“Alright guys, I have an idea.”

“About damn time boy, you are the Captain after all.”

“Give me your credit cards. All of them.”

“Theo this is not the time to be doing lines of coke. We are still missing our little black friend.”

“No you jackass, I have a guy who can look into our recent credit card activity to see if, when and where our cards were used last night.”

“Brilliant. Way to go el Capitan.”


Samuels and Scorpio each pull out their wallets and then remove all of their credit cards and hand them to Theo.


“Scorpio this isn’t a credit card, it’s a Wendy’s Gift Card.”

“You’re right, it’s better than a credit card. Give it back.”

“Ok give me a few minutes.”


Theo pulls out his wallet, takes two credit cards out of there and then uses his phone to call up Matt. Matt was the same guy who recently helped him identify the identity of the man who stole his painting.


“Matt it’s Theo. Look I need your help with something. I need you to run these credit card numbers and tell me where they were used at during the hours of 7pm last night and 8 am this morning. Ok, you ready?”


Theo reads off the credit card numbers, all told Theo had 2, Samuels had 2 and Scorpio had 6. Why Scorpio had 6 credit cards is anyone’s guess but that wasn’t the issue right now.


“Ok…..ok……got you…..sounds good. $1200 at Wendys? You don’t say?”

”Explains where the blanket of Wendy’s wrappers came from.”

“How have you not suffered from kidney failure or better yet? How are you not morbidly obese?”

“Exercise baby doll. I go to the gym every day.”

“No you don’t.”

“You’re right, I don’t. Truth is I caught a tape worm when I spent a summer in Uganda helping to give Aids medication to all the little black kids. It was eye opening.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Nope, no I didn’t. Well, I did get a tape worm but it wasn’t from spending a summer in Uganda. Actually, you don’t want to know how I got it so let’s just move on. I said move on all ready. Geez.”

“Would you two shut up? I’m trying to listen here? Ok Matt, I got you. Thank you.”

“What did you find out brah?”

“Not a whole lot. Apparently I used my credit card at the Baltimore Aquarium.”

“The Aquarium? Sounds great, where the hell is it?”

“Down by the Inner Harbor. Do you need me to drive this clown car of failure or do you want to just use a GPS?”

“GPS will work just fine. No one drives this car but me.”

"So be it.”


The trip to the Aquarium takes 15 minutes. There is no parking at the facility so Scorpio finds one of the parking garages in the area, parks the car and the trio walk two blocks and enter the Baltimore Aquarium. Things were starting to look good, they finally had a lead. Theo approached the woman at the customer service desk in hopes that she knew something or at the least provide with the name of someone who did.


“Hello miss, my name is Theo Pryce and…”

“Yes sir, I know who you are.”

“You do?”


Not only did the comment surprise Theo but it also got the attention of John Samuels. Scorpio was too busy starting at all the bright colors that were being displayed on the ceiling in a sort of digital collage of various fish.


“I’m sorry miss but did you say you knew who he was? What about me? Do you know who I am?”

“Yes sir as well as that other gentleman over there. You were all here last night, with another man.”

“This other man, was he short and colored?”

“Yes sir he was. I only know this because we received a security update stating that all 4 of you were prohibited from entering the building for a period not to exceed one year.”

“Come again?”

“The four of you have been banned from the Aquarium for a year.”


A security guard approaches the customer service desk, sensing that something may be amiss.


“Is everything ok here Margie?”

“Yes I believe so. I was just explaining to these gentlemen that they are not allowed inside.”

“I see. So you guys decided to come back. After everything that happened last night you had the guts to come back here? You guys are lucky you aren’t in jail right now.”

“Jail? What the hell for?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No we really aren’t. Look, the three of us woke up in a hotel room this morning with no recollection of the events of last night. We are missing a friend of ours apparently he was here with us last night, which we didn’t know until Margie here just told us. So what happened last night? Why are we banned from this place?”

“You really have no idea what happened?”

“None.”

“Come with me.”


The security guard escorts the three men down the hall and through a door marked “Security”. He sits down at a desk and hits a few buttons on his keyboard and on now displayed on his screen is security footage from the previous night.


“The building closed last night at 8pm because it had been rented out for a kid’s birthday party slash sleepover. Somehow you 3 and your little friend managed to sneak into the building. We still have no idea how or when. What we do know is that your friend took it upon himself to strip naked and run through the building while security chased him. When they finally corned him he decided to jump into the baby shark tank.”

“Oh Christ.”

“Are you saying our friend got eaten? Is he still alive? Please tell me has still has at least one arm and one leg.”


Theo and Samuels both stare at Scorpio, not sure what to even say to him at this point.


“Your friend is fine, or at least, he was fine once we fished him out of there. You’re friend was lucky the sharks weren’t in the tank at the time. Once we got him out of there the four of you spent a few hours in here while we tried to figure out what was going on. You were all rambling about some wrestling match and some mean guy named Sidney. Eventually we had to let you go. You hadn’t broken any laws. Fortunately none of the kids or parents saw your friends display otherwise this would have all gone down very differently.”

“Ok, so you let us all go, what time was that? “

“Around midnight, maybe 12:30.”

“Perfect, thanks.”


Samuels reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a crisp $100.00 bill and places it on the security guards desk.


“Here, for your troubles.”

“No thank you.”

“Suit yourself.”


John reaches down, grabs the money off the desk, stuck to the back of it was a ticket stub a receipt from Excitement Video.


“Hey guys look at this.”


John shows the receipt to Theo and Scorpio.

Items purchased: One Forehead Didlo One bottle of KY Yours and Mine One Black Ball Gag Items Totaled: $95.68 Paid In Cash

“Ok so the time on the receipt is 1:36 AM. That’s something.”

Looking over at the security guard “Excuse me, where is the closest Excitement Video?”

“Two blocks away on Charles Street. Walk out of the building go one block to your right, and the go across the street, you’ll see the sign for it, you can’t miss it.”

“Is the sign in the shape of a big pink dildo?”

“No, it’s just a sign that says “Excitement Video”.”

“Bit of a let down but ok.”

“Thank you, you’ve been extremely helpful.”

“You’re welcome.”


The three men exit the security guards office and then promptly exit the facility. Samuels tips his cap to Margie whom he believes was making eyes at him while he and Theo were standing up at her desk. Once outside the three men do as the security guard instructed, walked one block to the right and then across the street. Sure enough, hanging from the front of the store was a sign that said “Excitement Video”. They enter the store and a gentleman, approximately in his mid 50’s is behind the counter looking like he too was recovering from a hangover. When he sees the trio of men enter his whole demeanor changes.


“Well he guys, welcome back.”

“So you know who we are?”

“Well you guys were in here last night for like an hour, only bought like $100 bucks worth of items, so yeah, I remember you guys. Normally I would be pissed if people spent an hour in here and only spent $100 but you guys were pretty cool. Especially that other fella, where’s he at?”

“We have no idea. We were hoping maybe you could help us out. Do you remember anything specific about last night? Like where we said we might be going or anything of that nature?”

“Not really. The black fellow got a phone call from some guy named John, said he was supposed to meet him at the hotel but that no one was there.”

“Ok we’re getting somewhere. This is good.”


Samuels looks around trying to find Scorpio who for some reason is browsing through the Tranny Porn section.


“Scorpio, what the hell are you doing?”


Startled that Samuels saw him Scorpio quickly puts the DVD that was in his hand back on the shelf, and looks up at the ceiling and then out the window before responding.


“Nothing brah, just trying to figure out Frodo's obsession with these things.”

"May he rest in peace or whatever.

“Funny, you looked at the same DVD last night.” Chimes in the man behind the counter.

“Scorp, just curious, did you happen to remove the ball gag from Austin and ask him what was going on?”

“Did you see him? It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. I just shut the door and walked away.”

“Fuck. Do either of you have his number?”

“No, let me call Swaggy and get it from him.”

“Wait…you have Swaggy’s number? And you haven’t called him yet?”


Silence….


“Scorp what the fuck?”

“Calm your tits Theo. I’m calling him right now.”


Scorpio pulls out his phone and calls Swaggy.


“Straight to voicemail.”

“Wait…I remember something."

“Really, what have you got?”

“Well as you guys were leaving I remember the little black fellow invited me to Madam Ann’s. She said you were all going there from here.”

“What is Madam Ann’s?”

“Sounds like a whore house brah.”

“It’s a brothel, very upscale.”

“Sure it is.”

“It is man, the chicks there are grade A disease free..”

“Sounds lovely.”

“Where is it at?”

“Other side of town, I think I have the address around here somewhere.”

“Well if you could get it for us that would be extremely helpful.”

“Yeah one second.”


The guy behind the counter reaches down and grabs a small blue notebook which he then places on the counter. A few seconds of page turning and he finds the address.


“Ok, it’s on Davis Street. 498 Davis Street.”

“Great. Right down the street from the hotel.”

“Which hotel?”

“The hotel we woke up in this morning.”

“Well ain’t that a bitch?”

“Let’s go. Thanks for your help.”

“Sure thing. Come back any time guys.”


The three men exit the store, walk back to the parking garbage, get in Scopio’s black and purple mustang and then drive across town to the address the creepy guy from the porn store gave them.

From the outside Madam Ann’s looks just like any of the other homes in the row, absolutely nothing would indicate that that particular unit was anything other than a family home. But when the three men entered the establishment it was very clear that this place was everything that Scorpio could ever dream of. As soon as the men entered the building a woman in about her mid 40’s approaches them.

“May I help you gentlemen?”

“Possibly. We are looking for a friend of ours, wasn’t sure if had been here or not.”

“Is your friend a small African American man?”

“Yes he is. Is he here?”

“Yes he is. He’s been here since early this morning. He’s been paying by the hour so we didn’t care.”

“He has? May I ask how he is paying for that?”

“On a credit card.”

“I see. And what is this man’s name?”

“He’s your friend, shouldn’t you know that?”

“Tell you what, how about you tell me his name and I don’t have my friend over here call the cops and clue them in to what is going on here.”

“You think the cops don’t know what this place is? Go ahead call them.”

“Fine. John if you could please.”

“Would love to Theo.”

“Wait…you said his name was Theo.”

“Yes ma’am I did.”

“That’s the name your friend used.”

“I see. Theodore Pryce. Is that the name on the credit card?”


The woman walks over to the counter and opens up a small black box, the contents of which is a mystery to the group but is revealed to be credit cards as she takes one out of the box and places it onto the counter. Theo takes a look at it, pulls out his wallet and shows the woman his Arizona State Drivers License.


“So let me ask you miss, are the cops aware that you are allowing people to use credit cards that are not theirs to pay for the services you provide?”

“Obviously they are not.”

“No, I didn’t think they would be.”

“So how about you show us all to where our friend is before we do call the cops what do you say ma’am?”

“Very well.”

“Scorpio, stop talking to the whores and come on.”

"Brah stop cock blocking me, this one likes me"

Scorpio points to an insanely huge breasted woman who giggles.

" I think I'm about to get lucky."

"Not without throwing down some money you're not, now move it.."

"Fine, you should change your catchphrase to "We Are Cockblock" brah."


The woman leads all three men upstairs and into a room located at the end of the hall. She opens the door all 4 of them see what can only be described as one of the most hideous scenes of all time. All of them immediately avert their eyes, all of them except Scorpio.


“You lucky dog, I’ve always wanted to do that. Yay boi!!”


Theo turns his head back around in hopes that what he thought he saw wasn’t what he actually saw. But it was.

Kneeling at the end of the bed is their long lost team mate Swaggy SwagMire. Attached to the top of his head is a giant purple dildo, which was repeatedly ramming into the stench trench of a rather voluptuous woman.


“Theo, Johnny, Scop, where the hell have you guys been?”

“Looking for you.”

“Why didn’t you just call me?”

“We did, it went straight to voice mail.”

“Oh that’s right, my battery died. Sorry about that.”

“Swaggy do you remember what happened last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, none of us remember anything past dinner. When did we even meet up with you?”

“You don’t remember anything? Really? Well you guys were coming out of some fancy restaurant and you guys found me wandering the streets yelling Radiooooooooo!!”

“Why were you on the streets yelling Radio?”

“I wasn’t.”

“You literally just said you were.”

“No, I said I was wondering the streets yelling Radioooooooo!!”

“Get serious Swaggy. And take that fucking dildo off your head…it’s dripping something and it’s distracting me.”

“No, leave it on. Please leave it on.”

“Why were you on the streets yelling anything?”

“Well I heard that Radio lived in town and I was coming down to give him a pep talk. He refused to tell me where he lived so I was hoping that if I just yelled his name long enough someone might know him and tell me where he lives.”

“Sadly not the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard today.”

“Anyway, what happened after we met up with you?”

“Well I took you back to the hotel suite I booked for the night. Once we got there, we had some drinks, did some drugs and then the rest was history.”

“Literally.”

“What drugs did we do?”

“I have no idea, I bought them from some white chick when I was looking for Radio. She told me she knew where he lived but she would only tell me if I bought some drugs of her. Turned out she was full of crap though, the address she gave me was to an Abortion Clinic.”

“Who knew some random chick selling drugs on the streets couldn’t be trusted?”

“I know right, I thought all you white people were on the up and up.”

“Who you calling white?”

“This again?”

“Yes this again. I told you all before I’m half black.”

“Right right, and Swaggy is half . Can we leave now? We found our little token negro, let’s get the fuck out of here, we got places to be.”

“Well, me and Samuels do. I have no fucking clue what you two guys are going to do.”

“I’m going to say.”

“Yeah me too. Move over Swaggy, I’m about to occupy your hooker.”


Fade to black.