As the scene fades in we see Theo Pryce walking around and doing a meet and great with various United State Olympic athletes. Currently he is speaking with Lolo Jones, one of the members of the Bobsled Team as well as Shaun White, known for not only for his two Olympic Gold Medals but also his remarkable skills with the skateboard. Suddenly the camera pans to the left and a white middle aged gentleman in a suit is standing with a few sheets of paper in his hands, in front of the man is approximately 10 reports and a bank of video cameras.


“Good evening. My name is Jermone Edward Williams the 3rd and I am one of Mr. Pryce’s lawyers. On advice from his counsel Theo Pryce has elected not to respond to Peter Gilmour directly and instead I will be reading a prepared statement. There will be some time for questions afterwards.”


“Mr. Gilmour, my client Theo Pryce would like to let you know that he really enjoyed your poem. He suggested you reach out to Hallmark and see if maybe they will buy the rights to it so that they can publish it on their Dollar Store Greeting Cards.”


“My client would like to know what you mean by the following statement:

Quote: “You see Theo, you can try to counter my points in my promos but I always come back with more facts and counter everything that comes out of your mouth.”

As you have to date not responding to anything Mr.Pryce has said with any actual facts but rather contradictory statements. For example:"

Quote:“ Maybe you should shut up in your next little masterpiece because whatever you try to say about this won't matter because I am going to defeat you on Madness and get a shot at that crown which you so proudly wear on top of your receding hairline”

“Do you know of a way in which a person can, to use Mr. Pryce’s words, “cut a promo” while also shutting up? Additionally, Mr. Pryce would like to point out that he has never once put the crown atop his head in fact he has gone so far as to pawn the crown only to have it returned to him by the Administrator. It is currently under lock and key in a Pryce Industries vault as Mr. Pryce continues to want nothing to do with said crown.”

“Next Mr. Pryce would like to know what you mean by the following statement:"

Quote:And my God Theo you have very bad taste in clothes. Are you looking at this babe? I mean look at that hideous looking thing for a bed.

“Are you referring to Theo’s clothes or his bed? Your statement is very confusing, as are most of them in fact. Theo would like to point out that at no time did he mention Barney pajamas. He did however mention that he was wearning Barney’s underwear. Barney’s is the name of a clothing company located in New York City. You can find more information about them on the Internet at www.barneys.com. Also, Mr. Pryce would like to know if “having a little kid inside of you” is like the time Frodo Smackins was inside of you? Or are you still denying that those events took place?”

“Mr. Pryce would like to know where you heard that he was a “one minute man” as he knows of three women off the top of his head on the current XWF roster who would beg to differ. But as Mr.Pryce finds no need to argue such a childlike statement he will not be asking these women to waste their time. He would however like to point out that according to Frodo, it was you who were a one minute man as you and again, to quote Mr. Pryce “exploded all over the carpet when that little dwarf was all up inside of you.””

“Mr. Pryce would like for you to consult a dictionary as he does not believe you understand the meaning of the word literally as evidence by the following statement:"

Quote: I am literally going to murder you come Tuesday night. But maybe I'll scale back on assassinating you until the crown is on the line.

“Mr. Pryce would like you to please clarify what he described as “the most asinine statement in the history of spoken language:"

Quote: I wouldn't want to be labeled a murderer though you claim I am a murderer after beheading fat ass Barney Green 2 weeks ago. First of all, I said I was going to end his career and I did just that. I did not kill him Theo. He had it coming and I only did what Eli and the rest of this company wanted me to do. So if you want to label someone as a murderer but it on Eli since he ordered the hit and I only did his bidding. So fuck you for thinking I'm a murderer when I'm not.

“Mr. Pryce would like to point out that in every court on the planet what you did, cutting off Mr. Green’s head, thus ending his life would be considered murder. Whether he “had it coming” or not is both irrelevant and ridiculous. Additionally, just because Eli James told you to do it does not excuse your actions. Ultimately you committed the act, you were not under duress, no one held a gun to your head. You did in fact murder Mr. Green, it was caught on camera and there are, and please pay attention as I am going to show you how to use the word properly, there are literally, thousands of witnesses who can testify to the fact that you did indeed murder Barney Green by cutting his head off with a sword.”

“Mr. Pryce would like to point out that at no point in his promo did he call your fiancé Rose Smith a man as you claim. In fact, he made the following statement:"

Quote: Rose, I want to apologize. I know you hear a lot of flack from the various wrestlers within the federation, making claims that you have a penis, that you are in fact a man. And to be honest with you, I have no idea if any of that is accurate or not. I’ve never seen you naked so I personally can’t attest to whether you have a hang down or not.

“Mr. Pryce would also like to address Rose Smith, with the following:

“Rose, I completely understand why you picked Peter Gilmour to be your mate. I retract my statement about you possibly being kidnapped and held against your will. It’s is very clear to me now that you picked Peter because he is the only human on Earth more incompetent than yourself. At no point during any of my recent promos did I call you a “transsexual”, to respond to your “jealous” comment, I suppose you missed the part where I said:"

Quote: Please don’t mistake this for me hitting on you. You disgust me. You are absolutely repugnant looking but that does not give Peter the right to treat you the way he does.

"Additionally, Mr. Pryce would like you to please tell Peter that if “suck my dick” is his way of telling people “not to fuck with him” then he should probably just tell people “not to fuck with him” as that statement in no way, shape or form could be misconstrued as sexual harassment or a homoerotic fantasy. Lastly Mr. Pryce would like you to borrow Peter’s dictionary after he looks up the word “Literally” and for you to look up the definition of the word “Winner” as the notion of “losing a ton of matches” would be contradictory to the notion of being a winner. At least so far as the definition of the word is concerned. However Mr. Pryce does concede that if you want to make up your own definition for words than there is nothing he can do about that and he would be happy to allow you to go on in blissful ignorance of reality.”

“Mr. Pryce would also like to assure you that he has no desire to touch you, not in this lifetime or any others as he is type does not included women who look like they could be men. Additionally, Mr. Pryce did not believe you were stupid, nor did he have any intentions of breaking you and Peter up, however after listening to your recent diatribe on how Peter is the greatest thing since sliced bread he is now fully convinced that you are absolutely perfect for each other and should remain together forever. He even called you the modern day Adam and Steve.”

“I would like to interject and point out that I, Jerome Edward Williams the 3rd did ask Mr.Pryce if he meant Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve and he assured me that he meant what he said.”

“Finally Mr. Pryce would like me to read the following statement from a recent Peter Gilmour promo out loud for no other purpose than to make sure everyone heard it:"

Quote: As far as Sid goes, me and him will never break up as friends even if we disagree on things so don't even try to come out here and break us up or one of us will break you!

“And with that, Mr. Pryce’s prepared statement has ended. I will now be taking questions."


The scene fades out as a few of the reporters raise their hands in hopes of being able to ask Mr. Pryce’s lawyer some follow up questions.