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~~Rain~~ · (07-01-2014)

I woke up that night, gripped by fear. Trembling. Just as I had the night before. Just as I had for years on end. The same nightmare, over, and over again. Reoccuring memories from the past, all entangled together in a mass of regret. All the struggles I've faced, from beginning, to this very moment. The fire....the blade....it all swept within my mind.....That night he killed me.

And then.... Company, after company where I learned the ropes, training... My memories flowed with his, and it felt like....Felt like a River. A long stream of conciousness... I felt the torment, I felt the pain and the suffering......Again. And again. And then...that night. That night where it all came to a crashing halt. I felt everything fade to black. .....It was in the stars, it was MEANT to be....It was my home, the place where I drew my strength....if it'd happened there, I would have complete control. But no.....that BASTARD Tony....

I thought it was the end. The end of the beginning. I thought everything we'd done, leading up to that moment was about to pay off.... I lay there, staring at the blanket of stars above, just as I did every night. Each night, I awoke, and I felt my hands. I could feel the burnt flesh. The Scars that remained, which I knew were mine to keep. Souvenirs. The bruises and marks left from a thousand watts of electricity, coursing through my veins. Their voices...I could still hear each of them, as fresh as the night they rang out from the Chateau Bonaguil. Every one of their voices, circling through my mind, and carving their way into my psyche. Making their home to stay.

It wasn't meant to be that way. These scars.....they make us insepperable. Had it all gone according to plan, that would have been the Moment. But no.....The laughter, as a needle jabbed its way into my throat. Their faces, twisted into a sea of grins as the flames engulfed every inch of me, charring me to a crisp. My leg...I reached down, and grasped at the bloodied stub. Instantly, I remembered the howl that tore its way through my vocal chords, as tears flowed freely down my face. As I gazed out amongst them, wondering to myself. "How could they?"

How could they?...Because I was weak. That's how. I let them. I let them, and I took it. He felt the pain I'd felt that night....and it felt like home. Home, sweet, home, but bittersweet...I let their voices fill my head, and drag me down. Just as I allowed Alexis to rent space in my mind when she stabbed me in the back. Just as I allowed "The Deite's Dragon", Javex Valerius to rise above The Storm. Just as I ALLOWED Vlad The Dhampir to torch the raYne Forest that supposedly meant so much to me. Laying there, I giggled lightly to myself..... I allowed a company of men and women to dictate who I was, and how I perceived myself to be. I preached 'Believing'.

I was a hypocrite. I preached 'Making It Happen', yet when faced with taking action? I chose to let it be. I preached 'Change'.

I couldn't have changed if I tried. And oh, how I did. But.....she let me know. It was only a matter of time.

And then....I thought of Christine. The gal I had trained for, the gal I had prepared for. The match I had focused more intently upon than anything in quite some time. I was starting to take this business seriously, despite my waivering health..... I was beginning to make a turn in the XWF. To prove myself, and truly make that change.

Too little.
Too late.

All it took was one little push....And she helped us restore the balance. It was meant to be the end.....but AGAIN, another 'Believer' stood in our way.....Every night, this same pattern would race its way through my head. I lay upon a mound. A dirt mound, where my body had been discarded. But somehow. Some way. Those nights, I felt my eyelids flutter open. I took in that handful of scenes. Before they fluttered to a close.

But this time? My thoughts weren't the same. Yes, at first, I felt the same fear... that fear that had etched its way into my psyche and made its home like a parasite. The fear that I'd be cursed to share this body with him for an eternity.... But then? My mind began to wander. And I heard her voice.....

The date was the fifth. I stood out in the chilly night air, gazing toward the sky. I extended both hands to my sides, taking in that feeling I adored with every fiber of my being-- that cold, crisp wind. It brushed against me, and I savored it. Nature. It is my Goddess. The thing that I rely on to restore what little calm I have left within. And the moon....it is my beacon. My Little Luna.

The sky was awash in black, dark blue and purple, dotted with radiant stars and a moon that shone its light upon me. In this moment, all the trepidation, insecurities, fear... all of it vanished like smoke. All I could feel was this peace. From my head to my feet, from the outside straight to my core, I could feel nothing but an overwhelming positivity. My eyes were closed. And it began to rain.

I felt the tiny droplets graze my skin, and soak my flowing crimson robe.... I gazed out from the hill. His "Rayne Forest".... I wear this necklace... a memento. The pendant, a crystal dragon, representing the man that inspired my dream to become a reality. The reality I've slowly pieced together....Javex. The man I trusted to help lead Shane down a path he would never return from.

I reached into my pocket, and pulled out a mirror... I gazed upon it, and I saw her.....I smiled. I sang her a lullaby....I knew she needed her rest.

For tomorrow night, we would begin.

the book of myst Said:"When you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. I stare the abyss in the face every night and ask why, my dear.

"Truth being that I don't know. Don't figure I'll ever know. It's all reflex now. The trained mind. I do what is necessary."

#ThePastIsNeverFar

#ThisIsTheGiftThatHasBeenGivenToMe

--let us entertain you--

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode "Celestial Re-Awakening" (Bringing Her To Life. Prelude, Part 1 of Many)
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