Round 3: BLOODBATH!

The arena goes silent as the lights go dim and the only beams of light shining through are from the various flashes of cameras and lighters that are flickering from various members of the audience. A beam of light from the ceiling shines in the middle of the ring as if the coming of Christ himself were about to happen. But instead it's...

MICHAEL BUFFER: "Ladies and gentlemen......

LET'S GET READY TO CAUSE IMMENSE BODIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILY HARM!!!!!"

The crowd goes absolutely insane with his bellow into the microphone that he is known to do.

First Members of Theo Pryce's team begin to make their way to the arena. Clearly upset and looking to make some type of amends from their tough losses earlier in the evening.

Round 3 Members from Theo's team:
Cam Lang
Dr. Zero
Weapon: Ashen
Michael Mcbride
John Austin
Smoke
Andrew Morrison
SwagMire Swaggins
The Professional
Christine Nash

The crowd is just happy to make lots of cheers for carnage rather than directed at any particular wrestler. One fan has his pants around his ankles and is flopping is penis around at people.

Eric Bitchoff: That's no fan! That's Dean McGovern!

Jim Ross: It is not, you horse's ass.

The crowd is going wild! These are XWF fans after all. I mean, this is the biggest WAR of all time with a large portion of the XWF universe completely circulated around one event. Which becomes even more in proportion to its severity as the opposing team approaches the ring to meet their opponents. There's all kinds of crazy slow motion shots going on right now throughout various members of Eli's team making stare downs with various members from Theo's teams.

Round 3 Members from Eli James team:
Amos James Jr.
Jebidiah James
Griffin MacAllister
Alexandra Callaway
Mandii Rider
Sid Feder
Tri Bute
Dimallisher
Unknown Soldier
Lazarus

Both members from each side now surround both sides of the ring staring across the ring at each other. Christine and Mandii start off in the ring, circling each other. Christine delivers a quick uppercut that sends Mandii's head spinning and the entire arena into a frenzy. Immediately, random members from both team make a mad dash at one another, while various others reach into the crowd or under the ring to find various weapons specifically designed for bloodshed. Mcbride grabs a pair of nun-chucks and starts going Karate Kid on Lazarus' cartoon character ass. Smoke pulls a scimitar from under the ring and attempts to fight off Griffin MacAlister with his meat cleaver. Dr Zero is chasing Alexandra Callaway around the ring with a spoon, but quickly catches a drop kick after Callaway eventually realized he was of no threat to actually cut her. One man, who may be three times smarter than everyone else, was clearly thinking ahead as he shoves a handicap kid out of the front row to reveal that in the stash box of his massive electronic wheelchair is a big black crate. Dimallisher and Unknown Soldier fed off any near attackers while Sid quickly assembles....

A MOTHER FUCKING CHAINSAW!

Chris Berman: "End well, this will not!"

While he revs it up trying to get the blades to begin spinning, Michael Mcbride is able to fling one of his chucks directly at Sid's head making him briefly incapable of bringing the chainsaw into action. Dimallisher goes running off after McBride while Sid quickly tries to regain his conscious. It's at this time that Theo's team approaches Sid and Soldier. McBride ties it up with Sid immediately as John Austin finds a way to hit Soldier with a running clothesline that puts him out of commission.

Meanwhile...

Amos and Jebidiah James Jr. have a pair of rusty axes that they have tied up with Cam Lang and Smoke Man, also wielding these same weapons. Like a medieval sword joust these team members worked together at the others. It appears that Amos and Jebidiah may have a bit of fatigue suffered from earlier in the night. Eventually Smoke and Cam are too quick for them as both men catch an axe handle to the front of their face spurting out our first bloodshed of the night...

Amos James Jr. and Jebidiah James have been eliminated!

The crowd celebrates immensely

Michael Buffer: "Let the Carnage begin!"

He shouts into the microphone which entices both the crowd and the wrestlers to cause more bloodshed. Little kids in the front row are mimicking Smoke and Cam Lang's axe handle to the face and now over 40% of the audience has a nose bleed. This could get real wet and sticky by the time this is all over.

Meanwhile...

John Austin eventually gets a hold of the chainsaw out of Sid's tight grasp after SwagMire ran up and kicked Sid in the leg to make him lose his balance. Sid wasn't letting go of the chainsaw easily though, and this causes John Austin to accidentally pull so hard that the chainsaw goes flying across the ring, landing on top of and eliminating his own teammate Christine Nash as she catches a gash to the side of her leg! John Austin is shocked and confused.

Christine Nash has been eliminated!

This action by John Austin, of course enrages Sid Feder.

Sid Feder: "You fucked up now!"

Above Sid's head a little '3UP' sign appears like he is some kind of Super Mario Brother or Popeye and then proceeds to start violently beating John Austin and SwagMire with random punches. Some landing and some not, but all John and SwagMire can do is hope to shield their face as Feder's attacks come quickly with his enraged fury. At the same time Alexandra slips into the ring and catches John from behind during a onslaught of punches and she repeatedly hits John across the back with a kendo stick, causing red welts to appear on his back, and the last two cracks of the cane across his back brought blood. John screamed in pleasure or pain, we couldn't be too sure, but he was busted open. He turned around and dropped to his knees in front of her. He looked as if he was saying something to her, but she just kicked him over and went for the pin.

The referee kicks Alexandra in the head.

Referee: Why the hell are you pinning in a FIRST BLOOD MATCH!?

Booker T: Dat ref puttin' the verbal dickslapping on a hoe! Word to yo mutha!

Alexandra slams her hands on the mat and starts arguing with the referee. He shoves her!

Referee: You don't mess with Nick Patrick! I'm the nWo ref!

He's right! It's Nick Patrick! And for some silly reason in the corner of his shirt it actually DOES have an nWo logo. This is too much! What a night!

Referee Nick Patrick sees the blood on Austin's back and calls it!

John Austin has been eliminated!

Alexandra looks satisfied as she watches Austin directed toward the back by officials as he exchanges a final glare with her before she is knocked in the side of the head by The Professional! What a flying forearm!

Dimallisher comes charging with a big boot right to the chest of The Professional which sends him halfway across the ring.

Goldberg: That's my boy! Yeah nigga!

Booker T: Easy wit dat word, cracka!

Hulkamania: The Dim's runnin' wild, brrrrother!

Dimallisher does the motion for a gorilla press and the fans go wild. Instead, he grabs Andrew Morrison and slides him across the ring under the bottom rope! Morrison flops to the outside as Dimallisher goes crazy screaming about how he was trained by Bill Goldberg!

Goldberg: Yeah! You tell those !

Goldust: Easy with that word, sexy ass!

Dimallisher: Somebody throw me a weight! I need to get pumped up for this match!

A fan in the front for throws a corn on the cob to Dimallisher. He says close enough and takes the corn, smashing it into Michael McBride's head! McBride collapses and gets kicked out under the ropes by Dimallisher.

Run for your lives!

Weapon:Ashen has entered the ring with a long sword. He's swinging it around and everybody scatters... except Unknown Soldier! He's also in possession of a big ass sword!

Bobby Heenan: That's all we need is these two nut cakes running around with swords! Hit the deck!

Weapon Ashen runs towards Unknown Soldier, teeth grit accompanying a look of fury.

Clank!

Their swords connect!

Sparks start flying off their mighty weapons as they grind together. Each man putting all his effort into his sword and neither man budging or faltering back. Soldier's and Ashen's eyes deadlocked on each other's.

Booker T: Awww....shit. It's about to get froggy up in here boy. Giddy up!

Ashen plants a boot into Soldier's midsection and kicks the man powered by SATAN! off towards the ropes. Soldier stumbles back and Ashen is right after him. Diving into the air, his sword aimed right at Soldier.

Clink!

Soldier raises his own sword up just in time and deflects the blow of Ashen's oncoming attack. Ashen teeters back but is able to keep his sword locked with Soldier as Soldier rises to his feet.

A swift knee to Ashen's gut.

Ashen doubles forward a bit and Soldier spins around with intent of slicing his sword down into Ashen.

Ashen's eyes fly up and catch the glint of the sword headed his way and dives forward, shoulder tackling Soldier to the canvas.

Soldier slides along the canvas, digging his sword into it to slow down his momentum.

Ashen back to his feet stands a few feet off from Soldier, weapon in hand and cruel grin upon his face. His hand raising as he gestures for Soldier to 'come here'.

Jeff Hardy: Daaaaang I need some coke up in here. That's for damn sure.

Soldier jumps to his feet in and charges for Ashen. A scream of rage exiting his lips as he nears The Weapon Of The Gods!

Clang!

Swords clash and Ashen strong arms Soldier back!

Their swords split as both men come face to face with one another. Sweat glistening their brows as Soldier rears his head back and delivers a brutal Headbutt!

Ashen stumbles back and Soldier doesn't miss a beat. Coming at Ashen and primed to strike.

Crash!

Ashen's weapon catches Soldier just in time. Both men glaring at one another in a burning intense look of madness and rage.

They both let up at the same instant and both spin around in a simultaneous attempt to catch the other off guard.

Swoosh!

Both swords slice through the air and pass through both of their necks at the same time!

Papa Shango: I've seen this happen before...

Ashen's and Soldier's heads fly through the air and both manage to bounce off opposite sides of the ropes. Their heads soar back towards them and plop back into position... But on opposite bodies!

Holy shit!

Ashen's head is on Soldier's body and Soldier's is planted on Ashen's and they just pick up fighting!!!!!

How is this even possible???

Ashen and Soldier's swords slam into each other and the battle continues!

Ashen strong arming Soldier once again as he shoves Soldier back.

Soldier stumbles back and Ashen sends a kick to Soldier's midsection.
Soldier topples back and Ashen swings with all his might towards a downed Soldier.

Cling!

Soldier manages to raise his sword up just in time but is unable to rise from the canvas as Ashen towers over him. Soldier and Ashen's swords soon being the only thing separating them as Ashen moves closer in.

Low Blow!

Soldier catches Ashen with a low blow and that serves to be just what's needed as Soldier pushes up off the canvas and charges towards Ashen.

Ashen on one knee at this point sees Soldier coming and raises his sword.

Clank!

The swords connect!

Plop. Plop.

Ashen's and Soldier's head flop off their bodies from the shock of the collision and roll across the ring.

A wild Greggo, dripping in green ooze and appearing out of nowhere plucks both heads up and tucks them under either arm as he lick his lips. Where's he taking their heads???

Unknown Soldier and Weapon:Ashen have been eliminated!

The clock for this round is quickly winding down...

We're down to the final 60 seconds of this round!

59...

58...

Sid Feder grabs a giant wrench from under the ring and tosses it to Dimallisher. Dimallisher starts cracking people with the wrench as Sid Feder grabs a steel pipe from under the ring and runs up behind Tri Bute.

Hey, future former trio champ!

Sid slams the pipe into Tri Bute's ribs, relentlessly attacking his own partner tonight!

Joey Styles: Oh my future god!

Jim Ross: He's whipping him like a future government mule!

Sid hits Tri Bute over the top of the head with the pipe which knocks him down in a daze. Sid tosses the pipe into the fans--

Looking around confused with his hands held out-- What happened?

Sid reaches down to extend a hand to Tri Bute and help him up.

Yer my partner today; please don't hit me none.

But before Tri Bute can react, Cam Lang clubs Sid in the back with a hard forearm and whips him toward Michael McBride who back body drops Sid out of the ring!

CRACK! Dimallisher with the giant wrench across McBride's face! He's busted open! Same to Cam Lang! Dim just busted two men open with two wild wrench shots!

Michael McBride and Cam Lang have been eliminated!

Dimalisher is going crazy just hitting anyone near him! BANG!!! Big wrench swing right into Smoke's mouth and Smoke's lip is busted up real nasty! Dimallisher tops it off by kicking him in the mouth and sending him spilling through the ropes.

Smoke has been eliminated!

Dimallisher goes to hit Dr. Zero with the wrench but misses and the wrench goes flying into Alexandra Callaway's face! She's busted open!

Booker T: Oh shit sucka! Dim just kilt his own partna!

The ref sees the blood and calls it! Alexandra Callaway has been eliminated!

Dimallisher yells at her and seems to be blaming Callaway for being in the way after he missed. Callaway picks up one of the swords Ashen and Soldier were fighting with earlier and she throws it at Dim! He dives out of the way! The sword sticks right into the leg of Dr. Zero! He pulls the sword from his own leg and blood spews in the face of referee Nick Patrick who was leaning in to see if there was enough blood to call it.

Dr. Zero has been eliminated!

Here comes Griffin MacAllister with a bike chain! He swings it and catches Andrew Morrison across the face with it before kicking him in the groin and hitting a DDT.

We're down to a 3 on 6 situation right here! SwagMire, Andrew Morrison and the Professional are left to fend off the attack of Sid Feder, Dimallisher, Mandii Rider, Lazarus, Griffin MacAlliser and Tri Bute!

Lazarus flies from the top rope and lands a dropkick to the back of the Professional who was battling it out with Sid Feder. Professional collapses forward into Sid, knocking him back into Tri Bute who just happened to be swinging a steel chair! The chair cracks Sid in the shoulder and sends him spiraling to the canvas.

Bobby Heenan: Revenge! It's future revenge for Sid hitting Tri Bute earlier!

Doc Hendrix: You don't know that! He could have been future swinging for the Professional and future missed!

Griffin MacAlister sees what happened and all he knows is Sid just went flying due to a chair shot from Tri Bute, a man who isn't actually a member of the Congregation outside of this match. Griffin runs and drop kicks the chair straight into Tri Bute's face!

He's busted open!!!

Tri Bute has been eliminated!

Mandii and Dimallisher are joining in on the Tri Bute beat down! Mandii pulls Tri Bute up and piledrives him into the steel chair with Dimallisher spiking down Bute's legs to add to the force of the move.

Booker T: It's a mugging. Dat boy Bute is lookin' like dat nigga Rodney King!

Suddenly from the top rope... it's a bird.. it's a plane... NO! IT'S THE DIRTY JERKER! SwagMire flies into the crowd with a huge swing of his fist straight into Griffin's groin! The impact makes the others bounce away too but Griffin's face is now red after being hit with a flying dirty jerk!

Andrew Morrison and the Professional go after the others as SwagMire and Griffin are left in the middle of the ring. SwagMire pulls a bar of soap out of the back of his shorts and begins to rub it in his Griffin's face before irish whipping him to the ropes and delivering a big boot to Griffin's chest!

Jim Ross: Perp Walk! Perp Walk! By God he Perp Walked that sum bitch dry!

SwagMire quickly grabs a chair and begins cracking Griffin in the head and face with it! Griffin is busted open by one of the chair shots!

Griffin MacAllister has been eliminated!

We're down to the final 30 seconds... this clock is moving very slow!

Sid Feder goes under the ring to grab a spear gun. Is he going to try catching a whale?

Sid and Dimallisher both make sure the spear gun is loaded up properly and they take aim from outside the ring...

They fire...

AND THE SPEAR GOES FLYING BEHIND THEM! They had it facing the wrong way!

The poor fans who were directly behind them will be missed dearly....

Andrew Morrison goes flying from the top rope at Sid and Dim but they both side step. Dimallisher smashes the spear gun down into Andrew's chest and Sid takes a barbed wire baseball bat and beats Andrew in the face with it, sending blood everywhere!

Andrew Morrison has been eliminated!

Andrew remains on the rampway after his elimination and is waving off EMTs and officials trying to get a look at him. He remains seated on the ramp, possibly thinking of getting involved in the match again???

Mandii, Sid, Dimallisher and Lazarus all corner SwagMire and Professional in the ring and start beating them relentlessly. Dimallisher rips Professional up from the canvas and flings him across the ring like he was a rag doll, letting Sid and Mandii pounce on him and continue beating him down. Dimallisher yells at Lazarus to pull SwagMire to his feet and hold him. SwagMire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ball point pen! He stabs it into the thigh of Lazarus! SwagMire ducks and rolls just as Dimallisher was closing in with a big boot! He boots Lazarus right in the face!

After being sent flying, Lazarus is holding his thigh and then holding his face. He looks down and there's blood soaked through the material of his outfit. It's not clear if blood is seeping through the leg or if he's bleeding from his face through his mask, but either way it got on his hand and now is clearly smeared on both areas. The ref calls it!

Lazarus has been eliminated!

Dimallisher: !

Dimallisher kicks the ref in the balls!

Sid and Mandii are on the other side of the ring setting Professional up on the ropes and then both pulling his head straight down into a double team DDT!

Professional goes limp after the move and Sid starts jamming SwagMire's pen into the side of the Professional's neck. Blood drops start to sprinkle all over Sid's hand and arm as the ref, still hunched over in pain, calls it.

The Professional has been eliminated!

It's down to Dimallisher, Sid Feder and Mandii Rider against SwagMire Swaggins!

Swaggins: No! I'm going to get raped! No!

Dimallisher, Sid and Mandii all stand over SwagMire who tries crawling back away from them, holding one hand out in front of him. The three stand over him with grins on their faces as they think of the horrible acts they are about to put him through...








BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

The round has come to an end!

But the three attackers don't care!

They stomp on SwagMire repeatedly as the fans go crazy. Out from the back come Theo Pryce, John Samuels and Sebastian Duke!

They slide into the ring as Sid and Dimallisher throw SwagMire into them! They catch him and set him down as Sid, Dimallisher and Mandii go outside of the ring to meet up with the approaching Eli James IV and Ambrose Helios...

Wait a second! Andrew Morrison was still off to the side of the entrance ramp! He's attacking Eli James!

From behind Morrison comes Alexandra Callaway, out from the back to counter the already eliminated star's attack on Eli.

Callaway dives low and hits Morrison's right knee with a vicious chop block and Morrison's knee completely gives way, twisting in an almost obscene manner, and he collapses in a heap and Eli falls over and rolls to where he sits up and laughs!

Booker T: "Oh my GOD, dawg, did you see how Morrison's knee...oh my god and Eli is laughing about it and Callaway isn't stopping!"

Callaway continues to stomp and kick at Morrison's injured knee and Morrison attempts to defend himself but he is screaming in pain and holding onto the knee. Morrison is defenseless here, and the bitch just keeps on going! The others stand around and watch as this isn't even officially the next round yet!

Callaway then grabs Morrison's leg and twists him into a half Boston Crab and Morrison screams!

Jesse The Body: "Oh my god, does she have NO soul!?"

Joey Ryan: "I don't know, but she sure has a nice set of tits!"

Eventually Callaway lets go and laughs. Morrison attempts to stand...

Morrison collapses into the arms of Eli James who drags Morrison over to Alexandra, who lifts Morrison's head up by the hair and blows Morrison a kiss before hitting him with a vicious DDT.

Eli rolls Morrison over and Morrison has been busted open and is out cold! Eli looks delighted!

Meanwhile a standoff just a few feet away has taken place with Theo's side face to face with Eli's side. Callaway drags Morrison to the back as Eli and Ambrose join their side.

Mandii, Sid, Dimallisher, Ambrose and Eli...

Standing toe to toe with Theo, Sebastian, John and SwagMire.

Refs keep them separated as we get set for the official start of the final round! Three of the four on Theo's side are completely fresh right now while three of the five on Eli's side have already been worn down, with Mandii Rider being in the longest of anyone right now as she's made it all the way from round two!

Stay tuned for THE FINAL ROUND!

Yay! Team Theo came to help save a nigga. Sid almost dicked me to death. Unlike Griff who won't be using his dick anytime soon.