't walk straight. There's still time in the day, and we have food for dinner. We'll head back into town tomorrow."

They grabbed their poles and walked back to the cabin.

Fade to Fancy Feast.

[Image: 50000-42994.png]

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