Swagmire left the Wendy's and began to drive to Doctor Zero's laboratory. As he drove off he got a call from Joseph Gordon, who sounded panicked.

"Hey, Uncle Zills, I need your help. This situation is entirely fucked up. I don't know if you've ever been in one like it, but you've gotta have some advice for me. God, I hope you can help."

"Ok, tell me what's up. Did she turn out to have a penis? That seems more like your dad's turf, talk badly about him and he'll show up. Or praise Gilmour, that seems to stir him.


"He was there at the club. I went back and got another dance from Jeanie, Katie, her real name is Katie, and we ended up having sex. She knew who I was, we go to school together. I'll explain that later. When she went to go change dad popped up, and told me to start using condoms and that you're gonna have to get me tested, and all kinds of fucked up fatherly advice. Then she comes back and sees me talking to ghost dad. Turns out, her mother has been telling her that dad is her dad all her life as well. Using his name. She's my half sister. I lost my virginity in a strip club to my sister. Worst part, I'd still do her. I need help."


Swagmire almost swerved off the road as he heard this.


"Wait. You have a sister? You had sex with your sister? And she's a stripper? How old was that girl? It is possible your dad has another kid out there. You know how he is. I'll take you to get an STI test later, and we'll see about a DNA test with this girl and you, but listen I've gotta call you back. A guy from work said he needed to speak to me immediately and requested I drive to his place, I'm going to meet with him and then come see you. Where are you, by the way?"


"Katie dropped me off at home before she went home. We didn't really speak on the ride back, it was awkward. Come by as soon as you're done with this. Dad's not gonna be any help, he won't talk to me around mom, and I can't talk to her about it."

Joseph Gordon hung up just as Swagmire pulled into Doctor Zero's drive way. His house was quite nice, but a little bit on the mad scientist side. Charles parked the car and walked up to knock on the door. Someone besides Zero answered, it must have been one of his minions or lackeys or whatever he calls them.

Wu boo bah do?

"Yeah, sure whatever. Doctor Zero called me and asked me to come meet with him. Said he had something to show me. I'm Swagmire Swaggins."

The minion gestured for Swagmire to follow him. The pair traipsed from the house to the laboratory where Doctor Zero was standing in front of a metal slab with a body under a sheet on it.

"Oh, hello, Charles. How are you doing today? I see you did not have trouble finding the place. It does please me to see you made it here."

"Well, you did say it was important. I was hanging out with Mr. Radio and Scorpio, but since your urgency I thought it was best if I rushed over here. So, um, what's that on the table?"

"Oh, that. Yes, we will get to that in a few minutes. First I wanted to speak with you about your dearly departed brother, Frodo Smackings. He and I never had the pleasure of speaking or meeting, but stories of his antics had reached my ears. Oh yes, they did. He was supposed to be quite the interesting fellow."

One of the Minions came down with 2 Champagne Flutes filled with a clear bubbly liquid. He offered them to Swagmire and the good Doctor. The Doctor looked at it and took a sip.

"Number 450! What is this? You know I only drink Sprite and it has to be from a Wine Glass. This is a Sierra Mist and that is a Champagne Flute! What am I supposed to do with a Champagne Flute with SIERRA MIST?! Go back and get the proper substance. Do not return without the Sprite, and do not offend my guest with that swill. It is an insult to his pallet."

"No, it's fine. Sierra Mist..."

Doctor Zero dismissed Swagmire's protests before sending 450 back to the kitchen to fetch the proper drink. Zero began to tinker while he waited for the minion to return.

"Yes, I requested you to come here so we can discuss your brother, something rather important about him. You see, as I said I had heard stories about him, but had never met the man. I was rather interested in meeting him, but the chance never presented itself, that is until Nathaniel intervened. You see, when the commotion was going on with Nathaniel's Shove it event I had taken the chance to sneak in and retrieve the body. Oh it was quite an adventure, yes it was. So, the question you had been asking yourself since the day he passed away was 'Where is the body?' And you see, the answer has been simple. I have the body."

Zero removed the curtain from the slab revealing the body of Fred Ward attached to some tubes and machines. He had a very slight heart rate, I believe the proper term is Agonal. The Minion came back with the proper drinks, as he did Zero sent him off to fetch a third, he spoke as if another guest would be joining them. Doctor Zero began to speak even more frantically as he moved about the lab.

"As I am sure you had noticed your brother's ghost haunting the halls of the Federation. You see, that's not really a ghost. I have your brother hooked up to these machines and they have given him some sort of ghost like projections. I do not know how to explain that, but I imagine it has been rather confusing to the people of the federation. I do believe his delusions have made him believe he has some sort of knowledge about the afterlife. That is not important for this momment. You see I have been doing some research on him, and have been keeping him alive. In just a few short minutes he will be joining us."


Swagmire had finished his drink at this point, and the Minion had already returned with the third glass. He was looking rather confused at this whole ordeal, especially since it was being explained to him by a man with a chicken head.

"What exactly are you trying to say? Freddie's not dead? We had a funeral for him. He's been watching us, and knows what's been going on with everything. I'm so confused."

"What he's trying to say to you, Charles, is that I'm awake now and that means I will be back in the ring soon. First, I'm going for food, then to see my son.

Frodo sat up and began to pull cables and cords off of himself. He surveyed the lab and then placed one of his tiny hands on Doctor Zero.

"Thank you, Doctor. I'm glad to be back in the world of the living. It's been terribly boring being dead. I'm going to head off home after getting a meal. Call me if you need anything, and I mean anything. I'm your guy for as long as you need. Charles, take me home. After Wendy's."

The brothers walked out of the lab with Doctor Zero, and over to the Trans Am before leaving