John Madison
- vs -
Theo Pryce
First Blood Buried Alive In Shane's Shit Match
(You must make your opponent bleed before you can bury them in shit for the win)
Ladies and gentlemen of the XWF audience we are drawing ever so near to one of our most competitive and most coveted match of the night. The match to determine the KING of XWF. I would like to say that the XWF crowd is incredibly thrilled to witness this match; however, in the matter in which it is to take place I think they are less enthused then one would naturally assume.
Once again John Madison, through the disgusting and repulsive nature of his leader Shane
, has found a way to disgrace this federation once again and to literally and figuratively take a THANKSGIVING dinner sized DUMP on top of the most coveted thing in the XWF. The crown.
If we can call it that anymore, as it makes it's way down to the ring being carried by a pair of four hundred pound naked fat chics. The crown hoisted above their heads as each fat whore escorts it's contents on an elaborate red pillow. The crown is completely decorated in what appears to be a series of tampon strings that could have either come from the fat whores themselves or John's first period.
Speaking of our lovely Ki--- I mean queen here she comes now...
John Madison comes out from behind a curtain wearing nothing but a C-String bikini...
Many fans boo until John walks past them and they are immediately overtaken with a rise in their pants. Immediate flaccid to RAGER in a matter of seconds just by the pure sight of John's beauty. It's clear from the reaction in my own pants and for many of you watching at home, that John Madison has more of an effect on dude's then Peter does with women and that's saying a lot!
The male crowd has gone into a frenzy in the audience as John bends over to enter the ring. Not one male is able to remain seated for reasons already discussed. John then dangles his dainty hand out back towards the ring entrance and gives some sort of signal that has been received and comes through on the X-tron.
It's a picture of Shane
still in the bathroom producing feces at a rate of a horse loaded up with five packages of Exlax. A crew of some low paid minority servants begins hauling in pails of shit from the bathroom and into the ring on their shoulders being carried at a rate of two at a time on a long stick above the two man teams heads. About the third group in the long line of traveling servants trips as buckets of shit go flying into the mortified audience who can't help but fall victim to a diarrhea shower. Absolutely disgusted by what they were forced to fall victim to, many of the patrons attempt an escape but our met face first with an impossible opposition in steel framed doors.
John Madison takes hold of the microphone.
John Madison: "John Madison is all about the XWF fans, and as a thank you to all of you amazing fans out there I have decided to let you be a part of this match as well. Shane will provide as much feces as necessary as we have him on a steady diet of corned beef hash, potatoes, and exlax. So as the worst hip hop group in the history of mankind would say it... Let's get it started! Let's get it started in here!"
The boners may have retreated as John Madison now commands all the minority servants to dissipate the excrement all over the place. Have you ever seen that movie Animal House with the food fighting scene... Picture that... but with poop... Also their is some guy wearing a Peter Gilmour t-shirt and doing this...
"More Human than Human" by Rob Zombie blares over the X-tron and what a perfect time for Theo Pryce to show up covering his nostrils from the disturbing smell as droves of more minorities continue shipping in feces like it were Faygo at an Insane Clown Posse concert. John Madison is standing up on the top turnbuckle inviting Theo to enter, while also lathering himself up with filth on the face and body."
John Madison: "I'm still not very good at this whole make up thing yet, but I'm learning...."
Theo Pryce: "John this is ridicu---"
John Madison: "This IS the Black Circle Theo. You wanna be King or is it always the woman that wears the pants in this family?"
Theo shakes his head and trudges through the thick smudge of dark crusted fecal matter that is flying in all directions. He attempts to avoid it at first by tiptoeing and dodging but realized that this is met with little accomplishment. He eventually makes his way to the ring and when he gets there he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a clothespin. He fastens it around his nose to dilute as much of the horrid smell as possible.
John Madison: "Awww... So you were prepared..."
Theo Pryce: "Let's just get this over with."
The bell rings as the referee is finally be shoved into the match by Nathaniel Adolph Zachary Idenhaus. The referee was naturally doing his best to avoid this situation until he was physically forced into the arena by NAZI. He continues to attempt to flee but is met with a large boot to the groin, face, and gut by NAZI. He realizes he has no other option but to do his job.
As he trudges his way up to the center of the ring Theo and John tie up in the center of the ring. John reaches over and gives Theo a brown kiss on the cheek. Theo backs away immediately but must have set a trigger off inside his head to attack and get more aggressive towards John. Whether this was a plan of John's or not is to be seen as Theo lifts the under 100 pound female body of John Madison in the air and slams her down with a brainbuster. John's smile on his face is only more disturbing as it's met with speckles of blood and shit on the whites of his teeth. Theo picks the queen back up and tosses him against the ropes.
John comes back off the ropes and ducks under a clothesline attempt. Madison comes flying off the other ropes and connects with a pair of titties in Pryce's face. Madison goes for a cover which really is ineffective but was clearly for the sole purpose of rubbing John's new fresh pair o' big titties in Theo's face.
John Madison: "What ya think Theo? I call them girls 'The Black Circle's' Get it?"
Theo charges Madison again and this time connects with a spear in the middle of the ring, although with the ring being covered in fecal matter it's much more slippery which causes both members to slide all the way into the turnbuckles where John's head smashes against and knocks him unconscience. Theo sees this as an opportunity to pick John back up and pile drive him in the center of the ring. Theo struggles to get back to his feet underneath the slippery wet ground. He falls twice until finally he is able to stand again.
LOW BLOW!
John Madison immediately reaches up between Theo's legs and smashes his fist into his groin area. Theo falls to the ground whimpering in pain.
John Madison: "Ouch! Don't worry Theo I know how that USED to feel."
Madison decides that the ring is far too slippery to accomplish anything so he slides Theo underneath the ring and onto the ground. Madison climbs the turnbuckle, flashes titties, then blows a kiss and comes flying down on top of a Theo Pryce who was just coming to his feet. The cross body move is now adjusted to accompany a spinning DDT at the end with John's light body weight and increased speed and pissed off PMS syndrome. The impact of the fall has caused the top of Theo's head to bleed and so now he is typically able to be buried in Shane's feces at any minute. The rules state that you must be bleeding first. Madison has struck first blood if we don't also count his possible first period that may or may not have happened yet.
Madison now grabs the back of Pryce's hair and lifts him towards the guard rail. Theo fights the weakened strength of a female, a characteristic of John's fighting style that he'll have to adjust to, Pryce manages to grab the back of John's long flowing blonde hair and smash that pretty face into the guardrail. Madison's head ricochets off the fence post and his body goes limp. Still not bleeding but Theo decides to kick his limp less body into a shallow grave awaiting the burial of the loser of this match. He leaps off the ground and into the grave with a huge ELBOW DROP!!
My god!!
Now both men are laid out inside the grave laying motionless for what seems like five minutes. Fans are rabidly throwing feces into the pit in hopes of trying to bury the two competitors....
The grave is already collecting a lot of shit inside of it. If it fills completely, both of them will be buried in shit but John Madison will win because he is not bleeding yet. Somehow the prospect of Madison himself being buried along with a bleeding Theo in a grave of shit, actually sounds like what John would want!
The fans continue throwing shit into the grave.
Grave
The two of them both start to move but Madison begins biting Theo's forehead while more and more shit gets flung in at them. John essentially has taken a big bite of shit off of Theo's head in the process.
Grave
DAMN those crazed people are throwing shit FAST!
Theo punches John in the ear to get him off him, and as Theo stands up he is met in the eye with a wild shit ball which knocks him off balance and he slips in the shit that's aleady filling more than half the grave.
Grave
By now the shit is actually up to John Madison's sexy waist as he crawls out of the grave and then extends a hand to Theo.
Madison: Come on. I'll pull you up so we can finish this!
Theo reaches his hand out but instead grabs Madison's ankle and yanks him back into the shit grave!
Grave
There is a moment where both competitors are completely below shit-level as they struggle with each other. The shit is a mix of hard fecal matter, soft blobs of shit, and actual diarrhea that seems to be flying through the air. Theo finally gets himself up and out of the grave, making haste to distance himself from it before Madison can pull him back in.
There is no sign of John Madison.
The shit keeps flying and the grave keeps filling.
Grave
John Madison is still nowhere to be seen! The grave is completely filled with shit but Madison wasn't bleeding yet so it's not a loss. He could be in their enjoying himself, using this time to rest up.
The fans continue throwing shit as Theo Pryce shakes his head in disbelief and realizes he might have to go in after John Madison to make him bleed.
Grave
The mountain of shit that's forming on top of John Madison's body is too much for any human to sift through with their bare hands so Theo grabs a large shovel. He scoops massive helpings of shit at the fans and anywhere else without much concern, working as quickly as possible to dig through the shit and find John Madison.
Grave
Theo scoops more and more shit away, looking like an actual machine at this point. It's like he has completely blocked out the actual nature of what is going on around him.
Grave
Theo digs and digs until...
OOF!
Low Blow City!
BOTH of John Madison's fists came flying up out of the shit at the same time and ended up striking Theo in the groin. While Theo is doubled over in pain, John gets out of the grave and heads back into the ring where he shakes back and forth like a dog trying to dry itself, except in this case this dog is flinging shit off of its body in every direction.
Theo crawls out of the shitty grave as his eyes fall on Madison shaking in the ring and Theo looks so defeated. He closes his eyes, lets out a long sigh and wipes some shit off of his face.
Madison: Come on in. We've got Black Circle business to finish for all these fans.
Most of the fans are gagging and holding their noses as the smell of shit has absolutely overtaken the entire arena.
Theo slowly slides into the ring where Madison waits...
Madison: Come on big boy we're just starting to get down and dirty Black Circle style!
Pryce: Just shut up and fight you stupid cunt.
Theo rolled his eyes as he rises to his feet. A smirk darting across the disgusting shit smeared face of John Madison as she eyes Theo up and down before charging in with a Running Shoulder Tackle! Due to Madison new small frame and weight though, Theo is able to bear the brunt of the attack and despite sliding back, he manages to reach around and lift Madison off the ground. Following that up by swinging him over his shoulder and then slamming Madison down hard onto the shit covered canvas.
Ripping Madison up off the canvas by her shit encrusted hair, Theo tosses her towards the ropes. Madison's new frame is to blame for it's light weight ease of soaring across the ring...well, that and the fact that there's shit all over the ring, so sliding is pretty much impossible to stop from happening. So Madison careens wildly towards the ropes and bounces back, just as Theo rushes forward in a Spear! The Spear connects but both Madison and Theo slip upon collision and both end up slamming to the canvas.
Madison takes this moment to crawl onto Theo and begin punching him in the face. Madison's tiny fists are like boney little hammers, firing away until she switches it up and reaches down with both her thumbs and begins to press them into Theo's eyes as if she's trying to gouge them both out!
Madison: Come on Theo! Shane's got one eye! You can one up him and have both missing!
Madison's eyes wide and wild with frenzy as she pushes her thumbs down, causing Theo to scream out in pain and begin to frantically push at Madison's shoulders! But Madison has a deathlock grip with his thighs around Theo's waist and can't be shoved off! Finally Madison using some of that womanly strength to his advantage. With a random act of desperation, Theo reaches up and removes the clothespin from his nose and jams it into John Madison's side! It took some desperate strength to pull off stabbing a wooden clothespin into John Madison's side but Theo did it!
Blood begin pooling down Madison's side as she stops attempting to smush in Theo's eyes and moves her hands to the clothespin now sticking out of her side. A shocked look of agony momentarily flashes across Madison's face, but that quickly turns into a sadistic smile.
Madison: My...my, look at the side I can bring out of you Theo. I bet you never thought you had it in you.
With a frustrated grunt, Theo shoved Madison off him and climbed to his feet. Staring down at John Madison struggling to rise up as blood continued to spill out of her newly acquired wound. Theo immediately sending her back to the canvas, with a kick to the face as soon as she manages to get to her knees.
Grabbing up Madison by the back of her hair, Theo yanks her to her feet and hoists her once again over his shoulder, before launching her from the ring. Madison lands hard on the outside of the ring and it causes the clothespin to stab even further in, opening the wound up further and allowing more blood to spill.
As Madison struggled to her feet, Theo climbed the ropes and uses them to drop down with both knees, right into Madison's back. The weight and pressure of Theo landing, causing that clothespin to damn near jam completely into Madison's side.
Then Theo rises to his feet and takes a firm grasp of a chunk of Madison's hair as he proceeds to drag Madison to the grave. A trail of thick blood smearing along over the feces covered floor as Pryce pulls John along. However, just before Pryce is about to pull Madison into the grave, Madison shoots forward and bites Theo's ankle. Madison's teeth sinking into Theo's flesh like she was some sort of zombie or a cannibal as Theo screamed in pain and dropped to one knee. Madison yanks his head back as the sick sound of tearing flesh, makes those who can hear it squirm.
Rising to his feet Madison spits the chunk she just took out of Theo's ankle at an audience member and proceeds to dig out the clothespin stuck in her side. Madison's dainty fingers and nails coming in handy for the delicate retrieval. Blood, just literally pouring out as the clothespin is extracted. Although, with the removal of the clothespin and the added loss of blood, Madison begins to look a bit weakened and teeters forward a tad, before whipping the gore covered clothespin at Theo.
Madison: You might need that where you're going.
Madison staggers some more as Theo gingerly climbs to his feet, appearing to be avoiding pressure on his wounded ankle. Both men taking on a far more savage and demented state as they glare at one another. Then Madison releases a roar like a wild animal going in for the kill and charges for Theo! This time managing to tackle Theo backward as they both topple into the grave! Madison's hands clawing at Theo's face, before she wraps her hands around Theo's throat and begins to choke him out while pushing Theo down into the shit! A wicked laughed exiting Madison's lips as she continued to choke Theo.
Madison: Just fucking accept it! I'm the king and I'm immortal! Long fucking live the king Theo! LONG LIVE THE FUCKING KING!!!!
Theo refusing to give up, realized he has the discarded, gore covered clothespin, clenched within his own fist and uses it once again. But this time he stabs it into Madison's eye! Madison shrieks out and Theo shoves her off him. Grabbing her by the head and then shoving her down into the shit! Using all of his might and force to submerge Madison into the fecal matter, until it covers the top of Madison's head completely! With Madison under the shit, Theo quickly climbs from the grave and begins using the shovel to pile more crap into the grave until it's completely full. And then some! Then sweaty, bloody and shit covered - Theo Pryce, falls backwards, landing into a mound a feces. Exhausted, panting and barely resembling the man he once was before entering this match, Theo begins to laugh.
Pryce: Long live the king.
Winner: Theo Pryce
But wait....there's more!
Much more!
When we continue with...